Girl I barely know asked for help then went NC

[summersky]

Met this girl through online dating. We had a few conversations on the phone: Deep, long conversations about all kind of things. We were planing to go on a date and made up a day and time. Few days before the date she texted me and asked for help, she wanted me to translate a few things for her, a few documents. She came to my country not long ago and don't know the language very well. I texted her that I will try but I found it weird and inappropriate because we never met, so I was talking around it on the phone. She told me if I don't really want to help, she will ask someone else and hang up the phone without telling bye. I called her cause I wanted to explain why I acted this way but she did't pick up. Texted and called her next day - no response.

Guess that was it with this girl. Guess I should have told her immediately that I think it's weird instead of talking around it. What do you think, was it wrong that I didn't help her or are my thoughts right? How would you handle a situation like this? I really like her, is there anything I can do to get this girl back? Is there anything I can do to get her to talk to me again?

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Maybe you shouldn't have given your opinion ("inappropriate / weird") and should've asked instead for her motivation to ask you for such a personal matter.

 

[summersky]

I didn't tell her that I find it weird, I was just talking around it.

 

[Captain Redbeard]

I really like her, is there anything I can do to get this girl back? Is there anything I can do to get her to talk to me again?

Nope, you already lost frame thinking like this. More fish in the sea. For all we know her sole interest in you was the ability to translate some document. Telling a woman no early on and seeing how she reacts is a good test. She failed, why do you now want to chase her?

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

If you do not have abundance, you must be careful around women when you first meet them. You need not to criticize them or talk too much. If you have three other gals you're doing, and she's just an addition to an entire life, you don't care so much and can mouth off; what the hell? See what happens.

Your posting tells me you don't have many options.

I think many men read RP advice and proceed to f-up their lives and chances with women, not knowing their own SMV and place. Don't do that - everything has shades of gray - even red pill teachings. You need to figure out your goal and learn to act accordingly.

You could have said, "Sure, I'll help you; let's meet at <this> coffee shop; bring it with you." Instead of scolding her for doing it. You need to work intelligently brother.

 

[summersky]

Thank you for the replies! I know I need more options. And yes my mindset is not where it should be.

Like I said I didn't told her that it was weird or I didn't like it, I was just talking around the subject.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Like I said I didn't told her that it was weird or I didn't like it, I was just talking around the subject.

Avoiding the subject by talking around it sends a clear signal. Even over the phone, she'd be able to read that you're not interested in helping her. Like Pierce says, you should've met with her and her forms and see what you could do. At the least you could get a date out of it. A chance to get to know her better.

Who knows, she may even have asked you for help when she didn't really need it, just to see if you're the helpful type of man.

I think you screwed up. Better luck next time.

 

[Robert28]

If you do not have abundance, you must be careful around women when you first meet them. You need not to criticize them or talk too much. If you have three other gals you're doing, and she's just an addition to an entire life, you don't care so much and can mouth off; what the hell? See what happens.

Your posting tells me you don't have many options.

I think many men read RP advice and proceed to f-up their lives and chances with women, not knowing their own SMV and place. Don't do that - everything has shades of gray - even red pill teachings. You need to figure out your goal and learn to act accordingly.

You could have said, "Sure, I'll help you; let's meet at <this> coffee shop; bring it with you." Instead of scolding her for doing it. You need to work intelligently brother.

That would have been met with. “Sorry I can’t, I don’t have time to do that and I need it done tonight. Maybe some other time (to be nice but still give you hope so you’ll do this favor).” One thing about being rejected a lot is I am always 12 steps ahead of women when I know what they’re going to say before they say it. He would have either gotten a snarky response “I need it done today, don’t have time to meet up, have other stuff I need to do. Can you help me or not?” Or a run around excuse like I gave before.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

One thing about being rejected a lot is I am always 12 steps ahead of women when I know what they’re going to say before they say it.

Sounds good in theory, but in practice you could easily manoeuvre yourself into a rejection and think that the rejection was bound to happen anyway.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

That would have been met with. “Sorry I can’t, I don’t have time to do that and I need it done tonight. Maybe some other time (to be nice but still give you hope so you’ll do this favor).” One thing about being rejected a lot is I am always 12 steps ahead of women when I know what they’re going to say before they say it. He would have either gotten a snarky response “I need it done today, don’t have time to meet up, have other stuff I need to do. Can you help me or not?” Or a run around excuse like I gave before.

It’s possible, but since it didn’t happen we will never know.

 

[kavi]

Her attitude was fcked up asking for your help to translate some sh1t its not cool or romantic and just looks like she wants to use you. Im a tolerant guy but this looks like one of those narcisstic manipulative 304s with entitlement who thinks that just cos she talked to you shes entitled to ask for anything cos she has a vagina.

IMAGINE A GUY TALKING TO A GIRL EARLY STAGES STARTS ASKING FOR HELP AND FAVOURS NO WOMAN WOULD ACCEPT IT SO THROW IT BACK IN HER FACE BRUH SHE IS JUST A 304

The way I handle it is make some excuse dont help her and then probs if she is a 304 in it for freebies she will stop talking to me but if she is decent she will understand and the interaction will continue without being affected.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I hate to say this, but you literally did everything wrong if you are trying to date this woman, or honestly ANY woman...stop having long deep conversations over the phone with women you haven't met yet and start having shorter, more sexually charged conversations in person on a date.

Your luck will suddenly change for the better I am willing to bet after some practice and adjusting to it.

