Lessons from 18 years in the field

[zzirf25]

I have not made a post in this forum in who knows how long. I had read something that reminded me of this forum and it made me want to come back to share some insights I’ve had over my adult life.

When I first found this forum it was 2005 and I was 19 years old. I am 38 now. The guy I was at that time wouldn’t even look at a woman much less talk to that one. At that time I had consumed the DJ Bible daily and I’m pretty sure I still have print outs of various articles in a shoe box somewhere. I was a regular reader and occasional poster for over 3 years and what I figured out was I was getting no where because I was just reading the material and not applying it.

After making this realization I stepped away and would occasionally come back to look at the site maybe once or twice a year. Now that I am older and wiser I want to share some things that I’ve learned in my experience that maybe someone who is like I was when I was younger can use in their lives.

1. If you are in your late teens or in your 20’s focus on improving yourself first before focusing on women. Go to the gym, eat healthy, find a career path or start a business. These are the things that you MUST be doing right now and not wasting your time stressing out about some chick that will most likely be fat and unattractive in 10 years.

2. Work on improving your communication skills. Not just with women but with everyone you come into contact with. Be a man and don’t be afraid to ask people to help you with reaching your goals.

3. Your buddies that you have now won’t be as close to you in 10-15 years. This is a hard truth to swallow especially if you have a close group of friends but the truth is people fall apart as they get older due to moving away, starting families, or career obligations. That doesn’t mean they won’t still be your friends but you won’t be hanging out with them everyday like you are now. If you are hanging out with the same guys, doing the same things (drinking, partying, etc), and haven’t had any significant growth by the time you are 25 then you should be reevaluating what you are doing with your life and who you are associating with.

4. Learn how to sell. This is possibly the most important skill you can ever learn in your entire life. We are always selling and you are the product that is always being put on the market. Also learning how to sell will make dating much easier because you will be able to effectively communicate why what you have to offer is better than your competitors. Selling is also a great way to make a very good income. This is a skill that I wish I had learned earlier than I did.

5. One day you are going to wake up and wonder what you were so scared of when you were younger. If you have lived a life with a growth mindset you will become a man that you find intimidating now. You just have to keep on going and believe in yourself. Women will come and go in your life and you will be the only constant person in your life. Trust yourself and don’t be afraid to take chances. You will one day see guys that you knew in your 20’s still doing the same immature things they were doing 10 years earlier and you will wonder why they never grew up. Don’t be the guy that someone runs into and thinks that about.

I know that was quite a bit but I hope these lessons will help someone. If you are a guy sitting in your room reading articles all day and not doing anything please do yourself a favor and stop doing that right now. You aren’t doing yourself any favors and I promise your life isn’t going to get better if you don’t take action. Go out there and make mistakes. That is truly the only way you will ever grow in life. Also if you have a crush ask her out. The worst that can happen is she will say no and now you have experience and a new found confidence because you conquered your fear and did something that was uncomfortable.

 

[AureliusMaximus]

Good post, thanks for sharing. @zzirf25

 

[soulforge]

I have not made a post in this forum in who knows how long. I had read something that reminded me of this forum and it made me want to come back to share some insights I’ve had over my adult life.

When I first found this forum it was 2005 and I was 19 years old. I am 38 now. The guy I was at that time wouldn’t even look at a woman much less talk to that one. At that time I had consumed the DJ Bible daily and I’m pretty sure I still have print outs of various articles in a shoe box somewhere. I was a regular reader and occasional poster for over 3 years and what I figured out was I was getting no where because I was just reading the material and not applying it.

After making this realization I stepped away and would occasionally come back to look at the site maybe once or twice a year. Now that I am older and wiser I want to share some things that I’ve learned in my experience that maybe someone who is like I was when I was younger can use in their lives.

1. If you are in your late teens or in your 20’s focus on improving yourself first before focusing on women. Go to the gym, eat healthy, find a career path or start a business. These are the things that you MUST be doing right now and not wasting your time stressing out about some chick that will most likely be fat and unattractive in 10 years.

2. Work on improving your communication skills. Not just with women but with everyone you come into contact with. Be a man and don’t be afraid to ask people to help you with reaching your goals.

3. Your buddies that you have now won’t be as close to you in 10-15 years. This is a hard truth to swallow especially if you have a close group of friends but the truth is people fall apart as they get older due to moving away, starting families, or career obligations. That doesn’t mean they won’t still be your friends but you won’t be hanging out with them everyday like you are now. If you are hanging out with the same guys, doing the same things (drinking, partying, etc), and haven’t had any significant growth by the time you are 25 then you should be reevaluating what you are doing with your life and who you are associating with.

