Keep Gift I Bought?

[B80]

Hi all,

Yesterday I parted company with someone I've been seeing for 6 months.

It's been a volatile few months... to say tge least.

To give a bit of background she cut my mums hair for 15 years. Mine for a bit less. Always been something there between us, but due to circumstances we didn't allow things to take their course until 6 months back.

Anyway, it come to a head on Monday, my dad's funeral of all days. She p1ssed me off, by insinuating sex all day, then at 8pm said she's tired and wants to sleep for work next day. After trying to get things going i become annoyed at her. I went out to see friends.

She said next day I'm controlling, abusive etc. I said I'm not, and that she's self centered. Of all days to pull this etc. Shows her for what she is. I know no ones entitled to sex, but she knows i have high sex drive and kept help wonder about timing, manipulation. Few minutes extra sleep more important than making man she supposedly cares about happy satisfied... following a very tough, long day.

Anyway I bought her expensive shoes for her birthday ladt week. I said in heat of battle I want them back to return to shop. I have them at my house, but box for them is at hers.

Part of me thinks don't get petty/spiteful.. Rise above it as money not a big deal fir my situation. But more principal.

Woukd you give them back to her ad they are effectively hers as I gave them to her, and my instincts say I'm being spiteful. But other part is she's consistently demonstrated selfishness throughout our time together and so I'm wondering whether to stay resolute in not giving them to her. Even if it means not returning them to the shop as she may not give me the box...

It's been a turbulent relationship and a lot of takeaways for me to learn from for sure. But fir now I'm looking for opinions on the shoes...

Cheers.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

The lesson you should learn is that these type of turbulent relationships are not healthy, should not be seen as 'normal" and are toxic.

Stay away from them in the future.

In regards to the gift, if you have the shoes themselves wouldn't that be enough to return them?

 

[B80]

The lesson you should learn is that these type of turbulent relationships are not healthy, should not be seen as 'normal" and are toxic.

Stay away from them in the future.

In regards to the gift, if you have the shoes themselves wouldn't that be enough to return them?

Cheers. Yes I know. Idiotic really.

As I'm well aware of drama from hearing her rabbit on about how she always has no luck with men when cutting my hair every 3 weeks for 10 years. Always the victim, never her fault.

Red flags all over tge shop. As we know, people tend to show their true self through whst they say and do.

She's not prepared to meet in the middle or admit fault about one single thing with us. More interested in point scoring, coming out on top. Not conducive to any kind of healthy relationship.

She says she's selfish, but has to be as no one ekse looking after her. I mean, everyone has self Interest, but she is another level.she'll drive any man with a modicum of value and sense away.

Low empathy, never asked about my dad when he was ill in lead up to him passing.

She never saw her dad when younger. Step mum was nasty etc. I think she's seriously broken tbh. Very immature emotionally, can't handle any conversation around discussing arguments/issues we had.

Like I say, I'm an idiot for entertaining it this long tbh. She left her boyfriend of 3 years for me. He dumped her stuff in her driveway and she didn't stop talking about fir ages. Still aludes to it now and damage/upset its caused her. Saying ptsd, lol. Has zero self awareness, ability to reflect on events honestly. She's akways the victim, cognitive dissonance/way she twists things really is something to behold!!

But she has big t1ts, cute face, fun in bedroom (sometimes) and tight yiu know what... so gets more of a pass . But comes a point where it pales into insignificance with ball ache she brings.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Cheers. Yes I know. Idiotic really.

As I'm well aware of drama from hearing her rabbit on about how she always has no luck with men when cutting my hair every 3 weeks for 10 years. Always the victim, never her fault.

Red flags all over tge shop. As we know, people tend to show their true self through whst they say and do.

She's not prepared to meet in the middle or admit fault about one single thing with us. More interested in point scoring, coming out on top. Not conducive to any kind of healthy relationship.

She says she's selfish, but has to be as no one ekse looking after her. I mean, everyone has self Interest, but she is another level.she'll drive any man with a modicum of value and sense away.

Low empathy, never asked about my dad when he was ill in lead up to him passing.

She never saw her dad when younger. Step mum was nasty etc. I think she's seriously broken tbh. Very immature emotionally, can't handle any conversation around discussing arguments/issues we had.

Like I say, I'm an idiot for entertaining it this long tbh. She left her boyfriend of 3 years for me. He dumped her stuff in her driveway and she didn't stop talking about fir ages. Still aludes to it now and damage/upset its caused her. Saying ptsd, lol. Has zero self awareness, ability to reflect on events honestly. She's akways the victim, cognitive dissonance/way she twists things really is something to behold!!

But she has big t1ts, cute face, fun in bedroom (sometimes) and tight yiu know what... so gets more of a pass . But comes a point where it pales into insignificance with ball ache she brings.

She was for recreational use only, the mistake you made was trying to give her something she didn't qualify for, namely an LTR.

This is why as men it is important to screen hard and only let women who are worth an LTR have an LTR with you.

The headaches just aren't worth it otherwise.

 

[B80]

She was for recreational use only, the mistake you made was trying to give her something she didn't qualify for, namely an LTR.

This is why as men it is important to screen hard and only let women who are worth an LTR have an LTR with you.

The headaches just aren't worth it otherwise.

100%. Must admit quite an eye opener. I've had a fair bit of experience with women, but this was an eye opener. Yet I still got sucked in (my fault). First few months I was very laid back and just laughed her stuff off (boundaries perhaps...) but then I was in deep (ish). Objectively now I laugh at it, as on logical level makes zero sense why I didn't act sooner. Compared to woman I was seeing when things escalated with the 'hairdresser'.

I think it turned into some weird power battle between us. But as people say, dont get into an argument with an idiot, also, don't get into a battle with a drama queen/victim (unless you're personality enjoys that I guess).

I may as well have banged my head against the wall, the constant diversions when asking her questions close to her nerves (in various ways).

One thing I did notice, and not proud of admitting it. Was when I was very direct/assertive, she responded by coming over here and after arguing, we'd f***. One time after an argument I was very sorry, apolgetic and it spurred her on to be very damming of my behaviour. Saved that by her coming over, getting drunk and 'bantering' owith her.

I did it de;liberatly on back of some stuff I read, that unfortunately abused/broken women will sometimes deliberately cause drama as even if they say they want stability/'nice' man, what really turns them on is aggression, abuse/borderline abuse... as thats how they're wired due to bad childhood or relationships with men. If things are too 'nice' and stable- it certainly wasn;t boring though. They'll deliberately try and cause drama and issues, as on some levels they actually want to see nasty side to get truly excited/turned on.

I honestly think thats her, and tbh I want no part of it, as although I'm aware of stuff, 'games' between sexes, I dont want to be in volatile relationship with a broken woman.