Men Women Dynamics. My biggest problem!

[rustyJames]

I’ve come to realize that we live in a feminine-centric world where women often have the upper hand in the dynamics between men and women. I was conditioned to believe in an idealized version of relationships where everything is perfect, with women being the ultimate prize worth chasing. Over time, however, I’ve learned that this mindset, which I once thought was real, is actually not true and real. My own experiences have shown me that the "Disney" fairy tale doesn't exist. While this dynamic may make women feel comfortable, it’s not a framework that benefits men, as you all know of course.

Recently, I’ve gained more insight through books like The Rational Male and influencers such as Andrew Tate and Dan Bilzerian, among others. I now understand that adopting a "don’t give a f*uck" attitude is far more beneficial for men than putting women on a pedestal. Ironically, when I’ve cared less, I’ve noticed that women are more likely to chase me. However, I’ve been conditioned with this idealistic view for so long that it still lingers in my mind. I know the reality, yet this internalized belief that women are the prize and should be pursued persists.

I see this reflected in my interactions with women. Even though I understand that this mindset isn’t good for me, I can tell something is off in how I approach them. For example, when I look back at messages I’ve sent on Instagram, I notice how desperate they make me seem—even though I don’t want to be that way. With time and distance, I realize that things didn’t go anywhere because of my own behavior. I was giving too much importance to these women and, even if I wasn’t directly chasing them, I was still signaling that I wanted to f*uck them.

So, while I’ve learned the truth about these dynamics, I still struggle internally. I want to break free from this "Disney fantasy" mentality. How can I fully eliminate these ingrained thoughts and stop chasing women in a way that isn't beneficial to me?
I think this also may come from my parents having a very ideal, romantic and happy marriage. I've also always been surrounded by this dynamic.
And yeah, I keep on reading books, and reading articles in spaces like this one, but it is so ingrained in my subconscious that is too strong a force still, that when I interact with girls, takes over.

I hope I’ve made my situation clear, and I’d appreciate any advice or insights you can offer.
Thanks, brothers!​

 

[Gamisch]

I’ve come to realize that we live in a feminine-centric world where women often have the upper hand in the dynamics between men and women. I was conditioned to believe in an idealized version of relationships where everything is perfect, with women being the ultimate prize worth chasing. Over time, however, I’ve learned that this mindset, which I once thought was real, is actually not true and real. My own experiences have shown me that the "Disney" fairy tale doesn't exist. While this dynamic may make women feel comfortable, it’s not a framework that benefits men, as you all know of course.

Recently, I’ve gained more insight through books like The Rational Male and influencers such as Andrew Tate and Dan Bilzerian, among others. I now understand that adopting a "don’t give a f*uck" attitude is far more beneficial for men than putting women on a pedestal. Ironically, when I’ve cared less, I’ve noticed that women are more likely to chase me. However, I’ve been conditioned with this idealistic view for so long that it still lingers in my mind. I know the reality, yet this internalized belief that women are the prize and should be pursued persists.

I see this reflected in my interactions with women. Even though I understand that this mindset isn’t good for me, I can tell something is off in how I approach them. For example, when I look back at messages I’ve sent on Instagram, I notice how desperate they make me seem—even though I don’t want to be that way. With time and distance, I realize that things didn’t go anywhere because of my own behavior. I was giving too much importance to these women and, even if I wasn’t directly chasing them, I was still signaling that I wanted to f*uck them.

So, while I’ve learned the truth about these dynamics, I still struggle internally. I want to break free from this "Disney fantasy" mentality. How can I fully eliminate these ingrained thoughts and stop chasing women in a way that isn't beneficial to me?
I think this also may come from my parents having a very ideal, romantic and happy marriage. I've also always been surrounded by this dynamic.
And yeah, I keep on reading books, and reading articles in spaces like this one, but it is so ingrained in my subconscious that is too strong a force still, that when I interact with girls, takes over.

I hope I’ve made my situation clear, and I’d appreciate any advice or insights you can offer.
Thanks, brothers!​

Do what I did!

Put all your chips on women, thus get " respect " from fellow men. Untill those women tear you apart . When the latter happens you'll learn the hard way that a woman isn't the solution to all your problems in life.

 

[rustyJames]

Do what I did!

Put all your chips on women, thus get " respect " from fellow men. Untill those women tear you apart . When the latter happens you'll learn the hard way that a woman isn't the solution to all your problems in life.

So, I'm 24 years old, and most of my teenage years (4) have been in two relationships, and particularly the last one I learned that I cannot put all my chips in a woman or in women in general. But right now that I learned that is not a very wise option searching for monogamy while I'm young (minimum until 30), and that I just want to have fun with different women, I still have some of this feministic, putting on a pedestal, chasing them type of view ingrained very inside of me when I try to connect with women. That is my situation

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

When you mature a little, you will notice that most women are immature and unstable. If you can counter that with maturity and stability, you will become attractive to them and you don't have to desperately pursue them like a little c0ckhound.

