Too aloof?

[sosuave213]

-met girl on Hinge on Thursday
-got digits, call Friday. Talk for ten minutes.
-set date and time to pick her up at her address, which she also provided over the phone.
-not even ten minutes later wants to whatsapp video chat or FaceTime.
-I expected that she wanted to video chat at night, but texts me like an hour later while im at work so i tried to reschedule...see pic below.



She was at Disney for the weekend and told me she'd get back Sunday at 10pm (i.e. last night).

We already have a date and time set up for me to pick her up. But am I being too aloof? Do I really not have to do anything else? I don't have to offer to video call since that's what she wanted? It's been since Friday afternoon that we haven't texted at all.

Biggest fear is that the chick says "we weren't texting enough so I thought you weren't interested", or "you never texted to confirm the date so i didnt get ready", or some similar line.

Advice on next steps, if any, are appreciated - or should I just wait and pass the time?

 

[Dr.Suave]

Biggest fear is that the chick says "we weren't texting enough so I thought you weren't interested", or "you never texted to confirm the date so i didnt get ready", or some similar line.

Advice on next steps

Work on your frame, bro. You should be the prize, not her.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

You are working way too hard. You already have a date set up, why are you doing all these extra things? There is no point.

I'm not a ghost before the date advocate, I tend to keep in some contact, but I'm also not a work way harder than you need to and possibly turn a date into a flake or a no date either.

Again...STOP GIVING WOMEN MORE CHANCES TO DISQUALIFY YOU before a first date. That's what they are trying to do, stop giving them more opportunities to do so.

 

[sosuave213]

Old habits die hard. Go easy on me fellas.

I'll do whatever you guys tell me, which is, so far, not to text or contact.

Will just simply radio silence then for now. But let's say the day comes, I go to her house at the time we agreed on and knock on her door...then she's like "I forgot" or "I didn't think we were going to do it since we didn't keep in contact" what's the best reply to that? I know that's an indicator of insufficient interest, so I do plan to walk away in that scenario.

 

[Murk]

But let's say the day comes, I go to her house at the time we agreed on and knock on her door...then she's like "I forgot" or "I didn't think we were going to do it since we didn't keep in contact" what's the best reply to that? I know that's an indicator of insufficient interest, so I do plan to walk away in that scenario.

No you don't walk away, you force your way into her property or stay outside on her doorstep all night.

Seriously though, a text the day before or morning of the date is usually how a human would go about this. I would have also video called her as she requested and built some rapport but that's just me, I back myself in those situations.

 

[sosuave213]

No you don't walk away, you force your way into her property or stay outside on her doorstep all night.

Seriously though, a text the day before or morning of the date is usually how a human would go about this. I would have also video called her as she requested and built some rapport but that's just me, I back myself in those situations.

How do you know when you have enough rapport?

 

[Dr.Suave]

How do you know when you have enough rapport?

Whip it out and gauge her reaction.

Or the boring way: Read her non verbal communication and ignore her words but pay attention to her actions.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

How do you know when you have enough rapport?

On a video call:
Is she smiling?
Laughing?
Does she seem interested in you?

 

[sosuave213]

On a video call:
Is she smiling?
Laughing?
Does she seem interested in you?

Should I make the video call to gauge her interest and build mote rapport or just wait until the day of the date? She seemed mad interested on Friday...

 

[Barrister]

Couple of things:

1. You are overthinking the exchange specifically. She looks like she is responding in a normal, interested way. I am not sure what you are concerned about exactly. If you haven't met her yet I would say her responses are perfectly fine.

2. I agree with some others. Nothing wrong with some rapport building before the 1st date, but don't overdo it. I have had women in the past INSIST on a video chat to confirm you are who you say you are before they meet you. But I would still overall keep the exchanges/texting to a minimum and maintain mystery. You are working against yourself by over-texting and being too available. In early-stage dating, mystery is one of your biggest assets.

 

[sosuave213]

Couple of things:

1. You are overthinking the exchange specifically. She looks like she is responding in a normal, interested way. I am not sure what you are concerned about exactly. If you haven't met her yet I would say her responses are perfectly fine.

2. I agree with some others. Nothing wrong with some rapport building before the 1st date, but don't overdo it. I have had women in the past INSIST on a video chat to confirm you are who you say you are before they meet you. But I would still overall keep the exchanges/texting to a minimum and maintain mystery. You are working against yourself by over-texting and being too available. In early-stage dating, mystery is one of your biggest assets.

This forum is littered with posts about guys who didn't text enough. I just don't want to end up like one of them.

Case study 1:

Building Comfort but not Killing the Mystery?