4. Learn how to sell. This is possibly the most important skill you can ever learn in your entire life. We are always selling and you are the product that is always being put on the market. Also learning how to sell will make dating much easier because you will be able to effectively communicate why what you have to offer is better than your competitors. Selling is also a great way to make a very good income. This is a skill that I wish I had learned earlier than I did.

5. One day you are going to wake up and wonder what you were so scared of when you were younger. If you have lived a life with a growth mindset you will become a man that you find intimidating now. You just have to keep on going and believe in yourself. Women will come and go in your life and you will be the only constant person in your life. Trust yourself and don’t be afraid to take chances. You will one day see guys that you knew in your 20’s still doing the same immature things they were doing 10 years earlier and you will wonder why they never grew up. Don’t be the guy that someone runs into and thinks that about.

I know that was quite a bit but I hope these lessons will help someone. If you are a guy sitting in your room reading articles all day and not doing anything please do yourself a favor and stop doing that right now. You aren’t doing yourself any favors and I promise your life isn’t going to get better if you don’t take action. Go out there and make mistakes. That is truly the only way you will ever grow in life. Also if you have a crush ask her out. The worst that can happen is she will say no and now you have experience and a new found confidence because you conquered your fear and did something that was uncomfortable.

Thanks for this dude. Some solid wisdom here.

 

[SW15]

I have not made a post in this forum in who knows how long. I had read something that reminded me of this forum and it made me want to come back to share some insights I’ve had over my adult life.

Your last post on this forum was in 2011. Based on the rest of the post, you seem insightful and it'd be good to hear from you more often.

1. If you are in your late teens or in your 20’s focus on improving yourself first before focusing on women. Go to the gym, eat healthy, find a career path or start a business. These are the things that you MUST be doing right now and not wasting your time stressing out about some chick that will most likely be fat and unattractive in 10 years.

This is so good. I'll add a little bit more to this. There are times when you're dating in your 20s that you can recognize women who will be fat and unattractive in 10 years. I remember one woman I went out with from a dating website (pre-app era) in my 20s and I knew she'd be fatter later in life. I got out and was glad I did. I did check her social media many years later and I was correct. I was proud of myself for identifying that and getting out within a few dates and little time lost.

Also, doing this can help longer term after age 30. Most men in their 30s/40s are pussie beggars who end up settling for mediocre, washed up has been close to their own age. Guys who self-improve enough during the 18-29 years in their life might end up having a better time in their 30s and 40s if end up single and didn't ever get too complacent with themselves. This is good advice for 18-29 and for 30+.

2. Work on improving your communication skills. Not just with women but with everyone you come into contact with. Be a man and don’t be afraid to ask people to help you with reaching your goals.

Yes

3. Your buddies that you have now won’t be as close to you in 10-15 years. This is a hard truth to swallow especially if you have a close group of friends but the truth is people fall apart as they get older due to moving away, starting families, or career obligations. That doesn’t mean they won’t still be your friends but you won’t be hanging out with them everyday like you are now. If you are hanging out with the same guys, doing the same things (drinking, partying, etc), and haven’t had any significant growth by the time you are 25 then you should be reevaluating what you are doing with your life and who you are associating with.

This will happen. I even devoted a thread to this phenomenon.

Pregnancy Announcements Everywhere! Life When Your Blue Pill Social Circle Starts Having Babies

Yesterday, I was on my Instagram and saw a pregnancy announcement from an acquaintance's wife in my social circle. I don't particularly like her. I find it annoying to be around her the 1-2 times a year I ever randomly see her in person. Right now, there are 3 women from my local area social...

www.sosuave.net

This tends to happen if a man stays in the same geographic area for an extended period. If a guy is moving to new areas every 2-5 years from ages 18-40, this is less likely happen. I've now been the same area 10+ years, so that's why it has happened. For the guys that move every 2-5 years, they might see it happen with guys from past cities, but they aren't in-person to see it happen.

Unattached and marginally attached, serial monogamist tend to see their relationships changed with their friends who marry and later have children.

Having this happen in real time is like to affect a person.

4. Learn how to sell. This is possibly the most important skill you can ever learn in your entire life. We are always selling and you are the product that is always being put on the market. Also learning how to sell will make dating much easier because you will be able to effectively communicate why what you have to offer is better than your competitors. Selling is also a great way to make a very good income. This is a skill that I wish I had learned earlier than I did.

Dating is a combination of both sales and marketing, which are related skills but not the same. Having a strong sense of either of those disciplines is helpful in dating, if you can apply sales/marketing concepts from the business world to your dating life.

