Single parent dating info for millennials

[Divorced w 3]

Seems like data is in greater supply these days so my question is, is there any work done on percent of high value / low body count women that want to date single dads, especially those men that are of the late 30’s early 40’s vintage? @SW15 looking at you here

 

[SW15]

I have not seen a lot of good data points available on single dads, especially older Millennial single dads (think 36-43 year old single dads in 2024).

There are some data points out there about women's willingness to date single dads. Willingness and actually doing it are different. Also, the data points are less likely to show women who are high value / low body count.

Single dad dating isn't something I've talked a lot about in my posts here over time. I am a childless male. Some of my competition are single dads.

I know one early Millennial single dad in real life who has done reasonably well since his divorce. While his total notch number since the divorce is lower, he has developed and maintained an extended relationship with a woman 10+ years younger. I have no idea what her body count is. Also, I don't like to make observations on individual stories. Many individual stories are outliers.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Unless you are dating significantly younger, most women will also have children. In my experience the biggest red flag there is for a woman is being in her mid to late 30s and not having kids.

This is where the disconnect comes for so many on here. They want "high quality" but also want them to not have kids, which means they likely are not high quality or are psycho since they couldn't get a man to commit to them and have kids.

Or they are career oriented meaning they ignore their purpose in life and their instincts, which is to procreate and carry on the species.

 

[BaronOfHair]

It's been my observation that dating as a divorced father is only a problem, IF a fella behaves like Kevin James in King Of Queens, instead Don Draper during peak-Mad Men. There's no shortage of still-married guys who are regularly carrying on with side chicks

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Being a divorced dad makes you more attractive than a divorced mom. Many guys won't date single moms, but most women have no problem with an older unattached man having kids.

 

[SW15]

Unless you are dating significantly younger, most women will also have children.

I have managed to get into my early 40s dating women around my age and have avoided dating women with children.

It's possible that I am an outlier case but I don't think I am an outlier case for my demographic (35-44 childless).

The lifestyle of a childless man and the lifestyle of a single mother are too different for longer term compatibility. Additionally, why stay childless to age 35+ and then turn into a cuckold raising another man's children?

A childless man is NOT going to find that they are more compatible with a single mother.

A single dad is likely to be more compatible with a single mom. I have heard about single dads in interactions with childless women. For some men, there is some compatibility with a childless woman.

Due to male thirst, I think there are more childless, thirsty beta males out there committing to single moms than childless women getting into committed relationships with single dads.

This is where the disconnect comes for so many on here. They want "high quality" but also want them to not have kids, which means they likely are not high quality or are psycho since they couldn't get a man to commit to them and have kids.

Or they are career oriented meaning they ignore their purpose in life and their instincts, which is to procreate and carry on the species.

There's truth in this. I'm able to identify with this as I have been dating childless women in their 30s in recent years.

It's better for me to date a childless woman as a childless man.

There are downsides in dating the 32+ childless woman. The careerism factor is often one of the downsides. While not all 32+ childless women are careerists, a large percentage of them are. Pet ownership is another big factor in dating these women. It's very difficult to find a 32-40 year old White woman in the USA who is both childless and petless. 32-40 year old women now are Millennials and Millennials have had the highest rates of pet ownership of any generation in a long time. Back in the 1950s-1990s, people used to wait until they were coupled up to start getting pets, but Millennial women started to change this practice in the 2000s when they were in their 20s. Another downside is that many 32-40 year old childless White women are self-centered and that shows up in many ways in an interaction.

When the 32-40 year old never married and childless woman is considered, the lower quality and psycho argument made above holds some water.

32-44 year old women who are available are generally not high quality either. The 32-44 year old women with children under 18 living with them often broke up a family unit to pursue single life. That's not quality. There was often a divorce involved. If a 32-44 year old was never married, had kids with a man without a marriage, and that relationship ended, that's not quality either.

In real life, it can be difficult to meet 32-40 year old childless women. A lot of that demographic isn't as plentiful in bars as 21-31 year old women. Some non-bar venues are decent venues for meeting the 32+ childless woman. Even in those venues, they are outnumbered by 32+ women in existing relationships who won't be receptive to approaches. Additionally, even if a 32+ unattached woman is in a non-bar venue, it can be difficult to get her attention. 32-40 year old unattached childless women are most plentiful on swipe apps, but swipe apps are a poop show. The 32-40 year old childless woman is showered with attention on the app.

