Lotus Effect
Master Don Juan
Hey guys, due to recent threads from dudes who are not very happy with theirselfs, I've decided to share my 2 cents on it!
This was an answer I've given a dude on his thread, and since it is, well, very complete, and it is what I actually did in order to become a happy man and what I trully believe, I'm sharing it the way I posted to the guy!
(Just like to add that this are the initial steps in order to become trully happy. As time passes, and you are actually happier, some other things might be done in order to keep fullfilling your success!)
I've struggled with this for almost 23 years. Then depression kicked in. And I almost went to a clinic.
If I knew the answer was so simple I would have enjoyed my youth way better!
The answer, as I've said, is simple.
You just have to be happy!
There is no secret key to do so though. It may sound really hard for you to even grasp this now. But the same way you find ease in being sad/hating yourself, when you become happy, which will happen soon enough, you'll realise how easy it is for you to feel happy!
Anyway, in order to feel happy, and start loving yourself, there a few things you MUST do. If you don't do any of this, it will be hard for you to get there, but I'll give you step by step (I wish I had something like this back then)
1-Find something you love, and do it:
Wheter is a hobby, or a sport (or a chick) you have to go out there and learn a new thing that sparkles your eye. Or actvely purse something you already love, but are to scared to do, for example, playing in a band!
It has to be a real actvity. And it is better if it envolves other people. The more the merrier.
(Video gaming, online gaming, and jerking off do not count!)
2-Find your faith:
Yes, faith. Like in religion, or any sh*t like this. Modern society brought so many things to the table that everyone has become an atheist. Just because they can. Study some belief, whatever suits you. Take the one you believe makes more sense to you.
And believe that sh*t!
3-Have a moment of introspection:
I know. You are already introspect. You are already shy, and you barely talk to your mom. But what I mean is. Have 20 minutes of your to yourself. Sit in a bench on a park. On a chair on your porch. In your toilet seat. Wherever. And think... It can be meditation (Which is really good), it can be a prayer, you can thank the universe. Anything. Just cut yourself from the world and stand with you. Alone!
4-Read:
This one is harder than it seems. But reading great books will put you on the right track for sure. In order to help you, here is a list of excellent books to Read:
(They are not in any specif order)
The 7 habits of highly effective people - Stephen Covey
The Power of Habit - Charles Duhigg
Made to Stick - Dan & Chip Heath
Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion - Robert Cialdini
The Book of Pook - You can find this one on the DJ Bible DL section
The Art of Seduction - Robert Greene
The 48 laws of Power - Robert Greene
Mastery - Robert Greene
Switch: How to change things when Change is Hard - Dan & Chip Heath
Flow: The Psychology of optimal experience - Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi
Decisive: How to make better choices in life and Work - Dan & Chip Heath
Awaken the Giant Within - Anthony Robbins
Unlimited Power - Anthony Robbins
Thinking Fast and Slow - Daniel Kahneman
Magic Bullets 2nd Edition - Nick Savoy
The Prince - Niccolo Machiacvelli
The Power of Now - Eckhar Tolle
Pitch Anything - Oren Klaf
Emotional Intelligence - Daniel Goleman
5-Cut bad habits. Replace with good ones:
Watch too much tv? Turn it off and go read a book. Besides of leaving you dumb, and killing good hours of your day, it washes your brain with a truckload ammoount of sh*t. Sh*t to make you even dumber, and sad.
Play too much video game? Cut that sh*t and hit the gym. Gaming will not get you anywhere. It will only seclude you even more. Hitting the gym may sound hard, because it is. But after a month or two, you get used to it, and you begin seeing results. A good tip is avoid doing cardio. (i.e. Running) it is boring, and it will kill your spirit. After you get used to training you add some cardio to get started.
