Spirit_1500
Don Juan
- Joined
- Jul 2, 2024
- Messages
- 23
- Reaction score
- 1
- Age
- 19
Hello, I'm new here, so I'll introduce myself. I'm an autistic and young guy, and it's been 12 days since I started talking to a woman I met at a geek event. She's 20 years old, tall (5' 11''+), beautiful, sexy, has an amazing personality (a bit silly, you know? outgoing?), smart, etc., etc. I got in touch with her a few days after the event and everything was going well; on the first day, I was extremely fun, got her number, and even managed to set up a date for the following Saturday with really good interactions. She always responded in those days with excitement, enthusiasm, extended everything I said and sometimes created new topics. She basically liked talking to me, showed interest and talked all the time. During this WHOLE time, she showed a LOT of interest, saying things like when I mentioned I hurt myself falling off a motorcycle, and she said she could give me "kisses" to heal it, or saying she was training in the gym to "get a big butt for me," or that she wanted to be alone with me, etc. It was almost certain to me that I was going to have something interesting with her.
Well, Friday came, the day she even mentioned her butt; she was so excited that she invited me to go to the movies that same day. It was clear how much she wanted to see me. I went, and there were some funny situations, but they're not very important. In the end, we sat close together, I hugged her, and she rested her head on me comfortably. After the movie, we kissed; she was completely happy and silly. It was really clear how happy she was, as if she was melted in love, you know? All those smiles... I even slapped her butt, which she found funny and happily commented on later via messages. But after all of that, problems started. She mentioned feeling pressured, like I was too close, showing too much affection, and that she didn't like doing that in public and that she didn't know me well yet; it was just our first time. BUT, despite that, she still showed a lot of interest and joy talking to me the next day. Oh, and the next day was Saturday, the actual day we had planned for the date.
Before continuing, I should point out exactly what I did. I'm autistic, nothing too severe, but I honestly don't know how to identify irony or body language. I don't understand very well (not that it's always impossible for me to understand) when someone feels uncomfortable or not, and I NEVER want that. When I see that I've made someone uncomfortable, I feel really guilty. Basically, with her, I was trying too hard to hold her hand, hug her, put my hand on her waist, and pull her close. She didn't say anything on Friday that she didn't like the contact; she didn't show any major discomfort. The problem was on Saturday, and I'll explain now.
By the way, I apologized on Friday and ASKED her to let me know if I was doing something that made her uncomfortable.
Fast forward to the date, but it's good to remember that we talked every day during this period (including this saturday morning), and she always engaged enthusiastically and with interest.
We met at a park, 6p.m, had a kind of picnic; I brought food, and we talked, but she seemed quite down, didn't even look at my face properly. I couldn't make any advances, and I started to feel a bit desperate that everything were going wrong, totally different from Friday. I touched her more times, and it's possible to say that 90% of the date, I was holding her hand, trying to pull her closer, tried to force a few hugs. I even pulled her into a hug a couple of times with the intention of her falling on top of me, succeeding once. I know I was MUCH worse than on Friday, completely desperate and unbearable. At no point did she ask me to stop, but she was very quiet. I didn't know what I was doing wrong. The date was pretty much a disaster; we only talked apathetically through the evening, with only a few sparks of interest. I took her home, and we said goodbye.
In messages, the disaster became evident. She said she enjoyed the days but didn't want to repeat them, that she still felt uncomfortable with the affection. She said she didn't mention her discomfort because it would have created a bad atmosphere at the time. She also said she didn't want a relationship and knew that was my interest, said she didn't want to go out with me anymore, didn't like behaving like a couple, etc. I apologized a lot, said I wouldn't repeat it, did it in a way I consider very desperate because I realized then how badly I had messed up. Actually, it only fully sank in for me after a while what I did. She didn't like the physical contact I was forcing, and when I realized it, and even now, I feel very, very, very bad, remembering the things I did. I feel very sad for being so unpleasant. She ended up forgiving me but said she just wanted to be my friend. That was five days ago, and since then, she has been talking to me (actually, read, "answering my messages") very apathetically, monosyllabic, as if talking to me only out of politeness. The interest, the spark, is gone; she just responds out of "obligation". She allways seemed indifferent to not talking to me, even at the peak of her interest. For example, when she was really interested, I decided to test things by not talking to her for a day to see if she would initiate the conversation. She really didn't talk to me that day but responded enthusiastically to my message the next day when I said I was busy and that's why I hadn't messaged her. I assume that if I stop talking to her today, she will just never speak to me again... Today even, on the date of this post, I haven't sent a message in 2 days and so far nothing.
A friend of mine commented that if she still talks to me and didn't just block me, it's because she still likes me, but she needs time. I invaded her personal space, and she probably doesn't feel safe.
I don't want to be remembered as a weirdo who doesn't respect others' personal space, truly. I know that not realizing it at the time doesn't negate the consequences, and autism is not an excuse. I feel like a harasser, feel dirty.