In my experience the biggest red flag there is for a woman is being in her mid to late 30s and not having kids.

That's not the biggest red flag for me. I prioritize not being a cuckold raising another man's children.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Nice post @SW15 ..Google Gemini has really met its match

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I have managed to get into my early 40s dating women around my age and have avoided dating women with children.

It's possible that I am an outlier case but I don't think I am an outlier case for my demographic (35-44 childless).

The lifestyle of a childless man and the lifestyle of a single mother are too different for longer term compatibility. Additionally, why stay childless to age 35+ and then turn into a cuckold raising another man's children?

A childless man is NOT going to find that they are more compatible with a single mother.

A single dad is likely to be more compatible with a single mom. I have heard about single dads in interactions with childless women. For some men, there is some compatibility with a childless woman.

Due to male thirst, I think there are more childless, thirsty beta males out there committing to single moms than childless women getting into committed relationships with single dads.



There's truth in this. I'm able to identify with this as I have been dating childless women in their 30s in recent years.

It's better for me to date a childless woman as a childless man.

There are downsides in dating the 32+ childless woman. The careerism factor is often one of the downsides. While not all 32+ childless women are careerists, a large percentage of them are. Pet ownership is another big factor in dating these women. It's very difficult to find a 32-40 year old White woman in the USA who is both childless and petless. 32-40 year old women now are Millennials and Millennials have had the highest rates of pet ownership of any generation in a long time. Back in the 1950s-1990s, people used to wait until they were coupled up to start getting pets, but Millennial women started to change this practice in the 2000s when they were in their 20s. Another downside is that many 32-40 year old childless White women are self-centered and that shows up in many ways in an interaction.

When the 32-40 year old never married and childless woman is considered, the lower quality and psycho argument made above holds some water.

32-44 year old women who are available are generally not high quality either. The 32-44 year old women with children under 18 living with them often broke up a family unit to pursue single life. That's not quality. There was often a divorce involved. If a 32-44 year old was never married, had kids with a man without a marriage, and that relationship ended, that's not quality either.

In real life, it can be difficult to meet 32-40 year old childless women. A lot of that demographic isn't as plentiful in bars as 21-31 year old women. Some non-bar venues are decent venues for meeting the 32+ childless woman. Even in those venues, they are outnumbered by 32+ women in existing relationships who won't be receptive to approaches. Additionally, even if a 32+ unattached woman is in a non-bar venue, it can be difficult to get her attention. 32-40 year old unattached childless women are most plentiful on swipe apps, but swipe apps are a poop show. The 32-40 year old childless woman is showered with attention on the app.



That's not the biggest red flag for me. I prioritize not being a cuckold raising another man's children.

In most cases, unless you are dating someone who is pretty low quality, they aren't looking for a "Daddy" for their kids or expect you to raise them.

Mostly baseless concerns based on dudes who put themselves in those situations when they could have chosen not to.

This would be something that happens when you choose to have an LTR with a woman only because she is hot while of oring everything else that's an issue.

Which again, goes back to most guys do a very poor job screening for what's important.

 

[SW15]

In most cases, unless you are dating someone who is pretty low quality, they aren't looking for a "Daddy" for their kids or expect you to raise them.

Mostly baseless concerns based on dudes who put themselves in those situations when they could have chosen not to.

The woman's definition of "raising the children" and the man's definition of "raising the children" likely differ.

In a dating relationship with a single mom, a man will have to interact with her children to some degree. Some men don't want to interact at all with another man's children. I have no interest in interacting with the children of a woman when I'm not the father. The only way it is possible to wholly avoid interactions is in a purely casual sex relationship and those tend to have shorter shelf lives.

In any sort of interaction with a single mom, scheduling is often done around children's stuff. Some childless men don't appreciate having to schedule around children, in addition to also competing for a woman's attention with other things (work, friends, family members, etc.). Childless women have more freedom than single moms and that can be beneficial. Nevertheless, I have had some experiences with childless women where scheduling anything with them was more difficult than anticipated.

If a man is to move in and/or marry a single mom, he's interacting with her children from another man.

Richard Cooper had a big section in "The Unplugged Alpha" about the reasons why men should avoid single moms and he's also made many videos on this.

