Work on your expression!

[AmsterdamAssassin]

There's a lot of focus on this forum on improving body and face with muscular exercises. And yes, there are ways to develop a sharper jawline and you can also have cosmetic surgery to get those high cheekbones that you think might make you more attractive.

Meanwhile, not much attention is spent on having an attractive expression on your face.

We all know why runway models look like they were denied dessert, they are just a walking mannequin and a sparkling happy face might detract the focus from the fashion they are wearing.

Similarly, even when her face is aesthetically flawless, a 'resting b!tch face' can turn a woman unattractive.


(Not her, of course, because she has awesome boobies)

So what conclusions are we to draw from this? We shouldn't make the mistake of 'cracking jokes' because 'women like humour' when women enjoy wit, but it's not so easy to change your dour expression in one of joyful enjoyment. Plastering a smile on your face isn't the solution when the smile doesn't reach your eyes.

The best way to improve your expression, in my not-so-humble opinion, is by internalising a more positive worldview.


(She looks curious and a bit mischievous)

According to what women tell me about being attracted to me, the main focus isn't on my calm authority but mostly on my expression which is described as 'mischievous inner amusement', which reflects mainly how I view the world (as an entertaining chaos with most people taking themselves way too seriously and self-important) and their attraction is not related to the aesthetic qualities of my face. Although my face went from round to more angular (after losing weight due to diabetes diet restrictions), I'd hesitate to call myself handsome, even if women like my looks.

So, the facial expression displaying my outlook on life is what makes me attractive to women. They see I'm enjoying myself tremendously, and they want to be part of that enjoyment and experience some joy themselves. I think that having a positive worldview coupled with an abundance mindset will do more for you than cosmetic surgery or jawline exercises. Although it never hurts to lose that double chin.

P.S. This is not a diss on any member here, nor is it a 'versus' issue. This is something you can do on top of your other improvement efforts, whether you're attractive or not. An attractive facial expression is always a bonus.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

I have brought up many times on this forum about acting/expressiveness.
This is why I disagree with the nay sayers against fake it till you make it.

The main problem is that it does require acting and most people can't act. They can take confident photos of themselves and be witty in chats, but when it comes to meeting in person, they become anxious and their anxiety is audible in their speech and visible in their expression.
If you don't internalise your self-confidence, it will not show autonomically in your poise.

That's why you have to develop mindsets that support your 'frame'. Like an abundance mindset even if you're alone, so that your loneliness will not shine through your expression as neediness.

 

[The Duke]

Charisma and self-confidence are paramount for the highest levels of dating success. Probably more powerful than anything else. There is a distinct dividing line between the have's and have not's. They are the ones that become successful and the ones who struggle. You can see the differences in personalities behind the usernames on this site.

 

[Glassguy]

Charisma and self-confidence are paramount for the highest levels of dating success. Probably more powerful than anything else. There is a distinct dividing line between the have's and have not's. They are the ones that become successful and the ones who struggle. You can see the differences in personalities behind the usernames on this site.

Totally agree. One big benefit to dealing with not just women, but people in general, is social calibration. Being able to understand the social situation, what to say, when to say it and also when to say nothing at all.

I find more and more people who are just not outgoing or their social skills are so far off calibration, theyd be better off not opening their mouths at all.

 

[Epicenter]

Yes that is why actors are so popular. Life is a stage and we are all actors. Sometimes even actors think their own act is real. Specially method acting could be argued is somekind of real.

Sexpress yourself. It is over for borecells.

 

[TheGrindEqualsHappiness]

I really like this thread!
The best first step is to start this personal rewiring of mindset and outlook by practicing it with everyone.Get into that relaxed and funny internal state, let it get into you facial expression and practice it with all the people you meet.

People at work, people at public transportation, cashiers in stores old ladies in the street etc. Smile to them, try to make contact and smalltalk. Maximum exposure in shortest possible time.

Pretty harsh bootcamp, but the change will be quite substantial, because you will eventually get positive social interactions each and every day. You'll start to subconsciously expect that when you talk to people they will smile back at you and like your company.

I actually did this kind of thing when I originally found ASF ~20 years ago and it really made difference.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Bring a little excitement.

