Abuse victims tend to date partners who help them reenact their neglect

[self_is_an_illusion]

This is just an observation not judging whether it’s a good or a bad thing. But I found a study that lays it out.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/intl...uma-reenactment-in-our-intimate-relationships

- An article from Psychology Today highlights patterns of revictimization in romantic relationships stemming from unconsciously choosing partners that trigger attachment wounds.

- It notes that children experiencing trauma may unconsciously learn dysfunctional behaviors as functional through modeling and imitation.

- The article categorizes trauma reenactment into three types: revictimization, reenactment of neglect, and reenactment of attachment trauma.

- Patterns of revictimization often reflect unhealed core attachment wounds.

 

[soulforge]

This is just an observation not judging whether it’s a good or a bad thing. But I found a study that lays it out.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/intl...uma-reenactment-in-our-intimate-relationships

- An article from Psychology Today highlights patterns of revictimization in romantic relationships stemming from unconsciously choosing partners that trigger attachment wounds.

- It notes that children experiencing trauma may unconsciously learn dysfunctional behaviors as functional through modeling and imitation.

- The article categorizes trauma reenactment into three types: revictimization, reenactment of neglect, and reenactment of attachment trauma.

- Patterns of revictimization often reflect unhealed core attachment wounds.

This is exactly why you cannot be a "good guy" with damaged broken woman.

You have to be toxic and treat them like shyte, it's the only way they will stick around.

How many actually have the ability to be a toxic dude?

I think you either are naturally toxic.. or you are not.

 

[soulforge]

You don't need to be toxic. Just not a pushover with a saviour complex.

I know you say that.. To some extent I agree.

However I have seen many many times, girls give there peak beauty years, to the most toxic guys outhere. That can't be coincidence.

 

[soulforge]

It isn't. These damaged women need a strong dominant father figure, but those are rarer than benevolent dictators, so these women often get into abusive relations.
However, their own devaluation doesn't allow them to be with someone who worships them like goddesses, because they don't feel like goddesses and the worship makes their life even more of a sham.
Which is why they are attracted to men who confirm their sluttiness and treat them like dirt for it. Because they feel they are dirt and not worth the devotion regular/nice guys would give them.

Why a man would treat any chick like a goddess is beyond me.. I don't even pay compliments to a girl.

I generally treat them like slvts in the bedroom. And maybe once a blue moon buy them a gift like flowers haha.. That's very rare depending on behaviour.

But yes, I think this is why you must not go down the relationship route with a damaged girl.

It's absolutely KEY to identify that she is damaged & keep her around for sex only.

 

[sangheilios]

This is exactly why you cannot be a "good guy" with damaged broken woman.

You have to be toxic and treat them like shyte, it's the only way they will stick around.

How many actually have the ability to be a toxic dude?

I think you either are naturally toxic.. or you are not.

There's a lot of truth to this.

I personally know a guy that had this FWB/side piece that relentlessly chased him despite the fact that he already had a long distance gf. She would literally go over to him just to have sex with him when he wanted it lol, like it was just a delivery service with no effort on his part. She clearly was nothing more than sex to him and yet she still pursued him. I had a conversation with him about this and I said that i he had shown any real interest in her, maybe wanted a relationship, etc. that she would have found some sort of way to sabotage it.

 

[soulforge]

There's a lot of truth to this.

I personally know a guy that had this FWB/side piece that relentlessly chased him despite the fact that he already had a long distance gf. She would literally go over to him just to have sex with him when he wanted it lol, like it was just a delivery service with no effort on his part. She clearly was nothing more than sex to him and yet she still pursued him. I had a conversation with him about this and I said that i he had shown any real interest in her, maybe wanted a relationship, etc. that she would have found some sort of way to sabotage it.

Absolutely facts..

Look all girls are TEMPORARY in 2023

And the vast MAJORITY of them are broken/damaged/ran through

You have two choices

01. Be the good guy & get maximum 12 months out of her & then get cheated on

02. Be the toxic guy who uses her for sex only & get 2-3 years out of her, till she has had enough and leaves

Who wins in this situation? Number 02

 

[soulforge]

Simple. Scarcity mindset.

Absolutely pathetic. And I think this is most men these days?

I mean I am not a monster to girls.. I don't swear and throw things at them haha.

But as a rule I never worship them, tell them they are beautiful, go out of my way for them.

I can be civil... And being civil is enough.

 

[sangheilios]

Absolutely facts..

Look all girls are TEMPORARY in 2023

And the vast MAJORITY of them are broken/damaged/ran through

You have two choices

01. Be the good guy & get maximum 12 months out of her & then get cheated on

02. Be the toxic guy who uses her for sex only & get 2-3 years out of her, till she has had enough and leaves

Who wins in this situation? Number 02

The simple answer to this is because there are a lot of women that grew up in single mother households with an absent father figure, either literally or figuratively. Women that have healthier and more normal family upbringings don't typically go for "bad boys", it's something you find in women from not so good backgrounds.

 

[soulforge]

The simple answer to this is because there are a lot of women that grew up in single mother households with an absent father figure, either literally or figuratively. Women that have healthier and more normal family upbringings don't typically go for "bad boys", it's something you find in women from not so good backgrounds.

Absolutely I agree completely.

This is why when dating a girl, always ask about her relationship with the father.

If she did not have a father he died, or the father was a weak puzzy, or he was absent, 99% probability that she is damaged.

The girls that go for the bad boy tend to end up the single mom, and carry trauma.. Typically your BPD type.

 

[member162951]

So much truth spoken in this thread. I post on a couple of other forums, and whenever I read a post from a guy involved with a girl who has a history of abuse in previous relationships and she stayed in that relationship for any length of time, I tell him to RUN, nothing good or positive will ever come of being involved with a chick like that.

