coyote_astro
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- Feb 1, 2020
- Messages
- 225
- Reaction score
- 137
- Age
- 33
Two months ago I moved to a new city to start a new job.
I started going out with a group of co-workers of similar age, including this girl that I'm writing about. She is cute but not particularly hot (~7-7.5/10) but is clearly my type and we come from similar cultural backgrounds, so it was clear that there was some chemistry there. One of the first nights out, I was chatting with another guy, and she came over and asked 'what's your guys dating status?'. Given that I was the new guy that joined the social circle, I wondered if this was a sign of interest/curiosity about me. The other guy started going on a long rant about dating apps (lol) so I never got to respond. Then two weeks later, again on a night out, she asked me the same question. I playfully responded that 'I am interviewing new applications', and people laughed. All was good, we would go out as friends, get drunk/have fun etc, so I slowly started to like her. But because we worked together, I avoided making a move and just enjoyed the energy between us. She told me at times about how she broke up after a very long relationship, and was clear she is single.
This is when things started to get bad. One night we were all out with friends, and another random guy hit on her. I could tell she was into him, and was bothered a bit, but tried not to make a big deal out of this and left them to it. I admit I was bothered a bit the day after, but tried not to think about whether they hooked up or not. Then a week passed by because I was traveling. Next weekend we were at a party, and I had almost forgotten about the incident. At some point she came to me and said:
-Her: What's new with you?
-Me: All good, just pretty busy week with work. You?
-Her: Good! btw, last week I ended up going to that guy's home.
-Me: Oh really, good to hear, happy for you.
I tried to act as cool and stoic as I could when saying so. Deep inside this obviously bothered me. I honestly thing she sensed my jealousy that night, and wanted to test for my reaction. Anyway, days passed by and I tried to forget about it again and remind myself that she's free to do whatever she wants.
Then I got COVID and was sick at home for some time, during which she invited me to go for drinks and stuff, but I couldn't go out.
After I recovered she invited me to join her and some friends for drinks again, to which I joined. By that time I was 'over' what happened with the other guy. I met them at a bar, she was tipsy and in a cheerful mood. At some point, she asked me (again!) about how my dating life is going, and we started talking about this stuff.
-Her: I need a guy's opinion. Remember the guy I told you I hooped up that day?
-Me: Yes
-Her: He's been texting me again but I want to tell him I am not interested in anything more, as I like another guy.
-Me: Better tell him the truth yet, dont waste his time. Is the other guy your ex?
-Her: No, it's another guy who lives abroad. But I think I am actually polyamorous. Please dont tell anyone else this stuff. I am telling you because I feel I know you.
-Me: No worries, no judgement. I actually I think I am as well.
Perhaps to my mistake, I considered the above as flirting, and got interested again. Then we ended up at a club, which is where the worst happened.
It was her, a friend of hers, and another dude from work, who I never considered a threat. But the both of us started to subtly compete for her attention. He was more carefree than me, but I couldn't believe something was going on between them. Then the closing time came.
-Me: We are going the same way. Wanna share an Uber?
-Her: Actually, I think I am going to stay with [other guy's name].
-Me: Oh OK, I'll order one for me then.
I told them good night, got on the Uber and got back home. This was obviously a huge L, and I felt extremely angry and humiliated. tried to hide it as much as I could. She probably suspected something, because the next afternoon texted me to see 'how I was doing'. Responded briefly and did not engage much.
Ever since that incident I tried to completely withdraw my attention towards her. But I also dont want to appear as a butthurt crybaby, so I still speak to her when we are at work and see each other. But I avoid having lunches together as much as I can, going out for drinks in the same group and any other extras. Obviously my absence has been noticed, and has significantly raised her curiosity. The other day she told me 'where have you been? you disappeared!' etc. Yesterday she came to my office 'for a coffee break'. It's hard to totally dismiss her while at work, so I joined, but tried to be just cordial without too much extras. She keeps inviting me to stuff and I come up with excuses to avoid hanging out outside of work. Which makes her even more interested etc..
In one month she's (luckily) moving to another country, so I won't see her ever again. Part of my thinks I should just let her go. But another part of me wonders if I should take advantage of her raised interest and try to f*ck her. As selfish as it might sound, my ego was hurt, and I consider it unfinished business. Not sure what to do. I am actively trying to meet other girls and go on other dates in the meantime, btw. I just want to have the final word on this.
