Cringe Lunch or personal Social Experiment?

[PlatoPacks23]

The emotional turmoil is now gone and I feel purged and at peace with myself. Why do you think I will keep updating this thread? I am not going to continue speculating about her if I got to the truth yesterday.

I will bet you 20 pushups this goes another 3 pages

 

[needimprovement250]

I honestly don't know what to make of this. I approached a lady I think I have a crush on in the cafeteria, asked her if I could sit next to her for lunch, after a brief small talk and sat the next seat next to her. We didn't do much talking at all. I ended up watching something on my Tablet and she scrolled down her phone and ended up talking to someone else. The lunch was over and I just walked out back to my desk.

The issue is I felt blissfully happy about the whole encounter. I felt like I was on a high for the rest of the evening because I was physically sitting next to her. I did whatever I wanted to next to her. Ate my salad bowl, had minimal to no interaction with her, watched my own TV, and she was doing whatever she wanted to as well. Ironically it felt like I had more fun compared to sitting on a table my myself despite there being no social interaction or positive feedback about the whole thing coming form her.

The idea of doing this was that I felt jealous when I saw another guy sit next to her for lunch the previous day. My blood boiled when I saw that and I had intense emotional feelings that carried over for a few days, and I'm like, why am I like this, if I feel it's such a big deal, then I can do that myself. The other guy wasn't present today in this room so I took the plunge and approached her. She did not get up and walk away before I got up and left despite there being a number of unoccupied seats nearby.

Now, I never actually sat next to a girl in that position before and ate together with her in a social setting where other people can see us together that close. Honestly, not even with my exes or any lady that I can remember in the past. This was like the first time I EVER did something like this and was even more surprized, given the absence of social interaction/other activities she was doing, she didn't actually walk off, like that other girl did in the GYM, back in 2018 when I went to a threadmill next to hers and started putting on my Tablet.

I'm leaning on this was some social experiement, that there is no real intent in pursuing anything romantically with her given the rather happy state of mind after the encounter, rather than it being some informal date going badly, otherwise there would be negative emotions associated with this. Shouldn't I be feeling bad since there was virtually no connection? Why am I so happy about this and even want to do that again even if it has the same outcome? What is the deal with this? Should I be feeling bad about this?

I think you’re happy because you pushed yourself outside of your comfort zone. You should take it as a win even though you two didn’t talk because you proved to yourself that you can do it and that you don’t have to sit back and watch that other guy sit with her while you get angry. Maybe escalate further and try some small talk and see how it goes.

 

[corrector]

I think you’re happy because you pushed yourself outside of your comfort zone. You should take it as a win even though you two didn’t talk because you proved to yourself that you can do it and that you don’t have to sit back and watch that other guy sit with her while you get angry. Maybe escalate further and try some small talk and see how it goes.

I actually did more than just small talk...I actually asked her out and she said "maybe" in a nice and flirtatious tone. I found out she was seeing someone (ie to account for the "maybe") for a year and a half. However, she was really super-nice about it and had such strong friendly vibes, that I wouldn't mind hanging out with her again (ie I'm calling sitting beside her "hanging-out" as that's how it feels like, whether I'm talking to her or doing my own thing, etc...)

This was actually posted two days later, this past Wednesday, I saw beside her and actually chit-chatted with her for quite a bit. I posted on my smartphone just after the interaction, it's post # 28 (you can see by the rushed nature of that post it was just done quickly, lol!).

But, your assessment of the situation is correct, that it's a win. If I see someone else sit beside her I doubt I'm going to flare up like that. I already know enough about her and at least did ask her out and did sit beside her twice. Best of all, she was super-cool with how things went the first time we hung-out. She did not feel uncomfortable at all! Whatever negative thoughts I felt about the first time we hung-out on Monday were totally wrong (ie you can see the way I was speculating about it on here I was worried, etc...)