 

[Robert28]

Sounds good in theory, but in practice you could easily manoeuvre yourself into a rejection and think that the rejection was bound to happen anyway.

Every girl I’ve ever dated or had sex with never started out as me doing favors for then or then even asking. Past experience is usually a great indicator of what’s to come.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Every girl I’ve ever dated or had sex with never started out as me doing favors for then or then even asking.

I'm not denying that. Any smart man would wait for her to invest in him before he'd return the favour.

 

[Scaramouche]

Hi SummerSky,
This Girl just wanted to use you....Something similar happened to me on the Dancing Scene,danced with a Korean Lady,next week she was all over me like a rash...Later after a few intimate moments,talking outside in my Car,she asked whether my Company employs people and if I were an Engineer,could I sponser her Son to study Engineering?...I hadn't even finished gently telling her,that wasn't possible when she brushed my hands away from her blouse through which I was gently stroking her Nvipples and flounced out of the Car....As Le Grand Empereur once said "From the the sublime to the ridiculous is but one short step".

 

[member162951]

Few days before the date she texted me and asked for help, she wanted me to translate a few things for her, a few documents. She came to my country not long ago and don't know the language very well. I texted her that I will try but I found it weird and inappropriate because we never met, so I was talking around it on the phone. She told me if I don't really want to help, she will ask someone else and hang up the phone without telling bye.

What do you mean you "talked around it'" how so, what did you say exactly?

This chick had one hell of a nerve. Translators cost upwards of $15-$30 per hour depending on the language and what you're translating. And what the hell, she had never even met you and she's asking you to do this?

That takes some major balls, and then to so rudely hang up when you declined?

She was never interested. She's looking for free help, orbiters/white knights.

I cannot believe you are still interested and looking for ways to get back in her good graces, dude you dodged a bullet!

I don't know what you said but next time a chick asks you for this type of help/assistance to save herself money before you've ever even met or even after, unless and until she becomes your exclusive girlfriend, tell her very directly and succinctly NO and dump her.

Honestly, the entitlement some chicks possess is becoming just too much - big fat NEXT!

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Her attitude was fcked up asking for your help to translate some sh1t its not cool or romantic and just looks like she wants to use you. Im a tolerant guy but this looks like one of those narcisstic manipulative 304s with entitlement who thinks that just cos she talked to you shes entitled to ask for anything cos she has a vagina.

IMAGINE A GUY TALKING TO A GIRL EARLY STAGES STARTS ASKING FOR HELP AND FAVOURS NO WOMAN WOULD ACCEPT IT SO THROW IT BACK IN HER FACE BRUH SHE IS JUST A 304

The way I handle it is make some excuse dont help her and then probs if she is a 304 in it for freebies she will stop talking to me but if she is decent she will understand and the interaction will continue without being affected.

No...see you have it all wrong.

Women use guys that allow themselves to be used and who make themselves readily available to be used.

A person cannot use you if you don't allow it or are unavailable to be used.

This is part of what "being a nice guy" is...allowing yourself to be a doormat for a woman.

Don't be angry or upset at a woman because you portrayed yourself in a way that made her think you were useable in that way. That's on you. Portray yourself in a more favorable manner next time and you won't have that issue.

You did it because you "expected" something in return form it. That's the problem with nice guys...they think because they act like a doormat and do all this stuff that entitles them to sex from a woman. It's actually a form of manipulation by the man because they are only doing what they do because they expect it to lead to something rather than doing it because they want to.

This is a YOU problem, NOT a her problem.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Women use guys that allow themselves to be used and who make themselves readily available to be used.

Any 'capable' man knows about women asking for help they should ask from the incapable men they hitched their wagon to.

A friend of mine is a handyman -- plumber, carpenter, painter -- and he makes bank 'helping' women outside of his job. He never works for free though.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Any 'capable' man knows about women asking for help they should ask from the incapable men they hitched their wagon to.

A friend of mine is a handyman -- plumber, carpenter, painter -- and he makes bank 'helping' women outside of his job. He never works for free though.

Makes bank or "barters services" haha

 

[kavi]

No...see you have it all wrong.

Women use guys that allow themselves to be used and who make themselves readily available to be used.

A person cannot use you if you don't allow it or are unavailable to be used.

This is part of what "being a nice guy" is...allowing yourself to be a doormat for a woman.

Don't be angry or upset at a woman because you portrayed yourself in a way that made her think you were useable in that way. That's on you. Portray yourself in a more favorable manner next time and you won't have that issue.

You did it because you "expected" something in return form it. That's the problem with nice guys...they think because they act like a doormat and do all this stuff that entitles them to sex from a woman. It's actually a form of manipulation by the man because they are only doing what they do because they expect it to lead to something rather than doing it because they want to.

This is a YOU problem, NOT a her problem.

This is not about me, its not my story. Like I said I handle it differently and I can sense if a woman wants to 'use' me and act accordingly.

But this is definitely a women problem more than a guy problem because many guys can end up wasting time if they think a woman likes them but a woman just wants to use them, the woman too can be wasting her time, like in the case of OP, where both guy and girl ended up wasting time because woman wanted to use 'dating' as a cover for wanting help in other things where she should use her money to pay for translation services. It looks like girl in question was able to 'game' op by her looks or personality as OP wanted her back and to spend more time with her and so she probs knows she has looks or power over men and tries to use that to get stuff, help etc, when travelling to different countries but it wastes time for both parties becaus she is using the cover of liking the guy or wanting to get to know him when in reality she just wants help with stuff.