Long draughts

anonymous12345

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Having a long draught is challenging because the way it affects you makes it harder. You want girls, and because of the draught you easily pick up qualities that works against it: neediness, trying to impress by over qualifying, over talking, over prioritising. All qualities that communicate that you don’t have options (which is true). I had an instadate from cold approach and even though I didn’t record (gonna try to start doing that), I afterwards realise how I did many of these mistakes.

Apart from a draught, a second thing against me is that I’m short, which further contributes to such qualities. Due to the shortness, girls don’t show interest, meaning I try to impress in order to “ignite”, etc.

I think the solution, apart from upping your SMV and getting social competence etc., is to strangle the neediness caused by the draught, no matter how understandable and logical it is. Adopt a frame that is:
  • Not outcome focused
  • Therefore more risk taking -> unpredictable and fun. One problem I have with that when I try that is that the girls either don’t understand me, or are too provoked
  • More fun, the “life of the party” idea. I used to have this when I was younger and the response was accordingly, but seems life’s bumps crashed that.
It’s risky though. I don’t think you can fake this being outcome independent, so you must in a sense be it despite that you’re not in the position to. It’s not risky for the man with options. But I also think it’s a good strategy for the man without options, having a draught.
 

anonymous12345

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On the other hand, a very long draught can go to the other extreme. You can become apathetic. It’s not attractive at all because it’s way beyond aloof/DGAF.

TLDR: I think a tiny bit of neediness is actually useful here.
Agree. A guru said "I will have drive, but not urgency." I say "controlled, smart neediness."
 
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