How to act with female friends?

[LTG71]

Two woman have presented themselves in my space this week. One that used to be glued to my side before the pandemic and one that is trying to get closer. I’m married so I see these interactions as pointless, but what I recognize is these women only want attention. It’s like a drug and I’m seen as a dealer.

They can’t stop their incessant need for male attention and validation. They pawn these interactions off as “friendship” but if I was stuck on the side of the road, I couldn’t count on them to answer the phone. We (other married guys I work with) have had a group of insecure woman attach themselves to us for this sole purpose over the years. They know we are taken but that doesn’t stop them from trying to manipulate you and sucker you into their web. They can even get territorial with their attention provider which is a strange dynamic to observe given this is suppose to be a “friendship.”

Also have seen them casually forget who you are if there is an event and they bring their partner along. They’re never going to come clean and say, “Hey honey, this is my friend Jim. I run to him for attention when you’re not around.” Lol

 

[itouchyou]

This.

I'll adjust my point of view; normally I would say that male/ female friendships are a big NONO. A man has a HIGH risk of chipping away from his own confidence by getting friendzoned by women and being treated like a chump.

But...there are always exceptions.
-a homies girl
- a girl who is fiends with a family member
-a co-worker
- a female client who brings you money

And probably more like this. My main question is: what do they provide that no one else can give you? A FRIEND to me = imma call you in the middle of the night because my car broke down and you are there for me.

If my "yes" always is a "no" for them its over.

odd take. friend = favors?

to me, friend = good company and that's it.

 

[corrector]

Just have a new friend at the office. She has a boyfriend and is 24 years old. She has been nice with me so far. I gained her friendship by reacting and spillihg my guts to her at how I felt jealous of her hugging another guy (she later disclosed was gay) and that guy hugging another lady in the cafetaria.

Its nicer or different than paying for OF subs to feel connected with someone. She thinks I am overanalytical and should really relax more than thinking too much and putting out wierd vibes from overthinking everything.

 

[Learning Curve]

Lately, I've had the opportunity to make some female friends. And I mean friend-only because I think that having female friends could be good for my SMV, and also facilitate the process of meeting plates.

But I noticed that you can't really be friends with women because when I act the same as I do with my male friends, they start to treat me like ****. They're gonna start doing **** like:

1. Take forever to reply to messages.
2. Only contact me when they need something.
3. Ghost me.
4. **** test me.
5. Disrespect me in public.

I thought that if I'm not ****ing them, I might as well let loose and open up more. For example, I tend to share stuff about myself quite a bit and also ask them a lot of questions to learn about them. Basically, I'm applying "How to Win Friends and Influence People".

But I'm thinking that I should be treating them the same as women I'm ****ing. Basically, treat them like ****, leave their messages on "seen", and don't share anything about myself. But then, I won't be having any female friends but instead, they'd just be classified as "women I'm not ****ing".

To me, it looks like if you let your guard down around women, their nature is to **** you up.

Can you guys share how you handle female friendships?

Remove female friends from your life.

Keep them only as Friends with Benefits.

You are acting like a woman when you have female friends. No reason to have them. They don't offer anything to the table besides wasting your time.

I get it that some man have female friends maybe childhood girl-friends but as soon as you associate yourself too long with a woman as a "Friend" you loose the sense of dating real women and you start to change your behaviour with all women to match your current situation of your "friend" this really removes your sensor and radar from finding women if you think you will find more.

I had female friends. It's pointless.

 

[JuanSama]

but what I recognize is these women only want attention. It’s like a drug and I’m seen as a dealer.

You're absolutely correct. They only want my attention and nothing else.

I have the tendency to be too accommodating to females and I've been working on this issue. I will work harder at protecting my attention.

You are acting like a woman when you have female friends. No reason to have them. They don't offer anything to the table besides wasting your time.

I'll agree with you here. After having meditated on this for a while, I realized that I'm being feminine when I'm trying to be "just friends" with women.

I believe it's something I cultivated in childhood because I used to tease girls a lot at school. When my teacher told my father about it, he scolded me and instructed that I should be making friends with girls and not tease them ever again.

I have to deprogram myself from this conditioning and realize that women can never be "just friends" because they're attention vampires when you're not sleeping with them.

 

[itouchyou]

acting feminine when you have feminine friends? sounds like they are the ones controlling the interaction and you are falling into their frame. I've never turned feminine because of having to interact with a woman

 

[DJLondoner]

1. Take forever to reply to messages.
2. Only contact me when they need something.
3. Ghost me.
4. **** test me.
5. Disrespect me in public.

Can you guys share how you handle female friendships?

Wow, I must have it good especially when I went to art college and to me, keeping their interests is like an art and they get entertained when they see good art and stay around. I have ways to keep them around, if they are my friends, (not "friends"), so why not get involved and it's unusual.

1. I usually don't expect replies. It does feel direct and I don't think they like to speak to guys. Especially if you want to make out with them, so they do the favor of hardly replying. Then the question is, why expect a reply?

2. Yeah, unfortunately, I have that as an issue as well. I have someone after me, like that, so prolific and she's even gone her way to attack other women, just so she can turn up and ask me for at least something and she knows she's been blacklisted in my world. Usually, when that happens, I ignore it because it sends a message out to the other women never to do that to me.

3. Ghosting, two way street, a nice art to have. What do you think women do when they get ghosted?

4. Just laugh at it. Women doing that to men? Laugh, make note, make fun of them, gather examples.

5. That's an interesting one. Personally, what I do, I have a nice collection of women that sometimes you want to yield too, to pass the time and act the fool and they'll talk and they'll talk about me and then all these other women would appear wanting my attention. It's a push and pull game but at least I get some of their attention and I know they're talking about me.