Everything I said above is likely a bigger consideration and a more negative consequences for a childless man as compared to a single dad. I'm not as negative in my point of view on single dads dating single moms as I am for childless men dating single moms.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

The woman's definition of "raising the children" and the man's definition of "raising the children" likely differ.

In a dating relationship with a single mom, a man will have to interact with her children to some degree. Some men don't want to interact at all with another man's children. I have no interest in interacting with the children of a woman when I'm not the father. The only way it is possible to wholly avoid interactions is in a purely casual sex relationship and those tend to have shorter shelf lives.

In any sort of interaction with a single mom, scheduling is often done around children's stuff. Some childless men don't appreciate having to schedule around children, in addition to also competing for a woman's attention with other things (work, friends, family members, etc.). Childless women have more freedom than single moms and that can be beneficial. Nevertheless, I have had some experiences with childless women where scheduling anything with them was more difficult than anticipated.

If a man is to move in and/or marry a single mom, he's interacting with her children from another man.

Richard Cooper had a big section in "The Unplugged Alpha" about the reasons why men should avoid single moms and he's also made many videos on this.

Everything I said above is likely a bigger consideration and a more negative consequences for a childless man as compared to a single dad. I'm not as negative in my point of view on single dads dating single moms as I am for childless men dating single moms.

I always found the whole "competing for women's" attention with their kids thing to be silly. How insecure are you that this is a concern?

 

[SW15]

I always found the whole "competing for women's" attention with their kids thing to be silly. How insecure are you that this is a concern?

This has nothing to do with insecurity. It's a matter of reducing complexity and seeking a peaceful, beneficial arrangement. Dating is already complex enough when 2 people are childless. When one or both partners have children living at home, it adds another layer of complexity that I perceive to be unnecessary. Scheduling anything becomes more difficult with women with children. I don't need that difficulty and I don't wish to go extended periods without seeing someone if I am dating someone with the intention of them becoming a primary girlfriend.

I seek companionship in a romantic relationship. I am less likely to get the level of companionship I'm seeking from a woman with children.

Single mothers often have pets, jobs, friends, and other things + their children. Women without children will also have pets, jobs, friends, and other things too.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

This has nothing to do with insecurity. It's a matter of reducing complexity and seeking a peaceful, beneficial arrangement. Dating is already complex enough when 2 people are childless. When one or both partners have children living at home, it adds another layer of complexity that I perceive to be unnecessary. Scheduling anything becomes more difficult with women with children. I don't need that difficulty and I don't wish to go extended periods without seeing someone if I am dating someone with the intention of them becoming a primary girlfriend.

I seek companionship in a romantic relationship. I am less likely to get the level of companionship I'm seeking from a woman with children.

Single mothers often have pets, jobs, friends, and other things + their children. Women without children will also have pets, jobs, friends, and other things too.

So it's better when she says she can't see you because she has to work late or do something work related rather than that she has her kids?

Got it.

Don't see what the difference is. Trading one complexity for another. It will always be there in some form.

You seem like you are essentially trying to go swimming without getting wet instead of just accepting that is part of swimming and if you want to engage in it you have to accept what comes with it.

 

[SW15]

So it's better when she says she can't see you because she has to work late or do something work related rather than that she has her kids?

Don't see what the difference is. Trading one complexity for another. It will always be there in some form.

Neither is acceptable. I'm not trying to trade one complexity for another. I'm trying to minimize or eliminate complexity.

I dislike Girl Boss careerist types as well. Those are often childless women, though I've encountered Girl Bosses who are married women with children.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Neither is acceptable. I'm not trying to trade one complexity for another. I'm trying to minimize or eliminate complexity.

I dislike Girl Boss careerist types as well. Those are often childless women, though I've encountered Girl Bosses who are married women with children.

That's the whole point tho...you can't eliminate complexity. All you are doing is trading one for another. People and especially women are inherently complex.

 

[Divorced w 3]

One thing about kids - fantastic built in time constraints

 

[dk1990S111]

I wasn’t married but got engaged to a woman that had two kids already and then we had another one. Not really planned but I did feel ready and really love being a dad. We aren’t together anymore so been a single dad for about 4-5 months.

