Buying a home when you're single?

[itouchyou]

I have been renting ever since I left college - I am turning 36 now still single, without a home. I have the means to buy a home, but it seems like a bad decision from a social perspective. I currently live in Manhattan (NYC) paying about $2800 for an oversized studio, pulling in about $170k/year remotely. The opportunities to meet people here are endless, but the quality of life is poor, everything is expensive, and taxes are high.

I have considered various cities for buying a home in, but I can't seem to come to a consensus.

Chicago - I lived here 10 years and loved it, but the city is ruined. Real estate is very affordable here both in the city and in the suburbs, but crime and taxes are high.
Dallas - I lived here 2 years and hated it. Downtown was not even close to Chicago's level, and the suburbs were very boring.

I'm targeting places where prices are moderate ($400k), homes are relatively new, social opportunities exist, and where there is proximity to nearby cities/natural attractions.

The problem with suburban living is that I would have to drive to do anything, and it would be very hard to meet women. Not only that, but living in a place where if I look outside all I see is a front yard and backyard and 0 people would be depressing if I were to do it alone.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Get a condo in the city center. Forget a house. It is just a bunch of extra work and expense.

 

[itouchyou]

Get a condo in the city center. Forget a house. It is just a bunch of extra work and expense.

NYC condos are out of my price range.. and not only that but most condos, anywhere, will have a high HOA fee which makes it hard to build equity.

 

[SW15]

I have been renting ever since I left college - I am turning 36 now still single, without a home. I have the means to buy a home, but it seems like a bad decision from a social perspective. I currently live in Manhattan (NYC) paying about $2800 for an oversized studio, pulling in about $170k/year remotely. The opportunities to meet people here are endless, but the quality of life is poor, everything is expensive, and taxes are high.

NYC is a good city for approaching and seduction. A lot of people seem to think that the swipe apps are better in NYC than in a lot of other cities.

I'm targeting places where prices are moderate ($400k), homes are relatively new, social opportunities exist, and where there is proximity to nearby cities/natural attractions.

You're probably looking for some mid-sized city in Middle America somewhere. Population around 300,000 - 800,000.

Dallas - I lived here 2 years and hated it. Downtown was not even close to Chicago's level, and the suburbs were very boring.

Some of these topics have been covered in the Dallas thread and I know you've left comments there before.

Observations on Dallas' Scene

Based on @Jesse Pinkman's write ups of New York City, Miami, and large state universities, I thought it would be worthwhile to write up Dallas, the city I call home. The Dallas-Fort Worth metropolitan area (DFW) is the 4th most populated metropolitan area in the United States. Dallas and Fort...

www.sosuave.net

Downtown Dallas is a decent living experience compared to most of Dallas' suburbs. There are some bars in Downtown Dallas, but the bar scene in Downtown Dallas seems to be less active than Deep Ellum (just east of Downtown), Uptown (just north of Downtown), Lower Greenville, and Knox Henderson. Lower Greenville and Knox-Henderson are Central Dallas neighborhoods a few miles north and east of Downtown.

Downtown is probably a better living option as compared to the suburban areas north of Interstate 635. There are some condos near Shops at Legacy and Legacy West that are decent as far as suburbia goes. Plano and Frisco are generally family-centric. Addison is a little less family-centric.

The problem with suburban living is that I would have to drive to do anything, and it would be very hard to meet women.

This is generally true.

 

[EyeBRollin]

NYC condos are out of my price range.. and not only that but most condos, anywhere, will have a high HOA fee which makes it hard to build equity.

Then try Brooklyn, Long Island City, Jersey City, or Stamford. Or move back to Chicago.

I currently live in Manhattan (NYC) paying about $2800 for an oversized studio, pulling in about $170k/year remotely. The opportunities to meet people here are endless, but the quality of life is poor, everything is expensive, and taxes are high.

Honestly @itouchyou that does not sound bad at all. Most people pay at least that right now for a mortgage. In Jersey the house payments are double that amount. Then people dump another $1,000 / month or more into a car, which you don’t even need.

 

[itouchyou]

Then try Brooklyn, Long Island City, Jersey City, or Stamford. Or move back to Chicago.



