FR: Venue Change Gone Bad

[TOneThousand]

Had a bit of an odd situation with a girl I've known for a while the other night. While out with a large group of people for the evening at a bar I got to flirting with HRGirl. We've flirted before but this night was heavier and a little different. There was a lot of touching, steady kino, hugging, talking with our faces touching, hand holding. I felt her demonstrating noticeable compliance too.

When it got later in the night she and her friends started talking about a venue change at some point. Here's where I committed a **** up. I more or less agressively pushed the idea of a venue change together, me with them. It went over awkwardly... they went along with it but felt like not a lot of enthusiasm. After that HRGirl got REAL QUIET, basically shutting down and not talking much. I kept talking to her friends who were cool the whole time with me but you could tell the deal got a little weird.

Up until the point where I suggested the venue change HRGirl was interacting with me a ton and after it barely at all. My friend later confirmed that she had been obviously 'all over me' at the bar earlier. Toward the end of the first venue she was holding my hand and sort of leading me toward her friends when they were talking about the next stop

Ultimately seems like she wasn't on board with me going to the next place with them, or at least she wasn't warmed up to the idea. I might have done better just trying to kiss her before they left the first place

So at the second bar not only did she freeze up she basically irish goodbyed, said nothing to me when she went home. She went home only briefly after we got to the second place. Then her friends starting trying to explain her behavior to me, saying she was really drunk and probably just needed to get some sleep. I just played that off as whatever to them and joked about it. I'll see her again but no plans to reach out to her right now

Anyway I definitely must have misplayed ****. There are two things I take away from this...

1) Being too aggressive with a venue change can be dangerous. I should feel them out more and should spend more time warming girls up to that before pushing it

2) This would have been a good opportunity to frame the venue change as an obstactle for her to overcome. Like say "Hey I'd say we should go to venue2 but I'm not sure if you're still going to be cool with hanging out for a while." At least going at it that way would give me a read on whether she's about to shoot the idea down without coming across as too needy/agressive

Cheers guys! Happy to hear other techniques I should be thinking and thoughts on social situations like this one

 

[Bigpapa]

Maybe the girl wanted you to isolate her and take her to your place or to hers place, instead you prolonged stuff by going to another venue

That is why she left very early once you got the 2nd place, she was just not into sharing the same space with you after you made her feel bad by not pushing things forward

You never have a girl changing 180 degrees without you putting her in auto rejection, mainly because you f8cked up with the escalation window

Things get even more intense if she drank a bit and is way more emotional than normal

 

[Bigpapa]

Hey bud!

Awesome read! Chicks on a night out are random, just enjoy the night and if you got her number, great! Don’t rationalize anything other a fun night and keep on truckin’

Bet you that she will either not reply to him, either she will be one worded

Difficult to recover from a missed escalation window

 

[BackInTheGame78]

You fvcked up by not suggesting going to your place or taking off on your own.

She was basically like "how obvious do I need to make it?" And just SMFH at you.

 

[mikedee]

It can be a lot of things. Maybe she saw somebody she didn't want to see at the 2nd venue, maybe she wanted you to isolate her, maybe changed her mind about because you did something she didn't like, maybe this, maybe that. You'll never know so don't be to hard on yourself, next time I would try to bring the girl home though.

 

[Millard Fillmore]

It can be a lot of things. Maybe she saw somebody she didn't want to see at the 2nd venue, maybe she wanted you to isolate her, maybe changed her mind about because you did something she didn't like, maybe this, maybe that. You'll never know so don't be to hard on yourself, next time I would try to bring the girl home though.

Agree with this and @Chowda . You didn't do anything wrong. If you wanted to go to a new venue and have more fun then who cares. Obviously you probably wanted to seduce the girl but it's not the end of the world that you didn't ask her home. Could have been a lot of factors you don't know about and women live moment to moment anyway. Nothing to sweat here other than a simple "hey wanna break away from here and talk one on one?" to the girl. But really if the girl isn't feeling your flow then that's on her and you handled it well.

