recoveringsimp2024
Don Juan
- Joined
- Apr 2, 2024
- Messages
- 40
- Reaction score
- 6
- Age
- 22
I know things between us haven't always been easy, and I want you to know that I've been doing some reading to understand better where you're coming from and it talks a lot about why people with an avoidant attachment style act the way they do.
you had a rough childhood, your caregivers (probably mom or dad) weren’t present or they neglected you and your needs, that made you feel like you can’t rely on anyone and had to close yourself off to protect yourself from hurting. by not allowing yourself to get emotionally attached to anyone you set up these barriers as a defense mechanism, you had to start doing this at a young age and it became engraved in your personality, it’s not your fault.
you are unable to take attachment issues seriously because you built a defensive shield of self-esteem and self-sufficiency that required negative memories and emotions to be suppressed, i’m sure you don’t remember much from your childhood or you don’t even think about it. you’re out of touch with your feelings and emotions that’s why you can’t talk about them in a meaningful way, remember all the times i’ve asked you to express yourself and you said that you don’t know what to say?
you are afraid of and incapable of tolerating true intimacy and everytime sometimes real surfaces you distance yourself to protect yourself from feeling. i’m not sure if you remember but i told you something way back that you value your independence and i won’t try to change you.
you do that because you want to feel in control and when you begin to feel something it feels like you’re losing control. you’ve had to do this almost your whole life.
i’m not saying this to blame you it’s literally not your fault you’re like this, i have an anxious attachment style i’m the opposite of you but equally had a ****ed up childhood too. i recognize my issues and i’m working on them cause i don’t wanna be like that anymore.
when i reached out to you for assurance or intimacy you took that as a threat to your independence and had to distance yourself and go back to square one, and the more i tried to get closer the more you pushed me away, i’ve asked myself when she doesn’t just leave me why bother with leading me on just to go cold, i didn’t know why until i read that book.
you kept me around to fulfill your needs and when you felt that i was expecting more from you which required you to open up and let down your barriers you felt threatened and as saw me as needy and clingy so you used the methods that have been working for you for all these years. detachment.
i genuinely care for you man and i want the best for you. might not be now but i hope that at some day, you look at this when you genuinely want to change so you know where to start from.
you had a rough childhood, your caregivers (probably mom or dad) weren’t present or they neglected you and your needs, that made you feel like you can’t rely on anyone and had to close yourself off to protect yourself from hurting. by not allowing yourself to get emotionally attached to anyone you set up these barriers as a defense mechanism, you had to start doing this at a young age and it became engraved in your personality, it’s not your fault.
you are unable to take attachment issues seriously because you built a defensive shield of self-esteem and self-sufficiency that required negative memories and emotions to be suppressed, i’m sure you don’t remember much from your childhood or you don’t even think about it. you’re out of touch with your feelings and emotions that’s why you can’t talk about them in a meaningful way, remember all the times i’ve asked you to express yourself and you said that you don’t know what to say?
you are afraid of and incapable of tolerating true intimacy and everytime sometimes real surfaces you distance yourself to protect yourself from feeling. i’m not sure if you remember but i told you something way back that you value your independence and i won’t try to change you.
you do that because you want to feel in control and when you begin to feel something it feels like you’re losing control. you’ve had to do this almost your whole life.
i’m not saying this to blame you it’s literally not your fault you’re like this, i have an anxious attachment style i’m the opposite of you but equally had a ****ed up childhood too. i recognize my issues and i’m working on them cause i don’t wanna be like that anymore.
when i reached out to you for assurance or intimacy you took that as a threat to your independence and had to distance yourself and go back to square one, and the more i tried to get closer the more you pushed me away, i’ve asked myself when she doesn’t just leave me why bother with leading me on just to go cold, i didn’t know why until i read that book.
you kept me around to fulfill your needs and when you felt that i was expecting more from you which required you to open up and let down your barriers you felt threatened and as saw me as needy and clingy so you used the methods that have been working for you for all these years. detachment.
i genuinely care for you man and i want the best for you. might not be now but i hope that at some day, you look at this when you genuinely want to change so you know where to start from.
