The way to deeply connect to woman emotions.

[jhonny9546]

It is well known that women will "conquer" the difficult man, who doesn't give her too much validation, who imposes his dominant frame, who will pass the **** tests, etc etc... We know how it works..
A woman will not chase a man who give her validation, or which do anything to turn her off, but instead, She will chase the "right one".

In this case, the man who's been chosen, must maintain a certain behaviour which we call frame.
Be detached, be indifferent to emotions, assertive, dominant, etc

Now, a woman want to estabilish that connection that makes the woman confident in being able to trust him, being able to see him as her safe anchor in the middle of the sea, being able to choose him to says her most hidden secrets (such as dirty sex, her mental problems, etc), which she won't ever said to everyone else than him.

How does this man manage, and behave, to establish an emotional connection with a female person while keeping it's frame and status in the relationship? (think about an LTR)



ps: sorry for bad english, I'm not a native speaker.

 

[Dr.Suave]

How does this man manage, and behave, to establish an emotional connection with a female person while keeping it's frame and status in the relationship? (think about an LTR)

Never get too comfortable in the relationship and never stop your self improvement journey.

 

[jhonny9546]

Yes, but how do you actually behave in particular situations?
Also another thing: if a women it's trying to **** test or hit your frame, Could you show dominance, and keep your frame, without being upset or quarrell? And how do you do this?
Would it be seen as more "elegant" and "misterious" than just keeping the frame by being upset?

 

[Dr.Suave]

Yes, but how do you actually behave in particular situations?

Like @BeExcellent ´s father, you behave like a benevolent dictator.

 

[BeExcellent]

Advice from the old lady:

The best women do NOT chase. They don't need to chase. The most sought after women, who have many choices, will select a man she fancies from the men who show her interest/investment and she will say yes to him.

She will respond. But the man must first make an effort so she has something to respond to.

The process starts with the man doing his part and reaching out. Top women aren't going to "chase" anyone. Rather they move on to consider another candidate from the many options they have.

Never in my life did I "chase" a man. Never. I wait and see if the man I like makes a move. Then I respond.

If he doesn't make a move I assume either A., He's not interested or B., He's afraid to make a move.

I don't deal with uninterested men and I don't deal with weak men. So I remove such men as options & pick someone else.

This is exactly how sought after desirable women have behaved for generations.

 

[member162951]

How does this man manage, and behave, to establish an emotional connection with a female person while keeping it's frame and status in the relationship? (think about a LTR).

It's called balance. Learn to balance the right amount of closeness with the right amount of distance. Learn to read her language and you'll know intuitively when those right times are.

And learn your own language as well and how much closeness and distance YOU need.

Many men (many people) are afraid of distance because they believe (mistakenly) that if you're too distant she will forget about you and find someone else.

It's the opposite! She will wonder about you, miss you, crave you! Sexually and otherwise (your presence).

But again that distance must be balanced with closeness. You need both in the right doses to develop and maintain your attraction and connection.

She needs to know you care but that you won't overwhelm her with your caring.

It's not about who chases who imo, as a species we have evolved in that respect on some level anyway.

Personally I don't believe anyone should be "chasing" anyone, you're both participants and as such you both should be contributing and making effort (including initating) equally in different ways.

$.02

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Yes, but how do you actually behave in particular situations?
Also another thing: if a women it's trying to **** test or hit your frame, Could you show dominance, and keep your frame, without being upset or quarrell? And how do you do this?
Would it be seen as more "elegant" and "misterious" than just keeping the frame by being upset?

You practice it over and over again until you get it right. Initially you will fail repeatedly but with failure comes wisdom. What you’re asking for the the equivalent of you asking us how to make sure you give women a good time - seriously - you’ve got to get out there and do it.

There are no short cuts.

 

[jhonny9546]

Advice from the old lady:

The best women do NOT chase. They don't need to chase. The most sought after women, who have many choices, will select a man she fancies from the men who show her interest/investment and she will say yes to him.

She will respond. But the man must first make an effort so she has something to respond to.

The process starts with the man doing his part and reaching out. Top women aren't going to "chase" anyone. Rather they move on to consider another candidate from the many options they have.

Never in my life did I "chase" a man. Never. I wait and see if the man I like makes a move. Then I respond.

This is very important and If you could explain it more deeply, It would be better to undersand for a man!

