Asterix
Don Juan
Long Post Alert;
Please pardon the multiple grammatical errors and disorganization, i wrote this with difficulty in my heart. Please read it and advice me.
Hello everybody. Happy New Year.
I'm in a dilemma and I need help. I have been feeling down and almost depressed for the past few days.
There's this girl that I met in school last semester. I go to a university in the US. So, I met her in like September. It was a school event and someone introduced us together. She's mixed, black and Asian (blasian). She's also relatively tall and she's older than me. She'll be 22 this year and I just turned 19 a few days ago. but i told her i was 21 as well She's also noticeably taller than me. She was a first year student and I'm in a higher year (or should be).
When I met her, we just introduced ourselves and talked for a few minutes. I told her I was 18 then when she told me my age but she kinda forgot down the line. But basically I saw she was kind of attractive but I was not really interested. I didn't even try to get her socials or anything.
A week or two later, I was on campus and came to the residence dorms because I was bored. It was night and I lived in apartment off campus. I met her in the lobby of a building and she was leaving to go to her room. This was around midnight or past midnight. I decided to go to her room with her but I didn't ask directly. I just told her to use her keys to open the common lounge for me so we walked to her part of the residence and she opened the lounge. Some people were inside and I was like there's too many people. So we came out and I found myself walking to her building. We got in and she took me to her room, offered me drinks of my choice ( I picked shots of vodka), and we both took shots while we chatted. I didn't want to make a move because I was nervous and it was the first time. I left to my apartment later. But I got her snap here.
I didn't put too much interest in the situation because at first I genuinely wasn't that interested. We met again during another event and I sat beside her and we talked. She vapes and I picked up the habit during the summer so we vaped as well when we were in her room. I noticed that she asked me about two or three times to go buy vapes together. I wanted to go but I was kind of broke back then and also I wasn't sure if those were signals (how wrong i was). But basically, i kind of turned her down. I just told her how to get it because it was a new town for her as a first year while I've been schooling there for some time.
Skip, skip.... we were sending snaps and she sent me pictures of shots she was having. I asked her where mine was and she responded and said "COME!!!!!" enthusiastically. i was like okay, I'm in. So, I went to her to her room and took some more alcohol and she showed me some videos on her computer and we talked about a bunch of things. She even asked what kind of girls I was interested in and all that. I knew that I should have made a move on her but I was shy and nervous (story of my life).
i'll back track here to give you some background info. I've always been a nice guy with girls for the most part. I have these idea that they are like innocent and I should take things very slow with them. But, on average despite being short I've not had problems getting girls attracted to me. I always seem to **** things up though. Also, my first experience with a girl in uni in my first year went badly so I had some kind of trauma that I needed to unpack. Basically, it was the first time i got high off weed and it was with this girl in her room. I tried making a move when we were under the covers watching a show on her laptop but she removed my hand from her thighs the first time and I freaked out. I started imagining sexual assault charges and I actually started pleading with her in the room. She was giving me reassurances but the effect of being high amplified everything in my head. I couldn't leave my room for three days because I told she told everyone i tried to rape her. it was fine at the end though, she didn't tell anyone but that ****ed me up for a long time. i was always afraid to make a move on girls because i didn't want to come off as creepy and all. There was also another girl i used to hang out with. we'll be on my bed or hers watching but i never made a move or tried even though i wanted to.
Also, I used to watch a lot of porn and became insecure about my ****. erect size is 5'7 inches and 4'7 in girth. I always thought it would be too small and thin and girls would be dissapointed. so that also factored into my insecurity and anxiety.
Back to where I was. So, after about four hours in her room (yes, i know i was such a *****) she made the first move. She faced me and put her legs in between mine and was basically giving me the greenest green light ever. In my head, i was like okay she wants it. so i put my hands on her thighs and started caressing it. after some time she went to her bed and called me to her bed. she told me to come to the bed. I laid beside her and after some time we started kissing and making out. at some point she went on top of me and was rubbing her ***** against my **** but we were wearing clothes. i was also a virgin too so i wasn't confident to have sex because I knew i would be rusty and coupled with my insecurity too. but we basically made out for a while and i touched her and all but we didn't have sex. i think she tried giving me a blow job but i didn't react so she didn't do much. i was still insecure about my **** size and that's why i didn't whip it out.
