Ugh Im 43, shes a 21 year old party girl. We're so incompatible but I want to win this.

[skipfontaine22]

I don't know how to begin this

I am a 43 year old guy and I've somehow I've pulled off my fair share of sex over the years.

But, usually one night stands.

I was also in a recent relationship where I was 100% myself, and we eventually lost our sexual side and just became great friends.

Which I think contributed to my latest issue, which is:

Deep down I feel women will eventually friend-zone me when they see who I truly am: I am pretty quiet, beta and somewhat feminine man..


My gifts are my looks and I have had some financial success in life.

But I am a reserved person , a true introvert, but I love to socialize and try to meet women.

Recently, I met a 21 year old . I pulled her at a bar and acted all bad-boy (sometimes I'm socially "on" and can pull sh*t off). I took her home and we had wild sex.

We've hung again a few times and she seems very interested and hanging with me (and cooking for me), but I feel its going down a platonic path.

She's very alpha, talks a lot, is a wild party girl, and a messy person... but surprisingly NOT mentally ill or nutty.

She's just a wild girl that is completely herself.

She seems to have zero anxiety and gives zero f*cks.



Then there is me, over twice her age, and, as lame as it sounds , still kinda figuring myself out.

I would say my biggest issue socially (and with dating) is that sometimes I don't have a response to what people say. Some friends have suggested I could be autistic, but, I think I am actually great at reading people and social cues.. but sometimes I am just not a very emotionally reactive person. Its hard for me to laugh at jokes, dance, scream while partying, etc. And its not that I am really holding myself back .. I just simply don't HAVE it.


Anyway, I will try to not ramble here.. but I just am having a hard time falling into a masculine frame with a strong, wild girl that is half my age. It feels kind of pathetic in a way, and perhaps you think it is.

I want to create sexual tension -- and i want to mind-f*ck her a bit, and challenge her, and tease her and all that.. but its just not really me.



She is also seeing other men, and is open about it, and we barely know each other.. so that is fine.. and I am trying to play it cool. My door is also (wide) open to other women. But I am already starting to get a bit emotionally affected by this chick.

She keeps texting me, and I know she's showed women at work my picture, but I cannot tell what is going on. She doesn't express her attraction to me but kind of shows her via her actions.. although she doesn't seem sexually forward with me at all lately. I have to lead it all... and tonight I didn't even really feel she wanted it (so nothing happened).

Anyway, to summarize all of this: am I pretty much trapped here? I want to "win", and I want to bang, and I want to not hurt her and just make the best of it.

But I feel it just going to self destruct and drive me nuts.

Its just so frustrating because I want women to be equal as men, but its just so hard to fall into a masculine frame with an alpha female. I know "game" but I don't want to have to constantly be witty, neg, tease and challenge.

I just want to be myself, not hurt her or myself, and lay and some pipe, boys.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

This chick has so many red flags I am unsure why you are trying to do anything other than continue having sex with her.

She is not worth anything more than that. Do not allow women who only qualify as FWBs to become more than that due to your emotions being involved.

Essentially stop worrying about things and simply invite her over for sex.

 

[skipfontaine22]

This chick has so many red flags I am unsure why you are trying to do anything other than continue having sex with her.

She is not worth anything more than that. Do not allow women who only qualify as FWBs to become more than that due to your emotions being involved.

Essentially stop worrying about things and simply invite her over for sex.

Ok thank you.
I just want to bang. Lets be honest.
I want to get her over here and bang her.

I don't want emotions involved.

But I don't really know how to initiate things when she comes over. She is more about cooking a meal for me and talking. Its kind of odd.
I feel I am falling into a female frame. Wish we could dial it back to the first time we met.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Make sure you’re wrapping it and do not go downtown.

 

[skipfontaine22]

Make sure you’re wrapping it and do not go downtown.

Yeah that is the wise path but it unfortunately not something I am doing. I've been raw-dogging.

She waxes vaginas for a living, so that thing is a pristine sweet slit crafted by the hand of god himself.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Yeah that is the wise path but it unfortunately not something I am doing. I've been raw-dogging.

She waxes vaginas for a living, so that thing is a pristine sweet slit crafted by the hand of god himself.

If she’s raw dogging you she is raw dogging all the other guys that are plundering her vag. The chances of you acquiring herpes 1 or 2, HPV, Gardnerella, mycoplasma and others from here are very high given she’s got her own rotation of penises. Some of those bugs can lower your sperm count among other things. You’re not o Lu having sex with her last 10 partners you’re having sex with of of their last 10 partners.

Ejaculate from the other men remains in her vagina from 3-5 days, if you go down you’re swallowing other men’s semen, and dipping your staff in other men’s ejaculate- STOP AND THINK ABOUT IT.

 

[Black Widow Void]

Nah, you don't suffer from autism. You suffer from an above average IQ (welcome to the club). When I was your age and it comes to women, I only found two ways to rid oneself of being over analytical. Either drink in social situations (which means that you'll get hotter women, but they usually aren't so bright) or find a woman that is more interested in you than you are in them.

