2nd Date Fail .. How to avoid fumbling on 2nd and 1st dates?

[Lover_boy]

Short story short, went on a second date with this chick I met a few weeks back. I decided to chill at the beach at night, drink some wine and eat some sushi. She asked throughout the day what we were going to do, but I just said. "Let me surprise you " She was expecting that we were going to go grab dinner again (1st date went out to dinner and danced) since I asked her if she liked sushi. She was not expecting that we were going to eat sushi on the beach in a "picnic style" Even though she came casually dressed, jeans and a shirt. She seemed uncomfortable and awkward out about going to the beach at night once we pulled up.

Anyways, I stuck to my guns and we continued on. Conversations were dull and we were obviously not connecting at all throughout the night.

My question is, would it have been ok to switch up the idea once I noticed that she was not feeling it? Let her know what I had planned beforehand? Or simply, stick to what I wanted to do. I know a lot of guys say to not let the girl know what the plans are and just let her find out throughout the course of the night. In fact, I have had many succesful late night beach dates. Although with this particular chick, there wasnt yet any intimacy nor a kiss which I guess made it seem as if i was trying too hard.

What do you guys usually do for 1st and 2nd dates?

 

[SW15]

Let her know what I had planned beforehand?

Generally a good idea in the early stages. The surprise date is better used later in the interaction, often after exclusivity in a monogamous relationships.

What do you guys usually do for 1st and 2nd dates?

1st date is generally drinks in a bar. 2nd date can be anything. I will generally base it off of conversational cues from the 1st date. I like an activity date. It could be a date at my home.

No dinner dates in restaurants prior to sex.

 

[Hal9000]

I wouldn't recommend "surprise" dates with someone you barely know, especially if you're going to take her somewhere like a beach where she might feel isolated, dressed inappropriately, etc. I'd save that stuff for later once you've learned what she enjoys, which is what the first few dates are for. Why try to guess what someone you've been out once with would enjoy doing on a date when you don't have to?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

"surprise dates" are good once you actually know someone and are dating them or she is your GF.

You actually know what she likes and dislikes and so you can plan something with that knowledge.

You don't have that knowledge with a new woman, certainly not after a single date, so you basically played Russian Roulette and lost.

Key takeaway: don't play Russian Roulette on dates with new women.

 

[CornbreadFed]

Lmao surprise date on a second date!?! Where do people get these atrocious ideas?

 

[Bingo-Player]

Lmao surprise date on a second date!?! Where do people get these atrocious ideas?

Romantic comedies and mainstream tv shows which depict dating in a completely different perspective to reality

In the movies everything the guy does is "cute" and makes him come off as really thoughtful and in touch with her emotions

in reality as OP has discovered the more effort and thought you apply in the early stage the more that can go wrong

After doing a fair bit of dating this year the best dates I have had have literally just been a couple of drinks together and then usually back to my place for foreplay and sometimes sex

The more complex I have made it the more wrong the dates have gone , like I took one chick to mini golf for a first date it was the worst hour of my life and it cost me a lot of $$$ for her to turn around 10 mins after we finished and say she wasn't feeling it


For the first 3 or so dates you need to keep it really really casual and simple , some women don't like this and want heavy investment or "princess treatment" from the word go but to be honest unless money isn't an issue I wouldn't start doing this

 

[Juanto]

For the first 3 or so dates you need to keep it really really casual and simple , some women don't like this and want heavy investment or "princess treatment" from the word go but to be honest unless money isn't an issue I wouldn't start doing this

Exactly my thoughts. I would only add that even if money isnt a problem, investing too soon simply does not work well most of the time, regardless if you value the money you spent or not.

 

[Stanley]

I'd say stick to more 'normal' venues and ideas early on, unless you guys really hit it off and just roll with it. Even if you fumbled a bit with the second date, if she was very interested and you guys had some degree of chemistry then conversation should've been fine. Regardless, dial it back and save the romcom date wacky stuff for later. You've got a fish on the line, but you don't know how hard its biting, so don't reel it in too fast and scare it off.

Also, I think most women would be opposed to going out in nature, at night with a guy they hardly know... Then again, I bumped into a girl from school years ago who was all about that. We went for a walk late at night and ended up in a forest preserve graveyard and had a good time, but i'd say that is a rare exception lol.