How to keep a women in a LTR

[jhonny9546]

From my readings, teachings, and personal experiences, I've gained a better understanding of who I am and how things work. I have a very rational brain, and sometimes others have described me as serious, quiet, and reserved. However, when something triggers strong emotions in me, I can have difficulty controlling them and may become overly expressive.

In my relationships, both personal and professional, I've had both defeats and victories. One of the main questions that has inspired me to learn is why certain women stay in relationships with partners who treat them disrespectfully, while I find it difficult to do the same.

Through my understanding, I've learned that women's brains can work in an alternating way, where they may tire of only positive emotions and seek out negative ones. As a result, I've learned the importance of being able to manage the emotional "container" and transition between positive and negative states as needed.

However, I struggle with the idea of intentionally disrespecting or mistreating someone, as that goes against my nature as a good, cheerful person. When a partner makes a mistake, I prefer to address it calmly and constructively, helping them understand where they went wrong and how to improve, rather than resorting to denigration or superiority.

While I've observed that some women seem to stay with men who do employ these more negative tactics, I'm hopeful that there are also women who appreciate a more balanced and constructive approach. I'm still learning, and I'm open to the possibility that there are ways I can improve my understanding and skills in this area. And also, I do want to believe that there also are women who don't crave to have negative emotions.

Are there systems you can use to bring negative to positive emotion in an healhty LTR?
I know the world is black and white, and the ying to yang thing, but again, I cannot really say something denigrative or do something impulsive to a women that made a mistake or it's talkign with me with a bad attitude: I will still remain calm and address the thing with calmness.
It's like thinking of a wise man.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

However, I struggle with the idea of intentionally disrespecting or mistreating someone, as that goes against my nature as a good, cheerful person.

Don't assume that someone is disrespectful or mistreating when asserting their boundaries and curtailing other people's dramatic / histrionic / borderline / narcissistic behaviour.

 

[oOh Nasty]

Through my understanding, I've learned that women's brains can work in an alternating way, where they may tire of only positive emotions and seek out negative ones.

I'd say it's more about women having the biological imperative to seek out the male who has the highest chance of protecting her. Always supplicating communicates that you're weak and can't stand your own ground.

However, I struggle with the idea of intentionally disrespecting or mistreating someone, as that goes against my nature as a good, cheerful person.

Your goal isn't to purposely disrespect a woman. It's to be able to hold a particular "frame." It means being able to call them out for their disrespectful behavior first and showing them that there are consequences for acting disrespectfully.

When a partner makes a mistake, I prefer to address it calmly and constructively, helping them understand where they went wrong and how to improve, rather than resorting to denigration or superiority.

Depends on how you're carrying yourself during the "constructive" helping of them. That's why being able to walk away is the most powerful tool for men when dealing with troublesome women. Those men who resort to denigration, like you say, depending on how they denigrate of course (assuming that they're not being whiney, but rather being firm in their position) are subconsciously communicating to the woman that they have options and that they don't have to and won't suffer her disrespect. But, it all depends on how these men are actually talking to these women - not sure what version of "denigration or superiority" you're seeing in your mind.

While I've observed that some women seem to stay with men who do employ these more negative tactics, I'm hopeful that there are also women who appreciate a more balanced and constructive approach.

OP, I understand that you're new to this whole side of women's nature, but in order for you to progress quicker, you have to realize that women don't base their decisions on logic. When you say "appreciate," I'm guessing you're thinking that women are able to weigh out the pros and cons of something and then make a decision and stick to it. They can attempt to be logical, but at the end of the day, their emotions will always override and then they'll start the process of female hamstering, or in non-sosuave terms,, rationalizing. They can have an "idealistic and logical" version of what they think they want, but they can't escape their biological imperative. That's why women who have gone too far into the deep-end of their histrionic whims can claim that a guy has to buy flowers, make over 400k a year, wear a rolex (courtesy of sosuave threads), and always open the car door for her in order to be able to go on a few dates with her... however, she'll let random chad nut on her face within 1 to 3 hours of meeting him if he knows how to make her tingle.

And also, I do want to believe that there also are women who don't crave to have negative emotions.

I'm kind of in the camp that believes men have made women how they are. We gave them too much of what they want for the past few decades without holding them accountable and now you have this new era of women who all seem to have daddy issues. There are way too many factors and just being alive and having the baseline "necessities" such as internet on her phone is enough to make a woman turn into a sh!tshow. That's why these women who don't "crave" negative emotions are probably harder to come by (in the West at least). I do know a few females who are just normal females, generally respecting of authority figures, only slightly dramatic, still believes in disney outcomes, and overall would still make good girlfriends. But they're usually not that attractive. Sometimes they are, but it's rare.

