The female analog of the Incel - The Inchild (Involuntarily Childless)
- Thread starter MatureDJ
- Start date
self_is_an_illusion
Don Juan
- Joined
- Jan 19, 2023
- Messages
- 165
- Reaction score
- 112
- Age
- 27
LMFAO
SW15
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- May 31, 2020
- Messages
- 13,312
- Reaction score
- 11,278
Involuntarily childlessness is not the female equivalent of the involuntarily celibate (incel) male. It's not even close to an equivalency.
The involuntary childless woman in her early 30s - early 50s has no difficulty in having sex. Most women under 50-55 can find sex rather easily. It's usually after age 55 when women have difficulty having sex. Most involuntary childless women have at least at some long term relationships in between ages 15-50. There are even involuntary childless women in stable LTRs right now.
For instance, I know a 50 year old woman who would be considered involuntary childless. However, she's been married to the same man for nearly 10 years and the relationship time has been 10+ years. She met her husband in her late 30s and he was similarly aged. It seems like none of her relationship worked out from her teenage years until her mid-30s for a variety of reasons. They got married after both had turned 40. The odds of a natural conception with two people in their early 40s are very small and that would have been an extremely high risk pregnancy. This couple could have been adoptive parents but they also opted against adoption too.
Does this resemble the incel male at all? I think not. The incel male is not having sex, he's not in a relationship and getting his emotional needs met, and he's also childless.
The closest thing to an incel male for women is the involuntary solitude (insol) woman. Involuntarily solitude was a term coined by blogger Chateau Heartiste in the early 2010s. The insol female lives a different lifestyle than the incel male or the involuntarily childless woman in an LTR. The insol female usually has good social skills and is reasonably well liked by other women in most cases. The insol female is not a social outcast unlike the incel male. The insol female also has regular access to sex and might even have shorter LTRs like 1-2 years and not live a boyfriend. The insol female would be less likely to have long lasting, stable LTRs though.
There is overlap between the involuntarily childless woman and the insol female, but neither is that close to the incel male.
Both involuntarily childless women and insol women typically use birth control for at least some part of their fertile years in life. This is likely a good thing as it has prevented some births to women who would likely be raising children in single parent homes. Single parent homes produce worse outcomes for children.
The involuntary childless woman in her early 30s - early 50s has no difficulty in having sex. Most women under 50-55 can find sex rather easily. It's usually after age 55 when women have difficulty having sex. Most involuntary childless women have at least at some long term relationships in between ages 15-50. There are even involuntary childless women in stable LTRs right now.
For instance, I know a 50 year old woman who would be considered involuntary childless. However, she's been married to the same man for nearly 10 years and the relationship time has been 10+ years. She met her husband in her late 30s and he was similarly aged. It seems like none of her relationship worked out from her teenage years until her mid-30s for a variety of reasons. They got married after both had turned 40. The odds of a natural conception with two people in their early 40s are very small and that would have been an extremely high risk pregnancy. This couple could have been adoptive parents but they also opted against adoption too.
Does this resemble the incel male at all? I think not. The incel male is not having sex, he's not in a relationship and getting his emotional needs met, and he's also childless.
The closest thing to an incel male for women is the involuntary solitude (insol) woman. Involuntarily solitude was a term coined by blogger Chateau Heartiste in the early 2010s. The insol female lives a different lifestyle than the incel male or the involuntarily childless woman in an LTR. The insol female usually has good social skills and is reasonably well liked by other women in most cases. The insol female is not a social outcast unlike the incel male. The insol female also has regular access to sex and might even have shorter LTRs like 1-2 years and not live a boyfriend. The insol female would be less likely to have long lasting, stable LTRs though.
There is overlap between the involuntarily childless woman and the insol female, but neither is that close to the incel male.
Both involuntarily childless women and insol women typically use birth control for at least some part of their fertile years in life. This is likely a good thing as it has prevented some births to women who would likely be raising children in single parent homes. Single parent homes produce worse outcomes for children.
Serenity
Moderator
I scoff at the casual use of "involuntary", at the core it's just a rationalization to avoid taking responsibility for ones own choices in life.
