Intro and a help request

[Maxkaz14]

Hey, everyone!

Thanks for accepting me. My name is Max, I am 37 years old and got here after reading "Rational male" twice and remembering the webpage by heart

I have run in a bit of a problem and I need to solve it fast. I am relatively recently divorced (1.5 years) from a 10-year marriage. During marriage I was strictly monogamous. There is an additional twist that quite a bit after divorce my former wife made transition into male. As I now see, this was coming for a long time and the thing is that for the last 10 years I was in more like a fraternity than marriage.

I am a tall guy, slightly overweight, very strong and with a bunch of experiences that lead me to be bold and expressive in public situations and social media. I often organize events, dominate most of the settings I am in and so on. The result is that I do not lack in initial women attraction ranging from DMs to date invitations and I was even kissed once after a particularly energetic Irish pair dance with the sexiest girl in the dance community.

The problem arises when I try to capitalize on those opportunities. I can be bold and strong in some social or "we vs environment" situations like hiking. But when it starts to stumble is when I go tet-a-tet. I ruin the attraction in texting and more so in person. Never in my life I was on a regular date. All my sexual partners from the past, my wife included, ended up in my bed while or after some interesting, tough and usually social experience (meaning there were not only two of us). Now I seem to need to get into more traditional courting and seduction and my tongue is twisted.

The additional problem is that I am very visible and the community I have access to is relatively small. Like, the girl I am having a date on Saturday did not know me, but we have like 6-7 shared acquaintances from various areas. Any big **** up from my part will spread country-wide. There is not a lot of fish in my pond.

In case you will want to recommend books, I own and thoroughly read:

• "Models" by Mark Manson
• "The rational male" by Rollo Tomassi
• "The art of seduction" by Robert Greene
• "The way of superior man" by David Deida
• "Dating essentials for men" by Robert Glover

I also tried to read "The story of my life" by Casanova, but eventually concluded that it is just a "pornhub" for the time before internet, so I stopped.

Thanks in advance! Looking forward on bringing and recieving value from this community.

 

[Dr.Suave]

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Im sorry to hear about your divorce. There were probably some red flags you ignored (We all been there to varying degrees).

At 37 you shoud be near your peak. Capitalize on that, hit the gym and improve eating habits; That might be a good start as any.

Heads up: @BackInTheGame78 can be a d1ck (but in a good way. Like Brotherly though love).

Again, welcome to SoSuave.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

You aren't going to want to hear this, but at the end of the day, the only thing that is going to bring you success is failing more, making adjustments and then continuing fail, keeping what works and throwing away what doesn't. Then at some point you'll start having some small successes, then more successes and then finally you'll start succeeding more than you are failing.

However this is a process and how long it takes is different for everyone.

Essentially you are starting from scratch with a whole lot of different parts and pieces and materials and you have to figure out what works and what doesn't for what you want to do.

And the only real way to do that is thru trial and error.

I wouldn't worry so much about the rumor mill. At the end of the day, most people care way more about themselves than they do anyone else. You can't control what someone else is going to say or think about you so it's not worth concerning yourself over it or worrying about it.

You said you fail when texting or on dates. Do you have an idea of what you struggle with? There is a certain level of self awareness that you need to hone in order to be successful at making the necessary corrections to improve your success rate, and that can take some time to come as well.

 

[Maxkaz14]

You said you fail when texting or on dates. Do you have an idea of what you struggle with?

I believe I am too fast to break the mystery. I appear in public as a large, able, powerful man. But in private I am easy to open up to the deepest deep. I “drop my game” so to say. There was one girl recently that saw it through to the end and was really excited to see that I retained my power and presence even after opening up fully, but she was the only one. Others, I believe, get disappointed, seing openness as sign of weakness and lavk of depth. I believe I need to learn to play even in conversations, to remain mysterious.

I am now experiment with this with one of the girls I spin. She plays coquette with me and although I am openned up to her, I introduced coquettish style of my own, refusing some of her favors. She is thorougly mad at me now

 

[Vanderdonck]

Congratulations on starting a bold new chapter in your life.

Getting laid via social situations is just one way. Now you are about to open yourself to the exciting world of one on one seduction.

While it seems like a tightrope walk, the great part about it is nobody is really watching, nobody cares. If you strike out, it's on to the next woman. Big deal.

And when you have success, it will be electrifying. There's nothing better than a woman eating from your hand, so to speak.

You haven't asked any specific questions yet, so I'll just advise that you enjoy it and try every day to visualize yourself as the "player" you want to be. As you know from Art of Seduction, there are many types. (And sometimes you can toggle between them.) Since you are tall and imposing, you'll probably not be the hyper Casanova type, but who knows, that's me speculating.

My point is, as you think, you will be. And yeah lay off the texting, less is more.

 

[Agamemnon43]

Keep failing until you don't fail.

But coming from a 10 year marriage, my guess is you are still too used to that "comfortable" lifestyle. Open to sharing everything, thinking you can absolutely trust the girl, going straight to the point, etc. Early dating is quite the opposite of that. You need to learn to play the seduction game again. Marriage might have destroyed that, so you need to rebuild.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

There is not a lot of fish in my pond.

What pond is that?

 

[Maxkaz14]

What pond is that?

Russian-speaking northern Israel

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Russian-speaking northern Israel

I think you should find another pond.