 

[jhonny9546]

I'd say it's more about women having the biological imperative to seek out the male who has the highest chance of protecting her. Always supplicating communicates that you're weak and can't stand your own ground.



Your goal isn't to purposely disrespect a woman. It's to be able to hold a particular "frame." It means being able to call them out for their disrespectful behavior first and showing them that there are consequences for acting disrespectfully.



Depends on how you're carrying yourself during the "constructive" helping of them. That's why being able to walk away is the most powerful tool for men when dealing with troublesome women. Those men who resort to denigration, like you say, depending on how they denigrate of course (assuming that they're not being whiney, but rather being firm in their position) are subconsciously communicating to the woman that they have options and that they don't have to and won't suffer her disrespect. But, it all depends on how these men are actually talking to these women - not sure what version of "denigration or superiority" you're seeing in your mind.



OP, I understand that you're new to this whole side of women's nature, but in order for you to progress quicker, you have to realize that women don't base their decisions on logic. When you say "appreciate," I'm guessing you're thinking that women are able to weigh out the pros and cons of something and then make a decision and stick to it. They can attempt to be logical, but at the end of the day, their emotions will always override and then they'll start the process of female hamstering, or in non-sosuave terms,, rationalizing. They can have an "idealistic and logical" version of what they think they want, but they can't escape their biological imperative. That's why women who have gone too far into the deep-end of their histrionic whims can claim that a guy has to buy flowers, make over 400k a year, wear a rolex (courtesy of sosuave threads), and always open the car door for her in order to be able to go on a few dates with her... however, she'll let random chad nut on her face within 1 to 3 hours of meeting him if he knows how to make her tingle.



I'm kind of in the camp that believes men have made women how they are. We gave them too much of what they want for the past few decades without holding them accountable and now you have this new era of women who all seem to have daddy issues. There are way too many factors and just being alive and having the baseline "necessities" such as internet on her phone is enough to make a woman turn into a sh!tshow. That's why these women who don't "crave" negative emotions are probably harder to come by (in the West at least). I do know a few females who are just normal females, generally respecting of authority figures, only slightly dramatic, still believes in disney outcomes, and overall would still make good girlfriends. But they're usually not that attractive. Sometimes they are, but it's rare.

All of this is supreme information.
The hardest job is to keep an LTR.
Water takes the shape of the container it fills, and I must admit, that I saw women "transformation" with different partners.
I've also noticed that the most successfull people, are not successfull with women. (I mean, women are actracted to those men, but can't keep the LTR with it, because they'll get bored and leave.)
Kinda like my behaviour.

 

[Learning Curve]

You are thinking correctly, about being wise when handling arguments with women and you are on the correct track.

Forget all the nonsense that's being said, about being Alpha, or Beta, or you have to disrespect women to in order for them to respect you.
This was the case back in the 90s. Now, the world has changed. You can have a logical conversation with respect from both sides and find a middle ground in order to keep a LTR alive.

Communication is key.

But, consider this. If a woman is disrespecting you, cheating on you or does not know how to communicate is your job to filter that out and take the correct course of action. You respect a woman that respects you. Period.

There is cases when women start games: they disappear, they are distant, they are cheating, they are doing many things that guys can't handle and they flip out. In such case of disrespect you can't just simply "communicate" for her to understand that what she did is wrong.

You need to show her that what she did is wrong. By you dumping her, or cutting her legs literally emotionally and ghosting her. Why?

Because this is the only way for a woman to respect you. Pull-back in situations when is needed, communication in situations when is needed. This is an art. It requires a correct balance of communication and behaviour management. This is how you keep quality women 9+ or women who consider themselves "Alpha" or what ever they are called now which I find quite ridiculous.

You have to be what i call a "Scientist" of life. That's how i approach life. And life will bring to you many experiments, and you as human being the more aware you are of things around you and how they work, the less disappointment's you will have.

 

[jhonny9546]

There is cases when women start games: they disappear, they are distant, they are cheating, they are doing many things that guys can't handle and they flip out. In such case of disrespect you can't just simply "communicate" for her to understand that what she did is wrong.

For this, I have some real-life examples

My Sister's LTR

She just left her boyfriend house and came back with her parents because she "wasn't getting the attention she wanted." Her boy, my brother-in-law, didn't follow her but instead remained calm and also told her that she didn't respect him. After 10 days, my sister surrendered to him, and now they're back together. I presume that she has more respect for him now.

