The shape of the container

[BaronOfHair]

I still cannot decide.
How could you be in a relationship, a true relationship with someone, if you don't get your mask off?


What do you mean by that?

This is all really quite simple:

In an "authentic"-at least in the infantile way we define that word today-union with a woman, she'd give into her visceral urges... Not waxing&shaving her face and body from the neck down on a regular basis, lopping off most of the hair on her head, blowing through six packs of Malboros per day, consuming heavy amounts of "comfort food"/subsequently packing on the pounds, wearing pajamas most of the time, settling for simply wiping her butt instead of washing at least once per day, etc etc. This, rather than setting up guardrails(Staying lean and trim, being clean and fresh, keeping the hair on her head luxurious, wearing sexy clothes) to decrease the liklihood of her man straying

Call setting up those guardrails "manipulation", nonetheless would you find a woman who DOESN'T do those things desirable? No? Then you/we, as men, can't afford to "not manipulate" (I.E. Put minimal effort into ourselves)either. That's what "Water takes the shape of it's container" means, at least as I've always heard the phrase interpreted. When we desire or need something, we often have to alter our thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors in some way (Be like water, rather than granite), in order to acquire it

This doesn't mean we all have to adopt the haircut Jon Hamm rocked during the early seasons of Mad Men, just because lots of women liked it. It DOES mean that any guy who wants to be seen as a man, rather than a child, is wise to recognize that everything Linker writes here https://theweek.com/articles/595463/how-america-became-obsessed-star-wars-other-childish-things

Is 100% correct. Then spend less time in the comments section of The Critical Drinker's latest take down of The Acolyte, groaning over the alleged "downfall" of a franchise that's always been irredeemably shallow to begin with, and more time consuming "highbrow" literature and art. Which in turn augments your cognitive functioning, makes you a more intriguing and beneficial man, who other truly formidable people want to keep company with

 

[BaronOfHair]

Make sure it's not a mask.

We moderns reflexively assume that all "masks" are inherently sinister traits. Do we really want our SOs to behave with us just as they do in their shrink's office though? What man in his right mind desires a woman who gives in to her urge to "be authentic" (Remain in her pjs long after she's rolled out of bed, leave her hair uncombed, go perfumeless, stick to granny panties, live off comfort food, never exercise), rather than taking a cue from S. Gomez https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/are-these-selena-fans-like-closet-lessies.282041/ , and going the extra mile to look beautiful and sexy? Not just for us, but herself?


What woman worth her salt desires a guy who has a waistline which won't cease to expand and and encyclopedic knowledge of Elden Rings, yet rejoices in being ignorant of what the acronym NATO stands for AND the organization's mission statement?

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

We moderns reflexively assume that all "masks" are inherently sinister traits.

That's because most people hide behind their masks and are totally different from the image they display. Where do you think all these complaints about congruency tests come from? If you have to fake it to make it, you will be called out by the more perceptive of the species.

 

[BaronOfHair]

That's because most people hide behind their masks and are totally different from the image they display

Which is where the rest of what I wrote in the post you replied to comes into play:

Do we really want our SOs to behave with us just as they do in their shrink's office, I.E. NOT "wear a mask" when they're in our presence? No man in his right mind finds desireable a woman who gives in to her urges to "be authentic"/not "wear a mask" (I.E. Remaining in her pjs long after she's rolled out of bed, leaving her hair uncombed, going perfumeless, sticking to granny panties, living off comfort food, never exercising), rather than taking a cue from S. Gomez https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/are-these-selena-fans-like-closet-lessies.282041/ , by going the extra mile to look beautiful and sexy. Not just for her man, but herself


No woman worth her salt drenches her undies when imagining a man who's devoid of all desire to be a high roller + The motivation to achieve and maintain that status, who instead gives in to his visceral urges/refuses to "wear a mask", by

-Developing a gunt
-Eking out a subsistence living financially
-Maintaining an encyclopedic knowledge of Elden Rings, pennies in the bank, while rejoices in being both ignorant of what the acronym NATO stands for AND what the organization's mission statement
-Trying to pass such a degenerate lifestyle off as "going his own way"

All "masks" aren't the nefarious variety that Cleckley described https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Mask_of_Sanity

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

All "masks" aren't the nefarious variety that Cleckley described https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Mask_of_Sanity

Not a bad book, for its time.

 

[BaronOfHair]

Not a bad book, for its time.

The gist of his observations continue to hold up, even as we've discovered that there are more layers and nuances to the subject in question

 

[jhonny9546]

Make sure it's not a mask.

We were talking about people who need to threath a relationship with your partner like a "networking" one.
So You want to keep a mask in that case.
So are you saying that you need to keep your mask, faking your intimacy, and make sure she has no mask?
wdym?

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

So are you saying that you need to keep your mask, faking your intimacy, and make sure she has no mask?
wdym?

I mean you have to be congruent with whatever you display. If it's a mask, it will fail eventually. If it isn't a mask, it won't fail.

 

[jhonny9546]

By wearing a mask, I do not mean the bare minimum you have to do in your life like: (Wheter you be men or women)
- Try to be financial indipendent
- Get and keep your body fit
- Eating healthy
- Have a good sense of looks
- Other healthy habits.


By wearing a mask I do mean more like "conversational" thing.
So when you are netwroking with people because of your job, or to iincrease your social circle, you want to wear a mask, but within your partner, you have to remove the mask, do meaningful conversation.
In this case you want to estabilish deep relationships with few people in your life. (family, close friends, partner)
Or do you guys only live with the mask?

 

[BaronOfHair]

By wearing a mask, I do not mean the bare minimum you have to do in your life like: (Wheter you be men or women)
- Try to be financial indipendent
- Get and keep your body fit
- Eating healthy
- Have a good sense of looks
- Other healthy habits.


By wearing a mask I do mean more like "conversational" thing.
So when you are netwroking with people because of your job, or to iincrease your social circle, you want to wear a mask, but within your partner, you have to remove the mask, do meaningful conversation.
In this case you want to estabilish deep relationships with few people in your life. (family, close friends, partner)
Or do you guys only live with the mask?

Are you and GM https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threa...me-to-try-with-making-moves-in-person.282277/ competing for a gold medal in the Analysis Paralysis Championship?

This isn't complicated, J:

If your goal is to increase your social network/Link up with folks who can move you forward in life, then "Yes"... You do have to take a calculated approach, and behave in ways that will increase the liklihood that formidable people will find associating with you desirable

Call that "manipulation" and "wearing a mask" if you want. This is how the human race has operated from the beginning, and will continue to do so in the future

 

[jhonny9546]

Call that "manipulation" and "wearing a mask" if you want. This is how the human race has operated from the beginning, and will continue to do so in the future

What if this is not natural to your behaviour?
Example:
If I see someone who ask for help I'll go help.

So its common for me to help, and If i do not, I'll think like all day "I could've helped" etc..

I mean, you might want to force it, but wouldn't you lose respect for yourself?
How did you manage to do it?