Sorry for the long rant, but I really needed to vent!
I started going out with a group of co-workers of similar age, including this girl that I'm writing about. She is cute but not particularly hot (~7-7.5/10) but is clearly my type and we come from similar cultural backgrounds, so it was clear that there was some chemistry there. One of the first nights out, I was chatting with another guy, and she came over and asked 'what's your guys dating status?'. Given that I was the new guy that joined the social circle, I wondered if this was a sign of interest/curiosity about me. The other guy started going on a long rant about dating apps (lol) so I never got to respond. Then two weeks later, again on a night out, she asked me the same question. I playfully responded that 'I am interviewing new applications', and people laughed. All was good, we would go out as friends, get drunk/have fun etc, so I slowly started to like her. But because we worked together, I avoided making a move and just enjoyed the energy between us. She told me at times about how she broke up after a very long relationship, and was clear she is single.
This is when things started to get bad. One night we were all out with friends, and another random guy hit on her. I could tell she was into him, and was bothered a bit, but tried not to make a big deal out of this and left them to it. I admit I was bothered a bit the day after, but tried not to think about whether they hooked up or not. Then a week passed by because I was traveling. Next weekend we were at a party, and I had almost forgotten about the incident. At some point she came to me and said:
-Her: What's new with you?
-Me: All good, just pretty busy week with work. You?
-Her: Good! btw, last week I ended up going to that guy's home.
-Me: Oh really, good to hear, happy for you.
I tried to act as cool and stoic as I could when saying so. Deep inside this obviously bothered me. I honestly thing she sensed my jealousy that night, and wanted to test for my reaction. Anyway, days passed by and I tried to forget about it again and remind myself that she's free to do whatever she wants.
Then I got COVID and was sick at home for some time, during which she invited me to go for drinks and stuff, but I couldn't go out.
After I recovered she invited me to join her and some friends for drinks again, to which I joined. By that time I was 'over' what happened with the other guy. I met them at a bar, she was tipsy and in a cheerful mood. At some point, she asked me (again!) about how my dating life is going, and we started talking about this stuff.
-Her: I need a guy's opinion. Remember the guy I told you I hooped up that day?
-Me: Yes
-Her: He's been texting me again but I want to tell him I am not interested in anything more, as I like another guy.
-Me: Better tell him the truth yet, dont waste his time. Is the other guy your ex?
-Her: No, it's another guy who lives abroad. But I think I am actually polyamorous. Please dont tell anyone else this stuff. I am telling you because I feel I know you.
-Me: No worries, no judgement. I actually I think I am as well.
Perhaps to my mistake, I considered the above as flirting, and got interested again. Then we ended up at a club, which is where the worst happened.
It was her, a friend of hers, and another dude from work, who I never considered a threat. But the both of us started to subtly compete for her attention. He was more carefree than me, but I couldn't believe something was going on between them. Then the closing time came.
-Me: We are going the same way. Wanna share an Uber?
-Her: Actually, I think I am going to stay with [other guy's name].
-Me: Oh OK, I'll order one for me then.
I told them good night, got on the Uber and got back home. This was obviously a huge L, and I felt extremely angry and humiliated. tried to hide it as much as I could. She probably suspected something, because the next afternoon texted me to see 'how I was doing'. Responded briefly and did not engage much.
Ever since that incident I tried to completely withdraw my attention towards her. But I also dont want to appear as a butthurt crybaby, so I still speak to her when we are at work and see each other. But I avoid having lunches together as much as I can, going out for drinks in the same group and any other extras. Obviously my absence has been noticed, and has significantly raised her curiosity. The other day she told me 'where have you been? you disappeared!' etc. Yesterday she came to my office 'for a coffee break'. It's hard to totally dismiss her while at work, so I joined, but tried to be just cordial without too much extras. She keeps inviting me to stuff and I come up with excuses to avoid hanging out outside of work. Which makes her even more interested etc..
In one month she's (luckily) moving to another country, so I won't see her ever again. Part of my thinks I should just let her go. But another part of me wonders if I should take advantage of her raised interest and try to f*ck her. As selfish as it might sound, my ego was hurt, and I consider it unfinished business. Not sure what to do. I am actively trying to meet other girls and go on other dates in the meantime, btw. I just want to have the final word on this.
Sorry for the long rant, but I really needed to vent!
