Relationships with 'broken' women.

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Is it possible to have a healthy relationship with a 'broken' woman? People are rarely born 'broken'. Can what is broken be 'repaired', like Kintsugi?

Kintsugi - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

How to use ‘Kintsugi’ as a mental trick to bounce back from hardship

Whether you are going through a job loss or divorce, this practice of fixing broken things may help heal what's broken in you.

www.nbcnews.com

 

[plumber]

not possible if the man is also broken.

 

[holidayad_]

I think we're all 'broken' in some way.

So it depends on how 'broken' she is. And where she was 'broken'.

 

[Redwood]

Nah. If anything it makes it more worse, imo.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Most men simply take the first women who shows interest in them and will fvck them, ignore any potential red flags because they are afraid of losing sex and then wonder why they end up getting destroyed in the long run by this woman.

 

[Vanderdonck]

Putting aside serious mental health afflictions, most people are "broken" because they can't let go of the past. We all endure hardship, but whether we'll dwell on it or not is a personal choice. Broken people refuse to take serious steps to get better.

To me this falls under the crabs in a barrel rule. They'll try to pull you down with them. Don't suffer fools gladly, life is too short.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

I use my experience counselling C-PTSD patients in dealing with one of my lovers who has quite a lot of 'baggage' she has difficulty escaping from.
Since she's with me, her panic attacks have gone down and almost disappeared and so have her trust issues. She's become more assertive in her daily life as well, it's interesting to see how she's shedding the influence of past trauma.
But I can imagine that for a regular guy who doesn't know how to handle her mood swings and how to counter her arguments, she would be a handful.

 

[Bokanovsky]

Is it possible to have a healthy relationship with a 'broken' woman? People are rarely born 'broken'. Can what is broken be 'repaired', like Kintsugi?

Instead of "kitsungi", I would use car repair as an analogy. You can repair minor, cosmetic damage. But if the car has been involved in a serious accident and the frame rails are bent, it will never be as good as new. It may look okay from the outside after the repairs but underneath the facade, it is structurally compromised.

 

[Clockwerk50]

Instead of "kitsungi", I would use car repair as an analogy. You can repair minor, cosmetic damage. But if the car has been involved in a serious accident and the frame rails are bent, it will never be as good as new. It may look okay from the outside after the repairs but underneath the facade, it is structurally compromised.

You can also use a piece of paper as an analogy. As soon you crumble a piece of paper and turn it into a ball, the wrinkles will always be there and the paper will never go back into its original state anymore.

 

[FlirtLife]

When two bowls break, you can't mix and match the broken pieces when putting them back together. Kintsugi matches two halves broken by the same event. If a woman is your particular kind of broken, maybe that makes an easier fit.

 

[TB24]

If you are experienced and don't get attached, that's perhaps possible. But even in this case, you can't heal that woman directly. You rather provide a stable environment in which *she* can heal and repair herself.
In my personal case, I definitely wasn't able to provide that. I underestimated how broken she was, I was too inexperienced, I ignored all red flags, I became attached. In the end, we both did not give the other one what he/she needed. Can't recommend that...

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

You can also use a piece of paper as an analogy. As soon you crumble a piece of paper and turn it into a ball, the wrinkles will always be there and the paper will never go back into its original state anymore.

You never ironed out the wrinkles of a paper, have you? I've been around professional museum conservators who repair old books. If you see how they work, you wouldn't have this analogy. But perhaps you mean that an amateur couldn't.

Instead of "kitsungi", I would use car repair as an analogy. You can repair minor, cosmetic damage. But if the car has been involved in a serious accident and the frame rails are bent, it will never be as good as new. It may look okay from the outside after the repairs but underneath the facade, it is structurally compromised.

However, you'd invest in repairing an exclusive automobile. There is total loss and there is 'economical' total loss.

However, in both cases (car accident and crumpled paper), you want to restore to 'new' looking, but kintsugi highlights the flaws in gold, each pattern different based on how the ceramics were broken and after the repair they are more unique and valuable than the unbroken ceramics. Like the battle scars of a warrior.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

If you are experienced and don't get attached, that's perhaps possible. But even in this case, you can't heal that woman directly. You rather provide a stable environment in which *she* can heal and repair herself.
In my personal case, I definitely wasn't able to provide that. I underestimated how broken she was, I was too inexperienced, I ignored all red flags, I became attached. In the end, we both did not give the other one what he/she needed. Can't recommend that...

It's not for everyone, that's for sure.

I'm experienced and don't allow myself to dragged into drama, I set boundaries and keep people to them. For the last two years, I'm involved with a lover who was heavily damaged from just having three longterm relationships (she's definitely not a 'hoe'), but she's blossoming under my care and attention. It's interesting to me, because (like you mentioned) I have been involved with dramatic / traumatised women when I was younger and inexperienced and you have to be really well-grounded to deal with their mood swings without getting pulled into their drama. And yes, you cannot heal them, but they can heal themselves given the right environment.

 

[Clockwerk50]

You never ironed out the wrinkles of a paper, have you? I've been around professional museum conservators who repair old books. If you see how they work, you wouldn't have this analogy. But perhaps you mean that an amateur couldn't.

I guess, if you want to get REALLY technical about it.