I could've "won" but at what cost?

[BPH]

This is an ongoing situation so there might be some future updates but here's something where I asked for a friend's advice, and they were right, but I think this girl messed up more than me.

Quick backstory:

Went to a bar with some friends that I hadn't been to in a while, it's a little further away, and I met this cute Brazilian chick out with her friends. I later find out she's an au pair and lives with one of her friends, working for the host family. The friends like me, the girl likes me, we're making out here and there, and at one point we separate from her friend group to make out and she even pulls up her shirt for me to suck on her nips...so I think this is a done deal.

Problem is she lives with that friend and the host family, and as such cannot have guests like me over there, and I rode up about a half hour with my friend and I live at home still. So I get her number, and she wants to hang out on Monday, and that's that.

On Monday I hit her up and we both agree to reschedule for sometime that weekend, which is fine with me because I wanted to be able to spend some time with her. My idea was to take her out to a different bar in her town and if things went well we could either go back to my car or find a hotel/motel. So the plan then became Thursday...

Thursday came around and she's still free, but thought we would be hanging out earlier in the night (8PM) rather than when I wanted to (10PM) because she has to be home before 11. We rescheduled again for that Saturday since I told her I don't want her to feel rushed if she has a curfew.

Saturday comes around and I text her to confirm, don't hear back for several hours, then mentions she needs to talk to me about our plan that night, then stops responding. Next day she apologizes profusely and says she went out with her friends during the day, felt a bit sick from the alcohol, took a nap, and ended up sleeping through the night. So we reschedule for next week...

Next week comes and I have a wedding on Saturday so I try to make plans for Friday. She doesn't want to go out on Friday because she has a driver's test Saturday morning and made plans to go out with her girlfriends since she thought I wouldn't be available. Agreed to let me know Friday morning if she's free that weekend and on which day. She stays in Friday and goes out with her friends Saturday, I hit her up after the wedding but she's staying in so I don't bother and we reschedule again.

Which brings us to tonight...now that we're all caught up...

On Tuesday we made plans for Saturday. As with all these other times, I texted her this morning to confirm she was free. She tells me she's going out to X bar with her friends and tells me to come. I told her I thought it was just going to be me and her, and asked if she wanted to go out with her friends or if she wanted to see me, to which she replied "both" because "it's Halloween".

She's already out at 10PM judging by her Instagram, and this is in a place where the bars are open until 2AM. She tells me where she's going, and later I text her asking where she's at before I think about heading out, at this point I feel like going out would be a waste of time...so I ask my buddy for some input.

He tells me that she's having fun and wants me to come have fun with her, with my argument being that I'd be going all the way up there by myself dressed up in costume to try and find this one girl who's barely checking her phone with how long it's taking her to get back to me. He says if I don't show up that she'll think I'm not fun and that I didn't want to meet.

Lo and behold, almost 3 hours after my last text at almost 1AM she hits me back asking where I am and tried to call me. I simply tell her "you never texted me so I didn't go". Which, 2 hours later, she still hasn't read, by the way.

Now, was there a win to be had here? Maybe. It would've been a logistical pain in the a** since neither of us had a place to go really, but was this unreasonable? I feel like if I had gone I would be driving a half hour each way, dressed up in my costume by myself, looking for this one chick in a bar that doesn't think the plans we made were important enough to check her phone.

Like I know girls aren't logical here, and I'm sure a lot of you would've stopped rescheduling way before this, but would any of you have done this different tonight?

It's worth mentioning that I DO think she's interested...when she does reply it's usually multiple texts, she watches and likes my Instagram stories, etc. She's not cold, I just think she's not interested ENOUGH maybe.

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

I would have just gone out and met new girls. Either she shows up or I find someone better, win win.

Rather than expecting her to change her behavior, question why you keep returning despite her apparent disinterest and frequent rescheduling. A man that values himself also values his time. You should hold yourself accountable and set a limit on the number of flakes you tolerate before losing interest.

Usually, one cancellation without a counteroffer is my limit. At no point do I get upset or resentful, I simply shift my focus to someone who show more interest in me. There are billions of women on this planet, I couldn't meet them all if I tried.