1) You'll chose a man from the others. Now you know. But how do you make sure the man will ge to know this? Which are your ways to show him you're interested in him? What if this man do not respond to your signals but you still really into him? Do you increase or make it more obvious?

2) Now, an intelligent man, would recognize you're interested in him (by your "ways of showing interest).
Now, Which are ways an interested men should show you interest, the RIGHT way?

If he doesn't make a move I assume either A., He's not interested or B., He's afraid to make a move.

I don't deal with uninterested men and I don't deal with weak men. So I remove such men as options & pick someone else.

3) He showed you interest in the right way, he is interested and not afraid to make the move. How do you know reply back to him to let know this man it's really what you want? And, what about a man you've no interest in will show you the RIGHT signals? What's your reaction?

 

[jhonny9546]

She needs to know you care but that you won't overwhelm her with your caring.

I saw this in LTR couples and it works, But it may be wrong, I dont know:
1) kiss/hug her in the morning before work.
2) have a dominat verbal fight, or any incongruence of soemthing she said or want to do that will turn turmoil on.
3) Go back home, and take her to the bed, and **** her so hard.
Is this the archetipe how 9to5 or 9to9 people actually live nowadays?

 

[BeExcellent]

As @Pierce Manhammer said, you are going to have to learn by experience. Go get started in your real life.

To answer your questions:

1. It doesn't matter. I do nothing to communicate to him. Who cares. He either has no interest in me (or he would start an interaction) or he's too afraid or awkward to start an interaction so he loses his opportunity. That's not my problem.

2. You are asking the wrong question. Intelligence does not really matter. A man goes after what he wants. If a man fancies a woman he will DO something about it. He decides he finds a woman attractive and he introduces himself. He does NOT worry about whether or not she is sending him signals, its not that complicated. The man makes a move. Period. The way he makes a move will depend on who the man is, but he takes ACTION. He evaluates her response after he ACTS.

I do not get all excited over any man I know nothing about. I know who I find physically attractive, yes. But I do nothing about that/don't worry about that unless the man makes a move. I do not do anything to get a man's attention. If a man I find attractive makes a move then I respond. Some attractive men are taken (married or girlfriend), some don't fancy me, some might be interested but fail to ACT. Doesn't matter. Result is the same.

An interested man will ACT.

That means the man says hello, or otherwise begins an interaction with me.

If the man does nothing? I forget about him.

 

[BeExcellent]

Let me illustrate this a different way.

If you want a job. Does the employer try and get your attention? Does the job chase you? Typically the answer is No for the vast majority of people.

You have to make a move, you have to apply and let the employer know you are interested in the job. You must ACT if you want that job. Dating is the same. Action is required if you want something.

Think of hunting. You must go hunting and ACT. Your prey (a bird, fish or animal) does not come to you and lay down in front of you.

Quit expecting women to do that. It doesn't work that way.

A man ACTS on what he wants. Then he responds based on how things go after he takes action.

 

[pipeman84]

Let me illustrate this a different way.

If you want a job. Does the employer try and get your attention? Does the job chase you? Typically the answer is No for the vast majority of people.

You have to make a move, you have to apply and let the employer know you are interested in the job. You must ACT if you want that job. Dating is the same. Action is required if you want something.

But the employer acts first. The employer makes it known it has available positions and at the very least it puts a banner/link on its own website. More often than not it advertises on job sites, social media etc.

I do not get all excited over any man I know nothing about. I know who I find physically attractive, yes. But I do nothing about that/don't worry about that unless the man makes a move. I do not do anything to get a man's attention. If a man I find attractive makes a move then I respond. Some attractive men are taken (married or girlfriend), some don't fancy me, some might be interested but fail to ACT. Doesn't matter. Result is the same.

An interested man will ACT.

That means the man says hello, or otherwise begins an interaction with me.

If the man does nothing? I forget about him.

I think that goes for women of a certain age ... you refer to yourself as the 'old lady'.
A young, feminine girl will put herself in the orbit of a guy she finds attractive, he's going to catch her looking furtively at him. Then he will act. Only a player or a socially un-calibrated man would hit on a woman without her giving any sign she's open to an approach.

 

[BeExcellent]

But the employer acts first. The employer makes it known it has available positions and at the very least it puts a banner/link on its own website. More often than not it advertises on job sites, social media etc.

I think that goes for women of a certain age ... you refer to yourself as the 'old lady'.
A young, feminine girl will put herself in the orbit of a guy she finds attractive, he's going to catch her looking furtively at him. Then he will act. Only a player or a socially un-calibrated man would hit on a woman without her giving any sign she's open to an approach.