I left and I went back to tell my best friend about it. he was saying i finally scored some and said he was happy for me and all. we're actually very close and share almost everything with each other, we share texts with girls we're talking to, ask for advice and run strategies and all. we talk about everything and everyone knows we're close. i'll link this later on.
So, i found out that i wouldn't be able to take classes for last semester because i had some unpaid tuition debt. so, i would be going to the nearby city to stay with a family friend until the fees were paid i could register for classes. this was last semester (september to december). i told her about it and i was sad because i actually to spend more time with her in school and all. she told me to stay a few more days and i did but i left finally.
i should have seen the signs, she drinks a lot of alcohol and has daddy issues. she actually hates her father. this will make sense soon.
i visited her twice while she was in school. i came to campus to meet her the first time. at first, she said nothing would happen but i still wanted to come cos i felt something would happen. And if nothing happened, i would just hang out with my other friends.
when i came i told her i wanted to see her. at first she said only in the day time and in a public place lol but at night when i texted her i told her i wanted to come see her. she went drinking with some friends but i later met her room and we hung out in her room and she gave me some weed that she bought. we got high and had sex that night. i think it wasn't special and i didn't do a fantastic job. i even couldn't come but i think she liked it because when we talked the following morning she said she enjoyed it.
but before i left, she told me we have to stop having sex and all that because she wanted to focus on another guy (he's taller and has beards and she likes beards, i don't have beards). she did tell me when we first kissed that she kissed another guy and that was him. i was surprised but i just assumed that maybe the sex wasn't good enough. i didn't tell her i was a virgin and i told her my body count was like 4.
When she said that to me, i was like okay. i told her my real age was 18 and she said she felt like i liked her and she didn't want to lead me on. she was interested in someone else. she was surprised about my real age but she said it was fine that her best friend that was the same age had a boyfriend who was 19 too.
i left and went back to the other city. we were still talking on imessage and facetime. and i discovered that things didn't go too well with the other guy because she kept telling me she was single and nothing happened.
Please pardon the multiple grammatical errors and disorganization, i wrote this with difficulty in my heart. Please read it and advice me.
Hello everybody. Happy New Year.
I'm in a dilemma and I need help. I have been feeling down and almost depressed for the past few days.
There's this girl that I met in school last semester. I go to a university in the US. So, I met her in like September. It was a school event and someone introduced us together. She's mixed, black and Asian (blasian). She's also relatively tall and she's older than me. She'll be 22 this year and I just turned 19 a few days ago. but i told her i was 21 as well She's also noticeably taller than me. She was a first year student and I'm in a higher year (or should be).
When I met her, we just introduced ourselves and talked for a few minutes. I told her I was 18 then when she told me my age but she kinda forgot down the line. But basically I saw she was kind of attractive but I was not really interested. I didn't even try to get her socials or anything.
A week or two later, I was on campus and came to the residence dorms because I was bored. It was night and I lived in apartment off campus. I met her in the lobby of a building and she was leaving to go to her room. This was around midnight or past midnight. I decided to go to her room with her but I didn't ask directly. I just told her to use her keys to open the common lounge for me so we walked to her part of the residence and she opened the lounge. Some people were inside and I was like there's too many people. So we came out and I found myself walking to her building. We got in and she took me to her room, offered me drinks of my choice ( I picked shots of vodka), and we both took shots while we chatted. I didn't want to make a move because I was nervous and it was the first time. I left to my apartment later. But I got her snap here.
I didn't put too much interest in the situation because at first I genuinely wasn't that interested. We met again during another event and I sat beside her and we talked. She vapes and I picked up the habit during the summer so we vaped as well when we were in her room. I noticed that she asked me about two or three times to go buy vapes together. I wanted to go but I was kind of broke back then and also I wasn't sure if those were signals (how wrong i was). But basically, i kind of turned her down. I just told her how to get it because it was a new town for her as a first year while I've been schooling there for some time.
