How do I play this?

[DarkKnight100]

Hi first post here but been following a while.

Seeing a chick she’s 21 and i’m 32. We been on 2 dates and had sex both times. She always been a bit slow/minimal on texting and so I didn’t feel a high interest level from her. So I met with her and said I’m not sure it’s working for me. She asked why and I told her that she never initiates and seems preoccupied with other priorities. And I dont need to be a low priority for anyone. She said she can change and that I should have spoken with her before. I told her seems like your used to beta guys and i’m not like that. Because really seems like she deliberately wanting me to chase her. She asked me what my decision is and I said if your saying you can change then we can try. We kissed passionately and the next morning she messaged me to say good morning.

I asked to talk to her the next evening (we were both in the same place) and she gave me an excuse that another friend wanted to talk to me. So I accepted and left the place. I messaged her after saying I spoke to the other friend and he didn’t need to speak because we spoke before. And wished her a merry Christmas. She asked why i didn’t tell her that i was free. I replied after 2 hours because I was driving and told her she seemed busy and it was just to say goodbye before I travel for Christmas and New Year but we could meet up after. She didnt reply all day until the next evening. She knew i was travelling but i still checked my messages and i felt it was deliberate from her.

We communicate on snapchat and whatsapp. Now I deleted snapchat because I only have her on it and she knows (we made it to communicate more privately). Now she messaged me on whatsapp asking if I left snapchat.

I read another user here say to mirror her interest. So she took 24 hours to respond, so I took 24 hours to respond back and just responded 2 words. Hi and yes.

How should I play this? What am I doing wrong/right? Feel like she playing hard to get/wants me to chase like a beta.

I’m travelling until the 2nd week of Jan and her until first week of Jan.

 

[Stanley]

Sounds like teenage antics with the whole communication on both ends.

What is it you want man? Did you want to get laid? Congrats, you did it. Did you want a fwb? Maybe you could pull that too...But it reads and seems like you are already treating this girl like a girlfriend after just two dates and she is doing the same. You both sound needy/clingy and you're not even in a relationship.

 

[DarkKnight100]

Sounds like teenage antics with the whole communication on both ends.

What is it you want man? Did you want to get laid? Congrats, you did it. Did you want a fwb? Maybe you could pull that too...But it reads and seems like you are already treating this girl like a girlfriend after just two dates and she is doing the same. You both sound needy/clingy and you're not even in a relationship.

Thanks bro agree it’s immature and also agree it’s clingy from both which is fine for her but I don't want to behave that way hence trying to play it a bit cooler. But what to do next is my issue.

What I want is for it to be more natural and less game playing.

 

[Black Widow Void]

Hey, Welcome aboard.

It's never bad to comb through articles on how to tighten game, but be careful.

A common mistake is to read articles (and also opinions here) and create some 'mental template' in your head on how things must absolutely be. A lot of the reading material is good and is good to reference, but I'd avoid expecting any female to fit into a "one size fits all' category.

Naturally, we all want to avoid getting burned or feeling like a fool. I get it. However, it's best to remain calm until a major offense occurs. Also, if you act too interested in her behavior (which translates into her thinking that you're too invested) this can backfire.

It doesn't sound like you've done any real damage. If she's giving you the goods, then you're obviously doing something right.

Good luck.

 

[RangerMIke]

Just keep asking her out and make dates... don't worry so much about communication between dates. You are over thinking this.

If you ask her out and she shows up, and you hook up.... you are fine. If she doesn't move on.

 

[Stanley]

Thanks bro agree it’s immature and also agree it’s clingy from both which is fine for her but I don't want to behave that way hence trying to play it a bit cooler. But what to do next is my issue.

What I want is for it to be more natural and less game playing.

Just dial it back. If everything is on 10 it's gonna be hard to enjoy the music

 

[BackInTheGame78]

To be honest...what you did is just as "beta".

Texting exists as a non-emergency form of communication where you can get a message and then reply back when you want to or get a few minutes.

Judging something based on "text response time" versus what happens in person seems absurd considering she fvcked you both dates.

This simply shows her you aren't sure of yourself, are overly needy and are insecure because she isn't validating you within some arbitrary time frame you have in your mind that nobody else could possibly know, then getting upset with her when she doesn't telepathically know it.

