harrison9876
Don Juan
- Joined
- Aug 28, 2014
- Messages
- 121
- Reaction score
- 28
Alright.
Had an amazing relationship with a girl for about a year. Intense, beautiful, connected, chemistry. We had both come out of bad relationships, and mutually agreed that neither of us wanted to get married or have kids. She used to give me a playful "gagging" look whenever she thought about it.
We lived for a year together, and it was amazing, but I guess I was a bit saddened by this later on (he not wanting marriage or kids). She was a girl who I really wanted to be with. Every once in a while I did think about what it would be like marrying her...but she was just so opposed to it in general, I never really thought about it seriously...and it was still pretty knew. I did not care about marriage or kids either way, but if it was something she wanted in her future, I would not have been opposed.
I knew she was Pansexual, which I thought was really attractive. After about 10 months, she cheated on me with a girl. The girl part did not bother me, but rather, that she agreed to let me know before she would do anything. So, it was more about the, "telling me after the fact" that was an issue.
It really killed the trust.
We worked things out, and back in April 2023, I came home one day (we were living together), she looked at me with tears in her eyes, extremely happy and smiling...and said, "Wow. I am finally in a really healthy relationship".
We were going to move back into LA together (careers), and were making plans.
3 weeks later, she broke up with me.
Said that she really wants to pursue women, and be in the queer community. Somewhere along the way she thought that my anger with her cheating on me was about it being with a girl, specifically. So, her reasoning was that she had to break up with me because I am not supportive of her in dating women on the side, and she wants to date women. Not sure how that wire got crossed. I ALWAYS supported her in her sexuality.
She impulsively moved into a $1500/month apartment with no job and no money.
I ended up moving into LA on my own, and we continued to hang out, and after working things out, clearing up confusion, we basically reverted back to lovers/FWB, seeing each other every few days.
Her big thing was that she did not want "feelings" or a committed relationship right now. She just really wanted to figure herself, her sexuality, and get her life in order.
A couple times she got frustrated because I was kissing her like I was still her BF (passionately, with emotion), and it would draw her right back into me.
"Please...I don't want feelings right now. I have to find a job, get my life together. I just want casual. Casual. The other night we spent with each other, I fell right back into you again! I don't want that!"
After I stepped back emotionally, our relationship sorta went back to the same as the relationship we were already in previously, we were just not living together.
She also said she "wanted" to date other men...but I think she just did not know what she wanted. Our connection was amazing, and there was something about it that scared her, I think. Maybe she wanted to see if there were better men out there...who knows.
Either way, that stopped because none of the guys she was meeting ever compared to me. She would meet other guys, and get turned off.
So, a few months went by like this. She starting telling people we were back together...and told me she considered me her partner. Then she started falling for me again, and again...got mad at that, and blamed everything on me...the way I look at her, the way I kiss her, how I hold her hand, etc.
There was always something different about her...like she did not understand emotions (hers and others)...there was a mental block somewhere. So, during this time, she told me she needed a break...asked me to disconnect from her for a month.
I did.
During this break, she went to see a psychiatrist and she was diagnosed with Autism. Like, textbook "oh my God, how could you not know, it is so obvious" Autism. It explained all her back and forth ambivalence and not being to cope with feelings/emotions, etc.
She got on medication, and we re-connected.
She got back into web design, book writing, and a lot of really cool artistic stuff.
Everything was really calm, peaceful...sorta back to where we were, but her still not wanting a "relationship" or deep feelings, as she was still wanting to figure herself out.
From a calmer and clearer perspective, she told me that our relationship (when we lived together) was the most amazing experience she has ever had. We talked about the past, and how we want our "new" relationship be moving forward.
She told me that other guys she has been with casually, she would never think about after. She'd spend the night, go home, and go about her week. But with me...she thinks about me for days on end. She asked that going forward, I really try to disconnect myself emotionally from her after we see each other - again, blaming me for her own feelings.
For the last 3 months, we ended up spending every weekend together...she'd sleep over, maybe spend 2 nights here in a row...talking every day/other day, hanging out afternoons...we were all over each other basically as a couple...but not "officially". It was still in the realm of casual, even though we were treating each other like BF/GF.
It was actually really nice. It was like it was back to a really peaceful, loving, casual relationship...without the titles.
One thing she has always joked about the past 2 years was how she has this totally functional reproductive system, yet never want to have kids.
She actually joked about this 3 weeks ago after spending the night.