That being said, my mother's input is (ie yeah, anything way out of character, such as sitting next to a girl, twice, and getting closer, gets passed through mom), while I can continue sitting beside her (as she continues to allow me too), I'm not to get involved any further or escalate with her knowing that she is seeing someone, and knowing that she is not a Christian. However, if I do sit beside her two more times, then I'll definitely be getting my divorce certificate. I mean even if it doesn't go anywhere, that should give a bit of hope that I might eventually find someone and might eventually need that certificate if I want to re-marry someone again.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

“Maybe” you should say this week, “MAYBE we should go grab coffee on OUR break”delivered with a mischievous smile mirroring her response to you asking her out, you guys can have a 15 minute walk and talk.

 

[corrector]

On lunches I usually bring salads and salads don't mix good with coffee. She normally brings a microwave dish of rice mixture and microwaves it before sitting down for lunch. Therefore, any idea like this would have to be the next day.

The venue I did ask her out was to a local museum of illusions. She wanted to visit this place herself too and I suggested that we could both go together. While I spoke my mind/heart to suggest such a first date place....in hindsight, that could be rather a tall order since that could be very disruptive to both of our schedules to pull that off, however, a walk and talk or lower threshold type of place sounds more tactful because you can fit that into the work break. I also get what you are trying to say to try and migrate this away from the office (ie as there is a risk of a bizarrely new comfort zone of just sitting next to her, or I'm just another co-worker or underling (in rank) at that office and not much different to the next guy in that place compared to actually taking her out, etc...., plus there is no privacy in a cafeteria if you want to get more personal and you end up with a public soap opera).

Your idea sounds more simple and innoscent suggestion to make and more down to Earth, rather than some "event-like date" or continuing to just sit beside her.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

And low pressure to perform and more likely to be accepted, boyfriend or not. Remember this is about getting her to fill the need you have, it’s about YOU, not her. Even if she ends up being a friend that you are close to it will give you benefits. There’s truly nothing that can go wrong.

But be mindful that your success or failure is not about you, you know she has an LTR, however you’re a new shiny object and clearly she’s responding positively to you. So dont obsess it’s not a referendum on Corrector. Just do it.

 

[corrector]

I approached her today during lunch break (ie after I finished my lunch at another table and she finished hers, I walked in the cafeteria earlier before she came in and sat at my usual spot) and she said she would rather watch her netflix show alone. Felt something was in the air about her.

She has an LTR anyway so there is no sting in the rejection.

I do appreciate all of the heavy weights on here making contributions such as @Pierce Manhammer and @Desdinova, as well as that context from @needimprovement250.

 

[corrector]

My dad was late picking me up from work yesterday and found myself infront of a brothel (mainly hot 20-year old Latina women) near the train station and immediately took off and walked very fast the other direction away. My dad showed up and I went inside the car. He asked me why I was coming from that part of the street instead of the usual way. I explained that he was late and I was simply looking for his car to see if he parked elsewhere in the lot (ie he is not aware there is a brothel there).

Dad was never late before except for yesterday. Sometimes hooker-opportunities pop up especially when having a bad day with these "civvie" / regular women. (ie the lady did not show up for lunch today and went for the lunch after mine, I didn't try to make eye contact with her (ie knowing she probably picked the later lunch to avoid me in the first place, and how she responded yesterday, so why bother right?) and just walked out as I was leaving the cafeteria anyway.

Just to make sure I have enough money, will take out a little extra money next time (ie just talking about $ 40 here). There is a 99% chance I'm not going to go there. My dad usually is 100% of the time, on time, to pick me up. I'm sure he'll be on time moving forward.

 

[Desdinova]

she said she would rather watch her netflix show alone.

Like I said, the worst you can do is end up right back where you started. This was the worst-case scenario.

It's not difficult to be more interesting than a woman's current BF. it's also not difficult to be more interesting than some show on Netflix. Sounds like one of your sticking points is your actual interaction with women. Be more fun, interesting, entertaining and sexual. Venture outside your conversation bubble and say 5hit that you normally wouldn't say. Amplify the most attractive aspects of your personality.