Honestly @itouchyou that does not sound bad at all. Most people pay at least that right now for a mortgage. In Jersey the house payments are double that amount. Then people dump another $1,000 / month or more into a car, which you don’t even need.

Brooklyn/LIC/JC are just as expensive as Manhattan now unfortunately. I would love to move back to Chicago but the crime there is just too hard to ignore.

You're right that $2800 isn't bad, but the quality of the apartment is not good. Very thin walls means my upstairs neighbor walking around sounds like a 400lb man (she's a thin woman), next door neighbor has a dog that barks, etc. You're right about the lack of need for a car as well, but that is offset by the taxes I'm paying. Compared to a no tax state like Texas/Florida I'm losing exactly $1000/month in taxes.

Chicago would honestly be perfect but the crime.. it's just ridiculous now.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Brooklyn/LIC/JC are just as expensive as Manhattan now unfortunately. I would love to move back to Chicago but the crime there is just too hard to ignore.

You're right about the lack of need for a car as well, but that is offset by the taxes I'm paying. Compared to a no tax state like Texas/Florida I'm losing exactly $1000/month in taxes.

Chicago would honestly be perfect but the crime.. it's just ridiculous now.

Crime is almost always concentrated in certain areas. Are you really going to get mugged on Chicago’s Gold Coast?

The taxes thing is overblown. States with low income taxes always make it up other ways; like ridiculous sales tax rates, taxing groceries and clothing, property and personal property taxes, high fuel taxes, and obscene vehicle registration fees.

 

[itouchyou]

Crime is almost always concentrated in certain areas. Are you really going to get mugged on Chicago’s Gold Coast?

The taxes thing is overblown. States with low income taxes always make it up other ways; like ridiculous sales tax rates, taxing groceries and clothing, property and personal property taxes, high fuel taxes, and obscene vehicle registration fees.

This was the case prepandemic; I lived in the gold coast area from 2014-2020, crime was nonexistent. But now, the southside crime has spread to that area. People are getting mugged in broad daylight in the heart of downtown.

 

[EyeBRollin]

This was the case prepandemic; I lived in the gold coast area from 2014-2020, crime was nonexistent. But now, the southside crime has spread to that area. People are getting mugged in broad daylight in the heart of downtown.

Damn. Idk man. All the other US cities feel small compared NYC and Chicago. Everywhere else needs a car too and has bad traffic and poor public transportation. Not many options for a city guy.

Some people try Philly. Decent sized center city and affordable but the crime fvcking terrible. Probably worse. And it’s dirty as hell. At least Chicago is clean.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

I bought my first property at 22 it set me up for life. I loved working on it, redoing the bathroom and kitchen, putting in hardwood etc.

Hell buy a condo in South Hampton, that’s a whole ‘nutha level in NYC game right there.

 

[sangheilios]

@itouchyou

If you have a remote job, why not just move to a cheaper area of the country?

 

[Bible_Belt]

Why do you live in such an expensive place if you can work remotely? The median income in my county here in middle america is under $30k/yr. You would be very wealthy here.

 

[sangheilios]

Why do you live in such an expensive place if you can work remotely? The median income in my county here in middle america is under $30k/yr. You would be very wealthy here.

I watched some video not that long ago about some areas in rural Ohio have been seeing a large influx of remote workers because of how cheap the homes were. I forget exactly where it was, but they were essentially once thriving communities that withered away over a span of decades. I have a feeling this remote/work from home stuff, which really took off during the pandemic, is going to be a growing normality and that people begin to move away from the big metros in preference for smaller cities, rural communities, etc.

 

[itouchyou]

@itouchyou

If you have a remote job, why not just move to a cheaper area of the country?

Why do you live in such an expensive place if you can work remotely? The median income in my county here in middle america is under $30k/yr. You would be very wealthy here.

Lack of dating opportunities, quality of food, things to do..

 

[SW15]

Lack of dating opportunities, quality of food, things to do..

Lack of dating opportunities is a problem in metro areas where the population is below 150,000 or so. I think an area needs around 150,000-200,000 minimum to be viable for dating for men 25+ who are not enrolled in school.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Personally I wouldn't do it...houses are a LOT of work, especially for one person.

All the maintenance, grass cutting, snow shoveling/blowing, cleaning much bigger areas, etc...

