I could've "won" but at what cost?

[RangerMIke]

I've lost many women to other dudes... happens all the freaking time. Just lost out to one because the other guy took her to Mexico on vacation... lost another a few months back to a dude that took that chick to Chile on vacation. I could go on and on... losing out to dudes with more money than brains... I could write a book.

The point is the man can't keep that sh1t up, and eventually she'll move on, he'll have a lighter wallet, sometimes the circle back. Circle of life... next dude gets his turn on the ride. You can ride for free, or you can pay... too many women in the world to pay.

 

[Divorced w 3]

This is an ongoing situation so there might be some future updates but here's something where I asked for a friend's advice, and they were right, but I think this girl messed up more than me.

Quick backstory:

Went to a bar with some friends that I hadn't been to in a while, it's a little further away, and I met this cute Brazilian chick out with her friends. I later find out she's an au pair and lives with one of her friends, working for the host family. The friends like me, the girl likes me, we're making out here and there, and at one point we separate from her friend group to make out and she even pulls up her shirt for me to suck on her nips...so I think this is a done deal.

Problem is she lives with that friend and the host family, and as such cannot have guests like me over there, and I rode up about a half hour with my friend and I live at home still. So I get her number, and she wants to hang out on Monday, and that's that.

On Monday I hit her up and we both agree to reschedule for sometime that weekend, which is fine with me because I wanted to be able to spend some time with her. My idea was to take her out to a different bar in her town and if things went well we could either go back to my car or find a hotel/motel. So the plan then became Thursday...

Thursday came around and she's still free, but thought we would be hanging out earlier in the night (8PM) rather than when I wanted to (10PM) because she has to be home before 11. We rescheduled again for that Saturday since I told her I don't want her to feel rushed if she has a curfew.

Saturday comes around and I text her to confirm, don't hear back for several hours, then mentions she needs to talk to me about our plan that night, then stops responding. Next day she apologizes profusely and says she went out with her friends during the day, felt a bit sick from the alcohol, took a nap, and ended up sleeping through the night. So we reschedule for next week...

Next week comes and I have a wedding on Saturday so I try to make plans for Friday. She doesn't want to go out on Friday because she has a driver's test Saturday morning and made plans to go out with her girlfriends since she thought I wouldn't be available. Agreed to let me know Friday morning if she's free that weekend and on which day. She stays in Friday and goes out with her friends Saturday, I hit her up after the wedding but she's staying in so I don't bother and we reschedule again.

Which brings us to tonight...now that we're all caught up...

On Tuesday we made plans for Saturday. As with all these other times, I texted her this morning to confirm she was free. She tells me she's going out to X bar with her friends and tells me to come. I told her I thought it was just going to be me and her, and asked if she wanted to go out with her friends or if she wanted to see me, to which she replied "both" because "it's Halloween".

She's already out at 10PM judging by her Instagram, and this is in a place where the bars are open until 2AM. She tells me where she's going, and later I text her asking where she's at before I think about heading out, at this point I feel like going out would be a waste of time...so I ask my buddy for some input.

He tells me that she's having fun and wants me to come have fun with her, with my argument being that I'd be going all the way up there by myself dressed up in costume to try and find this one girl who's barely checking her phone with how long it's taking her to get back to me. He says if I don't show up that she'll think I'm not fun and that I didn't want to meet.

Lo and behold, almost 3 hours after my last text at almost 1AM she hits me back asking where I am and tried to call me. I simply tell her "you never texted me so I didn't go". Which, 2 hours later, she still hasn't read, by the way.

Now, was there a win to be had here? Maybe. It would've been a logistical pain in the a** since neither of us had a place to go really, but was this unreasonable? I feel like if I had gone I would be driving a half hour each way, dressed up in my costume by myself, looking for this one chick in a bar that doesn't think the plans we made were important enough to check her phone.

Like I know girls aren't logical here, and I'm sure a lot of you would've stopped rescheduling way before this, but would any of you have done this different tonight?

It's worth mentioning that I DO think she's interested...when she does reply it's usually multiple texts, she watches and likes my Instagram stories, etc. She's not cold, I just think she's not interested ENOUGH maybe.

You could’ve fvcked her the first night in your car.