Another Friend's LTR

This was a long 10+ year LTR. The woman started to say that her partner "wasn't the right one she had chosen." So she started mental therapy and tried to ask her partner to come with her. He refused many times, calmly saying, "We are fine together." After 6 months, she eventually decided to drop therapy and came back together with him, fine. However, I don't trust this LTR since this woman has cheated on him in the past, and we know that "Vulpem pilum mutare, non mores".

 

[Learning Curve]

For this, I have some real-life examples

My Sister's LTR

She just left her boyfriend house and came back with her parents because she "wasn't getting the attention she wanted." Her boy, my brother-in-law, didn't follow her but instead remained calm and also told her that she didn't respect him. After 10 days, my sister surrendered to him, and now they're back together. I presume that she has more respect for him now.

Another Friend's LTR

This was a long 10+ year LTR. The woman started to say that her partner "wasn't the right one she had chosen." So she started mental therapy and tried to ask her partner to come with her. He refused many times, calmly saying, "We are fine together." After 6 months, she eventually decided to drop therapy and came back together with him, fine. However, I don't trust this LTR since this woman has cheated on him in the past, and we know that "Vulpem pilum mutare, non mores".

There is many cases and the ones you highlighted above, yes this are some good examples.

A woman typically tests your strength without her even realizing she is doing it. A women can decide after 6 years of LTR "i can do better"
and in such case is how the man reacts that changes the game.

When something like this happens considering that the man is on his purpose, mission, he is sharp, all the good stuff and he is not flipping burgers at McDonald's then simply pulling-back will solve the above problem.

But in some cases even an extreme-pull back may not solve your problem. LTR is an art to manage correctly. Many people don't understand the balance and communication skills that are needed to survive long term with another person.

 

[parabellum]

Id say the short answer is you don’t. You don’t want to keep her, she wants to keep you and it’s tied to so many things that one is better off just accepting nothing is permanent.

 

[plumber]

You don't keep them. You can do things that will keep them attracted.

I know it sounds basic.. but its about them wanting to keep you. They must want more of you than they are getting. Probably the others can provide long and short lists of how to do that.

Really only one of you can be looking at the other. If your looking at her, she is looking to another place, and she will look at you when your busy looking in another place.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

What's works to get into a relationship doesn't work to stay in a relationship. What I mean is that you need to evolve just as the relationship evolves or else it eventually gets stale because it isn't going anywhere and things are just staying the same.

 

[ThisIsSparta]

How to keep a woman in a LTR:

Choose a woman amongst the ones that choose you. (Genuine desire)

Be and stay the man she thinks is the best that she can get.

Done!

Forget all the crap about "communication, evolving as a couple, working on the relationship". This is all BS made up by women to keep up the pressure on bluepilled AFCs.

Be the man other men want to become and other women wanna fvck, its that simple.

The more invested you seem to her, the more likely she is getting ideas.

 

[plumber]

like all things; take advice from those that are doing what you want to do.

 

[BaronOfHair]

One of the main questions that has inspired me to learn is why certain women stay in relationships with partners who treat them disrespectfully...

A sadistic, bloodthirsty brute is more in touch with his masculine energy than a watery eyed nebbish is. Luckily for us, as Robert Glover et al have pointed out, there's a way beyond these two dysfunctional extremes

 

[The Duke]

From my readings, teachings, and personal experiences, I've gained a better understanding of who I am and how things work. I have a very rational brain, and sometimes others have described me as serious, quiet, and reserved. However, when something triggers strong emotions in me, I can have difficulty controlling them and may become overly expressive.

In my relationships, both personal and professional, I've had both defeats and victories. One of the main questions that has inspired me to learn is why certain women stay in relationships with partners who treat them disrespectfully, while I find it difficult to do the same.

Through my understanding, I've learned that women's brains can work in an alternating way, where they may tire of only positive emotions and seek out negative ones. As a result, I've learned the importance of being able to manage the emotional "container" and transition between positive and negative states as needed.

However, I struggle with the idea of intentionally disrespecting or mistreating someone, as that goes against my nature as a good, cheerful person. When a partner makes a mistake, I prefer to address it calmly and constructively, helping them understand where they went wrong and how to improve, rather than resorting to denigration or superiority.

While I've observed that some women seem to stay with men who do employ these more negative tactics, I'm hopeful that there are also women who appreciate a more balanced and constructive approach. I'm still learning, and I'm open to the possibility that there are ways I can improve my understanding and skills in this area. And also, I do want to believe that there also are women who don't crave to have negative emotions.

