Atom Smasher
Master Don Juan
This really is so good, I'm going to sticky if for a few weeks even though it's old.
This post blew my mind. Quite the educationThis is the post linked above, that every fvcking bluepill should read.
"Man affections vs boy affections
a while back i finally figured out what makes a good relationship.
most of the gamey talk is all focused on getting laid. getting laid is the easiest thing in the world, after you do it for a while. what’s not nearly as simple is to maintain an excellent relationship. i’m going to venture out on a limb and say that MOST relationships are crap. and yet it’s really just two fundamental principles, that determine the success of any relationship. it’s ridiculous that it took me so long to figure this out.
my relationships used to be sort of average. have a girlfriend, sometimes you get along, sometimes you don’t. sometimes she’s a ****, sometimes she’s nice. sooner or later there are the annoying bits of jealousy and wondering if she’s cheating, and then all the arguments and breakups. standard ****.
to figure out why most relationships suck, eventually you have to look at the type of emotional connection you are seeking:
emotional validation from your partner
being able to ‘trust’ your partner
support from your partner
sort of, almost unconditional love from your partner, ‘as you are’
seeking approval from your partner
there’s more aspects, but that’s probably enough to make the point we’re getting to.
we are simple creatures. we are programmed to have an emotional connection to the opposite sex. to get a little weird about it for a second though, think about how this programming expresses itself:
there are only two types of man-love our brain is wired for.
one, the love you got, wanted to get, hoped for, maybe experienced – from you mother, as a child. that’s a key kind of emotional connection to the female. and, as much as that sounds ****ed up, it’s the type of connection most men are trying to find again in their adult life – from a girlfriend / wife.
seriously consider this. look at the few bullet points above. what kind of ‘love’ is that? let’s not judge it, just look at it objectively. that’s how most men view love. they don’t think about it consciously, but that’s the love they got to experience as a child.
here’s some news: no girl will ever love you like your mom did.
before we get a bit more into that, let’s look at the other type of man-love our brain has wiring for:
the love a father has for his daughter.
again, we have to remove all the incestous, sexualized, weird bits of it, and just look at the emotional components that drive the type of interaction, expectation, dependence, and outcome. how does a father love his daughter?
giving emotional validation to the child
rationing trust, with having ‘hand’ – control
providing support
molding her in his image
giving approval, as long as the child does at it is supposed to
compare these bullets to the ones above. how do you feel about that? take out the mother / daughter thing. just look at the giving & taking ratios, look at where the control lies.
there is always control in a relationship. question is just – who has it?
there is no other emotional romantic connection wiring in our brain. it’s either seeking the love you got from your mother as a child, or creating the love you get from your offspring.
everything manosphere talks about fits into this model. the whole concept of ‘beta’ is embodied in how men deal with women who they want maternal love from. they are the weak ones, seeking approval, expecting this ocean of support, putting a woman on a pedestal. and guess what – it works for ****. mom love is done after you are grown up. realizing that means having to step away from that, coming to terms with the fact that this kind of emotional bond is DONE. being a man means being at the top of the social hierarchy. on the flip side, relationships suddenly work incredibly well when you treat a girl not like an adult that you look up to, an adult that you seek validation from – but like a child.
think about it. **** tests? from an adult, maybe. but a child? how do you treat a child who **** tests you? well … a lot of men haven’t grown up enough to be called men, so they still wouldn’t know. but for some of us, all that’s missing is this conscious realization. you don’t seek the validation of a child, do you? you don’t ask a child if it’s ok for you to go out, do you? when you want a child to do something, how do you address it?
i’m not saying, ‘be a ****’. you still game children, a lot. you want to reward them for good behavior. dealing with kids isn’t easy, either. but if you figure that out, then you also figure out a healthy relationship with a girl. i don’t really believe that the ‘******* game’ is a fully evolved strategy. it’s just better than wanting a replacement mom. so when a girl has the choice between a grown up (who is an *******) vs a sniveling boy who wants a mother – she will of course pick the *******.
but give her the choice between a father figure, an *******, and a sniveling boy and the father figure will win, every time. part of that is giving validation, creating boundaries, being clearly in control.
if you want a great relationship, start reading parenting psychology books (not the new age feminist ones). and dog training books. you can take this however far you want, once you get comfortable. xsplat likes to go full on daddy. it’s a genius move. a bit depraved? maybe. but better than the advocates of game stuff who act like children themselves – basically saying ‘treat girls like you are 12 and in a sandbox with a girl’. and better than mainstream culture which puts out disney **** and romantic comedies that all emulate maternal love relationships (which don’t exist).
my relationships have become something entirely different since i started taking the father figure approach. girls love it. they are willing to do anything and everything, and the general bull**** from girls is maybe 5% of what it used to be – before i figured this out.