I mean, ask yourself (and her if you feel like it) why did she stay? "Oh but I loved him, he was my soul mate" or whatever.

Try as she might, the "nice" guy who doesn't abuse she can't quite develop "feelings" for the way she did with the guy who abused.

Why? Abuse is familiar and yeah probably has something to do with either having an unloving father or a father who abandoned her.

But you will never elicit the same intensity of feelings as the abuser unless of course, you become an a$$hole yourself. She can relate to that!

Many guys I see feel sorry for her and think they can "save" her, all they have to do is be kind and loving - wrong!

Like I said, try as she might (and she might really want to like you with the same intensity), she can't force herself to have feelings for the good guy who treats her well, she's too damaged, unable to bond in a normal healthy way.

I've seen it too many times to say otherwise, it's sad.

 

[self_is_an_illusion]

Absolutely facts..

Look all girls are TEMPORARY in 2023

And the vast MAJORITY of them are broken/damaged/ran through

You have two choices

01. Be the good guy & get maximum 12 months out of her & then get cheated on

02. Be the toxic guy who uses her for sex only & get 2-3 years out of her, till she has had enough and leaves

Who wins in this situation? Number 02

LOL

 

[soulforge]

So much truth spoken in this thread. I post on a couple of other forums, and whenever I read a post from a guy involved with a girl who has a history of abuse in previous relationships and she stayed in that relationship for any length of time, I tell him to RUN, nothing good or positive will ever come of being involved with a chick like that.

I mean, ask yourself (and her if you feel like it) why did she stay? "Oh but I loved him, he was my soul mate" or whatever.

Try as she might, the "nice" guy who doesn't abuse she can't quite develop "feelings" for the way she did with the guy who abused.

Why? Abuse is familiar and yeah probably has something to do with either having an unloving father or a father who abandoned her.

But you will never elicit the same intensity of feelings as the abuser unless of course, you become an a$$hole yourself. She can relate to that!

Many guys I see feel sorry for her and think they can "save" her, all they have to do is be kind and loving - wrong!

Like I said, try as she might (and she might really want to like you with the same intensity), she can't force herself to have feelings for the good guy who treats her well, she's too damaged, unable to bond in a normal healthy way.

I've seen it too many times to say otherwise, it's sad.

Nah there is no saving them. Don't even try!

I suppose the question comes down to this.

A) Is it better to keep walking when you meet a girl like this, avoid her?

B) Recognise that she is damaged & adopt a toxic, DGAF attitude towards her, use her for sex, till she has had enough, then toss her aside?

Which option is the best option.

 

[member162951]

Nah there is no saving them. Don't even try!

Yeah that's what I just said.

Many guys I see feel sorry for her and think they can "save" her, all they have to do is be kind and loving - wrong!

 

[member162951]

Nah there is no saving them. Don't even try!

I suppose the question comes down to this.

A) Is it better to keep walking when you meet a girl like this, avoid her?

B) Recognise that she is damaged & adopt a toxic, DGAF attitude towards her, use her for sex, till she has had enough, then toss her aside?

Which option is the best option.

I vote for A).

As soon as she tells you her previous relationship was abusive (and she stayed), wish her well and walk!

 

[zekko]

I've always thought this abuse theory is where a lot of the "women prefer jerks" talk comes from. Guys observed the behavior of women who had been abused, and came to that conclusion. And I'm not talking about the theories where the jerks are really nice guys and the nice guys are really jerks.

 

[soulforge]

I vote for A).

As soon as she tells you her previous relationship was abusive (and she stayed), wish her well and walk!

Usually I would agree with you, however is it not best to view this as an opportunity?

We all know sex is best with the crazy ones.

All we men need to do is identify crazy & under no circumstance allow ourselves to become attached to her.

It's a win win situation.

She does not want/ or is not able to appreciate a good man or a good healthy relationship , we in turn don't ever want to give her a relationship.

 

[The Duke]

So what's it mean when you have a pattern of attracting girls that had good relationships with their fathers(daddy's girls) but strained relationships with their mothers? There are 6 girls I had serious relationships with that were all this way. In all of these cases when her mother and father's relationship derteriorated, the father got closer to the daughter, and the mother grew jealous and kind of checked out.

 

[pipeman84]

Usually I would agree with you, however is it not best to view this as an opportunity?

We all know sex is best with the crazy ones.

All we men need to do is identify crazy & under no circumstance allow ourselves to become attached to her.

It's a win win situation.

She does not want/ or is not able to appreciate a good man or a good healthy relationship , we in turn don't ever want to give her a relationship.

I see it as a lose/lose situation. On one hand, if you're playing with fire, it's likely you'll eventually burn yourself. This can come in all sorts of way, for instance you can get attached to her, you can get involved with some bad characters from her entourage and so on.
On the other hand, it will affect your capacity of finding a sane woman you can have a good relationship with. In other words, continuing to interact with crazy women will turn you into a man that a good woman wouldn't even notice.

 

[pipeman84]

That is kind of paranoid, as you don't live with the crazy woman, so why would this block contact with a 'sane' woman?

Repeated actions become behaviour and that gets reflected in your vibe. The more time you spend with a crazy woman, the more it will rub off on you. So when eventually you meet a sane woman, she'll instinctively and subconsciously sense ... there's something off with this guy.

 

[soulforge]

Repeated actions become behaviour and that gets reflected in your vibe. The more time you spend with a crazy woman, the more it will rub off on you. So when eventually you meet a sane woman, she'll instinctively and subconsciously sense ... there's something off with this guy.

Some truth to this. Sorrunding yourself with damaged, difficult girls, who your having to check, keep in line, correct, can't be good for your soul in the long run.