That depends on the setting. In a singles bar, nightclub or other singles type venue women are out to socialize & meet men. That should be obvious. The woman's age is irrelevant.

My daughter is 19. Her boyfriend of 3 years made a move. He went to junior prom with a gaggle of girls....because he fancied my daughter. My daughter had no idea, literally no clue he was in the group to have an opportunity with her. He made a move & they have been together ever since. Its going on 3 years.

My daughter wasn't out preening looking for attention. She doesn't like too much attention, and frankly that is going to be the case for many beautiful women who men are tripping all over themselves over. The attention can and does get really old.

As a man you take your shot. If you are too chicken to take your shot or if you are petrified by fear of rejection, that's YOUR problem.

I've been approached at gas stations, going through security at the airport, while at a coffee shop with my kids, in traffic, at restaurants or nightlife venues, at the hospital, at the grocery store, literally anywhere.

If you want something, approach. Women are on OLD; they are out being social; they are placing themselves in a target rich environment. That's the dating job board. You expect them to do that AND do a little dance for just you to make it super obvious? No wonder you aren't doing as well as you like with women.

Quit expecting the prey to walk up & lie down for you.

 

[pipeman84]

My daughter is 19. Her boyfriend of 3 years made a move. He went to junior prom with a gaggle of girls....because he fancied my daughter. My daughter had no idea, literally no clue he was in the group to have an opportunity with her. He made a move & they have been together ever since. Its going on 3 years.

Firstly, you weren't a fly on the wall there so you can't say she didn't give him any IOIs. Secondly, an exception doesn't make the rule.

As a man you take your shot. If you are too chicken to take your shot or if you are petrified by fear of rejection, that's YOUR problem.

As a man you assess the place, the time, the woman. As a baboon with a simplistic 'me Tarzan, you Jane' mindset, you hit on almost every woman you see.

I've been approached at gas stations, going through security at the airport, while at a coffee shop with my kids, in traffic, at restaurants or nightlife venues, at the hospital, at the grocery store, literally anywhere.

Talk about low quality guys.

 

[member162951]

My daughter wasn't out preening looking for attention. She doesn't like too much attention, and frankly that is going to be the case for many beautiful women who men are tripping all over themselves over. The attention can and does get really old.

Re bolded, exactly, which is why smart "quality" men will wait for some sort of IOI before boldy approaching.

No one suggested a woman should be preening looking for attention or throwing herself at a man. What you've described in your post is the extreme.

It's subtle. A quick look, a glance, a soft smile. Some indication of interest. I think it's natural for a woman who finds a man attractive to do this, it's instinctive.

Plus, how does he know SHE doesn't have a boyfriend or married? It goes both ways.

JMO and not saying this is you, but a woman doing nothing but 'existing' and expecting a man to approach sounds a bit entitled to me.

 

[BeExcellent]

Re bolded, exactly, which is why smart "quality" men will wait for some sort of IOI before boldy approaching.

No one suggested a woman should be preening looking for attention or throwing herself at a man. What you've described in your post is the extreme.

It's subtle. A quick look, a glance, a soft smile. Some indication of interest. I think it's natural for a woman who finds a man attractive to do this, it's instinctive.

Plus, how does he know SHE doesn't have a boyfriend or married? It goes both ways.

JMO and not saying this is you, but a woman doing nothing but 'existing' and expecting a man to approach sounds a bit entitled to me.

A woman who knows her value simply exists and goes about her business. George Clooney had to ask Amal out 2 or 3 times before she accepted. GEORGE CLOONEY. Amal was at a charity event doing her own thing, not cruising for a man.

George Clooney did not end up with any of the beautiful women who chased him and/or tried to make it easy for him.

And no the men who approached me in various random places were not low value men. They were just taking advantage of proximity & making a move. Nothing wrong with that.

As a beautiful woman this has never failed me. My grandmother was successfully married twice (and widowed twice) and she and all the women in my family followed this advice. The one person who didn't? My college cheerleader sister. She actually gave an ultimatum to her husband. Marry me or else I leave. He cratered & married her. The marriage was riddled with issues. He was not smitten enough with my sister, although many other men would have been. The result was a dead bedroom marriage where he was openly disrespectful to her, despite her being a great wife.

He didn't chose to marry her. It wasn't his idea of his own volition.

