The reason why dating apps don't work

[Bokanovsky]

...boils down to one simple fact. Women match with too many guys.

This is a product of two factors. First, there are more men than women on apps. But even if the ratios weren't lopsided, it wouldn't even begin to solve the problem. The male to female ratio on dating apps is generally accepted to be around 2:1. Logically, you would expect women to get twice as many matches as men. But that's not the case. On average, women on bumble (and the stats for other apps are likely similar) get one match for every two likes, which is a 50% match to like ratio. In contrast, men get one match for every 40 likes, which is a 2.5% match to like ratio. To put it another way, women get 20 times as many likes as men. So even if the male to female ratio on dating apps was 1:1, women would still be receiving 10 times as many matches.

This can only mean one thing: men swipe right way too much and women not nearly enough. This is a vicious cycle. Women can be extremely selective and still get tons of likes. If they didn't get as many likes, they would be less selective. But if things are so biased in favour of women on dating apps, why do they complain about them even more than men do? Setting aside women's natural propensity to complain, it doesn't seem like dating apps work for them either. Why? Because they get overwhelmed. Women get too many matches, which leads to them putting little effort into each interaction, which in turn leads to shallow, rudimentary conversations that quickly die down and don't lead to a first date.

It would seem that the obvious solution is to drastically reduce the number of matches one can get in a day. Say a maximum of one. This would force people to engage with their matches, as you are not going to get another match for 24 hrs. However, this would run contrary to the dating apps' business model of trying to force men to buy more swipes (and it's safe to assume that nearly all paying members are men). In other words, the dating apps' business model makes them to be ineffective by design.

 

[CornbreadFed]

Yes, but the women see 90%-99% of those guys in the same manner as dog shvt. Your actual competition is like 1 or 2 guys after you rule out the bullshvt. Bottomline, have decent pictures and don't be a creep on the apps and you will find something.

 

[Bokanovsky]

Yes, but the women see 90%-99% of those guys in the same manner as dog shvt. Your actual competition is like 1 or 2 guys after you rule out the bullshvt. Bottomline, have decent pictures and don't be a creep on the apps and you will find something.

Exactly. Find something. With the emphasis on something. Which kind of proves my point.

 

[CornbreadFed]

Exactly. Find something. With the emphasis on something. Which kind of proves my point.

It will not happen overnight/Rome was not built in a day. Just keep at it and have other avenues of meeting girls while you are at it.

 

[Bokanovsky]

It will not happen overnight/Rome was not built in a day. Just keep at it and have other avenues of meeting girls while you are at it.

This thread is not about me. I've dated/slept with many women I've met through apps (including LTRs). I do much better on apps than the average man due to a combination of looks, height and professional status. I was making a general point about how apps could work better for most people and why app companies are not motivated to make them more effective.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

The reason apps don't work the way guys here want them to, is because the apps are not meant to give you matches. They intend to give you hope and hookups. Most people interested in actually relationships and not just seeking attention will have other avenues to find their match.

 

[AureliusMaximus]

...boils down to one simple fact. Women match with too many guys.

This is a product of two factors. First, there are more men than women on apps. But even if the ratios weren't lopsided, it wouldn't even begin to solve the problem. The male to female ratio on dating apps is generally accepted to be around 2:1. Logically, you would expect women to get twice as many matches as men. But that's not the case. On average, women on bumble (and the stats for other apps are likely similar) get one match for every two likes, which is a 50% match to like ratio. In contrast, men get one match for every 40 likes, which is a 2.5% match to like ratio. To put it another way, women get 20 times as many likes as men. So even if the male to female ratio on dating apps was 1:1, women would still be receiving 10 times as many matches.

This can only mean one thing: men swipe right way too much and women not nearly enough. This is a vicious cycle. Women can be extremely selective and still get tons of likes. If they didn't get as many likes, they would be less selective. But if things are so biased in favour of women on dating apps, why do they complain about them even more than men do? Setting aside women's natural propensity to complain, it doesn't seem like dating apps work for them either. Why? Because they get overwhelmed. Women get too many matches, which leads to them putting little effort into each interaction, which in turn leads to shallow, rudimentary conversations that quickly die down and don't lead to a first date.

It would seem that the obvious solution is to drastically reduce the number of matches one can get in a day. Say a maximum of one. This would force people to engage with their matches, as you are not going to get another match for 24 hrs. However, this would run contrary to the dating apps' business model of trying to force men to buy more swipes (and it's safe to assume that nearly all paying members are men). In other words, the dating apps' business model makes them to be ineffective by design.

