“What did I say that was harsh?”
Girl apologizes next day after semi-heated convo. How would you respond?
- Thread starter Titan5000
- Start date
I’m not hesitant to believe she has romantic interest, I think she does at some level, but she’s also pretty cagey about it all. She teases and flirts and we have good banter, and she appears open to escalation but doesn’t always reciprocate, then will go cold next time I see her. According to her friend her ex is still in the picture in some way so her emotions are really hot and cold. I don’t really worry too much about it bc I’m not really chasing her nor do I want to deal with her relationship drama, so I’m pretty indifferent to the whole thing. I just basically flirt and escalate when I see her which is every so often.
What set off the whole thing was I was telling a funny story and made reference to “my black friends” and this somehow annoyed her or something. I remained pretty chill about it and was like my friends don’t care we call each other stuff like that all the time (I’m white). And the whole energy just shifted and we got into each other’s recent LTR drama somehow. It moved very quickly and I don’t even remember everything that was said at the time bc I just didn’t take it that seriously. Throughout the night she asked me a whole bunch of questions about my dating life, where I’m looking to move to in our area, she fished for my opinion on things about her after talking about other girls we know, etc.
Giovanni SouthSide
Master Don Juan
*Most women do not communicate like men. You cannot take their words at face value. They are not businesslike and they do not stick to what they say. Sex is not a "contract". Words are much more fluid for them and indicate their current feelings or a rationalization. Do not take seriously any kind of promise , virtual sorry or future guarantee.
If a girl says it, it can have any number of meanings.
In this case it was a fierce power play. This chick got game. She has been around enough male companionship to instinctively know which way the wind blows.
She tried to get an apology or admission of wrongdoing out of you while shielding herself and you gave her such thing by submission. “So am I” . When in fact you were just being masculine and suave. You never disrespected her. Never say sorry for the testosterone in your veins and grabbing your nutsack.
If you had stopped ruminating on her and just ignored her, I put a crisp benji on the table that she would have double texted you because her high-order-reptilian-brain would have responded to your sheer indifference by getting horny and wanting to fvck you. Now you got the straw that stirs the drink. Reality is though,you caved in, her pvssy tingles evaporated , now she is ignoring you and you failed her dominance test that she really wanted you to win.
If a girl says it, it can have any number of meanings.
In this case it was a fierce power play. This chick got game. She has been around enough male companionship to instinctively know which way the wind blows.
She tried to get an apology or admission of wrongdoing out of you while shielding herself and you gave her such thing by submission. “So am I” . When in fact you were just being masculine and suave. You never disrespected her. Never say sorry for the testosterone in your veins and grabbing your nutsack.
If you had stopped ruminating on her and just ignored her, I put a crisp benji on the table that she would have double texted you because her high-order-reptilian-brain would have responded to your sheer indifference by getting horny and wanting to fvck you. Now you got the straw that stirs the drink. Reality is though,you caved in, her pvssy tingles evaporated , now she is ignoring you and you failed her dominance test that she really wanted you to win.
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I appreciate this response, truly, and I agree with the overall sentiment that it could be some kind of power play, even if not intentional. I disagree that completely ignoring it would’ve turned her on I think it would’ve made me look butthurt about it. I doubt I was completely blameless in the situation but I honestly can’t remember the specifics of the convo. All I know is I took the opportunity to leave after both girls saying it’s awkward now. We’ll never know since I responded but I’ll take this for next time.
CornbreadFed
Master Don Juan
What am I reading? A help me topic about two women that OP hasn't even fvcked let alone kissed yet?
Serenity
Moderator
Sure looks like it, do you have anything of value to offer to this topic?
CornbreadFed
Master Don Juan
If the answer to my question is yes then OP needs to continue to prospect other women and not lose any sleep over this.
manfrombelow
Master Don Juan
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I'm with @BeExcellent on this.
OP, she didn't "apologize" sh!t, she was trying to gaslight you, that's what she did. I'd do nothing: No response, only dead silence. That's the best way to deal with this kind of sh!t from people. At the end of the day, nothing speaks your contempt for someone louder than your TOTAL SILENCE whenever they try to bullsh!t you with their bullsh!t words/speeches/texts.
After all these years, now my definition of a valid apologizing text is only this:
"Hey manfrombelow, I'm sorry I said/did X on Z date/time, this won't happen again. Please forgive me."
This is what a truly sincere person would write when they actually recognized their faults and actually wanted to say sorry to you.
Now, OP, re-read the text she sent you again, does it look like it? Fvcking no!
OP, she didn't "apologize" sh!t, she was trying to gaslight you, that's what she did. I'd do nothing: No response, only dead silence. That's the best way to deal with this kind of sh!t from people. At the end of the day, nothing speaks your contempt for someone louder than your TOTAL SILENCE whenever they try to bullsh!t you with their bullsh!t words/speeches/texts.