 

[EndlessNameless]

This is an ongoing situation so there might be some future updates but here's something where I asked for a friend's advice, and they were right, but I think this girl messed up more than me.

Quick backstory:

Went to a bar with some friends that I hadn't been to in a while, it's a little further away, and I met this cute Brazilian chick out with her friends. I later find out she's an au pair and lives with one of her friends, working for the host family. The friends like me, the girl likes me, we're making out here and there, and at one point we separate from her friend group to make out and she even pulls up her shirt for me to suck on her nips...so I think this is a done deal.

Problem is she lives with that friend and the host family, and as such cannot have guests like me over there, and I rode up about a half hour with my friend and I live at home still. So I get her number, and she wants to hang out on Monday, and that's that.

On Monday I hit her up and we both agree to reschedule for sometime that weekend, which is fine with me because I wanted to be able to spend some time with her. My idea was to take her out to a different bar in her town and if things went well we could either go back to my car or find a hotel/motel. So the plan then became Thursday...

Thursday came around and she's still free, but thought we would be hanging out earlier in the night (8PM) rather than when I wanted to (10PM) because she has to be home before 11. We rescheduled again for that Saturday since I told her I don't want her to feel rushed if she has a curfew.

Saturday comes around and I text her to confirm, don't hear back for several hours, then mentions she needs to talk to me about our plan that night, then stops responding. Next day she apologizes profusely and says she went out with her friends during the day, felt a bit sick from the alcohol, took a nap, and ended up sleeping through the night. So we reschedule for next week...

Next week comes and I have a wedding on Saturday so I try to make plans for Friday. She doesn't want to go out on Friday because she has a driver's test Saturday morning and made plans to go out with her girlfriends since she thought I wouldn't be available. Agreed to let me know Friday morning if she's free that weekend and on which day. She stays in Friday and goes out with her friends Saturday, I hit her up after the wedding but she's staying in so I don't bother and we reschedule again.

Which brings us to tonight...now that we're all caught up...

On Tuesday we made plans for Saturday. As with all these other times, I texted her this morning to confirm she was free. She tells me she's going out to X bar with her friends and tells me to come. I told her I thought it was just going to be me and her, and asked if she wanted to go out with her friends or if she wanted to see me, to which she replied "both" because "it's Halloween".

She's already out at 10PM judging by her Instagram, and this is in a place where the bars are open until 2AM. She tells me where she's going, and later I text her asking where she's at before I think about heading out, at this point I feel like going out would be a waste of time...so I ask my buddy for some input.

He tells me that she's having fun and wants me to come have fun with her, with my argument being that I'd be going all the way up there by myself dressed up in costume to try and find this one girl who's barely checking her phone with how long it's taking her to get back to me. He says if I don't show up that she'll think I'm not fun and that I didn't want to meet.

Lo and behold, almost 3 hours after my last text at almost 1AM she hits me back asking where I am and tried to call me. I simply tell her "you never texted me so I didn't go". Which, 2 hours later, she still hasn't read, by the way.

Now, was there a win to be had here? Maybe. It would've been a logistical pain in the a** since neither of us had a place to go really, but was this unreasonable? I feel like if I had gone I would be driving a half hour each way, dressed up in my costume by myself, looking for this one chick in a bar that doesn't think the plans we made were important enough to check her phone.

Like I know girls aren't logical here, and I'm sure a lot of you would've stopped rescheduling way before this, but would any of you have done this different tonight?

It's worth mentioning that I DO think she's interested...when she does reply it's usually multiple texts, she watches and likes my Instagram stories, etc. She's not cold, I just think she's not interested ENOUGH maybe.

Another story that shows once again how women nowadays turn into men and vice versa.

 

[BPH]

I would have just gone out and met new girls. Either she shows up or I find someone better, win win.

Sure, but I was planning to stay in otherwise and it would've been such a hassle; half hour drive each way, gotta be sober enough to drive at the end of the night, paying for drinks and parking, getting in-costume, and doing all this by myself because my friends are staying in or doing other things...just wasn't really appealing.