5. One day you are going to wake up and wonder what you were so scared of when you were younger. If you have lived a life with a growth mindset you will become a man that you find intimidating now. You just have to keep on going and believe in yourself. Women will come and go in your life and you will be the only constant person in your life. Trust yourself and don’t be afraid to take chances. You will one day see guys that you knew in your 20’s still doing the same immature things they were doing 10 years earlier and you will wonder why they never grew up. Don’t be the guy that someone runs into and thinks that about.

Very good advice!

 

[zzirf25]

Your last post on this forum was in 2011. Based on the rest of the post, you seem insightful and it'd be good to hear from you more often.



This is so good. I'll add a little bit more to this. There are times when you're dating in your 20s that you can recognize women who will be fat and unattractive in 10 years. I remember one woman I went out with from a dating website (pre-app era) in my 20s and I knew she'd be fatter later in life. I got out and was glad I did. I did check her social media many years later and I was correct. I was proud of myself for identifying that and getting out within a few dates and little time lost.

Also, doing this can help longer term after age 30. Most men in their 30s/40s are pussie beggars who end up settling for mediocre, washed up has been close to their own age. Guys who self-improve enough during the 18-29 years in their life might end up having a better time in their 30s and 40s if end up single and didn't ever get too complacent with themselves. This is good advice for 18-29 and for 30+.



Yes



This will happen. I even devoted a thread to this phenomenon.

Pregnancy Announcements Everywhere! Life When Your Blue Pill Social Circle Starts Having Babies

Yesterday, I was on my Instagram and saw a pregnancy announcement from an acquaintance's wife in my social circle. I don't particularly like her. I find it annoying to be around her the 1-2 times a year I ever randomly see her in person. Right now, there are 3 women from my local area social...

www.sosuave.net

This tends to happen if a man stays in the same geographic area for an extended period. If a guy is moving to new areas every 2-5 years from ages 18-40, this is less likely happen. I've now been the same area 10+ years, so that's why it has happened. For the guys that move every 2-5 years, they might see it happen with guys from past cities, but they aren't in-person to see it happen.

Unattached and marginally attached, serial monogamist tend to see their relationships changed with their friends who marry and later have children.

Having this happen in real time is like to affect a person.



Dating is a combination of both sales and marketing, which are related skills but not the same. Having a strong sense of either of those disciplines is helpful in dating, if you can apply sales/marketing concepts from the business world to your dating life.



Very good advice!

When I wrote this I was thinking about what I would want to tell the version of myself when I first found this site. Up to this point I’ve had a pretty good life. I graduated college, have had a successful career, traveled, and just enjoyed life. When I think about the unconfident scared mess that I was I realize now it was that it was because I lacked guidance for a long time.

Another important point that I forgot to add in my original list was to surround yourself with successful people who want to help you win. Being around the right people was a big game changer for my life to help me get where I am at today. A mentor once told me that association is everything and if you want to be successful you need to associate with successful people and emulate their habits and routines. That has been the biggest thing that has helped me have the life that I have now.

 

[Scars]

Good advice here. As a man who is about to turn 34.. I can vouch for all this. Youngsters listen up.

 

[AureliusMaximus]

Another important point that I forgot to add in my original list was to surround yourself with successful people who want to help you win. Being around the right people was a big game changer for my life to help me get where I am at today. A mentor once told me that association is everything and if you want to be successful you need to associate with successful people and emulate their habits and routines. That has been the biggest thing that has helped me have the life that I have now.

This is very important.
Also hang out with people over your own level - it forces you to level up /max up to next level in your life and be challenged so you push yourself further.

 

[The Duke]

I have not made a post in this forum in who knows how long. I had read something that reminded me of this forum and it made me want to come back to share some insights I’ve had over my adult life.

When I first found this forum it was 2005 and I was 19 years old. I am 38 now. The guy I was at that time wouldn’t even look at a woman much less talk to that one. At that time I had consumed the DJ Bible daily and I’m pretty sure I still have print outs of various articles in a shoe box somewhere. I was a regular reader and occasional poster for over 3 years and what I figured out was I was getting no where because I was just reading the material and not applying it.

After making this realization I stepped away and would occasionally come back to look at the site maybe once or twice a year. Now that I am older and wiser I want to share some things that I’ve learned in my experience that maybe someone who is like I was when I was younger can use in their lives.

1. If you are in your late teens or in your 20’s focus on improving yourself first before focusing on women. Go to the gym, eat healthy, find a career path or start a business. These are the things that you MUST be doing right now and not wasting your time stressing out about some chick that will most likely be fat and unattractive in 10 years.

2. Work on improving your communication skills. Not just with women but with everyone you come into contact with. Be a man and don’t be afraid to ask people to help you with reaching your goals.