 

[rustyJames]

When you mature a little, you will notice that most women are immature and unstable. If you can counter that with maturity and stability, you will become attractive to them and you don't have to desperately pursue them like a little c0ckhound.

Good point! Trying to mature NOW hahha

 

[CornbreadFed]

OP, control what you can control. Right now, you are letting externals and the beyond get into your head and making you a brainwashed NPC. Andrew Tate, Rollo Tomassi, and Dan Bilzerian are frauds using vulnerable men like you to make money for them. What I just concluded from your post was that you have fully submitted to being their bottom bvtch with no lube. Like Pirate Kitty man said, being mature, stable, and attractive goes a long way in this world. Control what you can control and make yourself a better man.

 

[Clockwerk50]

You can think of dating like a job market. For example, you won’t be selected for a position at a Fortune 500 company if you don’t meet their educational and experience requirements. Even if you do meet those requirements, you still need to make a strong impression to get hired.

Similarly, in dating, the process doesn’t end once you get a girlfriend. You need to continually improve yourself and strive for a better lifestyle to take advantage of new opportunities and maintain a healthy relationship.

It all comes down to putting your name on a hat.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

You can think of dating like a job market. For example, you won’t be selected for a position at a Fortune 500 company if you don’t meet their educational and experience requirements. Even if you do meet those requirements, you still need to make a strong impression to get hired.

Are you getting a lot of job interview dates?

 

[Clockwerk50]

Are you getting a lot of job interview dates?

No, I am happy at my job. You?

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

No, I am happy at my job. You?

I'm retired. Happily.

I was talking about dating though, that thing you see as being akin to a job market. So, when you're dating, do you field a lot of 'job application interview questions' from your dates?

 

[Solomon]

OP I think a lot of us can relate to this I certainly can as I when I was your age I found this site. Before I use to remember writing poetry to girls in High school and playing romantic music. I also remember buying a rose on the first date(age 22) just to get ghosted. Sure i had girlfriends and got laid but I got rejected a lot and I didn't know why (I was super needy). When I got on Sosuave I became a sponge reading old Field reports, field testing them, and yes I got laid a lot but I felt empty afterwards. Red Pill rage would set in when women would do something stupid(flake, ghost, lie etc)

Do not fall for the folly of the RP that "All women are *****s" by that logic then according to feminists "All men are dogs" It took me a long time to get over my RP rage and now I accept women as they are. The older you get the more women you will meet that are jaded, have baggage, are insufferable, depressed etc. The thing I do is I try to vet women and qualify(or disqualify) them as fast as possible as I have more than my share of experience dealing with crazy women. The thing is OP you're young, if you improve do not fall in the trap that random hook ups or one night stands will make you happy. If you find a good girl don't be greedy. The only mistake I would ever say I deeply regret is cheating on a good girl when I was 25. I was arrogant at that time and I thought I was a God's gift to women. Boy did that humble me.

In my opinon the book of Pook is great start for women and mindset and the Bible (yes I said it) is great for life overall. All the other stuff now is just mostly fluff and clown **** especially the youtube content.

Redpill/Pua content in 2024 has become a joke especially on youtube like Tate and Sneako. Those guys back in 2008 woulda been considered clowns in the space that let's you know how far the quality of content creators have fallen

 

[Clockwerk50]

I'm retired. Happily.

I was talking about dating though, that thing you see as being akin to a job market. So, when you're dating, do you field a lot of 'job application interview questions' from your dates?

Not sure if you know but @Dr_jitsu might be in need of an editor-in chief or marketing manager to release his new book. Since you are a writer that might be something you may be interested in.

But to answer your question, no, my dates are not job interviews, and they seldom involve those types of questions. Not sure if you are taking my analogy a bit too literally. While dating isn’t literally about job applications or interviews, both involve getting to know each other's interests, values, and goals. Both processes also require showcasing your strengths and qualities and evaluating whether you’re a good match for each other. To initiate the process, one has to apply for the position through headhunter or a job posting, or initiate contact in person or online. So, while dating isn’t a job interview, it can involve similar dynamics.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

But to answer your question, no, my dates are not job interviews, and they seldom involve those types of questions. Not sure if you are taking my analogy a bit too literally. While dating isn’t literally about job applications or interviews, both involve getting to know each other's interests, values, and goals. Both processes also require showcasing your strengths and qualities and evaluating whether you’re a good match for each other. To initiate the process, one has to apply for the position through headhunter or a job posting, or initiate contact in person or online. So, while dating isn’t a job interview, it can involve similar dynamics.