 

[TOneThousand]

Guys really glad to get your advice... you're all crushing it there for me

In this case it definitely seems like I should have been working on isolating and being more on top of the escalation window

@Bigpapa - you make a good point about her changing 180 degrees and auto rejecting. I wasn't really escalating the way I needed to be obviously

@Chowda - Yeah man, still had a good time and keepin at it always! I have her number already and have known her for quite a while now, we share social circles. I'm sure Bigpapa is right though, if I had texted her after (which I didn't) she'd definitely send me some really brief response. I've had a hard time with escalation windows with this girl specifically. If I do text her again it will be after a few weeks and could invite her to some group event or whatever. From my experience with her, she'll probably be awkward and cold to me next time I see her, then start to warm up a little after that, then start to warm up more and get flirty again after that

@BackInTheGame78 - I hear you on that man. At the time I was thinking the move to somewhere else was a way to escalate but in hindsight it obviously wasn't given her emotional state

@mikedee - Yeah I know what you're saying. I do think isolating and trying to get her back home with me would have been the way to go. Thanks man

@Millard Fillmore - For sure not the end of the world. Just was weird that she went from being playful and holding hands to not even talking to me at all. But yeah, you're right not to worry about it other than to next time throw out a casual isolation suggestion next time

Thanks, you're the best!

 

[Bigpapa]

@Millard Fillmore - For sure not the end of the world. Just was weird that she went from being playful and holding hands to not even talking to me at all. But yeah, you're right not to worry about it other than to next time throw out a casual isolation suggestion next time

This is how girls react when you do not escalate and she really wants you to do so

Yeah, it is extremely annoying and makes no sense

But from her point of view she is like “ most guys want to f8ck me and I give this guy the green light and he does not try to do so. It is because he is not that attracted to me? “

And from there the hamster wheel starts spinning extremely fast and you end up in this situation, which just so you know is not that easy to fix. You need proximity, which most likely she will not offer to you

Happened to me recently too, so I know how much it s8cks when you end up in a situation like this and you actually like the girl

 

[Barrister]

I think she clearly wanted you to make a move and the TWO of you go somewhere without the friends. She also likely would have simply stayed at the same bar with you and let them leave without her had you not said anything. Alternatively, you simply let her go knowing you are still at that bar and see if she comes back. In situations like these, I have gotten tested by women before saying "yeah we are leaving now so maybe I will see you later?" Be noncommittal and don't be too eager. Give her a C&F response like "if you're lucky" (but charming variety not prickish) or simply tell her "that sounds good." 9/10 you will end up seeing her come back to you later in the night. But clearly, trying to inject yourself into their ladies night and go to the next place with them was the wrong move.

Regardless, live and learn. We have all been in these situations. Experience, while the harshest, is also the best teacher.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Had a bit of an odd situation with a girl I've known for a while the other night. While out with a large group of people for the evening at a bar I got to flirting with HRGirl. We've flirted before but this night was heavier and a little different. There was a lot of touching, steady kino, hugging, talking with our faces touching, hand holding. I felt her demonstrating noticeable compliance too.

Did you make any *sexual* innuendos that she was compliant (playing along) with?

I'm going to go against the grain here and say that a Human Resources professional in a social circle setting demonstrating romantic gestures during cuffing season (assuming you're in the northern hemisphere where the weather is getting colder) isn't a exactly a good prospect for a same-night lay. If anything she wanted you to go slower imo. Maybe she wasn't on board with going anywhere else because she knew sex wasn't going to happen at the first venue with friends all around. With the "chaos" of a venue change, more drinking and the evening getting later, that's a loss of control for a HR broad.

FFS at least sneak a kiss in at the 1st venue.

Confusion in her eyes that says it all
She's lost control
And she's clinging to the nearest passerby
She's lost control
And she gave away the secrets of her past
And said, "I've lost control again"
And to the voice that told her when and where to act
She said, "I've lost control again"
And she turned around and took me by the hand
And said, "I've lost control again"
And how I'll never know just why or understand
She said, "I've lost control again"
And she screamed out, kicking on her side, and said
"I've lost control again"
And seized up on the floor, I thought she'd die
She said, "I've lost control"
She's lost control again
She's lost control
She's lost control again
She's lost control
That I had to phone her friend to state my case
And say she's lost control again
And she showed up all the errors and mistakes
And said, "I've lost control again"
And she expressed herself in many different ways
Until she lost control again
And walked upon the edge of no escape
And laughed, "I've lost control"
She's lost control again
She's lost control
She's lost control again
She's lost control

 

[HaleyBaron]

A first night lay in front of her friends? Ain't ever gonna happen. The slut shaming would be disastrous from her group of female friends there that night. Women are vultures to each other, which is why it's a hard bargain to try to pull girls from their groups at bars and clubs. Only reason to talk to a group of girls is simply to set them against each other, a favorite pasttime for me to help break their bs barriers.