I was probably around your age when the over-thinking thing became less common. The reason was because I'd had so many past dating encounters that it was sort of like watching TV and most TV shows seemed unoriginal and like we'd seen the episode before. When it finally becomes this way with women, we don't have to fake being coy or aloof, it just arrives naturally.

As to this younger gal? I had a similar encounter at 32 (she was 18). Although I did take her virginity, I hate to admit it, but she held more of the cards. I'm fairly certain that your situation is similar. It's a power trip to her. Think back to when you were a kid. At some point, we felt empowered because we pulled one over on our folks. I'd bet that your gal's mentality is no different in the dating arena.

I'd strongly suggest not to get overly emotionally involved with this gal. Hate to say it, but you'll likely experience hot and cold behavior and eventually get blindsided and left with a lot of afterthought and confusion.

 

[soulforge]

She sounds like the type who will eventually show signs of crazy/nutty.

First of all, weldone for landing a girl half your age.

As others have pointed out, don't get emotionally invested into this, she is being diked down by other dudes.

Her alpha masculine personality may seem cute and tolerable right now, because your only fvking, however once you get into a relationship with her & attachment, feelings are involved, that masculine, crazy wild personality will soon get tired.

I would keep smashing and keep it at that.

 

[Bingo-Player]

I mean I think you gotta take it for what it is..........wild sex with a young Phily

She's openly telling you she is sleeping with other men so I'm not really sure what you want to win ? theres no real prize to be had ?

Last year I spent about 3 months dealing with this chick I liked in my gym we talked, we flirted she was hot / cold and everything in between

I was way way over invested in her I recognised it over Christmas and decided I couldn't be bothered anymore so I just vanished from her life

Last week I go to the gym shes there all over another guy , I didn't say nothing or even acknowledge her existence but in my mind I was laughing , laughing at myself for being so silly

Attractive young women these days can have virtually anyone and anything they want at a click of a button ..........as man the only way to protect your value is to price it extremely highly

I love women but you cant take them seriously until they show you genuine commitment or you end up going crazy

 

[Westminster]

Not much more to add other to say that there's some very sound advice for the OP on this thread. Strong work from one and all

 

[Bingo-Player]

Think back to when you were a kid. At some point, we felt empowered because we pulled one over on our folks. I'd bet that your gal's mentality is no different in the dating arena.

and yes excellent take just to add to this it's not just OP's girl who's indulging in these little narcissistic games a lot of young women are the same they know they can get d1ck & sex as and when they please

Yes women get pleasure from being fvcked but they dont place anywhere near the same level of value on it men do

I'd imagine from a female psychological perspective its more fun to toy with a man and play mental chess than it is to actually sleep with him

Men didn't create the "game" women did

 

[CornbreadFed]

These red flags even have pre *** stains lol

 

[SargeMaximus]

I don't know how to begin this

I am a 43 year old guy and I've somehow I've pulled off my fair share of sex over the years.

But, usually one night stands.

I was also in a recent relationship where I was 100% myself, and we eventually lost our sexual side and just became great friends.

Which I think contributed to my latest issue, which is:

Deep down I feel women will eventually friend-zone me when they see who I truly am: I am pretty quiet, beta and somewhat feminine man..


My gifts are my looks and I have had some financial success in life.

But I am a reserved person , a true introvert, but I love to socialize and try to meet women.

Recently, I met a 21 year old . I pulled her at a bar and acted all bad-boy (sometimes I'm socially "on" and can pull sh*t off). I took her home and we had wild sex.

We've hung again a few times and she seems very interested and hanging with me (and cooking for me), but I feel its going down a platonic path.

She's very alpha, talks a lot, is a wild party girl, and a messy person... but surprisingly NOT mentally ill or nutty.

She's just a wild girl that is completely herself.

She seems to have zero anxiety and gives zero f*cks.



Then there is me, over twice her age, and, as lame as it sounds , still kinda figuring myself out.

I would say my biggest issue socially (and with dating) is that sometimes I don't have a response to what people say. Some friends have suggested I could be autistic, but, I think I am actually great at reading people and social cues.. but sometimes I am just not a very emotionally reactive person. Its hard for me to laugh at jokes, dance, scream while partying, etc. And its not that I am really holding myself back .. I just simply don't HAVE it.


Anyway, I will try to not ramble here.. but I just am having a hard time falling into a masculine frame with a strong, wild girl that is half my age. It feels kind of pathetic in a way, and perhaps you think it is.

I want to create sexual tension -- and i want to mind-f*ck her a bit, and challenge her, and tease her and all that.. but its just not really me.



She is also seeing other men, and is open about it, and we barely know each other.. so that is fine.. and I am trying to play it cool. My door is also (wide) open to other women. But I am already starting to get a bit emotionally affected by this chick.