I've seen first-hand how much being a Mystery turns girls on. Crazy how it works like that. But this aspect has been something that I've struggled with for a bit. I know that when you're on a date, you're flirting, touching, and building rapport/comfort. But if you're building rapport by...

www.sosuave.net

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Simply send a text on the night before, or the morning of the date saying "I'm looking forward to seeing you tomorrow @ <time> <place>." I'm in the "don't be afraid to communicate" group.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Old habits die hard. Go easy on me fellas.

I'll do whatever you guys tell me, which is, so far, not to text or contact.

Will just simply radio silence then for now. But let's say the day comes, I go to her house at the time we agreed on and knock on her door...then she's like "I forgot" or "I didn't think we were going to do it since we didn't keep in contact" what's the best reply to that? I know that's an indicator of insufficient interest, so I do plan to walk away in that scenario.

No that's not what I am telling you...not contacting prior to a date is basically a flake waiting to happen. This is a rule that should be erased in 2023. Unless you like having an 80% flake rate.

I'm saying stop going out of your way to try and accommodate her.

 

[sosuave213]

No that's not what I am telling you...not contacting prior to a date is basically a flake waiting to happen. This is a rule that should be erased in 2023. Unless you like having an 80% flake rate.

I'm saying stop going out of your way to try and accommodate her.

Ah, I see. Frames.

Can you elaborate a little more on this please?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Ah, I see. Frames.

Can you elaborate a little more on this please?

You are likely causing her to "need more" because of you trying to pick her up at her house on a first date.

I wouldn't do that personally unless she offered.

Would you want an unknown woman knowing where you live without ever meeting her?

I know I sure as hell wouldn't unless it was a situation like COVID lockdowns where inviting them over was the only option.

So likely you are going to need to do extra work to ensure she feels safe with that happening.

To me it's not worth it because the upside isn't really there...if she likes you enough she could simply invite you back to her place after the date.

Now on a 2nd or 3rd date where she already has met you? Sure, that might help speed up the process. On a first date? You are likely going to have to do extra work...work that you could end up disqualifying yourself from actually meeting her.

 

[sosuave213]

You are likely causing her to "need more" because of you trying to pick her up at her house on a first date.

I wouldn't do that personally unless she offered.

Would you want an unknown woman knowing where you live without ever meeting her?

I know I sure as hell wouldn't unless it was a situation like COVID lockdowns where inviting them over was the only option.

So likely you are going to need to do extra work to ensure she feels safe with that happening.

To me it's not worth it because the upside isn't really there...if she likes you enough she could simply invite you back to her place after the date.

Now on a 2nd or 3rd date where she already has met you? Sure, that might help speed up the process. On a first date? You are likely going to have to do extra work...work that you could end up disqualifying yourself from actually meeting her.

Not sure if you read this post yet but David DeAngelo (who doesn't need an introduction) mentions you should pick a girl up from her place.

How to Get Sexual with a Woman

Amplify the attraction and have her chasing you around. Most guys are clueless when it comes to turning a woman on.

www.sosuave.com

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

So, just because some PUA says you should do, it doesn't mean you should. Read the logic in what @BackInTheGame78 said in his last post. Can you follow the logic?

You need to start synthesizing your thoughts, using the information you already have to extrapolate it into new ideas. He's trying to explain it - take the time to think about it:

Why are you creating a potential barrier by picking her up at her house? It could be a reason to flake for a woman who, at the last minute, decides that she shouldn't show you where she lives. This is a moot point if you already have her address (because she gave it to you).

Not sure if you read this post yet but David DeAngelo (who doesn't need an introduction) mentions you should pick a girl up from her place.

How to Get Sexual with a Woman

Amplify the attraction and have her chasing you around. Most guys are clueless when it comes to turning a woman on.

www.sosuave.com

 

[BackInTheGame78]

So, just because some PUA says you should do, it doesn't mean you should. Read the logic in what @BackInTheGame78 said in his last post. Can you follow the logic?

You need to start synthesizing your thoughts, using the information you already have to extrapolate it into new ideas. He's trying to explain it - take the time to think about it:

Why are you creating a potential barrier by picking her up at her house? It could be a reason to flake for a woman who, at the last minute, decides that she shouldn't show you where she lives. This is a moot point if you already have her address (because she gave it to you).

Exactly. The goal on a first date is to give yourself the best chance of her showing up. Trying to pick her up at her place is you lowering your chance of this actually happening.

Women aren't dumb. They know what's on your mind when you are trying to do this.

 

[sosuave213]

This wait is killing me. I am still having a busy life, working during the day and improving myself at night. I still obsess over chicks like an AFC. It's not just this one, or the next, but all of them.

 

[sosuave213]

@BackInTheGame78 @Pierce.Manhammer I think I get what's going on.

Too many guys overtext and women expect this behavior from all men.

When a guy doesn't do this, the woman assumes disinterest from the guy.

So in the end, when a guy is super confident, he should display consistency by calling once more to gauge each other's interest.