These women have a choice, they do in fact have a lot of choices. It's not involuntary, they just have unrealistic demands and instead of owning that, they blame every single man they have met for not being good enough.
Incels are exactly the same. It's not involuntary, but their expectations are way beyond realistic or their perception of themselves is so incredibly low they won't even try. Even if they're given an opportunity they find a way to make it not work out. Is that involuntary? Hell no! These are fixable problems, but they CHOOSE denial.
Identifying themselves as involuntary anything is just another way to blame everyone else to avoid dealing with uncomfortable truths. It's a part of several mental illnesses.
I kinda feel bad for them on the level that it probably comes as a result of being brought up wrong, but also fvck them because they're an insult to anyone taking responsibility for their own lives the hard way.
They have a fvcking choice, but they've made wrong decisions for so long they actually believe they don't.
These women have a choice, they do in fact have a lot of choices. It's not involuntary, they just have unrealistic demands and instead of owning that, they blame every single man they have met for not being good enough.
Incels are exactly the same. It's not involuntary, but their expectations are way beyond realistic or their perception of themselves is so incredibly low they won't even try. Even if they're given an opportunity they find a way to make it not work out. Is that involuntary? Hell no! These are fixable problems, but they CHOOSE denial.
Identifying themselves as involuntary anything is just another way to blame everyone else to avoid dealing with uncomfortable truths. It's a part of several mental illnesses.
I kinda feel bad for them on the level that it probably comes as a result of being brought up wrong, but also fvck them because they're an insult to anyone taking responsibility for their own lives the hard way.
They have a fvcking choice, but they've made wrong decisions for so long they actually believe they don't.
You are saying there is something wrong with that? I'm trying.
Only if it's women. They have no excuse because they have super-abundance and make bad choices where they end up blaming other people. It's different than someone with a hard knock life. If things are going well for you, then it's easy to knock other people when you may be underestimating that you may have got some breaks that the next guy didn't have and you'd be in a far different position if you didn't have the same breaks.Serenity said:
Serenity
Moderator
Incels underestimate the challenges many successful guys face. "If things are going well for you", that's basically saying you're a victim of your circumstances. To an incel it's all about blaming circumstances, you're doing it right here and that lack of personal responsibility is EXACTLY the problem I'm talking about.
I didn't get lucky, I worked my ass off to get to where I am today and I was certainly not dealt a good hand in life.
You can sit around waiting for luck or you can take charge of your life, I chose the latter because luck may never come and that's not a life I can accept.
AmsterdamAssassin
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Aug 4, 2023
- Messages
- 6,651
- Reaction score
- 5,760
People who have a strong external locus of control will always blame circumstances / other people / deities on anything that 'befalls' them. It's a way of throwing up your hands and saying, "I tried, but everything worked against me." Basically, a cop-out.
AmsterdamAssassin
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Aug 4, 2023
- Messages
- 6,651
- Reaction score
- 5,760
Involuntary childlessness may be a tragedy, but so is not winning the lottery despite buying lottery tickets every month.
When you go through life, you will have opportunities and you will miss opportunities.
Grieving missed opportunities is like 'losing the lottery'. You don't 'lose', you just don't win.
The only thing that equates this to 'incel' is that both have a strong external locus of control blaming outside influences for their 'misfortune'. Maybe, just maybe, you should've made other decisions in your life, but you were not aware. And now that you are, you're angry/disappointed at missing out on opportunities you failed to notice.
P.S. If you cannot 'have a child' and it seriously bothers you that you do not have a tiny dependent to care for, you can always try to adopt. There's a lot of orphaned children looking for parents.
When you go through life, you will have opportunities and you will miss opportunities.
Grieving missed opportunities is like 'losing the lottery'. You don't 'lose', you just don't win.
The only thing that equates this to 'incel' is that both have a strong external locus of control blaming outside influences for their 'misfortune'. Maybe, just maybe, you should've made other decisions in your life, but you were not aware. And now that you are, you're angry/disappointed at missing out on opportunities you failed to notice.
P.S. If you cannot 'have a child' and it seriously bothers you that you do not have a tiny dependent to care for, you can always try to adopt. There's a lot of orphaned children looking for parents.