 

[Divorced w 3]

I didn’t get a moment during the initial read of this to expand on my thoughts. The executive summary of those thoughts is essentially that this girl looks and feels to me like a party girl with a high sex drive who is likely has casual sex and you were in the right place at the right time. The ongoing conversation that always seems to end up in missed opportunity feels like her enjoying you as a conversation partner but doesn’t want to engage in casual sex outside of the club scene. Obviously the problem with that is the club scene is going to continue to yield her other candidates than you every time she goes out, which is why you guys unfortunately continue to ‘miss’ each other. I think the opportunity to connect with her as a recurring sexual partner passed the day you met and didn’t hook up, which if you were good you likely would’ve at least gotten the look to meet her again at the club. Even then, your next round of sex after the club was going to be an open competition but at least you had that first round under your belt.

 

[Divorced w 3]

I've lost many women to other dudes... happens all the freaking time. Just lost out to one because the other guy took her to Mexico on vacation... lost another a few months back to a dude that took that chick to Chile on vacation. I could go on and on... losing out to dudes with more money than brains... I could write a book.

The point is the man can't keep that sh1t up, and eventually she'll move on, he'll have a lighter wallet, sometimes the circle back. Circle of life... next dude gets his turn on the ride. You can ride for free, or you can pay... too many women in the world to pay.

The key to traveling with a woman who is not your fiancée is to have her throw some skin into the game. Have her book a significant portion of the trip. Absolutely agree it’s terrible idea to have her ride for free.

 

[BPH]

Ok, I've kind of left this thread alone for a while thinking it was just going to die, but I see it's still going so rather than quote everybody directly I'll just try to summarize a few things.

1. I'm still very much talking to other girls, I don't have all (or really any) of my eggs in this particular basket. I mostly came here to ask if anybody thinks it would've been "correct" to go through the hassle of meeting her up at the bar this last weekend, expecting her to drunkenly text me wondering why I wasn't there, which she did.
2. For some background, the girl is 27 years old, she works as an au pair under the host family she lives with, along with one of the friends I met her out with that first night. She has been living here in the USA for only 4 months and doesn't have the best English. At one point when we were walking that night she mentioned how she prefers to "make love" rather than "have sex", which I didn't think mattered, but I'll include that here since some of these responses are more granular. I know a lot of the guys on this board are pessimistic but I hardly get the vibe she's this "turbo slut" that some of these replies infer. After all, I was the one who separated her from her friends, walked with her down a quiet street, and made out and sucked her boobs. We could've f***ed right there, I'd done it before, but she was uncomfortable at that moment and wanted us to go back to her friends, so I didn't push it. That wasn't the end of the night either; we still hung around and made out plenty, but when it got to the point where she and her drunk friends were just going on "adventures" and getting pizza and s*** I decided to say my goodbyes and head home, which is when she insisted on hanging out Monday (initially).
3. I didn't have a car to bring her to, my buddy was DDing me and some other friends that night.
4. I'm not pining for this chick or "going through a lot of nonsense", at least not in my eyes. I make a plan, the day comes, something happens, she apologizes profusely, asks about the next weekend, new plan, repeat. I see it like Tinder; expect nothing but sometimes be pleasantly surprised. Could I have f***ed her if I went all the way to the bar that night? Maybe, but I wasn't willing to go through the trouble to roll the dice on it.

I've put the ball in her court and told her if she really is as interested as she says, that she can come up with the plan and text me. She agreed, asked if I liked a particular bar, and we'll see if she hits me back. Not a big deal either way.

This thread was really only created to get the community's opinion on whether they would've gone the extra mile that I didn't think was worth going and maybe f***, or if they would've not gone through the hassle as I opted for.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Ok, I've kind of left this thread alone for a while thinking it was just going to die, but I see it's still going so rather than quote everybody directly I'll just try to summarize a few things.