You just need to relax and stop using text response time as a big deal. Her other actions show she is into you and you are basically creating problems for yourself with her when none exist at this time. It's been 2 dates, not a year of dating.

The problem isn't her, the problem is you. Being needy and insecure is not attractive and will cause a lot of issues in your relationships(and likely already has) if you don't get down to the root cause and work on resolving it.

 

[DarkKnight100]

Yeah I was concerned about her having that perception and her thinking that i’m not sure of myself or like Stanley said “clingey”. I think some of my actions have definitely suggested that but also at times i’ve covered it up well enough for her to **** me twice.

I guess she doesn’t know I am judging text response times she just knows that I feel she hasn’t prioritised me and following that now she knows I deleted snapchat because she left me hanging for 24 hours and so I’ve basically left her hanging for 24 hours in return and upped it by deleting snapchat which effectively has told her I’m not interested in communicating with her in that manner.

- She may construe it as she messed up after telling me she would prioritise me to leave me hanging. Now ball in her court to chase or risk losing me.

- She may view it as her genuinely being busy and me being over-sensitive and run for the hills. But i’m kinda of the opinion that the busy thing is bull**** all these chicks check their phone every 2 minutes.

Only time will tell. For now my plan is to stay radio silent until I get back in town in 2 weeks then see her face to face.

I expect her to reach out at some point over something trivial. It’s totally her to go into stalemate and then message me about something lame like if I can lend her a green pen.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Yeah I was concerned about her having that perception and her thinking that i’m not sure of myself or like Stanley said “clingey”. I think some of my actions have definitely suggested that but also at times i’ve covered it up well enough for her to **** me twice.

I guess she doesn’t know I am judging text response times she just knows that I feel she hasn’t prioritised me and following that now she knows I deleted snapchat because she left me hanging for 24 hours and so I’ve basically left her hanging for 24 hours in return and upped it by deleting snapchat which effectively has told her I’m not interested in communicating with her in that manner.

- She may construe it as she messed up after telling me she would prioritise me to leave me hanging. Now ball in her court to chase or risk losing me.

- She may view it as her genuinely being busy and me being over-sensitive and run for the hills. But i’m kinda of the opinion that the busy thing is bull**** all these chicks check their phone every 2 minutes.

Only time will tell. For now my plan is to stay radio silent until I get back in town in 2 weeks then see her face to face.

I expect her to reach out at some point over something trivial. It’s totally her to go into stalemate and then message me about something lame like if I can lend her a green pen.

You don't understand that early on some women intentionally don't message guys back for a while to weed out guys who act like you.

You literally are disqualifying yourself.

 

[DarkKnight100]

You don't understand that early on some women intentionally don't message guys back for a while to weed out guys who act like you.

You literally are disqualifying yourself.

Yeah I thought it was to weed out guys who go psycho chasing after them which is literally the opposite of what I’m doing?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Yeah I thought it was to weed out guys who go psycho chasing after them which is literally the opposite of what I’m doing?

They are weeding out needy and desperate behavior which comes in many forms. What you mentioned is one of them, but so is what you are doing. At the end of the day it stems from insecurity which is something you will need to work on or you will be destroying your chances and limit your maintenance capability with women.

 

[DarkKnight100]

They are weeding out needy and desperate behavior which comes in many forms. What you mentioned is one of them, but so is what you are doing. At the end of the day it stems from insecurity which is something you will need to work on or you will be destroying your chances and limit your maintenance capability with women.

Thanks so you’ve said what not to do. Can you be more constructive what should i do now?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Thanks so you’ve said what not to do. Can you be more constructive what should i do now?

Sure. First you need to understand that every person is different when it comes to texting. Some people don't like it, some love it, and everything in between. Basing much of anything on response times is a losing proposition, especially when you've met twice and fvcked twice. Not sure how much more of an indicator of interest you need or are expecting.

Text content is a much better indicator. If her answers are one word or she isn't asking any follow up questions, that's not a good sign.

As for this particular situation, personally I'd simply pick up things at some point like nothing happened but things likely will not go back to the same way once you out yourself in that way to be a person who has those traits...maybe she is into you enough that it won't matter, but usually things end up turning south and it fizzles after a few more dates/bangs. Or else she goes on dates that don't lead to sex or starts testing you more.