When I was single and younger I didn't want to be bothered with any of that stuff.

Also, there would be plenty of houses in smaller cities that you could get very very nice homes in nice neighborhoods for 400K and live a much better lifestyle than in NYC. Some places near mansions.

If I worked remote and lived in NYC it would be a no brainer for me to move out of that area

 

[EyeBRollin]

@itouchyou

If you have a remote job, why not just move to a cheaper area of the country?

Why do you live in such an expensive place if you can work remotely? The median income in my county here in middle america is under $30k/yr. You would be very wealthy here.

Theres nothing like the city lifestyle when a lad is single.

Lack of dating opportunities is a problem in metro areas where the population is below 150,000 or so. I think an area needs around 150,000-200,000 minimum to be viable for dating for men 25+ who are not enrolled in school.

150,000? The metro needs 5 million minimum to even be viable. Any less and you get small town vibes, fewer transplants, and fewer tourists.

 

[SW15]

I wouldn't do it...houses are a LOT of work, especially for one person.

I agree. That's why I am a renter.

If I worked remote and lived in NYC it would be a no brainer for me to move out of that area

There isn't a good reason to be in NYC as a fully remote worker.

there would be plenty of houses in smaller cities that you could get very very nice homes in nice neighborhoods for 400K and live a much better lifestyle than in NYC.

You're probably looking for some mid-sized city in Middle America somewhere. Population around 300,000 - 800,000.

We have the same idea here for @itouchyou .

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I agree. That's why I am a renter.



There isn't a good reason to be in NYC as a fully remote worker.





We have the same idea here for @itouchyou .

Even some of the smaller metro areas of 1-1.5 million

 

[SW15]

Lack of dating opportunities is a problem in metro areas where the population is below 150,000 or so. I think an area needs around 150,000-200,000 minimum to be viable for dating for men 25+ who are not enrolled in school.

150,000? The metro needs 5 million minimum to even be viable. Any less and you get small town vibes, fewer transplants, and fewer tourists.

I think there's room for debate on the topic of the minimum viable population needed for a man 25+ and not enrolled in order to be able to date successfully.

I have known men in areas of less than 150,000-200,000 who had difficulty in finding dating options. Some ended up moving to larger areas due to a lack of dating options.

I know a man in an area with around 400,000 in population who has gotten married twice since the mid-2000s. He was divorced in the mid-2010s and re-married less than 2 years later. He did what he did mainly on the strength of his social circle as a result of living in the same area for the entirety of his life (except for 4 years away at a regional college). Without his social circle, I think he would have struggled to get dates in his area. It is debatable about how valid his experience has been as an example for a broader set of men.

Since graduating college in 2005, I have been in metro areas with populations over 3.5 million. I have never felt at a loss for prospects in these larger metro areas.

Without a strong social circle, a man probably needs a larger population base in order to use other methods of arranging dates. Swipe apps, social media DMs, approaching strangers in public places, and co-ed sports leagues take more of a population base in an area.

In Texas, Amarillo is a city with a population in the low 200,000s. I've not lived in Amarillo and not tried to date there. I have Googled what dating in Amarillo is like. I've read that most women 30+ on the market in Amarillo are single moms. Amarillo might be viable for a type of 20 something guy but wouldn't be viable for a 30+ man who is more likely to attract 30+ women. That guy would need to move to Dallas, Fort Worth, Houston, San Antonio, or Austin. Lubbock is 100+ miles south of Amarillo and has a population around 300,000. Lubbock is the home of Texas Tech University. Some Texas Tech alums remain in Lubbock after college. I think Lubbock is a place where it would be easier to date as an undergraduate or graduate level student but might be more difficult as a regular working guy.

I think there's an argument that the minimum viable population in an area for dating without a social circle as a working male is 200,000 or even 500,000. I don't think the minimum viable population is 5 million. I'm saying that as a man who has been in an area of 5 million + since the early 2010s.

Even some of the smaller metro areas of 1-1.5 million

An area of 200,000 - 999,999 is likely to be less expensive than an area of 1-1.5 million.

A person making that decision has to consider a number of lifestyle factors when comparing an area of 400,000 to an area of 1,200,000.