1. I'm still very much talking to other girls, I don't have all (or really any) of my eggs in this particular basket. I mostly came here to ask if anybody thinks it would've been "correct" to go through the hassle of meeting her up at the bar this last weekend, expecting her to drunkenly text me wondering why I wasn't there, which she did.
2. For some background, the girl is 27 years old, she works as an au pair under the host family she lives with, along with one of the friends I met her out with that first night. She has been living here in the USA for only 4 months and doesn't have the best English. At one point when we were walking that night she mentioned how she prefers to "make love" rather than "have sex", which I didn't think mattered, but I'll include that here since some of these responses are more granular. I know a lot of the guys on this board are pessimistic but I hardly get the vibe she's this "turbo slut" that some of these replies infer. After all, I was the one who separated her from her friends, walked with her down a quiet street, and made out and sucked her boobs. We could've f***ed right there, I'd done it before, but she was uncomfortable at that moment and wanted us to go back to her friends, so I didn't push it. That wasn't the end of the night either; we still hung around and made out plenty, but when it got to the point where she and her drunk friends were just going on "adventures" and getting pizza and s*** I decided to say my goodbyes and head home, which is when she insisted on hanging out Monday (initially).
3. I didn't have a car to bring her to, my buddy was DDing me and some other friends that night.
4. I'm not pining for this chick or "going through a lot of nonsense", at least not in my eyes. I make a plan, the day comes, something happens, she apologizes profusely, asks about the next weekend, new plan, repeat. I see it like Tinder; expect nothing but sometimes be pleasantly surprised. Could I have f***ed her if I went all the way to the bar that night? Maybe, but I wasn't willing to go through the trouble to roll the dice on it.

I've put the ball in her court and told her if she really is as interested as she says, that she can come up with the plan and text me. She agreed, asked if I liked a particular bar, and we'll see if she hits me back. Not a big deal either way.

This thread was really only created to get the community's opinion on whether they would've gone the extra mile that I didn't think was worth going and maybe f***, or if they would've not gone through the hassle as I opted for.

Lol she's a tease who wants to only make out, under the protection of her friends. In other words, Catholic. The "make love, not have sex" bit is one of the tells. Maybe worthwhile if she's close, but she isn't. But she is still interested in seeing how hard you are willing to work for her, I bet. Add in buyer's remorse for the unchaperoned titty-sucking, and you're dealing with a known hardcase at this point.

Correct call in not going to meet her for the halloween party.

 

[RangerMIke]

I've put the ball in her court and told her if she really is as interested as she says, that she can come up with the plan and text me. She agreed, asked if I liked a particular bar, and we'll see if she hits me back. Not a big deal either way.

This thread was really only created to get the community's opinion on whether they would've gone the extra mile that I didn't think was worth going and maybe f***, or if they would've not gone through the hassle as I opted for.

When someone posts a topic, it's more about sharing information for everyone. Please do not think it is an attack on the OP, it's a response to the topic not the originator. There are a lot of men in the same position, with the SAME questions, so thank you for posting... I can't speak for others, but my comments are always directed to the situation not an individual.

You are doing the right thing... ball is in her court. But understand that she is much more likely to move on... which is fine. If a woman isn't right for you then you need to find out as fast as possible without spending time, resources, and emotional energy on a woman that is only interested in making her life better at your expense. She comes back GREAT: if she drifts off GREAT. It's all good. Keep it up.

 

[BPH]

I just wanted to provide an update:

She still watches all my Instagram stories but did not text or message me reaching out with a plan this weekend, so I deleted her number and unfollowed her.

 

[Millard Fillmore]

This is an ongoing situation so there might be some future updates but here's something where I asked for a friend's advice, and they were right, but I think this girl messed up more than me.

Quick backstory:

Went to a bar with some friends that I hadn't been to in a while, it's a little further away, and I met this cute Brazilian chick out with her friends. I later find out she's an au pair and lives with one of her friends, working for the host family. The friends like me, the girl likes me, we're making out here and there, and at one point we separate from her friend group to make out and she even pulls up her shirt for me to suck on her nips...so I think this is a done deal.

Problem is she lives with that friend and the host family, and as such cannot have guests like me over there, and I rode up about a half hour with my friend and I live at home still. So I get her number, and she wants to hang out on Monday, and that's that.

On Monday I hit her up and we both agree to reschedule for sometime that weekend, which is fine with me because I wanted to be able to spend some time with her. My idea was to take her out to a different bar in her town and if things went well we could either go back to my car or find a hotel/motel. So the plan then became Thursday...

Thursday came around and she's still free, but thought we would be hanging out earlier in the night (8PM) rather than when I wanted to (10PM) because she has to be home before 11. We rescheduled again for that Saturday since I told her I don't want her to feel rushed if she has a curfew.