Last week, she mentioned that a friend was visiting from town for 5 days that she was hosting at her place, so she would be spending a lot of time with them.
Sunday, I messaged her to see how she was doing...she responded and seemed overwhelmed, trying to play catch-up after her friend's visit, etc. Was hoping to see me in a couple days.
Yesterday afternoon she asked if she could share something with me over text, and that I would probably need some time to absorb it. I figured she hooked up with a girl again...or she is maybe leaning towards being gay, as opposed to pansexual. I was sorta preparing myself, but I figured it was not that big of a deal.
Well...over text:
"The person who spent the past 5 days here with me was my old high school sweetheart from 20 years ago. He has Autism, too, and I am moving to Houston in April to have a family with him. After spending Thanksgiving with my mom, I realized I really want a family."
HUH?
I didn't even know how to respond.
She knows we have this amazing connection. We are literally drawn to each other like magnets. It is a really nice, intense, comfortable, mutual sexual dynamic.
I basically told her how I felt about her...that I was totally open to having that with her, but she always said she didn't want it - she always said, "no kids, no marriage".
She responded like she had NO CLUE that I actually wanted to be with her. Like, she thought all I wanted was casual.
She wanted to keep communicating about this, and told me that even knowing this now, she is still moving to Houston. She said she still wants to be in my life and support me in my career. That she loves me like family.
HUH?
Family?
ummmm...the past 2 years we have been casual lovers, full time lovers, committed lovers, boyfriend/girlfriend, and partners. Not one of those falls under "family".
She said wants to take all this in, and take a day or so to put her thoughts together to respond.
Then...I had an emotional breakdown for about an hour.
I then changed all my passwords (Netflix, Hulu, Google, etc.), unfollowed and blocked her from all Social Media, including text, phone, and whatsapp (our main communication line).
Felt good. Like the end of a chapter that was long overdue.
Then, I got up in the morning feeling like I was acting immature, so I reverted to simply "unfollowed" and "muted".
This girl is literally throwing the relationship away, and moving to another State to start a family with another guy she has not seen in 20 years.
We still share car insurance (she pays her end), and I want to cancel that as well...
I have just been like all over the place this morning, confused out of my mind on how to feel/behave right now.
Any takes on this?
TIA
Mike
Had an amazing relationship with a girl for about a year. Intense, beautiful, connected, chemistry. We had both come out of bad relationships, and mutually agreed that neither of us wanted to get married or have kids. She used to give me a playful "gagging" look whenever she thought about it.
We lived for a year together, and it was amazing, but I guess I was a bit saddened by this later on (he not wanting marriage or kids). She was a girl who I really wanted to be with. Every once in a while I did think about what it would be like marrying her...but she was just so opposed to it in general, I never really thought about it seriously...and it was still pretty knew. I did not care about marriage or kids either way, but if it was something she wanted in her future, I would not have been opposed.
I knew she was Pansexual, which I thought was really attractive. After about 10 months, she cheated on me with a girl. The girl part did not bother me, but rather, that she agreed to let me know before she would do anything. So, it was more about the, "telling me after the fact" that was an issue.
It really killed the trust.
We worked things out, and back in April 2023, I came home one day (we were living together), she looked at me with tears in her eyes, extremely happy and smiling...and said, "Wow. I am finally in a really healthy relationship".
We were going to move back into LA together (careers), and were making plans.
3 weeks later, she broke up with me.
Said that she really wants to pursue women, and be in the queer community. Somewhere along the way she thought that my anger with her cheating on me was about it being with a girl, specifically. So, her reasoning was that she had to break up with me because I am not supportive of her in dating women on the side, and she wants to date women. Not sure how that wire got crossed. I ALWAYS supported her in her sexuality.
She impulsively moved into a $1500/month apartment with no job and no money.
I ended up moving into LA on my own, and we continued to hang out, and after working things out, clearing up confusion, we basically reverted back to lovers/FWB, seeing each other every few days.
Her big thing was that she did not want "feelings" or a committed relationship right now. She just really wanted to figure herself, her sexuality, and get her life in order.
A couple times she got frustrated because I was kissing her like I was still her BF (passionately, with emotion), and it would draw her right back into me.
"Please...I don't want feelings right now. I have to find a job, get my life together. I just want casual. Casual. The other night we spent with each other, I fell right back into you again! I don't want that!"