For most people, life is a drudgery, endless boring routines, little variety, no spice to life.

You don't have to entertain people, but I can see people enjoying the sight of my big black tomcat casually draped over my shoulders like a fur collar as I ride on by. Dour faces brighten with smiles. Girls make excited squeaking noises like they're seeing Taylor Swift.

And people are so hungry for a little excitement. You don't have to be a showman to attract some positive attention, just walk up to people and ask them ridiculous questions that make them think about their existence.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Okay now how do I do that?

Begin by changing your worldview.

People think they have control, but actually the universe is chaos and all our 'order' doesn't stand the test of time. This is our reason for overthinking our existence, delving way too deep into our belly buttons, and creating deities to give some sort of justification to the chaos.

There is no meaning to Life, but there can be meaning to your life. And that meaning is for you, not for other people. If it makes you feel good to go into the outdoors by yourself, that is what you should do. If you feel good when you make people smile, focus on that.

Tragedy and drudgery will want to drag you down, but you should keep your focus on the present and the future, not on the baggage you've been carrying around all your life. If something doesn't improve your life, get rid of it.

And feed your mind by reading more than just the newspaper.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

'mischievous inner amusement'

This is pretty much what you want. I've also heard the term "amused mastery". Women want to know you have an edge or a "dark" side too which is part of it but it mostly boils down to a truly not giving a fvck which many guys claim to have, but majority are only pretending to not care. Some of this might be incongruent for some guys though, you gotta play to your natural disposition.

You don't need to smile or be friendly, you need to appear completely content, carefree, and engaged in your own world and set of principles and pull them into it, and self amusement/humor is probably the best way. But this is not something you can just "hack" your way into, so there's no point discussing it. It only comes when you've achieved some level of self actualization.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

This is pretty much what you want. Although it might be incongruent for some guys. I've also heard the term "amused mastery". Women want to know you have an edge or a "dark" side.

Women are always interested if you're truly interesting.

You don't need to smile or be friendly you need to appear completely content in your own world and pull them into it.

That's why you need to have your lair.

But this is not something you can just "hack" your way into, so there's no point discussing it. It only comes when you've achieved some level of self actualization.

Oh, ye of little faith.
Yes, you can hack yourself into any mindset, if you so choose.
So there's a point in discussing this. If you don't want to join the discussion, feel free to 'unwatch' the thread and focus on the things you can hack. You can always come back when you reached your level of self actualisation.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Women are always interested if you're truly interesting.


That's why you need to have your lair.


Oh, ye of little faith.
Yes, you can hack yourself into any mindset, if you so choose.
So there's a point in discussing this. If you don't want to join the discussion, feel free to 'unwatch' the thread and focus on the things you can hack. You can always come back when you reached your level of self actualisation.

Lol self actualization is not a "hack". Mindset only goes so far before the crazy comes out, and that's a stink you can't wash off because you can't even tell it's there if you've fooled yourself enough. You need to engage in introspection and soul-searching to actualize, not engage in BS. Having soul isn't something you shop for or try on like clothing, which is what this whole "mindset conquers everything" trope promotes.

You can't "hack" your way into being truly interesting unless you enjoy acting like a clown and being the main coon of the scene.

I agree with the overall message of the OP though. But you need to be authentic if you want to avoid being a caricature.

 

[Manure Spherian]

There's a lot of focus on this forum on improving body and face with muscular exercises. And yes, there are ways to develop a sharper jawline and you can also have cosmetic surgery to get those high cheekbones that you think might make you more attractive.

Meanwhile, not much attention is spent on having an attractive expression on your face.

We all know why runway models look like they were denied dessert, they are just a walking mannequin and a sparkling happy face might detract the focus from the fashion they are wearing.

Similarly, even when her face is aesthetically flawless, a 'resting b!tch face' can turn a woman unattractive.

View attachment 11684
(Not her, of course, because she has awesome boobies)

So what conclusions are we to draw from this? We shouldn't make the mistake of 'cracking jokes' because 'women like humour' when women enjoy wit, but it's not so easy to change your dour expression in one of joyful enjoyment. Plastering a smile on your face isn't the solution when the smile doesn't reach your eyes.