Original Source: http://www.cedonulli.com/healthy-vs-****ty-relationships-two-principal-types-of-love/"
Man, this article says it all...This is the post linked above, that every fvcking bluepill should read.
"Man affections vs boy affections
a while back i finally figured out what makes a good relationship.
most of the gamey talk is all focused on getting laid. getting laid is the easiest thing in the world, after you do it for a while. what’s not nearly as simple is to maintain an excellent relationship. i’m going to venture out on a limb and say that MOST relationships are crap. and yet it’s really just two fundamental principles, that determine the success of any relationship. it’s ridiculous that it took me so long to figure this out.
my relationships used to be sort of average. have a girlfriend, sometimes you get along, sometimes you don’t. sometimes she’s a ****, sometimes she’s nice. sooner or later there are the annoying bits of jealousy and wondering if she’s cheating, and then all the arguments and breakups. standard ****.
to figure out why most relationships suck, eventually you have to look at the type of emotional connection you are seeking:
emotional validation from your partner
being able to ‘trust’ your partner
support from your partner
sort of, almost unconditional love from your partner, ‘as you are’
seeking approval from your partner
there’s more aspects, but that’s probably enough to make the point we’re getting to.
we are simple creatures. we are programmed to have an emotional connection to the opposite sex. to get a little weird about it for a second though, think about how this programming expresses itself:
there are only two types of man-love our brain is wired for.
one, the love you got, wanted to get, hoped for, maybe experienced – from you mother, as a child. that’s a key kind of emotional connection to the female. and, as much as that sounds ****ed up, it’s the type of connection most men are trying to find again in their adult life – from a girlfriend / wife.
seriously consider this. look at the few bullet points above. what kind of ‘love’ is that? let’s not judge it, just look at it objectively. that’s how most men view love. they don’t think about it consciously, but that’s the love they got to experience as a child.
here’s some news: no girl will ever love you like your mom did.
before we get a bit more into that, let’s look at the other type of man-love our brain has wiring for:
the love a father has for his daughter.
again, we have to remove all the incestous, sexualized, weird bits of it, and just look at the emotional components that drive the type of interaction, expectation, dependence, and outcome. how does a father love his daughter?
giving emotional validation to the child
rationing trust, with having ‘hand’ – control
providing support
molding her in his image
giving approval, as long as the child does at it is supposed to
compare these bullets to the ones above. how do you feel about that? take out the mother / daughter thing. just look at the giving & taking ratios, look at where the control lies.
there is always control in a relationship. question is just – who has it?
there is no other emotional romantic connection wiring in our brain. it’s either seeking the love you got from your mother as a child, or creating the love you get from your offspring.
everything manosphere talks about fits into this model. the whole concept of ‘beta’ is embodied in how men deal with women who they want maternal love from. they are the weak ones, seeking approval, expecting this ocean of support, putting a woman on a pedestal. and guess what – it works for ****. mom love is done after you are grown up. realizing that means having to step away from that, coming to terms with the fact that this kind of emotional bond is DONE. being a man means being at the top of the social hierarchy. on the flip side, relationships suddenly work incredibly well when you treat a girl not like an adult that you look up to, an adult that you seek validation from – but like a child.
think about it. **** tests? from an adult, maybe. but a child? how do you treat a child who **** tests you? well … a lot of men haven’t grown up enough to be called men, so they still wouldn’t know. but for some of us, all that’s missing is this conscious realization. you don’t seek the validation of a child, do you? you don’t ask a child if it’s ok for you to go out, do you? when you want a child to do something, how do you address it?
i’m not saying, ‘be a ****’. you still game children, a lot. you want to reward them for good behavior. dealing with kids isn’t easy, either. but if you figure that out, then you also figure out a healthy relationship with a girl. i don’t really believe that the ‘******* game’ is a fully evolved strategy. it’s just better than wanting a replacement mom. so when a girl has the choice between a grown up (who is an *******) vs a sniveling boy who wants a mother – she will of course pick the *******.
but give her the choice between a father figure, an *******, and a sniveling boy and the father figure will win, every time. part of that is giving validation, creating boundaries, being clearly in control.
if you want a great relationship, start reading parenting psychology books (not the new age feminist ones). and dog training books. you can take this however far you want, once you get comfortable. xsplat likes to go full on daddy. it’s a genius move. a bit depraved? maybe. but better than the advocates of game stuff who act like children themselves – basically saying ‘treat girls like you are 12 and in a sandbox with a girl’. and better than mainstream culture which puts out disney **** and romantic comedies that all emulate maternal love relationships (which don’t exist).
my relationships have become something entirely different since i started taking the father figure approach. girls love it. they are willing to do anything and everything, and the general bull**** from girls is maybe 5% of what it used to be – before i figured this out.