Remember, this is in response to women being as FRIENDS, not women as GIRLFRIENDS. if I want a woman to be my woman, then I wouldn't even try to even talk to her. I'll just hit the gym, work out and get good job, work with other guys and co-workers and keep myself to myself. If that's what you're not going for! Well that's what I do in my own world. Works for me and makes me happy.

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

.

I am a lone-wolf so I don't have friends in general.

And I will only accept a fwb relationship with a woman.

I ain't knocking no one..to each his own.

 

[LTG71]

Went on a hike with a female friend and another guy friend tonight. Used to have a crush on this woman but got over the fantasy that she was anything special. Funny how when the chemicals in your brain wear off you realize she is not that special. Crazy how your brain tricks you into thinking this women is some unicorn when in reality she is not that special and she is using you for some type of validation. Knowing that she has no desire other than to use you for your presence is kind of off putting. I know, guys are assh0les. This internal voice in your head never goes away. If she doesn’t want to fvck then what’s the point?. Funny how this dynamic is completely absent when it is with guy friends. Add a vagina and the dynamic gets all fvcked up.

 

[BaronOfHair]

Can you guys share how you handle female friendships?

By finally learning that men and women can't be friends in the way we are with persons of our own gender, and ceasing all efforts to make reality something that it ain't

 

[DJ Novice]

Personally I wouldn’t be wasting any time with a girl I’m not interested in s*xually.
If I am interested but she wants to put me in the friend zone (despite my best efforts) or isn’t interested, then I would move on to other options.
Life is too short to waste time on girls you have no interest in or vice versa.
There has to be some significant value gained for me in being just friends with a woman and investing my time, money and effort into her when I could be investing it into other women for a better return.

 

[Mike32ct]

Age/generation is probably a factor too. My female friends have all been Gen X like me. Gen X women are typically pretty chill and can be loyal friends.

I probably wouldn’t attempt to befriend most Millennial chicks lol. I’d be open to it, but I really doubt we’d click. (And Gen Z would be too young.)

 

[Don Jax]

1. Take forever to reply to messages.
2. Only contact me when they need something.
3. Ghost me.
4. **** test me.

The thing is they think that all men want to f*ck them. That's why they behave like that.

 

[SW15]

I probably wouldn’t attempt to befriend most Millennial chicks lol. I’d be open to it, but I really doubt we’d click.

I am a Millennial and I also would not recommend having Millennial female friends.

The best use for female friends is introductions to her unmarried female friends. If she has unmarried female friends AND she's willing to facilitate an introduction, this is an advantage over using swipe apps, sending DMs on Instagram, or approaching strangers in real life.

Most Millennial females don't have the capability and/or the interest to set up introductions.

 

[Barrister]

Having female friends is good social proof for your dating life with other women. They see other women who are friendly for you and gives you an instant boost in attractiveness to the ones you DO want to date.

That said, the complaints in the OP make sense if you are looking at them as if they SHOULD act like male-friends. They aren't male-friends though. They are female. Females don't operate under the same logic-based mode of thinking. So they don't think it is a big deal to basically take 2-3 days to respond then ask for a favor. You can get pissed about it or just accept that it is the one women are. If it pisses you off too much, don't have female friends. They aren't going to change and you don't NEED female friends.

 

[corrector]

Having female friends provides a baseline of female interactions which is preferable to watching ASMR videos to substitute or supplement something like that. I haven't watched ASMR videos in a while, or to any serious extent, since having regular interactions with a female friend at the office. Of course, intearctions with female friends won't be as concentrated or as intense as an ASMR video, but at least you know it's real and there is a good exchange of energy.

The main thing is energy. If you get good energy from her, or out of interaction with her, and it lift the overall vibe or mood of the day, then it's a benefit.

 

[Mike32ct]

Having female friends provides a baseline of female interactions which is preferable to watching ASMR videos to substitute or supplement something like that. I haven't watched ASMR videos in a while, or to any serious extent, since having regular interactions with a female friend at the office. Of course, intearctions with female friends won't be as concentrated or as intense as an ASMR video, but at least you know it's real and there is a good exchange of energy.

The main thing is energy. If you get good energy from her, or out of interaction with her, and it lift the overall vibe or mood of the day, then it's a benefit.

I was thinking more in terms of not letting your comfort level or social skills with women atrophy. So, if you’re not currently dating, a chick friend is good for that purpose.

Good energy is no doubt a bonus.

 

[corrector]

I was thinking more in terms of not letting your comfort level or social skills with women atrophy. So, if you’re not currently dating, a chick friend is good for that purpose.

Good energy is no doubt a bonus.

As others have said, one that you are not attracted to and therefore being in a "friendzone with" to avoid toxic dynamics where you feel bad or get your feelings hurt in the end. Sometimes we can "trick" yourselves into toxic social situations by appealing to ideals. While something is better than nothing. Nothing is better than something bad.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Having female friends is good social proof for your dating life with other women. They see other women who are friendly for you and gives you an instant boost in attractiveness to the ones you DO want to date.

I have different friends for different connections. And that is how you should see each of your friends; male or female, if they don't contribute to your well-being, don't befriend them.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

Lately, I've had the opportunity to make some female friends. And I mean friend-only because I think that having female friends could be good for my SMV, and also facilitate the process of meeting plates.

But I noticed that you can't really be friends with women because when I act the same as I do with my male friends, they start to treat me like ****. They're gonna start doing **** like:

1. Take forever to reply to messages.
2. Only contact me when they need something.
3. Ghost me.
4. **** test me.
5. Disrespect me in public.

If they do these things to you. They are not friends.