The best way to improve your expression, in my not-so-humble opinion, is by internalising a more positive worldview.

View attachment 11687
(She looks curious and a bit mischievous)

According to what women tell me about being attracted to me, the main focus isn't on my calm authority but mostly on my expression which is described as 'mischievous inner amusement', which reflects mainly how I view the world (as an entertaining chaos with most people taking themselves way too seriously and self-important) and their attraction is not related to the aesthetic qualities of my face. Although my face went from round to more angular (after losing weight due to diabetes diet restrictions), I'd hesitate to call myself handsome, even if women like my looks.

So, the facial expression displaying my outlook on life is what makes me attractive to women. They see I'm enjoying myself tremendously, and they want to be part of that enjoyment and experience some joy themselves. I think that having a positive worldview coupled with an abundance mindset will do more for you than cosmetic surgery or jawline exercises. Although it never hurts to lose that double chin.

P.S. This is not a diss on any member here, nor is it a 'versus' issue. This is something you can do on top of your other improvement efforts, whether you're attractive or not. An attractive facial expression is always a bonus.

This should be addressed. When I suffered from depression for years in my twenties, I got less IOI’s and didn’t know how to deal with the IOI’s I received. When I overcame my depression, more IOI’s and conversations came my way, and I still get some when I’m out and about. And I’m neither tall or exceptionally good looking. I’m probably what some consider moderately attractive.

I agree that people are attracted to those who are satisfied with life or like what they’re doing. I’ve made acquaintances in the gym and had people, men and women, start conversations with me at venues of interest, and I think that’s why.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

I hope we can dispense with the misogyny for the moment and focus on why it's important to change to a positive mindset.

Simple.

You will enjoy your time on earth more.

Don't change your mindset for ulterior motives, like attaining wealth and women and fame. People who hunger for either of these three are rarely satisfied when they reach their 'goal'.

I'm often called a hedonist and when they elaborate, they claim I 'seek pleasure', but they're wrong. I don't 'seek' pleasure, I 'find' pleasure. I can enjoy myself doing chores or other 'boring' stuff, because I've passed through situations that would/should have killed me, yet, here I am still walking around and enjoying myself.

We've all gone through dark times, and some of us are still in there, but you have to be glad to be alive, and curious about the future.

 

[Manure Spherian]

I'm often called a hedonist and when they elaborate, they claim I 'seek pleasure', but they're wrong. I don't 'seek' pleasure, I 'find' pleasure.

Dr. Glover calls this “walking through open doors”. He states men get so hung up on women (only seeking exceptionally gorgeous women, never-ending “gaming”, outcome-based interaction with women versus normal conversation) that they fail to even enjoy their lives and recognize opportunities and who actually likes them, women in particular (open doors).

 

[Epicenter]

It is over for clowncells.

It is so easy just be happy and don't be depressed. Just identify with being a happy person. Then girls will come. Though then why would you need girls anyway.lol.

Schopenhauer says if possible bet on art and asceticm. Be Buddha. Don't be an athlete.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Schopenhauer says if possible bet on art and asceticm. Be Buddha. Don't be an athlete.

A lovely man, but out consumed by Hume.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

Oh, ye of little faith.
Yes, you can hack yourself into any mindset, if you so choose.
So there's a point in discussing this. If you don't want to join the discussion, feel free to 'unwatch' the thread and focus on the things you can hack. You can always come back when you reached your level of self actualisation.

My point is that "fake it till you make it" doesn't always apply or in some cases can be counter productive. If you're miserable you cannot simply choose to be in a different way without first finding your purpose/path in life. That said, discipline goes a long way and discipline can of course be applied to your mindset and management of emotions.

I find a great deal of help in doing gratitude practices, for instance these 12 Stoic Spiritual exercises as developed by Massimo Pigliucci . I used to be heavily into eastern philosophy and vipassana as well which also helped tremendously but at the end of the day these are "gimmicks" or "prescriptions" that aren't always true solutions. It would be better to discuss how one develops yourself towards your idealized "self" in the first place which really is a matter of goal setting and actively working towards those goals and stumble forward.

A lovely man, but out consumed by Hume.

I agree.

It is so easy just be happy and don't be depressed. Just identify with being a happy person. Then girls will come. Though then why would you need girls anyway.lol.