She keeps texting me, and I know she's showed women at work my picture, but I cannot tell what is going on. She doesn't express her attraction to me but kind of shows her via her actions.. although she doesn't seem sexually forward with me at all lately. I have to lead it all... and tonight I didn't even really feel she wanted it (so nothing happened).

Anyway, to summarize all of this: am I pretty much trapped here? I want to "win", and I want to bang, and I want to not hurt her and just make the best of it.

But I feel it just going to self destruct and drive me nuts.

Its just so frustrating because I want women to be equal as men, but its just so hard to fall into a masculine frame with an alpha female. I know "game" but I don't want to have to constantly be witty, neg, tease and challenge.

I just want to be myself, not hurt her or myself, and lay and some pipe, boys.

Read Robert Greene’s book “Art of Seduction”. There’s a section on being a “Dandy” (feminine man). Don’t suppress who you are, use it to your advantage. My 0.02

 

[NorwegianDJ]

Hey! We're the same, you and I! How sweet!
As a man that is accepting and getting accustomed to his feminine side, I'd highly recommend not taking advice from these corners of the internet. You'll just start hating yourself and women as well and die lonely.

I identify with the autistic aspect as well.

So, two things:
1. Let me be the distributor of good news: Nourishing your feminine side does wonders for your life and your sexual and romantic life.
I am also good looking, masculine, and have my wits about me. Balance in all things, but not always!
You may be getting old, but keep leaning into your discomfort and your own truths, and you may find that you'll stay young.

2. What I'm hearing is that you want to keep this girl around.
You say that all you want is to keep having sex with her, but it's clear to me that you want more than that.
You want her company, while you also want her approval, all the while you don't want her to confirm your fears once again; that you are too feminine and beta and therefore can't sustain a sexual relationship.
That is a battle you will have to fight with yourself. She is merely your trigger.

Let's be real here. She will pass. This, too, shall pass. You want to "win" and to win is to gain esteem.
How do you gain this esteem in a way that is not merely fleeting?
You land into yourself, in her presence.

The long game is the only game worth playing. If you try to play tricks, then you're back at square one when this inevitably comes to an end.

The person for you, is the person in front of you right now.
So just fully commit to everything that you do, to each person that you see, in that very moment.
Relax into who you are. Find your center. Breathe into your belly. A slight inner smile.
This, too, shall pass. So just enjoy it.

Perhaps you'll find that what was keeping you back all along were your overpowering needs that you were outsourcing this whole time.

 

[Dr.Suave]

I want to "win"

You had sex with her at least once, so you already "won". Any additional lays with her are just a Bonus. Girls like her, they are never yours, it was just your turn. Catch & release.

She is also seeing other men, and is open about it. She keeps texting me. She doesn't express her attraction to me but kind of shows her via her actions.. although she doesn't seem sexually forward with me at all lately. I have to lead it all... and tonight I didn't even really feel she wanted it (so nothing happened).

She is f0cking several dudes and you are one of them. Why would she have had hanged out with you that night if "she really didnt wanted it"? I think you are slowly but surely self-sabotaging.

Doesnt sound to me like girls are putting you in the friendzone. Sounds like they put you in the Casual Sex zone and after a few lays you put yourself in the friendzone.

 

[skipfontaine22]

You had sex with her at least once, so you already "won". Any additional lays with her are just a Bonus. Girls like her, they are never yours, it was just your turn. Catch & release.



She is f0cking several dudes and you are one of them. Why would she have had hanged out with you that night if "she really didnt wanted it"? I think you are slowly but surely self-sabotaging.

Doesnt sound to me like girls are putting you in the friendzone. Sounds like they put you in the Casual Sex zone and after a few lays you put yourself in the friendzone.

Thats a very good point. I think I could be causing it too. Thanks

 

[skipfontaine22]

and yes excellent take just to add to this it's not just OP's girl who's indulging in these little narcissistic games a lot of young women are the same they know they can get d1ck & sex as and when they please

Yes women get pleasure from being fvcked but they dont place anywhere near the same level of value on it men do

I'd imagine from a female psychological perspective its more fun to toy with a man and play mental chess than it is to actually sleep with him

Men didn't create the "game" women did

I think I agree with all of this, but, I don't know if I feel she is trying to pull one over on me. Is she spoiled? yes. Does she like validation? I am sure.

But don't think she has ill intentions toward me. Maybe I am wrong.

 

[user252009]

Treat her like the fvcktoy she thinks she is

 

[Bingo-Player]

I think I agree with all of this, but, I don't know if I feel she is trying to pull one over on me. Is she spoiled? yes. Does she like validation? I am sure.

But don't think she has ill intentions toward me. Maybe I am wrong.

I think a lot of young women will do it without even realising

but its undeniable a lot of "baddies" can and will treat men's interest like sport

I mean you have millions of women out there selling soft porn pictures of themselves for 14.99 a month

The dating and sex market is so heavily skewed in their favour they take it for granted

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

I mean you have millions of women out there selling soft porn pictures of themselves for 14.99 a month

"There's a sucker born every minute."