The point of all this is: I want to win her back, rekindle the interest, the love, everything that was there, and I ruined. It was something very, very clear before; she felt something, and I just managed to mess it up in the worst possible way.
I want to try again, want to have a relationship, because I liked her, and also because I would HATE to end everything because of a mistake of this level.
Please, help me with this situation.
At the moment, giving up is NOT an option, please consider that. I don't want to give up; I want to try something. I'm thinking on today or tomorow of inviting her to go bowling and talking better there, giving her a gift, and seeing if I can get something with that.
Well, Friday came, the day she even mentioned her butt; she was so excited that she invited me to go to the movies that same day. It was clear how much she wanted to see me. I went, and there were some funny situations, but they're not very important. In the end, we sat close together, I hugged her, and she rested her head on me comfortably. After the movie, we kissed; she was completely happy and silly. It was really clear how happy she was, as if she was melted in love, you know? All those smiles... I even slapped her butt, which she found funny and happily commented on later via messages. But after all of that, problems started. She mentioned feeling pressured, like I was too close, showing too much affection, and that she didn't like doing that in public and that she didn't know me well yet; it was just our first time. BUT, despite that, she still showed a lot of interest and joy talking to me the next day. Oh, and the next day was Saturday, the actual day we had planned for the date.
Before continuing, I should point out exactly what I did. I'm autistic, nothing too severe, but I honestly don't know how to identify irony or body language. I don't understand very well (not that it's always impossible for me to understand) when someone feels uncomfortable or not, and I NEVER want that. When I see that I've made someone uncomfortable, I feel really guilty. Basically, with her, I was trying too hard to hold her hand, hug her, put my hand on her waist, and pull her close. She didn't say anything on Friday that she didn't like the contact; she didn't show any major discomfort. The problem was on Saturday, and I'll explain now.
By the way, I apologized on Friday and ASKED her to let me know if I was doing something that made her uncomfortable.
Fast forward to the date, but it's good to remember that we talked every day during this period (including this saturday morning), and she always engaged enthusiastically and with interest.
We met at a park, 6p.m, had a kind of picnic; I brought food, and we talked, but she seemed quite down, didn't even look at my face properly. I couldn't make any advances, and I started to feel a bit desperate that everything were going wrong, totally different from Friday. I touched her more times, and it's possible to say that 90% of the date, I was holding her hand, trying to pull her closer, tried to force a few hugs. I even pulled her into a hug a couple of times with the intention of her falling on top of me, succeeding once. I know I was MUCH worse than on Friday, completely desperate and unbearable. At no point did she ask me to stop, but she was very quiet. I didn't know what I was doing wrong. The date was pretty much a disaster; we only talked apathetically through the evening, with only a few sparks of interest. I took her home, and we said goodbye.
In messages, the disaster became evident. She said she enjoyed the days but didn't want to repeat them, that she still felt uncomfortable with the affection. She said she didn't mention her discomfort because it would have created a bad atmosphere at the time. She also said she didn't want a relationship and knew that was my interest, said she didn't want to go out with me anymore, didn't like behaving like a couple, etc. I apologized a lot, said I wouldn't repeat it, did it in a way I consider very desperate because I realized then how badly I had messed up. Actually, it only fully sank in for me after a while what I did. She didn't like the physical contact I was forcing, and when I realized it, and even now, I feel very, very, very bad, remembering the things I did. I feel very sad for being so unpleasant. She ended up forgiving me but said she just wanted to be my friend. That was five days ago, and since then, she has been talking to me (actually, read, "answering my messages") very apathetically, monosyllabic, as if talking to me only out of politeness. The interest, the spark, is gone; she just responds out of "obligation". She allways seemed indifferent to not talking to me, even at the peak of her interest. For example, when she was really interested, I decided to test things by not talking to her for a day to see if she would initiate the conversation. She really didn't talk to me that day but responded enthusiastically to my message the next day when I said I was busy and that's why I hadn't messaged her. I assume that if I stop talking to her today, she will just never speak to me again... Today even, on the date of this post, I haven't sent a message in 2 days and so far nothing.
A friend of mine commented that if she still talks to me and didn't just block me, it's because she still likes me, but she needs time. I invaded her personal space, and she probably doesn't feel safe.
I don't want to be remembered as a weirdo who doesn't respect others' personal space, truly. I know that not realizing it at the time doesn't negate the consequences, and autism is not an excuse. I feel like a harasser, feel dirty.
The point of all this is: I want to win her back, rekindle the interest, the love, everything that was there, and I ruined. It was something very, very clear before; she felt something, and I just managed to mess it up in the worst possible way.
I want to try again, want to have a relationship, because I liked her, and also because I would HATE to end everything because of a mistake of this level.
Please, help me with this situation.
At the moment, giving up is NOT an option, please consider that. I don't want to give up; I want to try something. I'm thinking on today or tomorow of inviting her to go bowling and talking better there, giving her a gift, and seeing if I can get something with that.
