Girl at work is hot and cold.

LeatherBackpack

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There's a girl in my old workplace I think about still frequently. I've never had so many mixed signals.

Context: Work together in a restaurant in Europe with live-in staff accommodation.

Me: 36, 5'7 150 pounds, used to be beautiful but my face has melted with age.

Her: 23/24 (had birthday) petite and slender, very quiet and softly spoken. Not outright antisocial but just struggles to think of things to say, much like myself. Lots of eye contact when we talk but little otherwise. She makes even less with others. All we ever did was make small talk really.
Nose ring. Possible nipple ring.

Reasons she might like me: (in chronological order from arriving to quitting, first four are very mild)

Before we started a shift together and introduced myself, I pass her a couple of times on my induction. The first she mentions to her female friend she needs a haircut and the second time she has got a super low cut top on (never seen her wear it before or since).

We meet properly and I think it goes OK. I compliment her voice and she smiles. I compliment her again at the end and she brushes the front of her hair, looks pleased and slightly flustered.

The next 10 or so days nothing much at all happens we just make small talk like always and are nice to each other. I think I can see a nipple piercing but can never quite tell.

Came downstairs when I was working and asked if I wanted some small packets of chips she bought and didn't like. I say sure and give her some change.

OK here we go. I come down to start my shift and she catches me just before we go in. She is completely dolled up, with pink pigtails, and says her name tag has broke, rubbing her boob over her clothing where the tag should go. I just look and smile and go oh and walk off with a semi (sigh). She follows me into the dining room and says she has fixed it now. All my **** tier gane can manage is "have you got any tattoos" She rolls up her sleeve crazy quick and shows me one on her shoulder. I say it looks expensive and walk off. 2 mins later she wants to practise my waitering skills by pretending to be a customer. She sits at a table and I go "what can I get you, young lady? In my best flirty voice. I think a customer came in at that point so we stopped. *Later she pretends to through a pen at me with a big smile, she then walks over and gives it me. *She clocks me out my shift for me. Fin.


We were polishing cutlery in the back alone for the first time (she said the supervisor had sent her) and she said do you wanna listen to music, she puts Fantasy by Maria Carey on my phone?

Another colleague asked if I wanted to go for a walk with her dog, we did but she is a piss head and I have zero attraction. Two days later, I see X again and in the loudest voice I've ever heard her use, just blurts out I banged on the window and waved out you yesterday! I didn't see her. I just go should have knocked harder then and go into a different room briefly. She then sits next to me for a bit.

Next day says she waved again. Again I have missed it. Stands next to me during the fire drill.

She went home for her birthday and has gotten her nails done. They look nice and all, but she is constantly flaunting them at me (stroking the radiator, the clipboard whilst I'm next to her.) I say they look expensive, then remember I said the sane compliment about her tatt (sigh).

***Reasons she doesn't like me

*Has never ever touched me apart from accidental very brief, platonic finger/hand touching when passing items to each other.

*Never brought up sexual topics/things once.

*In two months has touched three other male coworkers once each, one on the back, the others pretending to dust **** off their uniform. The WEIRD thing was they were all just as I had entered the room? She went on a date with one of them before I started, but she said nothing happened, and him and the other guy displayed absolutely zero interest in her sexually at any time (didn't touch her back) He left about 1 week after I started.

She did go for at least one walk with thr guy and for drinks with him and supervisor. They invited her but not me. I saw them all and they spotted me and turned round and she waved briefly. I left shortly after.

Towards the end she wad pining (exaggeration but only just) for the supervisor guy when he's not there. I think she means it in a work context as she is put in charge when he's not there and struggles a lil bit because of her quietness. But what do I know?

I mentioned the kitchen staff thought I was gay, and she said "are you?" in a strange stern tone.

I leave job. I still have some feelings for her. I need closure (she had no socials I can contact her on).


Thanks for coming to my Tedtalk.
 

Bingo-Player

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She's doing what all young sexy women do .....testing her powers of manipulation & seduction on her immediate surroundings

Women aren't naive anymore they know what men of all ages like and want ..... it's fun for them to push male buttons and see what happens

I think for a young woman who can have sex whenever she wants the majority of the fun actually comes from driving men crazy with little games like the above

Some guys won't fvck about with the nonsense and force a decision out of her straight away....she may sleep with them she may not depends on the guy and her mood

But make no mistake the majority of her pleasure will come from a man squirming for her and unfortunately that man is currently you OP

She will keep taking you around in circles until you're begging her for an answer ...... this is fun for her

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I actually blocked a chick yesterday because I could see the same warning signs

With girls like this you either go straight for the jugular early on I.E ( do you want me inside you pu$$y ) or you get drawn into the spiders web where you will get eaten alive
 

LeatherBackpack

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Now you mention it, I remember the gay receptionist saying she was a ***** in a sort of joking not joking way.