I think your approach/analogy is a bit to 'job/business' like to be compared with the fickle dating/relationship issue. Too 'transactional'. I get the same cringe feeling when people talk about SMVs and try to impress women with how desirable they are.

Not sure if you know but @Dr_jitsu might be in need of an editor-in chief or marketing manager to release his new book. Since you are a writer that might be something you may be interested in.

I told him that I could read through his material, but I'm not going to edit other people's work. I retired, but that doesn't mean I'm twiddling my thumbs. I have currently 7 WIPs in various stages of development, some drafts, some finished manuscripts, so I have plenty of work to fill my days.

 

[Clockwerk50]

I think your approach/analogy is a bit to 'job/business' like to be compared with the fickle dating/relationship issue. Too 'transactional'. I get the same cringe feeling when people talk about SMVs and try to impress women with how desirable they are.


I told him that I could read through his material, but I'm not going to edit other people's work. I retired, but that doesn't mean I'm twiddling my thumbs. I have currently 7 WIPs in various stages of development, some drafts, some finished manuscripts, so I have plenty of work to fill my days.

It is possible that I could have chosen a better analogy. I mean, I compared the job market to the dating scene because looking for work is something most of us have experienced in their lifetime and it contains cause-and-effect dynamics. However, on a larger scale, this analogy does lack subtlety and it does not capture all the behavioural uncertainties, interests, desires, and pleasures involved in the dating game. if you know a better one that you can share I am all ears.

Thanks!

 

[Dr_jitsu]

I’ve come to realize that we live in a feminine-centric world where women often have the upper hand in the dynamics between men and women. I was conditioned to believe in an idealized version of relationships where everything is perfect, with women being the ultimate prize worth chasing. Over time, however, I’ve learned that this mindset, which I once thought was real, is actually not true and real. My own experiences have shown me that the "Disney" fairy tale doesn't exist. While this dynamic may make women feel comfortable, it’s not a framework that benefits men, as you all know of course.

Recently, I’ve gained more insight through books like The Rational Male and influencers such as Andrew Tate and Dan Bilzerian, among others. I now understand that adopting a "don’t give a f*uck" attitude is far more beneficial for men than putting women on a pedestal. Ironically, when I’ve cared less, I’ve noticed that women are more likely to chase me. However, I’ve been conditioned with this idealistic view for so long that it still lingers in my mind. I know the reality, yet this internalized belief that women are the prize and should be pursued persists.

I see this reflected in my interactions with women. Even though I understand that this mindset isn’t good for me, I can tell something is off in how I approach them. For example, when I look back at messages I’ve sent on Instagram, I notice how desperate they make me seem—even though I don’t want to be that way. With time and distance, I realize that things didn’t go anywhere because of my own behavior. I was giving too much importance to these women and, even if I wasn’t directly chasing them, I was still signaling that I wanted to f*uck them.

So, while I’ve learned the truth about these dynamics, I still struggle internally. I want to break free from this "Disney fantasy" mentality. How can I fully eliminate these ingrained thoughts and stop chasing women in a way that isn't beneficial to me?
I think this also may come from my parents having a very ideal, romantic and happy marriage. I've also always been surrounded by this dynamic.
And yeah, I keep on reading books, and reading articles in spaces like this one, but it is so ingrained in my subconscious that is too strong a force still, that when I interact with girls, takes over.

I hope I’ve made my situation clear, and I’d appreciate any advice or insights you can offer.
Thanks, brothers!​

As noted by XRP, search out the material by Pook on this forum about "Prizing". In fact his material in general is something I would read all of, based upon your post. Here is a link to Pook stuff: pook.6267

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

However, on a larger scale, this analogy does lack subtlety and it does not capture all the behavioural uncertainties, interests, desires, and pleasures involved in the dating game. if you know a better one that you can share I am all ears.

I don't really think up analogies to dating/relationships, but one that I've heard going around is the 'fishing' analogy. As you can imagine, no fish is the same, nor is any method the same. Some people swear that you cannot catch a big fish with a simple bamboo fishing rod and go obsessive about the gear needed to catch the 'right fish'. Others just scoop out fish with a net. Some hunt whales or convenience themselves by catching bottom feeders, et cetera.

Personally, I'd rather speak directly than use analogies.

For me, the essential dynamics of dating are about power exchange, but I'm particular to a certain type of women who are looking for a man like me. So I don't give much advice, because both my approach and method are honed distinctively personal. You could imitate me and not get the same results simply because you're not me. I don't do with women the same things 99% of the members here want to do, and the things I do would be too hard to follow for most members here, so I won't even try. I don't have a system, but I'm deeply into improvisation and subversion. What works for me, probably wouldn't work for someone who is not me.