After I stepped back emotionally, our relationship sorta went back to the same as the relationship we were already in previously, we were just not living together.
She also said she "wanted" to date other men...but I think she just did not know what she wanted. Our connection was amazing, and there was something about it that scared her, I think. Maybe she wanted to see if there were better men out there...who knows.
Either way, that stopped because none of the guys she was meeting ever compared to me. She would meet other guys, and get turned off.
So, a few months went by like this. She starting telling people we were back together...and told me she considered me her partner. Then she started falling for me again, and again...got mad at that, and blamed everything on me...the way I look at her, the way I kiss her, how I hold her hand, etc.
There was always something different about her...like she did not understand emotions (hers and others)...there was a mental block somewhere. So, during this time, she told me she needed a break...asked me to disconnect from her for a month.
I did.
During this break, she went to see a psychiatrist and she was diagnosed with Autism. Like, textbook "oh my God, how could you not know, it is so obvious" Autism. It explained all her back and forth ambivalence and not being to cope with feelings/emotions, etc.
She got on medication, and we re-connected.
She got back into web design, book writing, and a lot of really cool artistic stuff.
Everything was really calm, peaceful...sorta back to where we were, but her still not wanting a "relationship" or deep feelings, as she was still wanting to figure herself out.
From a calmer and clearer perspective, she told me that our relationship (when we lived together) was the most amazing experience she has ever had. We talked about the past, and how we want our "new" relationship be moving forward.
She told me that other guys she has been with casually, she would never think about after. She'd spend the night, go home, and go about her week. But with me...she thinks about me for days on end. She asked that going forward, I really try to disconnect myself emotionally from her after we see each other - again, blaming me for her own feelings.
For the last 3 months, we ended up spending every weekend together...she'd sleep over, maybe spend 2 nights here in a row...talking every day/other day, hanging out afternoons...we were all over each other basically as a couple...but not "officially". It was still in the realm of casual, even though we were treating each other like BF/GF.
It was actually really nice. It was like it was back to a really peaceful, loving, casual relationship...without the titles.
One thing she has always joked about the past 2 years was how she has this totally functional reproductive system, yet never want to have kids.
She actually joked about this 3 weeks ago after spending the night.
Last week, she mentioned that a friend was visiting from town for 5 days that she was hosting at her place, so she would be spending a lot of time with them.
Sunday, I messaged her to see how she was doing...she responded and seemed overwhelmed, trying to play catch-up after her friend's visit, etc. Was hoping to see me in a couple days.
Yesterday afternoon she asked if she could share something with me over text, and that I would probably need some time to absorb it. I figured she hooked up with a girl again...or she is maybe leaning towards being gay, as opposed to pansexual. I was sorta preparing myself, but I figured it was not that big of a deal.
Well...over text:
"The person who spent the past 5 days here with me was my old high school sweetheart from 20 years ago. He has Autism, too, and I am moving to Houston in April to have a family with him. After spending Thanksgiving with my mom, I realized I really want a family."
HUH?
I didn't even know how to respond.
She knows we have this amazing connection. We are literally drawn to each other like magnets. It is a really nice, intense, comfortable, mutual sexual dynamic.
I basically told her how I felt about her...that I was totally open to having that with her, but she always said she didn't want it - she always said, "no kids, no marriage".
She responded like she had NO CLUE that I actually wanted to be with her. Like, she thought all I wanted was casual.
She wanted to keep communicating about this, and told me that even knowing this now, she is still moving to Houston. She said she still wants to be in my life and support me in my career. That she loves me like family.
HUH?
Family?
ummmm...the past 2 years we have been casual lovers, full time lovers, committed lovers, boyfriend/girlfriend, and partners. Not one of those falls under "family".
She said wants to take all this in, and take a day or so to put her thoughts together to respond.
Then...I had an emotional breakdown for about an hour.
I then changed all my passwords (Netflix, Hulu, Google, etc.), unfollowed and blocked her from all Social Media, including text, phone, and whatsapp (our main communication line).
Felt good. Like the end of a chapter that was long overdue.
Then, I got up in the morning feeling like I was acting immature, so I reverted to simply "unfollowed" and "muted".
This girl is literally throwing the relationship away, and moving to another State to start a family with another guy she has not seen in 20 years.
We still share car insurance (she pays her end), and I want to cancel that as well...
I have just been like all over the place this morning, confused out of my mind on how to feel/behave right now.
Any takes on this?
TIA
Mike