3. Your buddies that you have now won’t be as close to you in 10-15 years. This is a hard truth to swallow especially if you have a close group of friends but the truth is people fall apart as they get older due to moving away, starting families, or career obligations. That doesn’t mean they won’t still be your friends but you won’t be hanging out with them everyday like you are now. If you are hanging out with the same guys, doing the same things (drinking, partying, etc), and haven’t had any significant growth by the time you are 25 then you should be reevaluating what you are doing with your life and who you are associating with.

4. Learn how to sell. This is possibly the most important skill you can ever learn in your entire life. We are always selling and you are the product that is always being put on the market. Also learning how to sell will make dating much easier because you will be able to effectively communicate why what you have to offer is better than your competitors. Selling is also a great way to make a very good income. This is a skill that I wish I had learned earlier than I did.

5. One day you are going to wake up and wonder what you were so scared of when you were younger. If you have lived a life with a growth mindset you will become a man that you find intimidating now. You just have to keep on going and believe in yourself. Women will come and go in your life and you will be the only constant person in your life. Trust yourself and don’t be afraid to take chances. You will one day see guys that you knew in your 20’s still doing the same immature things they were doing 10 years earlier and you will wonder why they never grew up. Don’t be the guy that someone runs into and thinks that about.

I know that was quite a bit but I hope these lessons will help someone. If you are a guy sitting in your room reading articles all day and not doing anything please do yourself a favor and stop doing that right now. You aren’t doing yourself any favors and I promise your life isn’t going to get better if you don’t take action. Go out there and make mistakes. That is truly the only way you will ever grow in life. Also if you have a crush ask her out. The worst that can happen is she will say no and now you have experience and a new found confidence because you conquered your fear and did something that was uncomfortable.

Thats exactly how its done. For you younger guys who want the magic recipe! Here it is.

 

[zzirf25]

Much appreciate you coming back and sharing your experience, brotha!

I always advocate for people to be in sales at one point in their life. I’m not an advocate for Marketing because I’ve never worked with a single team that helped me get to quota.
Sales teaches you so much and has created the lifestyle I want.

Traveling
-Allows you to experience different cultures and environments. This gave me perspective on my outlook on life. I tailor my mini-vacations from wherever work takes me to clear my mind. Accumulating points and perks are a nice bonus.

Social Awareness
-People buy from people, not companies. Be someone who enters a room that draws people to want to know who you are. I meet with the CEO of Nvidia a couple times a year at conferences. He knows how to work a room, one of the most charismatic person I’ve ever met. That leather jacket he wears EVERYWHERE, it’s his IDGAF image.

Opportunities
-You will meet sooooo many people throughout your sales career. They will help you both professionally and personally. Romantic opportunities will present itself when you don’t expect it at all!

Welcome back, brotha! Hope you stick around and give some of your thoughts and experiences you’ve learned through the past 2 decades

Getting into sales was the best choice I ever made. It is a career path that has allowed me to have freedom to live life on my terms. Something else I’ve found that I enjoy is training and competing in athletic competitions. I was a track & field athlete as a high schooler and was pretty good. I recently started competing in the Masters division and have been in a few National level competitions. Training to compete at a high level event has really challenged me to step out of my comfort zone and it keeps me in great shape. The best part though has been the people I’ve met in various competitions across the United States.

 

[BeExcellent]

Fantastic advice OP. Great perspective and truths.

To your continued success, Cheers!

 

[SW15]

When I wrote this I was thinking about what I would want to tell the version of myself when I first found this site.

Makes sense. Thanks for providing that bit of information.

Up to this point I’ve had a pretty good life. I graduated college, have had a successful career, traveled, and just enjoyed life.

Very good!

When I think about the unconfident scared mess that I was I realize now it was that it was because I lacked guidance for a long time.

That's common with teenaged males and even some early 20s males.

 

[eli77]

Awesome stuff

 

[eli77]

Getting into sales was the best choice I ever made. It is a career path that has allowed me to have freedom to live life on my terms. Something else I’ve found that I enjoy is training and competing in athletic competitions. I was a track & field athlete as a high schooler and was pretty good. I recently started competing in the Masters division and have been in a few National level competitions. Training to compete at a high level event has really challenged me to step out of my comfort zone and it keeps me in great shape. The best part though has been the people I’ve met in various competitions across the United States.

Awesome

 

[BillyPilgrim]

OP thinking the deep state doesn't exist and we aren't in the End Times. Sad!

for real, good advice, but you can't be blind to what's going on in the world and society & you have to be honest with yourself

 

[zzirf25]

OP thinking the deep state doesn't exist and we aren't in the End Times. Sad!

for real, good advice, but you can't be blind to what's going on in the world and society & you have to be honest with yourself

I’m not following what you mean by that. I didn’t mention anything about the end times or deep state and that’s a topic I would rather avoid for the sake of this particular discussion.