Saturday comes around and I text her to confirm, don't hear back for several hours, then mentions she needs to talk to me about our plan that night, then stops responding. Next day she apologizes profusely and says she went out with her friends during the day, felt a bit sick from the alcohol, took a nap, and ended up sleeping through the night. So we reschedule for next week...

Next week comes and I have a wedding on Saturday so I try to make plans for Friday. She doesn't want to go out on Friday because she has a driver's test Saturday morning and made plans to go out with her girlfriends since she thought I wouldn't be available. Agreed to let me know Friday morning if she's free that weekend and on which day. She stays in Friday and goes out with her friends Saturday, I hit her up after the wedding but she's staying in so I don't bother and we reschedule again.

Which brings us to tonight...now that we're all caught up...

On Tuesday we made plans for Saturday. As with all these other times, I texted her this morning to confirm she was free. She tells me she's going out to X bar with her friends and tells me to come. I told her I thought it was just going to be me and her, and asked if she wanted to go out with her friends or if she wanted to see me, to which she replied "both" because "it's Halloween".

She's already out at 10PM judging by her Instagram, and this is in a place where the bars are open until 2AM. She tells me where she's going, and later I text her asking where she's at before I think about heading out, at this point I feel like going out would be a waste of time...so I ask my buddy for some input.

He tells me that she's having fun and wants me to come have fun with her, with my argument being that I'd be going all the way up there by myself dressed up in costume to try and find this one girl who's barely checking her phone with how long it's taking her to get back to me. He says if I don't show up that she'll think I'm not fun and that I didn't want to meet.

Lo and behold, almost 3 hours after my last text at almost 1AM she hits me back asking where I am and tried to call me. I simply tell her "you never texted me so I didn't go". Which, 2 hours later, she still hasn't read, by the way.

Now, was there a win to be had here? Maybe. It would've been a logistical pain in the a** since neither of us had a place to go really, but was this unreasonable? I feel like if I had gone I would be driving a half hour each way, dressed up in my costume by myself, looking for this one chick in a bar that doesn't think the plans we made were important enough to check her phone.

Like I know girls aren't logical here, and I'm sure a lot of you would've stopped rescheduling way before this, but would any of you have done this different tonight?

It's worth mentioning that I DO think she's interested...when she does reply it's usually multiple texts, she watches and likes my Instagram stories, etc. She's not cold, I just think she's not interested ENOUGH maybe.

This is less about her and more about you. I probably wouldn't have gone either because of the background you've given here and because I hate Halloween. As someone mentioned above maybe I'd go if I'd been in a super social mood and talked to lots of other people including her friends, but otherwise it does sound like a hassle.

For me this always boils down to what's best for me, not what the other person wants or expects. I don't care how interested she is or isn't, if I'm in a low energy mood I won't go out. However I also check myself to make sure I'm not looking for excuses to stay in.

Side bar, As far as Halloween being fun, yes that's true for some people, but it's more like a fashion show and people often get too drunk and/or stick to their groups. Yes women dress provocatively but it's not the fish in a barrel situation a lot of guys think, and to me it's just annoying. However you did suck on her t!ts so you have a bit of familiarity with her at least, lol.

 

[SW15]

women dress provocatively but it's not the fish in a barrel situation a lot of guys think

I don't think Halloween is the fish in the barrel situation that a lot of men think.

I have had intense debates with my most successful real life seducer friend about Halloween. He is one of the guys who thinks Halloween is a great night for getting laid. In his heyday, he was a 6'4" White male with an athletic physique. He had a lot of margin for error on behavior because he was what mostly every 20 something White woman was seeking. Although he put up a triple digit notch count, his pure game skill was lower than a lot of men with notch counts that were 1/3rd to 1/2 of his.

Today, he's a married beta male living a typical married beta male lifestyle and his physical fitness has declined.

My point has been similar to the one Roosh made below in 2011. With Halloween, there's more large groups and attention whorring rather than women who are more DTF.

The Easiest Day Of The Year To Get Laid

you can simply go No Contact at this point and completely ignore her, which given your emotional investment is probably the correct option.

I agree with this. With women, a great attitude to have is "Put Out or Get Out".