Too much porn? Block all the sites! Fapping to much will leave with sexual anciety, which may cause you premature ejacullation, and with impotency. Instead, go out there and start saying hello to random people. Your doorman, the guy on the bakery, the cashier on the market, the bouncer on the club, the hot chik with the dog. This will put you on a more talkative mood and getting a 'hi' back will put a small smile on your face.
Anyway, you got the idea. And you now what are the bad habits. You can have an ocasionnal big mac. You just don't have to eat it every single f*cking day!
6-Listen to upbeat/happy music:
This may sound lame. And I know how much you like slipknot. But you are sad, and you know it, and listen to music that only say bad things, that can dramatically bring you down, will not help!
This are all things you can do by yourself. And remember, only you can bring you up. People may even be complacent sometimes. Eventually it gets boring and they always leave, because they have their own problems.
But there is something that you must do with someone else, and that is step number...
7-LOVE:
I know. Lots of guys in here believe women are evil b*tches, with the sole purpose of screwing your life, taking your money, and then cheating you afterwards...
Well, they are! Anyway, people are still able to fell this emotion. Even if it lasts for 3 months, when you love you will know it. And no. I'm not talking about sick love, one itis, platonic friend love. I'm talking about mutual love, that you give and receive. Only when you feel this with someone, you will grasp what true happiness is.
As I've said, she may leave you, dump you, cheat on you later. Or you can get bored and dump her first. Both cases will leave you destroyed, and most likely more depressed than you are now. But this pain fades with time, and after that, you will have experienced the most raw form of happiness! And after feeling that kind of happiness, you eventually realise that the happiness was inside of you all along, you just have to turn the switch to 'On'
---------------------------------------------------------
All of this is said from experience. I once was a dude like you, asking myself 'How the f*ck people are happy' or 'Why can't I be happy'.
Anyway, people are not that happy! It is only a façade. But, as everything, there are people who are genuinelly happy, and you can easily recognize them, and there a people that are happy but are clueless to everything I've said above. It does not matter. We are more problematic males, and we need the step by step. So there you have it!
I'm pretty much a very happy dude now! And I most def love myself. Way too much I guess! haha
I hope this helps mate!
Peace
This was an answer I've given a dude on his thread, and since it is, well, very complete, and it is what I actually did in order to become a happy man and what I trully believe, I'm sharing it the way I posted to the guy!
(Just like to add that this are the initial steps in order to become trully happy. As time passes, and you are actually happier, some other things might be done in order to keep fullfilling your success!)
Man...kravmaga1 said:
I've struggled with this for almost 23 years. Then depression kicked in. And I almost went to a clinic.
If I knew the answer was so simple I would have enjoyed my youth way better!
The answer, as I've said, is simple.
You just have to be happy!
There is no secret key to do so though. It may sound really hard for you to even grasp this now. But the same way you find ease in being sad/hating yourself, when you become happy, which will happen soon enough, you'll realise how easy it is for you to feel happy!
Anyway, in order to feel happy, and start loving yourself, there a few things you MUST do. If you don't do any of this, it will be hard for you to get there, but I'll give you step by step (I wish I had something like this back then)
1-Find something you love, and do it:
Wheter is a hobby, or a sport (or a chick) you have to go out there and learn a new thing that sparkles your eye. Or actvely purse something you already love, but are to scared to do, for example, playing in a band!
It has to be a real actvity. And it is better if it envolves other people. The more the merrier.
(Video gaming, online gaming, and jerking off do not count!)
2-Find your faith:
Yes, faith. Like in religion, or any sh*t like this. Modern society brought so many things to the table that everyone has become an atheist. Just because they can. Study some belief, whatever suits you. Take the one you believe makes more sense to you.
And believe that sh*t!
3-Have a moment of introspection:
I know. You are already introspect. You are already shy, and you barely talk to your mom. But what I mean is. Have 20 minutes of your to yourself. Sit in a bench on a park. On a chair on your porch. In your toilet seat. Wherever. And think... It can be meditation (Which is really good), it can be a prayer, you can thank the universe. Anything. Just cut yourself from the world and stand with you. Alone!