First thing is I committed to the ex because she came in working for me and put on an act like she had it all figured out and would have been a great addition to my life. Knew I wanted kids so I thought since she’s experienced at least I could trust her raising mine. Found out later on she’s NPD, and her son is extremely screwed up and daughter has to figure out how to navigate in her moms screwed up world. Ya I should have screened a lot better, NPDs are very good at what they do though.

I planned to help her with raising her kids. But any thing I tried to teach like a normal father would, discipline and work ethic, she would never stand with me. It was a losing battle.

Dating another single mom now. Taking things really slow getting to know her personality and what makes her tick. So far it’s clear she wants a partner for raising her son who isn’t even a year old yet. With having my daughter I’d rather date a single mom and since my business can support the whole household I’ll happily pay all the bills for her to be a stay at home mom for both of our children if she can help raise my daughter. Worth a lot to me having a good partner for raising her

 

[BeExcellent]

Hmmmm.

When you date someone you have to weigh the pros & cons of that individual. I can see why @SW15 is single or unattached.

He is looking for the equivalent of a caring, childless, feminine gorgeous woman who has been under a rock unknown and untouched in her adult life someone who has entirely escaped being on any desirable man's radar.

He is looking essentially for BigFoot.

Those women do exist of course as very young women. Then a man finds them, scoops them up & locks them down, often in a marriage with babies.

I do not think his stats and theories are terribly constructive because all interactions happen between individuals, not statistical trends.

My second husband is childless man in his late 40s. I have a high school daughter still living at home. Um. My daughter does not dictate anything about our day to day lives. As general things, yes I'm continuing to reside in the highest rated public school district while she finishes high school, and we cannot blare the TV late at night after she's gone to bed, but honestly she does not impede what we do, and my husband is not actively raising her, she has myself & her father for that.

I will say that my husband at times struggles with my rationale for certain things because he is not a parent, and has never been female so he has no frame of reference regarding child rearing or female concerns as a teen. It can be frustrating at times or quite comical. I ignore it and simply guide my daughter in partnership with her father. No cuc koldry or parenting required of him. They get on well and have a respectful interaction.

Even if a woman doesn't have kids, she may have parents, siblings, aging grandparents, troublesome friends. You aren't plucking a woman away from all her other relationships in any case just because you showed up looking to shag her, lol.

Very young children I agree can be a huge ask for a childless man because they are totally dependent, need constant supervision & guidance & parenting. That's ALOT when it's not your own kid.

But stable high school kids? They have their own interests and friends and social groups. As they differentiate into adulthood they need greater independance to learn to navigate the world, and learn with a safety net back at home. My youngest daughter is learning to drive. I already have a vehicle for her, and as she learns she will gain greater independence. She already goes to the gym several times a week (walking distance from our house) and is making applications for her first job. She's 15, and very responsible. Does her own laundry, knows how to cook for herself and manage the house.

If hubby & I go away for a weekend? She's fine. She does chores as asked and is well mannered and polite. If she asks to go to the mall with friends or go to a game night at another family's home? I nearly always allow it due to her agreeable attitude; and often she'll have a ride to/from although I do help carpool if/when it fits in MY schedule.

This does not adversely affect my marital relationship at all. My husband is the priority and my daughter understands that, although I do accomodate her school activities as needed. After school practices and rehearsals are part of it.

My husband knew all this going in but felt I as an individual had a high enough value to warrant accepting kids in my home (my older 2 are living independently since finishing high school)....and so it's a non issue.

We are an outlier couple to be sure.

Single dads have an instant relatability factor with single moms, but there are always then "blended family" issues. Not always do the partner's children get along with yours. That is a whole other kettle of fish that can be complicated.

I recall after my parents divorce my step mother did everything in her power to reserve my father's resources and time by diverting those things to HER children. That didn't fly with my dad. So my step mother tolerated us but seethed about it. Not a healthy dynamic.

My younger sister married a single dad before they had 2 children of their own. My sister (childless) had quite a rough introduction to step parenting because the ex wife was SUPER jealous of my sister (they were both divorved and single/available when they met - not like she was the mistress or anything....) and my sister's step sons were a behavioral nightmare until the late teen years as a result. They incidently have been married 25 years now. They older boys are grown, live independently and have relationships of their own; the younger two boys are in high school & college respectively. Everyone now is harmonious but it did not start out that way.

So you are always navigating the whole landscape of relationships that surround you as well as the other person. Choose wisely & well.