 

[corrector]

Like I said, the worst you can do is end up right back where you started. This was the worst-case scenario.

It's not difficult to be more interesting than a woman's current BF. it's also not difficult to be more interesting than some show on Netflix. Sounds like one of your sticking points is your actual interaction with women. Be more fun, interesting, entertaining and sexual. Venture outside your conversation bubble and say 5hit that you normally wouldn't say. Amplify the most attractive aspects of your personality.

I dont know. Up until that point there has been mainly positive feedback from that lady. Something did feel different in the air. It is more likely she had a talk with someone.

Remember it was a high pressure talk. I asked her out and found out she was in a LTR. She does not know what bomb I might toss at her. She knows I am serious and mean business. She appeared more guarded than usual so I dont think its a simple case of boredom.

There is also the logical aspect, that now that I went through the trouble of finding out that she is an LTR, and appeared as though I was surprized that she was seeing someone, almost to the point of freaking out that I had thought she was single all of that time, it does seem rather incongruent to continue as business as usual with her. Also, why would I want to sit beside her again for? Would I also pull out a Tablet and watch content and just think we are sharing air and space that this is the objective? (ie that is likely what would have happened if I did sit down). There was no actual agenda or content of what to actually talk to her about. I would have put myself on a spot for no reason. Do I want her to just say she loves me sitting beside her even if we are not talking to each other and she is watching something on her smartphone and I'm watching something else on my Tablet? Does that stand to scrutiny on any level on this board as even a "valid need"?I can't account for my own motivations to ask to sit beside someone again with nothing to actually say, once all of the most important and critical stuff is out of the way.

 

[corrector]

@needimprovement250 -- please read my last post. Can you make sense out of my motivations and why I am behaving this way towards this girl or why I would have approached her again once I found out she was in an LTR and we are not spiritually compatible with each other? Do you think I've overstayed my welcome in that case and should have taken the advice with a grain of salt, and perhaps not make another approach, given this is an work situation?

 

[corrector]

Anyway, I'm placing a pause in any other approach in this office. One fvck-up can be quaranteened. The virus has to be contained.

At least I have something for the record that I tried. Probably more than @Hamurabimbi or @Gamisch incel's friends would do. I at least want to try more than them even if I fall flat on the face.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

So, I should be staying by myself in the cafeteria as the women are too attractive/pretty to approach. All the woman in that office have to be above my league.

I had a coworker who dated, fat, old & ugly women. He said he was ‘ugly’. Actually. He was probably a 4.5. But he was going for 2’s. My MGTOW friend is probably a 5.5. But he dumpster dives too.

 

[corrector]

I had a coworker who dated, fat, old & ugly women. He said he was ‘ugly’. Actually. He was probably a 4.5. But he was going for 2’s. My MGTOW friend is probably a 5.5. But he dumpster dives too.

I don't know how to categorize fat, old or ugly properly because someone can have an anatomical feature that stands out that could make them attractive to you.

The lady in the office, if I were to tear her down in looks, is not really that hot. She has a pretty face, but no bust, and a rather flat a$$ if you look at it. She has a pleasant personality (I guess if you are in her good side or whatever). But nothing really to write home about, but enough to respond to if you feel you have a chance or enough IOIs are tossed compared to other women.

There is no hot 8/9s at the office. You have women who look decent/half-decent and those who probably don't. If I'm low on the looks scale (ie conventionally), then unless I find an outlier that thinks I'm attractive to them, then I don't have much of a chance. I thought I was the outlier to this girl because she was initially giving me allot of IOIs earlier this year before things soured up recently.

 

[Mike32ct]

I would definitely just back off now. Be polite if you encounter her, but mind your own business around her. Sit by yourself and read or tablet-max.

 

[corrector]

I would definitely just back off now. Be polite if you encounter her, but mind your own business around her. Sit by yourself and read or tablet-max.