Are there systems you can use to bring negative to positive emotion in an healhty LTR?
I know the world is black and white, and the ying to yang thing, but again, I cannot really say something denigrative or do something impulsive to a women that made a mistake or it's talkign with me with a bad attitude: I will still remain calm and address the thing with calmness.
It's like thinking of a wise man.

What you have discovered about women is true. Understand that what it means to you, might have a different meaning to a woman. They perceive things differently than we do. Women have a sadistic side to them, some more than others but everyone I've been with finds a little pleasure/respect in pain whether it is verbal or physical. THey like to submit. I have had many girls tell me later after I ripped their azz good that they thanked me for putting them in their place, and they were glad that they had a man that wasn't a pushover. I think they like seeing the display of power. Power has always been attractive to women. Its part of the male/female dynamic that creates attraction. Please don't take that as black and white. This information is not for those with limited experience. Putting her down, name calling, or hitting her is not at all what I am talking about.

I've left two girls on the side of the road because they wouldn't put their emotions in check and be quiet. I left one girl behind at a restaurant because she kept arguing and wouldn't stop. I never went back to get them, each one blew my phone up for 1-2hrs before they all had to pay for expensive Uber rides to get home. I hated to do it, its not how I prefer to deal with problems, but they left me no choice. Not one time after I left them behind did any of them mention it again. I heard zero complaints from my action. They realized I wasn't going to tolerate their schitt and gained respect for me. When a woman drops the issue and doesn't say anymore, you know you got thru to her. This is why we often say its pointless to argue with one. But walk away, and leave her sends a hell of a message. Thats the language she understands.

It shows up in the bedroom too. They all love rough sex. They all want to be dominated. There is no pleasure in pain for me, but for a lot of women there is. Some of it I would consider humiliating, but to them they are turned on, BUT only by the right man that she is deeply attracted to and in love with. She must consider him a strong man.

 

[The Duke]

How do you keep a LTR going? I'm still trying to figure that out. I've had a handful of them over the years. I'm hard-wired to be a seducer/conquerer/hunter but I do value LTR's. I wish having successful 4yr plus LTR's were as easy for me as getting girls attracted to me.

1. Start with the right girl.
2. Keep dating her like you did in the beginning.
3. Pick your battles.
4. Give & Take.
5. Touch her in many ways often. It helps her feel connected to you.
6. Don't let things get stagnant.
7. Only LTR a girl that was super into you from the start.
8. Keep her on her toes.
9. Always be a good leader.

 

[BeExcellent]

Thoughts from the old lady:

Everything begins in the self respect each person has an an individual. Without individual self respect a healthy relationship is simply not possible. People who have healthy self respect are equipped to respect someone outside themselves. This is crucial.

You can't build on crappy foundation or unstable ground any more than you can build a solid relationship with an unstable person. You need to have your own self well in hand as a solid man and you also need to choose a solid woman, which is easier said than done or nobody would be here discussing this.

As others have alluded to here thus far it IS a different skillset to maintain a healthy LTR but the different skillset is IN ADDTION TO the skills of being a good seducer/attractor etc. So a great LTR requires the skills it took to attract the woman in the first place AND the added skillset to keep the LTR going.

1. Firstly there needs to be mutual sexual desire. Without that it's a friendship. Desire is the glue. The old lady selects men on sexual desire at first meet, to the exclusion of all other criteria. Basically, would I like to not only have sex with him but do I see him as sexy, as a sexual being; and does he see me that way as well. Without desire why bother? I have lots of friends. I want/need a lover.

Assuming 1 (above), then it becomes about enjoyng each other's company and it also is about being able to relax into the expression of true self. It is about authenticity. Each person must trust each other to be honest about who they are, and mutually embrace and respect one another. Now. You do not get there overnight guys.

But you want a woman who through the "get to know" process exhibits a willingness to be vulnerable, to be genuine, to be authentic. And you as the man through time must exhibit willingness to reward her authenticity with your own.

You build the LTR together through this process of respect and trust and desire and authenticity and the cake you bake as this process progresses is one of love. Love in the I Corinthians 13 type love.

If you are not getting that kind of result at the end of the day, something is off. The individuals are insufficiently equipped to be in this type of relationship in some way.

Successful relationships have everything to do with how each person shows up day in and day out.

And at the center of every successful relationship is a focus on what is best for the relationship as the highest priority, not the individuals. Great LTRs always have a sacrificial nature to them. Self is sacrificed in the interest of the relationship. Many conflicts that end relationships arise along this axis.