She also told the supervisor she was going to make him her ***** which really took me by surprise, as I thought she was quite sweet.

I feel a bit better now. It was just a huge crush on her and I think I was seeing things in her that weren't really there.
 

corrector

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Now you mention it, I remember the gay receptionist saying she was a ***** in a sort of joking not joking way.

She also told the supervisor she was going to make him her ***** which really took me by surprise, as I thought she was quite sweet.

I feel a bit better now. It was just a huge crush on her and I think I was seeing things in her that weren't really there.
You are just going to work to pay your bills so you should not concern yourself with the social drama/dynamics within the workplace.
Your real life is supposed to exist outside of work.
 
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Redwood

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You are just going to work to pay your bills so you should not concern yourself with the social drama/dynamics within the workplace.
Your real life is supposed to exist outside of work.
Maybe so, but trying to navigate it is more trouble than what it's worth.
 

Clockwerk50

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OK here we go. I come down to start my shift and she catches me just before we go in. She is completely dolled up, with pink pigtails, and says her name tag has broke, rubbing her boob over her clothing where the tag should go. I just look and smile and go oh and walk off with a semi (sigh). She follows me into the dining room and says she has fixed it now. All my **** tier gane can manage is "have you got any tattoos" She rolls up her sleeve crazy quick and shows me one on her shoulder. I say it looks expensive and walk off. 2 mins later she wants to practise my waitering skills by pretending to be a customer. She sits at a table and I go "what can I get you, young lady? In my best flirty voice. I think a customer came in at that point so we stopped. *Later she pretends to through a pen at me with a big smile, she then walks over and gives it me. *She clocks me out my shift for me. Fin..
This is when she was testing you to check in which category she was going to put you on: Nice guy, coworker, coworker that can smash me during my breaks. You should have made a move or escalate it. However, I understand why you didn’t make a move since you were scared of making things awkward at work if the move failed.

Anyways, since you cannot contact her it is best to stop thinking about her. No point about worrying about the past since it cannot be changed. One way to solve this is to talk to more women.
 

LeatherBackpack

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This is when she was testing you to check in which category she was going to put you on: Nice guy, coworker, coworker that can smash me during my breaks. You should have made a move or escalate it. However, I understand why you didn’t make a move since you were scared of making things awkward at work if the move failed.

Anyways, since you cannot contact her it is best to stop thinking about her. No point about worrying about the past since it cannot be changed. One way to solve this is to talk to more women.

All I can offer is excuses as to why I didn't escalate.

I am trying to get confident first and foremost.

The only real attitude to have with women is to shoot your shot. Screw all this did she didn't she like me passiveness.

If its awkward it's awkward, but I'll know if there's attraction or not, and I can move on any stop wondering if.

Thanks msn
 

AmsterdamAssassin

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You are just going to work to pay your bills so you should not concern yourself with the social drama/dynamics within the workplace.
Your real life is supposed to exist outside of work.
People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.
 

ABC123

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There is no such thing as mixed signals. She either likes you or not and for you it’s the latter.

You’re her boy toy!

Listen to this song:
 

Scaramouche

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AmsterdamAssassin

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Quite right Amsterdam,neither should they indulge in svex without pulling the curtains!
I see you went to our Red Light District, you horny old goat.
 

AmsterdamAssassin

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I have a job too and already contributed a thread with a parallel subject. Therefore, what are you talking about?
Let's just say that he's not obsessing about married women at work or about sex workers, so you giving @LeatherBackpack feedback on how he should act is not very Christian. See Matthew 7:3 about the mote and the beam.
 

LeatherBackpack

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Mixed signals are not mixed signals. Only you trying your hardest to interpret her disinterest as interest.

Women who are actually interested in you make it known.
I can accept I am probably in the friend zone now, but are you saying she was never interested in me?

Did you read the bit where she stroked her titty over her clothing at me? Did she do it as a friend?
 

corrector

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Let's just say that he's not obsessing about married women at work or about sex workers, so you giving @LeatherBackpack feedback on how he should act is not very Christian. See Matthew 7:3 about the mote and the beam.
I'm not obsessing about any married woman at work.

May I ask, what is your problem about my suggestion that people go to work to pay bills?
 
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AmsterdamAssassin

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May I ask, what is your problem about my suggestion that people go to work to pay bills?
No, you may not. I can say exactly why I have a problem with your 'suggestions', but I know that you won't understand and lash out by reporting me to the mods for being triggered.
 

Bingo-Player

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I feel a bit better now. It was just a huge crush on her and I think I was seeing things in her that weren't really there.
I was watching an interesting podcast yesterday which was saying as men we have a horrendous habit of romanticising every pretty girl they meet

I have been guilty of this myself chasing girls simply because they are cute & sexy and not measuring them for who they are as people or if they even align with what I value

You have to be very ruthless with women if you're too sentimental they will just chew you up and spit you out

Especially young attractive ones
 
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