I'm WFH or away from that office until Monday next week.

Yeah, I'll probably open OF (ie another "crush" I was talking to on there) this time then, lol I'm not re-opening OF, unless she's also in the cafeteria, and I made the choice not to approach her (ie which should be easy to do this time, assuming she is even there). I only want to re-open OF in those circumstances. I was going to re-open it today, but I like the idea of doing it with that actual threshold.

 

[corrector]

I've decided again that she is taken, made an appeal on those grounds and was granted a judgment to open OF at home rather than wait any further.

I opened OF today at home. The escort lady did reply on that date and I would have received a nice message from her had I opened it up back on Monday, March 11th in the first place rather than have approached that lady. I replied back to her. I hugged my pillows and felt happy again and didn't care about the other girl anymore.

In terms of that office, yeah, cool, I'll stay by myself and probably watch something on the Tablet. I loved that warm and friendly hug I just had, even if it's imaginary. Makes me forget about everything. What a classy Filipina "lady".

(Don't remind me, I know it's fantasy and I'm paying for a subscription, yadda, yadda, yadda).

 

[Desdinova]

There was no actual agenda or content of what to actually talk to her about.

You could use that excuse for any woman, including ones who are single. You have to lead the conversation until you know each other enough to have a smooth and easily flowing conversation. I'm still sticking with what I said... You need to work on your interaction with women. Making excuses doesn't make one of your stumbling blocks go away. If anything, you need to get out there and talk to MORE women regardless of what their relationship status is.

I've decided again that she is taken

You have to remember that women will tell most men who are obviously interested in them that they're in a relationship to weed out the weak. Even if she is in a relationship, it doesn't mean she's satisfied to be in it. I find it's sometimes easier to scoop a woman out of a relationship than hit on women who are single. Women in an unsatisfactory relationship just have a built in defense mechanism against guys like you and any men who know her personally. When she's interested enough to leave the guy, there's no competition and nobody to c0ckblock you.

Now, I'm not saying this because you need to go annoy this woman some more. She's done. I'm saying this because your game isn't up to par. Once you can scoop women out of relationships, you'll know that you've made vast improvements in your conversation skills and you game. One of the most important things I wanted out of being on Sosuave was to have the ability to date almost any woman I want. I feel like I've achieved that. My GF of 8 years was dating someone when I let her know I was available. She promptly dropped the poor guy so she could be with me.

 

[corrector]

You could use that excuse for any woman, including ones who are single. You have to lead the conversation until you know each other enough to have a smooth and easily flowing conversation. I'm still sticking with what I said... You need to work on your interaction with women. Making excuses doesn't make one of your stumbling blocks go away. If anything, you need to get out there and talk to MORE women regardless of what their relationship status is.



You have to remember that women will tell most men who are obviously interested in them that they're in a relationship to weed out the weak. Even if she is in a relationship, it doesn't mean she's satisfied to be in it. I find it's sometimes easier to scoop a woman out of a relationship than hit on women who are single. Women in an unsatisfactory relationship just have a built in defense mechanism against guys like you and any men who know her personally. When she's interested enough to leave the guy, there's no competition and nobody to c0ckblock you.

Now, I'm not saying this because you need to go annoy this woman some more. She's done. I'm saying this because your game isn't up to par. Once you can scoop women out of relationships, you'll know that you've made vast improvements in your conversation skills and you game. One of the most important things I wanted out of being on Sosuave was to have the ability to date almost any woman I want. I feel like I've achieved that. My GF of 8 years was dating someone when I let her know I was available. She promptly dropped the poor guy so she could be with me.

Okay, noted. As per the previous post (#57), I consider the matter closed.

 

[corrector]

OF-"lady" I was corresponded with suggested this lady was just setting up boundaries and I should not read it as a rejection. She commended me for going out of my comfort zone. I promised to update her if anything good came out of that.