4-Read:
This one is harder than it seems. But reading great books will put you on the right track for sure. In order to help you, here is a list of excellent books to Read:
(They are not in any specif order)
The 7 habits of highly effective people - Stephen Covey
The Power of Habit - Charles Duhigg
Made to Stick - Dan & Chip Heath
Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion - Robert Cialdini
The Book of Pook - You can find this one on the DJ Bible DL section
The Art of Seduction - Robert Greene
The 48 laws of Power - Robert Greene
Mastery - Robert Greene
Switch: How to change things when Change is Hard - Dan & Chip Heath
Flow: The Psychology of optimal experience - Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi
Decisive: How to make better choices in life and Work - Dan & Chip Heath
Awaken the Giant Within - Anthony Robbins
Unlimited Power - Anthony Robbins
Thinking Fast and Slow - Daniel Kahneman
Magic Bullets 2nd Edition - Nick Savoy
The Prince - Niccolo Machiacvelli
The Power of Now - Eckhar Tolle
Pitch Anything - Oren Klaf
Emotional Intelligence - Daniel Goleman
5-Cut bad habits. Replace with good ones:
Watch too much tv? Turn it off and go read a book. Besides of leaving you dumb, and killing good hours of your day, it washes your brain with a truckload ammoount of sh*t. Sh*t to make you even dumber, and sad.
Play too much video game? Cut that sh*t and hit the gym. Gaming will not get you anywhere. It will only seclude you even more. Hitting the gym may sound hard, because it is. But after a month or two, you get used to it, and you begin seeing results. A good tip is avoid doing cardio. (i.e. Running) it is boring, and it will kill your spirit. After you get used to training you add some cardio to get started.
Too much porn? Block all the sites! Fapping to much will leave with sexual anciety, which may cause you premature ejacullation, and with impotency. Instead, go out there and start saying hello to random people. Your doorman, the guy on the bakery, the cashier on the market, the bouncer on the club, the hot chik with the dog. This will put you on a more talkative mood and getting a 'hi' back will put a small smile on your face.
Anyway, you got the idea. And you now what are the bad habits. You can have an ocasionnal big mac. You just don't have to eat it every single f*cking day!
6-Listen to upbeat/happy music:
This may sound lame. And I know how much you like slipknot. But you are sad, and you know it, and listen to music that only say bad things, that can dramatically bring you down, will not help!
This are all things you can do by yourself. And remember, only you can bring you up. People may even be complacent sometimes. Eventually it gets boring and they always leave, because they have their own problems.
But there is something that you must do with someone else, and that is step number...
7-LOVE:
I know. Lots of guys in here believe women are evil b*tches, with the sole purpose of screwing your life, taking your money, and then cheating you afterwards...
Well, they are! Anyway, people are still able to fell this emotion. Even if it lasts for 3 months, when you love you will know it. And no. I'm not talking about sick love, one itis, platonic friend love. I'm talking about mutual love, that you give and receive. Only when you feel this with someone, you will grasp what true happiness is.
As I've said, she may leave you, dump you, cheat on you later. Or you can get bored and dump her first. Both cases will leave you destroyed, and most likely more depressed than you are now. But this pain fades with time, and after that, you will have experienced the most raw form of happiness! And after feeling that kind of happiness, you eventually realise that the happiness was inside of you all along, you just have to turn the switch to 'On'
---------------------------------------------------------
All of this is said from experience. I once was a dude like you, asking myself 'How the f*ck people are happy' or 'Why can't I be happy'.
Anyway, people are not that happy! It is only a façade. But, as everything, there are people who are genuinelly happy, and you can easily recognize them, and there a people that are happy but are clueless to everything I've said above. It does not matter. We are more problematic males, and we need the step by step. So there you have it!
I'm pretty much a very happy dude now! And I most def love myself. Way too much I guess! haha
I hope this helps mate!
Peace