It falls into Iron Rule of Tomassi #1 -- Control the Frame. @BPH is a seducer. He wants to bang. He needs to take the attitude that the women need to be ready for sex when he is ready for sex. Otherwise, he's gone. @DEEZEDBRAH used to say #ComplyorBye.

 

[Millard Fillmore]

My point has been similar to the one Roosh made below in 2011. With Halloween, there's more large groups and attention whorring rather than women who are more DTF.

100%. It's all about the display and the attention and a free pass to dress like a slvt. Not to mention some women will get too drunk to make a decision. Same with St. Patrick's Day in the US, also New Year's to an extent. Amateur hour.

 

[SW15]

100%. It's all about the display and the attention and a free pass to dress like a slvt. Not to mention some women will get too drunk to make a decision. Same with St. Patrick's Day in the US, also New Year's to an extent. Amateur hour.

St. Patrick's Day is somewhat dependent on the city where you are located. In Febraury 2023, I wrote a great post on the Dallas Scene thread about St. Patrick's Day in Dallas. Despite Dallas not being a traditionally Irish/Irish-American place, Dallas throws a gigantic party on the Saturday before St. Patrick's Day every year (or on St. Patrick's Day itself if St. Patrick's Day falls on a Saturday in a given year).

Observations on Dallas' Scene

Agree. My ex used to live at one of the MAA apartments in uptown and the women there were all top notch, college age, trust fund types. lmao

www.sosuave.net

New Year's Eve is definitely amateur hour.

In many cities, Cinco de Mayo is a another St. Patrick's Day type event.

 

[BPH]

This is less about her and more about you. I probably wouldn't have gone either because of the background you've given here and because I hate Halloween. As someone mentioned above maybe I'd go if I'd been in a super social mood and talked to lots of other people including her friends, but otherwise it does sound like a hassle.

For me this always boils down to what's best for me, not what the other person wants or expects. I don't care how interested she is or isn't, if I'm in a low energy mood I won't go out. However I also check myself to make sure I'm not looking for excuses to stay in.

Side bar, As far as Halloween being fun, yes that's true for some people, but it's more like a fashion show and people often get too drunk and/or stick to their groups. Yes women dress provocatively but it's not the fish in a barrel situation a lot of guys think, and to me it's just annoying. However you did suck on her t!ts so you have a bit of familiarity with her at least, lol.

Yeah, I mean my buddy was right, and I could've gone up there and flirted around with whoever else I saw, but I just didn't care for the hassle of everything that would be involved getting up there and back.

I went out the night before in my local bar and was extremely disappointed in the turnout. I've complained about it before, but my theory is that this group of kids that started college during COVID don't really have the social skills or connections to want to stay out till the end of the night...I thought Halloween might be different; more girls dressed slutty, bar packed all around, etc but it really wasn't.

I saw a couple of "cute" girls, but there was really no crowding whatsoever and the crowding that WAS there died down before midnight with a whole hour left till close. I assumed it would be similar if I went up to this girl's spot.

I don't think Halloween is the fish in the barrel situation that a lot of men think.

I have had intense debates with my most successful real life seducer friend about Halloween. He is one of the guys who thinks Halloween is a great night for getting laid. In his heyday, he was a 6'4" White male with an athletic physique. He had a lot of margin for error on behavior because he was what mostly every 20 something White woman was seeking. Although he put up a triple digit notch count, his pure game skill was lower than a lot of men with notch counts that were 1/3rd to 1/2 of his.

I cannot understate how true this is. I used to go out with 2 buddies from work that were decent-looking white guys, but they were really tall; one of which was 6'4" and the other 6'7". Neither one really had any game but girls out at bars were always in awe of them, and I constantly caught them staring and smiling at them. One could capitalize but the other had zero self-confidence and had to be wasted to even talk to them.

On a side note I have another friend that also swears by Halloween as a great time to get laid, but his standards are much lower so I'm not sure how much credit to actually give that opinion.

100%. It's all about the display and the attention and a free pass to dress like a slvt. Not to mention some women will get too drunk to make a decision. Same with St. Patrick's Day in the US, also New Year's to an extent. Amateur hour.

Super overrated...every year it's a bunch of drunk dadbods fishing for the singular mid-looking girl at the bar and getting into fights because they've been wasted since 10AM.