 

[Bigpapa]

A first night lay in front of her friends? Ain't ever gonna happen. The slut shaming would be disastrous from her group of female friends there that night. Women are vultures to each other, which is why it's a hard bargain to try to pull girls from their groups at bars and clubs. Only reason to talk to a group of girls is simply to set them against each other, a favorite pasttime for me to help break their bs barriers.

How many girls you slept with this year so far?

 

[HaleyBaron]

How many girls you slept with this year so far?

Not enough. I'm too focused on my career atm, so I'm sleeping with two plates and had several ONS. Lots of interested girls to add but not enough time for them.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Not enough. I'm too focused on my career atm, so I'm sleeping with two plates and had several ONS. Lots of interested girls to add but not enough time for them.

If you don't please the standards of BigPapa or disagree in any way, you don't deserve to post on this site.

This is his territory. May the ad hominems and juvenility flow.

 

[Bigpapa]

Not enough. I'm too focused on my career atm, so I'm sleeping with two plates and had several ONS. Lots of interested girls to add but not enough time for them.

Then maybe makes more sense to keep advices for things that you master very well

Not because I want to put you in a bad spot or something, but because some posters come here with genuine problems + emotional wrecks

And an advice that is not field tested can produce more harm than good

Ofc, assuming that your posts have the objective of actually genuinely wanting to help the poor soul that goes through a lot of highs and lows at the moment

 

[Bigpapa]

If you don't please the standards of BigPapa or disagree in any way, you don't deserve to post on this site.

This is his territory. May the ad hominems and juvenility flow.

Compared to you and most posters here I get laid constantly, and most importantly I do not not spread women hate

The whole point of me posting is about genuinely trying to help other less fortunate guys + having genuine discussions with other members that are doing the leg work and learning one from each other

Theories and other stuff are your thing and I do not care what you have to say, so would really appreciate if you would stick to your threads about what you are good at

 

[HaleyBaron]

Then maybe makes more sense to keep advices for things that you master very well

Not because I want to put you in a bad spot or something, but because some posters come here with genuine problems + emotional wrecks

And an advice that is not field tested can produce more harm than good

Ofc, assuming that your posts have the objective of actually genuinely wanting to help the poor soul that goes through a lot of highs and lows at the moment

I don't really get why you even made a response like that.

I gave the best advice I could. He ****ed up in a scenario that most inexperienced men never get. He probably has a good skill in some aspect of his life, but he was shown his lacking of social awareness that night. And I don't know where the attempt to question my knowledge in this even comes from. Are we having a d*ck measuring contest or something? Cause I have better things to do.

 

[Bigpapa]

I don't really get why you even made a response like that.

I gave the best advice I could. He ****ed up in a scenario that most inexperienced men never get. He probably has a good skill in some aspect of his life, but he was shown his lacking of social awareness that night. And I don't know where the attempt to question my knowledge in this even comes from. Are we having a d*ck measuring contest or something? Cause I have better things to do.

What was your advice?

That he would not have had slept with the girl because her friends were there?

I guess that this is why she did not want to continue the night with them and would have wanted to be isolated. But the guy insisted to join them and she just got annoyed and left soon after ending up at venue 2

I do not want measure my d1ck with you because it is futile, I just say that what you say to a guy that is emotional invested in something is very important, and if you do not have the required experience is just better to sit tight and let others that have more experience to give their 2 cents

If you care about actually helping someone out ofc. If you just care about kicking someone who is already down you can do whatever you want

Maybe you are better giving amazing advices about how to run business or career, or whatever you are good at or have a lot of experience with

Guys who are emotional are very vulnerable people, and people should think very thoroughly about if they have the experience required to help, otherwise is just better to sit on the bench that one

 

[HaleyBaron]

This is a damn online forum. There is no kicking involved. I do not know what mental length you going with your assessment but it's stupid and dumb.

I'll say what I said to the next guy who says a similar situation happened. Stupid energy here rn.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

I always had the thought that HaleyBaron and BillyPilgrim were the same person. Their writing style and responses are very much aligned, especially the timing

sorry, I am also high and just bought a 4k tv

tbh I lose track of who a lot of the dudes here are, the comments kinda blur together. Avatar your asses peeps!