After all these years, now my definition of a valid apologizing text is only this:
"Hey manfrombelow, I'm sorry I said/did X on Z date/time, this won't happen again. Please forgive me."
This is what a truly sincere person would write when they actually recognized their faults and actually wanted to say sorry to you.
Now, OP, re-read the text she sent you again, does it look like it? Fvcking no!
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Thanks for the response and yes I agree that it was a fake apology. What I don’t know is the motive, why would she bother to gaslight me into owning some part of the conversation, why go out of her way at all, it’s not like I see her that often or anything. I should’ve just not responded but I did with something I thought was neutral. I didn’t exactly own up to any guilt or anything but I can see how it can perceived by her. My approach to this is to just basically ignore her, very little attention, no flirting or teasing, or at best treat her like an acquaintance next time we see each other.
Desdinova
Master Don Juan
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"No worries. I'll just give you a good spanking next time I see you
"
“hey I want to say sorry for how things went down last night. I think we both said some things that were a bit harsh. Not how I wanted to leave it.”
Let’s use a female translator:
”Hey, you said some words that made feel indifferent. I need you to admit you were wrong so that I can feel better about myself.”
What you said was probably not that bad but you triggered her in some way. I work with a covert narcissist that causes fights with people because of how she feels about the given situation. Forget the true context of the conversation, it is all about how it makes her feel about herself. She wants you to take the blame for causing her feelings. When she is wrong, she will gaslight the fvck out of you and then say you are blowing things out of proportion.
Women rarely apologize because they focus on their feelings.
They’ll say, “It’s not what you said, but how you said it.
Let’s use a female translator:
”Hey, you said some words that made feel indifferent. I need you to admit you were wrong so that I can feel better about myself.”
What you said was probably not that bad but you triggered her in some way. I work with a covert narcissist that causes fights with people because of how she feels about the given situation. Forget the true context of the conversation, it is all about how it makes her feel about herself. She wants you to take the blame for causing her feelings. When she is wrong, she will gaslight the fvck out of you and then say you are blowing things out of proportion.
Women rarely apologize because they focus on their feelings.
They’ll say, “It’s not what you said, but how you said it.
Barrister
Master Don Juan
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OP,
You aren't giving a lot of information here for us to respond with whether her initial comment was out of line and whether your response was too much or not enough. From what you have described thus far, it sounds like you both made a mountain out of a mole hill.
When she reached out the next day, the correct response was as others have said to say next to nothing at all. You aren't in any type of relationship with this girl. Also, she clearly views you as an orbiter and nothing more. If this girl had true interest in you, she would be making it OBVIOUS. The only reason for a non-apology apology is that she wants you to stick around for validation in the future. I would immediately escalate as Desdinova suggested and see what her response is. If anything other than positive sexual vibes I would just X her out of your social life at this point. Too much drama with no payoff.
You aren't giving a lot of information here for us to respond with whether her initial comment was out of line and whether your response was too much or not enough. From what you have described thus far, it sounds like you both made a mountain out of a mole hill.
When she reached out the next day, the correct response was as others have said to say next to nothing at all. You aren't in any type of relationship with this girl. Also, she clearly views you as an orbiter and nothing more. If this girl had true interest in you, she would be making it OBVIOUS. The only reason for a non-apology apology is that she wants you to stick around for validation in the future. I would immediately escalate as Desdinova suggested and see what her response is. If anything other than positive sexual vibes I would just X her out of your social life at this point. Too much drama with no payoff.
RangerMIke
Master Don Juan
I don't know why anyone would have 'heated' discussions with women they are dating. Dating is supposed to be fun... if it's not fun then what is the point?
When things like this happen with me, I just chalk it up to an absence of compatibility and walk away. Too many women in the world to have one in your life that is going to be bumping heads with.
Let your feet do the talking. If a woman sent me something like this, I suppose I would just ignore it and try to make a date... then if she started that BS again, we would be done. I see this all the time on this forum and also in real life with friends..... and that is men putting up with aggravating BS with the women in their lives.
When things like this happen with me, I just chalk it up to an absence of compatibility and walk away. Too many women in the world to have one in your life that is going to be bumping heads with.
Let your feet do the talking. If a woman sent me something like this, I suppose I would just ignore it and try to make a date... then if she started that BS again, we would be done. I see this all the time on this forum and also in real life with friends..... and that is men putting up with aggravating BS with the women in their lives.
M
member162951
Guest
This^. For HER too. She owned her role and participation, apologized for it, done. The End.
It appears you are the one essentially spinning
your rabbit wheels about it now, what her "apology" meant, etc.
Let it go mate, she probably has.
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