Rather than expecting her to change her behavior, question why you keep returning despite her apparent disinterest and frequent rescheduling. A man that values himself also values his time. You should hold yourself accountable and set a limit on the number of flakes you tolerate before losing interest.

Usually, one cancellation without a counteroffer is my limit. At no point do I get upset or resentful, I simply shift my focus to someone who show more interest in me. There are billions of women on this planet, I couldn't meet them all if I tried.

She's made the counteroffers, and it's not like she's cold - plenty of texting, liking my stories, and she DID try to figure out where I was near the end of the night. But I do agree with you, at this point when/if I hear back from her I'd just tell that if she wants to see me she can set up a plan and text me.

Another story that shows once again how women nowadays turn into men and vice versa.

Whatcha mean?

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

Sure, but I was planning to stay in otherwise and it would've been such a hassle; half hour drive each way, gotta be sober enough to drive at the end of the night, paying for drinks and parking, getting in-costume, and doing all this by myself because my friends are staying in or doing other things...just wasn't really appealing.



She's made the counteroffers, and it's not like she's cold - plenty of texting, liking my stories, and she DID try to figure out where I was near the end of the night. But I do agree with you, at this point when/if I hear back from her I'd just tell that if she wants to see me she can set up a plan and text me.



Whatcha mean?

Go out on adventures and invite her, don't revolve around her or otherwise pivot entirely for her. That way you have a good time regardless of whether she shows up. Go get some options!

 

[The Duke]

Strike when the iron is hot. A good leader understands how to execute fail proof plans. If a football team operated like you, they would never put the ball in the end zone.

Learn from your mistakes. Move on.

 

[BPH]

So, you stayed up all night waiting for her to text you? ... like patiently waiting for her to call you so you can be at her presence.

I didn't. I assumed that would happen and I could take it or leave it, so I stayed home because I was planning on trying to be productive, as per my other post in the other subforum that I know you are more than familiar with.

I figured if she hit me up early enough it could be worth my while, but I didn't feel like going through the hassle of trying to find a girl who's not checking her phone.

Cause if you're a man you say you are who has fvcked 90 women, you should have had experience and at that time you should have been busy fvcking another woman

I don't understand this sentiment...it's as if because I've been with a lot of women I must constantly be with a lot of women and can pluck a random plate from my phone and have her in bed at a moment's notice.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

@BPH Has it occurred to you that maybe she only let you suck on her nips because she knew there would be significant logistical hurdles? Kinda like how a girl on OLD who's two hours away will get all sexual with you knowing nothing is likely to ever happen?

Maybe she only let you get to 2nd base because she knew it wouldn't go any further.

Also, Brazilian = Catholic. And probably the biggest Catholic teases there are out there in my observation. Her Halloween request (you dressing up and traveling just to spend time with her friends) was unreasonable imo.

 

[BPH]

@BPH Has it occurred to you that maybe she only let you suck on her nips because she knew there would be significant logistical hurdles? Kinda like how a girl on OLD who's two hours away will get all sexual with you knowing nothing is likely to ever happen?

Maybe she only let you get to 2nd base because she knew it wouldn't go any further.

I know exactly what you mean. Not sure, but I'm leaning towards no.

The reason being that I put the ball in her court and told her SHE could TEXT me and maybe we'll hang out and it sounds like that's what will happen since she asked me where I'd like to go.

Either way, we'll see come the weekend.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

I know exactly what you mean. Not sure, but I'm leaning towards no.

The reason being that I put the ball in her court and told her SHE could TEXT me and maybe we'll hang out and it sounds like that's what will happen since she asked me where I'd like to go.

Either way, we'll see come the weekend.

Does she know you don't have your own pad, and if she does when did she find out? Lack of logistics can change their behavior ime, they're more flirty than they otherwise would have been because there's less risk of them actually putting out..

 

[BPH]

Does she know you don't have your own pad, and if she does when did she find out? Lack of logistics can change their behavior ime, they're more flirty than they otherwise would have been because there's less risk of them actually putting out..