Original Source: http://www.cedonulli.com/healthy-vs-****ty-relationships-two-principal-types-of-love/"
"People have to decide on their own to seek professional/legal help with ptsd stuff with their opposite gender parent.ahh, and if the mother was abusive?
emotionally, mentally and physically?
the guy is going to meet someone like me who literally begs him, pleads with him, 'to cut the umbilical cord'.
Second try; then I wrote down every abuse he told me she committed and identified her with full marital and maiden name and address and sealed it and put it in my bank safety deposit box and I told him I put it all in writing if ever he wanted help in organising a legal persecution and if he sought a proper apology/penance or penalty/jail sentencing for her.
That backfired too.
My efforts deadened me.
People have to decide on their own to seek professional/legal help with ptsd stuff with their opposite gender parent.
I'm neither a mental health professional nor a lawyer.
I would respectfully try to change when he suggested something I could work on.
I had the habit of speaking about my father as if he was just in the other room, alive still.
I haven't completely lost that habit, but I can tell you I never did it anymore with the boyfriend, after he pointed it out.
I always said my 'late' father or my Dad 'that passed away' when talking to him or in person(about deceased Dad) from then on, with this boyfriend, after he asked me to be more conscious of this and change.
Like I was asking him to change with his opposite gender parent.
Fair enough.
I wonder how I can implement what I've learned from him and about him in my life? oh ya, that's why I'm here on sosuave....to learn what to say and do and let's admit it, to learn what not to say.[QUOTE/]
(...)
Sometimes breaking up and letting a person go is the best help you could give to them.
(...)
You have to learn something from every experience, otherwise it's a waste of time, energy and nerves. And then, you have to implement it in your life and not make same mistakes again.
Thank you.Thanks Luks. Welcome to Sosuave btw.
The first indication I had that he was unhappy was when he admitted to watching that Coach Red Pill youtube video 'make loneliness your friend'..,and that he rewatches it over and over.Thank you.
Remeber this, if you are unsatisfied in your relationship, chances are that other person is too. Eventually one of you will decide to break up. Your relationship is a car going towards a wall and someone will jump out to save himself. Do yourself a favour and jump out first. You will feel less disappointed this way because nobody likes to get dumped. It sounds a bit shallow but your own happiness should be your priority. Nobody will put you in front of them, everybody is looking out for themselves.
I agree.Oneitis and heart break is truly the most crippling thing a man can ever experience. Many men never recover from it.
The entire Redpill community was born out of the crucible of the cancer of Oneitis heartbreak. Game is armour to protect ourselves from this severely debilitating and potentially life-long affliction.
Personally, I believe that no man is immune to this (look at what happened to Roosh - his conversion to Godpill was entirely the result of heartbreak).
I was a serial womaniser my entire life and felt I had mastered "un-attached" sex. I had never felt true love so I never understood how dangerous it was. It made me complacent and fearless. I believed I was immune to the powers of feminine love. One day I met a girl that changed everything - I experienced bliss state of love, and then lost her to my own careless infidelity and beta atonement after I has caught. I had to crawl through the cold hallways and razorblades of Oneitis for months. No amount of casual sex, distraction, activities with friends helped me. I believe that Oneitis changes your brain chemistry and there's nothing you can do about it but "feel the pain." You're never the same again and it becomes a part of you forever.
I call love the soft focus feeling.Yes I've experienced this myself. I had a highschool crush where there was an abrupt end to our intense relationship. I didn't see/hear from her in years. She entered into "dream girl" fantasy status in my mind. I met up with her randomly by chance a few years later and the reality of her slutty existence destroyed my childhood Oneitis in an instant and I was repulsed by her.
Our brains are just factories of chemicals and illusions that can be changed when we receive new information.
I experienced a much more severe Oneitis many years later, as mentioned in my above post. No amount of knowledge or Game awareness can help it (Which is why Game always advocates never getting attached and spinning plates forever - I personally see this as a limited existence. Love is the bliss state the the highest level of transcendence in life).
After a Oneitis break-up your brain literally has to detox and receive new experiences to slowly wean yourself away from it - there's an inevitable time factor to this process too. It's literally impossible to "move on" and "switch off" overnight to a woman you had a deep attachment to. Anyone who tells you that this is possible is lying and hasn't ever experienced deep love.