Schopenhauer says if possible bet on art and asceticm. Be Buddha. Don't be an athlete.

Asceticm, like the Greek Cynics, basically implies in it's doctrine that some things are inherently good. If wealth, material possession, women, etc was undesirable, there would be no reason to try to avoid it. All you're doing is desiring to not desire. You end up giving these things more power by claiming they are obstacles to enlightment.

"Preferred indifferents" as the Stoics called is the only thing that makes sense here. That said, buddhism can cultivate true equanimity too with enough sheer discipline.

Anyway, is your argument really "just be happy"? What does that even mean? People can't even agree on what happiness is.

 

[TheGrindEqualsHappiness]

It is so easy just be happy and don't be depressed. Just identify with being a happy person. Then girls will come. Though then why would you need girls anyway.lol.

Well, this is the whole reason for the "new self-improvement oriented pua community" of today!
"Follow your masculine passion and the girls will come" in my opinion has been bit misunderstood to mean that get money and body because girls like those. Yes they help, but to be honest the thing is that having goals in your life and archiving them will improve your inner game which reflects outside also.

Nobody is attracted to you if you are miserable, anxious loser and you feel that your life is sh1t. No matter how much money you have. Also trying to get a girl because she will make you happy is incredibly weak frame to have.

In the old ASF days people pumped up their internal state before going sarging with NLP for example and part of skill was pumping up your inner state during night.
The problem was that once you go back to being normal you it's disappointing to her.
Kind of like fist time seeing your chick without makeup and unshaven..

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Nobody is attracted to you if you are miserable, anxious loser and you feel that your life is sh1t. No matter how much money you have. Also trying to get a girl because she will make you happy is incredibly weak frame to have.

It is so easy just be happy and don't be depressed. Just identify with being a happy person. Then girls will come. Though then why would you need girls anyway.lol.

That actually is the crux of the issue. When you make yourself happy, you don't need women to make you happy.

That's why your attitude is more important than your bling.

Women are not attracted to your neediness, they are attracted when you don't put them front and center in your life goals.

I'm carefree and happy because I have everything I need and pretty much everything I want, so I don't get together with just any woman in order to fill some void inside me.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

This should be addressed. When I suffered from depression for years in my twenties, I got less IOI’s and didn’t know how to deal with the IOI’s I received.

I have had bouts of depression for almost 2 decades now. I can say from my experience that depression isn't necessarily a barrier to IOIs, although it can definitely be a barrier to acting on them, but that's another discussion. One recent example is a story i've shared before, I went on a 1st date in a state of absolute despair but by the end the girl literally invite me over to her place to fvck. Why? Pretty sure it was from genuine indifference and not projecting a false image of how I felt. This is silver lining of depression - you do not give a shvt about most things, especially women, so they have absolutely no power over you.

In the old ASF days people pumped up their internal state before going sarging with NLP for example and part of skill was pumping up your inner state during night.
The problem was that once you go back to being normal you it's disappointing to her.
Kind of like fist time seeing your chick without makeup and unshaven..

That's valid for short term gain (ie pump and dumps) but it's obvious why it's a retarded strategy as you laid out, and why PUA is cancer. I had so many situations where I picked up a girl whilst in a good "inner state" (alcohol/drugs sometimes were involved, sometimes not) but when she came over to my place later I wasn't acting consistent with how I did when we met, so the attraction fizzled away rapidly. There's no point in trying to "hack" your mindset unless you somehow have god-like levels of discipline to apply the hack to every situation in your life indefinitely, else be discovered as a fake, a fraud. "Hacks" can be force-multipliers if and when you already have your **** together, though.

Nobody is attracted to you if you are miserable, anxious loser and you feel that your life is sh1t.

Not necessarily. I remember hearing a story back in my RSD days about a guy who would go to bars and drink wine and wax poetically about how life is suffering etc - women LOVED it because it was consistent with who he was. Sincerity and consistency is the key. If you're in a rut, own it, trying to feign happiness or success or whatever is clown behavior in such a situation. Being authentic is powerful and you might be surprised how well it goes down with some women. That's real vulnerability - the key is to do it without actually revealing what's eating you.