THAT is why women who chase men or initiate with men are fools. Because they chase, they never are able to observe the man's level of interest or his willingness to invest in an objective way. These women do the man's job (leading, chasing, pushing the interaction forward.) It is a dominant behavior desired by weak men, or worse, lazy men (this is how women get themselves used by men and how women end up as sidepieces & plates - never gaining exclusivity or committment.)

And then those men end up wondering how they ended up with a ball buster masculine chick.

You screened for exactly that.

Feminine submissive women worth having do not do that. They recieve. You cannot receive in a vacuum.

Just be a beautiful woman and do your thing. Interested men will seek you out. Chose from men who make the effort/investment to make a move. Ignore the rest.

It's simple. Seriously.

 

[pipeman84]

Plus, how does he know SHE doesn't have a boyfriend or married? It goes both ways.

Exactly, that's a point I forgot to make in my previous post. A 16yrs old boy at a prom is firstly a boy, and secondly shooting fish in a barrel ... most of those 15-16yrs old girls will be single. Now @BeExcellent is arguing that men should be behaving like boys in an environment where most of the women are in a relationship, hence they're not giving IOIs.

And no the men who approached me in various random places were not low value men. They were just taking advantage of proximity & making a move. Nothing wrong with that.

All is wrong with that ... what better way to advertise low value than hitting on random women in random places? If they had any value they would either be in a relationship or have enough intelligence and restraint to know that there's a place and time for everything.

 

[BeExcellent]

You simply do not get it @pipeman84. Hows your approach working for you. What is your approach? How did you get your girlfriend? Your wife?

If you dont have one, why not? Are you a low value guy too according to your definition above?

Please explain for the benefit of all how to be successful.

I have. And I'm married to a desirable man who was smitten with me from first sight. All I had to do was exist (well and be attractive). So I KNOW what I'm saying works.

Please educate us.

 

[member162951]

As a beautiful woman this has never failed me.

@Be no disrespect I promise you, but you mention your beauty quite often on this forum which frankly baffles me. I am also a beautiful woman, I just never felt inclined to mention it here as it's not relevant to my opinions or posts. And I also get approached A LOT and I hear ya - it DOES get old!

And no the men who approached me in various random places were not low value men.

It's unclear how you know they are not low value men unless you engage with each and every one of them and have a conversation.

Me? I rarely, if ever, engage with the men who boldly approach me without first giving them some small indication that I am available to be approached and interested, which frankly is rare.

Like I said, a subtle look, a soft smile. As a former member stormrider/da dynamically (who introduced me to this forum a couple of years ago) used to say almost ad nauseum - a "window," a green light.

So I actually have no idea if such men are low value or not. How could I? I don't engage with those men. I am never rude I simply don't engage with them. I continue on with my business.

THAT is why women who chase men or initiate with men are fools.

You say this as if it's a matter of fact @Be, and it's not. Speaking personally, I do not "chase" men, but once I begin dating a man, I will certainly initiate from time to time, and trust me I am no fool. And my boyfriends have all appreciated it.

As I said earlier, we are both participants in this game. I am not so entitled to believe HE should be making all the effort and doing all the work. That is not my style.

And like you, and not to toot my own horn because it's not my style, but I am also quite successful with men.

Anyway, there really is no wrong or right here. You and I are quite different, that is obvious and OK, I respect your way. It would be nice if you respected mine - a different way of interacting with men from you without you deeming myself and other such women "fools."

 

[pipeman84]

Are you a low value guy too according to your definition above?

No I'm not as I've never in my 39yrs approached random women in random places (gas stations, airport security and the rest you listed above).

Please explain for the benefit of all how to be successful.

What I advocate is what known seducers such as Zan Perrion advocate: mind your business, go on with your life and if you happen to find a woman you like, look for IOIs and then approach.

I rarely approach women uninvited. I never really have, I suppose. I don’t need to. I am already in constant communication with them. I approach from afar, if that makes sense. I am always scanning a room, checking in with every woman, watching for their signals, letting them know that I am here. I let them know with my eyes and my smile that I see them, oh yes I do. Everything is already presented and laid out before them, like a map on a table.

The ones who are open to my approach-from-afar, or even mildly curious, will let me know. They will speak to me in a soundless, but loud and clear voice. I only go where I am invited. I never waste a moment of my time approaching women who are indifferent to my presence. And because I never go where I am not invited, I never fail. There. I said it.

- The Alabaster Girl