 

[Giovanni SouthSide]

My experience around feminine latinas is that if you want total ownership of a woman (her monogamy) you need to act the part. Chicks, more than men, have to act a thing out for it to be real to them. That means everything from how you touch her in public to how you bang her.

There is a golden point of domination that lies between perceived-apathy and deranged obsession. Most women want to be dominated (regardless of what they say) because domination is attention and attention infers you are not looking for a replacement. Moreover, domination is a kind of attention that demonstrates power, something their instincts demand a suitable protector and provider must possess. This is why the endless fountain of non-dominant attention a beta orbiter provides never gets him laid.

In practice, this means doing things like guiding her by the small of the back when in public together. Using public displays of affection where you in control of her utterly. Buy her a new neck choker once in a while. She'll get the message soon enough and hopefully start wearing them. When you go out, order for her (at least her drinks). In private you need to be banging her at least most of the time in a dominant caveman manner (hand firmly gripped on the back of the neck is psychological gold). If you're living together then it doesn't hurt to have a few photos around the place that reinforce this whole concept (one of her sitting and you standing behind her with your hands on her shoulders, another with you carrying her over your shoulder playfully for example).

Decades ago all of this would be unnecessary, but these days the social order has gone to seed and keeping a woman faithful requires a little more effort to hack than it used to. Sadly, a lot of women have been indoctrinated to react negatively to this kind of treatment. I would suggest that if your dominance triggers annoying fits of rebellion from her then you're not looking at a woman with high LTR value that has no trace of “genetic chemistry” with you.

In order for a relationship to flourish, you need to let a woman into your castle, but you can never give her the keys.

G

 

[Giovanni SouthSide]

How do you keep a LTR going? I'm still trying to figure that out. I've had a handful of them over the years. I'm hard-wired to be a seducer/conquerer/hunter but I do value LTR's. I wish having successful 4yr plus LTR's were as easy for me as getting girls attracted to me.

1. Start with the right girl.
2. Keep dating her like you did in the beginning.
3. Pick your battles.
4. Give & Take.
5. Touch her in many ways often. It helps her feel connected to you.
6. Don't let things get stagnant.
7. Only LTR a girl that was super into you from the start.
8. Keep her on her toes.
9. Always be a good leader.

You also gotta break out the Jack Nicholson game.


Start a simple conversation in the kitchen while you're preparing a meal. Transition to the bad news:


"One of my friends just found out his girlfriend cheated on him."

her: "that's horrible"


"Yeah... If something like that happened to me..."


*pick up the carving knife and stare at it vacantly for just a little bit too long*


"…I just don't know what l'd do..."


Measure response.

 

[DJ Novice]

The passage of time is the biggest LTR killer.
Mutual desire may have been there initially but hedonic adaptation eventually kicks in and the lure of someone new who offers something different is almost impossible to resist particularly from a male perspective.
Even if you are dating a 10 you are not immune and a 7 may become enticing given enough time and opportunity.
I’m of the view that most guys are hard wired for variety which makes LTRs a challenge if you are the type of guy that knows how to attract women.

 

[jhonny9546]

The more invested you seem to her, the more likely she is getting ideas.

I did not understood this line! Would it be possible to explain better?

..

..

You guys made very good points!

Then, from what you say, I could understand that being dominant also depends on the women you're with. Because some women told me that I was causing them "pain" (when making sex), and I did not understand if I was setting the bar too high. So what is the "good level" of dominance you can use in a long-term relationship (LTR) when you're with her?
I do not mean only in sex, but in real life (IRL) too, in events such as replying to her when she's in a highly emotional state, or any other situation in which she is out of control.

From my experience, I see many men who have been in 20+ year LTRs reply with "silence" or "indifference", so they basically tell their women to "dump down" his level of **** "indirectly".
I can't see a "healthy" working LTR with a man replying with an "aggressive" and "dominant" high tone to his wife when she's in the highs of her madness. Also, for my personal character, it doesn't come to me naturally to be aggressively dominant, but it may come naturally to create "distance" from this woman who's trying to **** test me. I will be the silent and calm man, because if I become aggressive and dominant, I would start my emotional thing and become too emotional.
Plus, I cannot be dominant, aggressive, etc, because I am more like a stoic guy. I really like peace and order, and calmness. There's room for dominance in this world too?

For example, I also enjoy very slow and deep sex, like when you give a massage, and I don't crave the dominant and aggressive sex. This is not to say I don't want to be dominant, but this is how I get the most pleasure. Is this wrong approach?

the lure of someone new who offers something different is almost impossible to resist particularly from a male perspective...

Is it just me, or the 21st century see this phenomenon to be more common in women?