My little sister opened a dating app account and 1½ hour later she already had 2500ish like swipes from horny dudes with having done nothing basically or anything special to her account profile. Its totally mental.

Hoeflation is a real thing with all these chicks getting their ego's inflated to the skies even though they are not very good looking, but average or worse.

 

[Murk]

The best quality girls are not on the apps anyway so if you want something meaningful with someone worth it, IRL is the only way.

 

[Fortune_favors_the_bold]

After your 30s, within 3 messages they all go like "what's your job" and according to your position in the social hierarchy you can have a shot to continue the conversation or have her reply less and less.

That alone was enough for me to drop those apps, cant really tolerate personal questions from strangers wheter it's job, finance or family.

None of that ever happens in real life approaches in clubs or bars.

 

[Gamisch]

Recently somebody who catfished and scammed people got convicted. It was kinda surprising to me because it was the first time something like this happened iirrc. Beforehand catfishing wasn't punishable by law.

Beauty salons are prohibited from using photoshopped pictures. At some point dating apps might be obligated to share information. How many men, women, how does the algorithm work ect.

At this point most men will have to date down of they want any form of success. The apps are mostly designed to extract money from men. Now more men finding out that even after paying you get nothing, men massively opt out.

Despite all the hatred towards the apps, its still the futire. Womem deciding from the comfort of their home which man to pick while having an abundance of choice?

 

[Murk]

After your 30s, within 3 messages they all go like "what's your job" and according to your position in the social hierarchy you can have a shot to continue the conversation or have her reply less and less.

That alone was enough for me to drop those apps, cant really tolerate personal questions from strangers wheter it's job, finance or family.

None of that ever happens in real life approaches in clubs or bars.

Nah IRL they ask what my job is very early on too.

 

[CheekyMonkey101]

They've worked very well for me over the years.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Nah IRL they ask what my job is very early on too.

My answer is to ask about their security clearance and that they would need to get vetted by Homeland Security first.

 

[CornbreadFed]

They've worked very well for me over the years.

It doesn't matter, Women BADDD

 

[Hamurabimbi]

Nah IRL they ask what my job is very early on too.

I didn’t put my job or school on my bio. I wasn’t ever asked. In fact. I’m rarely asked even IRL (unless it’s obvious I’m on a work trip and even then). My guess is that I’m not seen (at least initially) as LTR material.

 

[Murk]

I didn’t put my job or school on my bio. I wasn’t ever asked. In fact. I’m rarely asked even IRL (unless it’s obvious I’m on a work trip and even then). My guess is that I’m not seen (at least initially) as LTR material.

Maybe it’s how you come across.

Im always asked IRL maybe because I drive a nice car and wear nice clothes and seem put together. I own my own business (since 2020), that seems to go down very well with the ladies but I know different.

You could own a food stall selling hotdogs turning £200k a year profit (a very real possibility), or an online clothes shop making £200 a month. Or even a failing XYZ company, over your head in outgoings/expenses and loans.

I think girls appreciate the fact it’s my own and I have the balls to do it, but I never venture into the details. I never tell them I made £50k in 3 months, or that I took 6 months off work to chill. Or the fact if my market goes south then I’m f*cked.

Women care about someone who has a plan, who can negotiate life. You don’t need to be balling to communicate that fact.

If you don’t have a pot to piss in and can’t navigate life, let alone providing for another (or more if you have kids), then yeah, you don’t deserve the best. You barely deserve what you have right now.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

My guess is that I’m not seen (at least initially) as LTR material.

They probably think you're a porno star.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

Maybe it’s how you come across.

Im always asked IRL maybe because I drive a nice car and wear nice clothes and seem put together. I own my own business (since 2020), that seems to go down very well with the ladies but I know different.

You could own a food stall selling hotdogs turning £200k a year profit (a very real possibility), or an online clothes shop making £200 a month. Or even a failing XYZ company, over your head in outgoings/expenses and loans.

I think girls appreciate the fact it’s my own and I have the balls to do it, but I never venture into the details. I never tell them I made £50k in 3 months, or that I took 6 months off work to chill. Or the fact if my market goes south then I’m f*cked.

Women care about someone who has a plan, who can negotiate life. You don’t need to be balling to communicate that fact.

If you don’t have a pot to piss in and can’t navigate life, let alone providing for another (or more if you have kids), then yeah, you don’t deserve the best. You barely deserve what you have right now.

I don’t know if it is a good or bad.