Skip, skip.... we were sending snaps and she sent me pictures of shots she was having. I asked her where mine was and she responded and said "COME!!!!!" enthusiastically. i was like okay, I'm in. So, I went to her to her room and took some more alcohol and she showed me some videos on her computer and we talked about a bunch of things. She even asked what kind of girls I was interested in and all that. I knew that I should have made a move on her but I was shy and nervous (story of my life).
i'll back track here to give you some background info. I've always been a nice guy with girls for the most part. I have these idea that they are like innocent and I should take things very slow with them. But, on average despite being short I've not had problems getting girls attracted to me. I always seem to **** things up though. Also, my first experience with a girl in uni in my first year went badly so I had some kind of trauma that I needed to unpack. Basically, it was the first time i got high off weed and it was with this girl in her room. I tried making a move when we were under the covers watching a show on her laptop but she removed my hand from her thighs the first time and I freaked out. I started imagining sexual assault charges and I actually started pleading with her in the room. She was giving me reassurances but the effect of being high amplified everything in my head. I couldn't leave my room for three days because I told she told everyone i tried to rape her. it was fine at the end though, she didn't tell anyone but that ****ed me up for a long time. i was always afraid to make a move on girls because i didn't want to come off as creepy and all. There was also another girl i used to hang out with. we'll be on my bed or hers watching but i never made a move or tried even though i wanted to.
Also, I used to watch a lot of porn and became insecure about my ****. erect size is 5'7 inches and 4'7 in girth. I always thought it would be too small and thin and girls would be dissapointed. so that also factored into my insecurity and anxiety.
Back to where I was. So, after about four hours in her room (yes, i know i was such a *****) she made the first move. She faced me and put her legs in between mine and was basically giving me the greenest green light ever. In my head, i was like okay she wants it. so i put my hands on her thighs and started caressing it. after some time she went to her bed and called me to her bed. she told me to come to the bed. I laid beside her and after some time we started kissing and making out. at some point she went on top of me and was rubbing her ***** against my **** but we were wearing clothes. i was also a virgin too so i wasn't confident to have sex because I knew i would be rusty and coupled with my insecurity too. but we basically made out for a while and i touched her and all but we didn't have sex. i think she tried giving me a blow job but i didn't react so she didn't do much. i was still insecure about my **** size and that's why i didn't whip it out.
I left and I went back to tell my best friend about it. he was saying i finally scored some and said he was happy for me and all. we're actually very close and share almost everything with each other, we share texts with girls we're talking to, ask for advice and run strategies and all. we talk about everything and everyone knows we're close. i'll link this later on.
So, i found out that i wouldn't be able to take classes for last semester because i had some unpaid tuition debt. so, i would be going to the nearby city to stay with a family friend until the fees were paid i could register for classes. this was last semester (september to december). i told her about it and i was sad because i actually to spend more time with her in school and all. she told me to stay a few more days and i did but i left finally.
i should have seen the signs, she drinks a lot of alcohol and has daddy issues. she actually hates her father. this will make sense soon.
i visited her twice while she was in school. i came to campus to meet her the first time. at first, she said nothing would happen but i still wanted to come cos i felt something would happen. And if nothing happened, i would just hang out with my other friends.
when i came i told her i wanted to see her. at first she said only in the day time and in a public place lol but at night when i texted her i told her i wanted to come see her. she went drinking with some friends but i later met her room and we hung out in her room and she gave me some weed that she bought. we got high and had sex that night. i think it wasn't special and i didn't do a fantastic job. i even couldn't come but i think she liked it because when we talked the following morning she said she enjoyed it.
but before i left, she told me we have to stop having sex and all that because she wanted to focus on another guy (he's taller and has beards and she likes beards, i don't have beards). she did tell me when we first kissed that she kissed another guy and that was him. i was surprised but i just assumed that maybe the sex wasn't good enough. i didn't tell her i was a virgin and i told her my body count was like 4.
When she said that to me, i was like okay. i told her my real age was 18 and she said she felt like i liked her and she didn't want to lead me on. she was interested in someone else. she was surprised about my real age but she said it was fine that her best friend that was the same age had a boyfriend who was 19 too.
i left and went back to the other city. we were still talking on imessage and facetime. and i discovered that things didn't go too well with the other guy because she kept telling me she was single and nothing happened.