I remember mentioning that I lived like 35 minutes from where we were and that my friend was my DD that night, but I don't remember whether I told her I live at home. I think I did but I'm not 100% sure.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Low interest. I'm not sure why you are going thru so many machinations. This is not how an interested woman acts.

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

This broad was like "its OVER for nipcels!"

And on King James, it was

 

[bat soup]

This is an ongoing situation so there might be some future updates but here's something where I asked for a friend's advice, and they were right, but I think this girl messed up more than me.

Quick backstory:

Went to a bar with some friends that I hadn't been to in a while, it's a little further away, and I met this cute Brazilian chick out with her friends. I later find out she's an au pair and lives with one of her friends, working for the host family. The friends like me, the girl likes me, we're making out here and there, and at one point we separate from her friend group to make out and she even pulls up her shirt for me to suck on her nips...so I think this is a done deal.

Problem is she lives with that friend and the host family, and as such cannot have guests like me over there, and I rode up about a half hour with my friend and I live at home still. So I get her number, and she wants to hang out on Monday, and that's that.

On Monday I hit her up and we both agree to reschedule for sometime that weekend, which is fine with me because I wanted to be able to spend some time with her. My idea was to take her out to a different bar in her town and if things went well we could either go back to my car or find a hotel/motel. So the plan then became Thursday...

Thursday came around and she's still free, but thought we would be hanging out earlier in the night (8PM) rather than when I wanted to (10PM) because she has to be home before 11. We rescheduled again for that Saturday since I told her I don't want her to feel rushed if she has a curfew.

Saturday comes around and I text her to confirm, don't hear back for several hours, then mentions she needs to talk to me about our plan that night, then stops responding. Next day she apologizes profusely and says she went out with her friends during the day, felt a bit sick from the alcohol, took a nap, and ended up sleeping through the night. So we reschedule for next week...

Next week comes and I have a wedding on Saturday so I try to make plans for Friday. She doesn't want to go out on Friday because she has a driver's test Saturday morning and made plans to go out with her girlfriends since she thought I wouldn't be available. Agreed to let me know Friday morning if she's free that weekend and on which day. She stays in Friday and goes out with her friends Saturday, I hit her up after the wedding but she's staying in so I don't bother and we reschedule again.

Which brings us to tonight...now that we're all caught up...

On Tuesday we made plans for Saturday. As with all these other times, I texted her this morning to confirm she was free. She tells me she's going out to X bar with her friends and tells me to come. I told her I thought it was just going to be me and her, and asked if she wanted to go out with her friends or if she wanted to see me, to which she replied "both" because "it's Halloween".

She's already out at 10PM judging by her Instagram, and this is in a place where the bars are open until 2AM. She tells me where she's going, and later I text her asking where she's at before I think about heading out, at this point I feel like going out would be a waste of time...so I ask my buddy for some input.

He tells me that she's having fun and wants me to come have fun with her, with my argument being that I'd be going all the way up there by myself dressed up in costume to try and find this one girl who's barely checking her phone with how long it's taking her to get back to me. He says if I don't show up that she'll think I'm not fun and that I didn't want to meet.

Lo and behold, almost 3 hours after my last text at almost 1AM she hits me back asking where I am and tried to call me. I simply tell her "you never texted me so I didn't go". Which, 2 hours later, she still hasn't read, by the way.

Now, was there a win to be had here? Maybe. It would've been a logistical pain in the a** since neither of us had a place to go really, but was this unreasonable? I feel like if I had gone I would be driving a half hour each way, dressed up in my costume by myself, looking for this one chick in a bar that doesn't think the plans we made were important enough to check her phone.

Like I know girls aren't logical here, and I'm sure a lot of you would've stopped rescheduling way before this, but would any of you have done this different tonight?

It's worth mentioning that I DO think she's interested...when she does reply it's usually multiple texts, she watches and likes my Instagram stories, etc. She's not cold, I just think she's not interested ENOUGH maybe.

Normally when women let you suck on their nipples it means they're interested. But this one is Brazilian, so maybe she was just offering her nipples to be polite.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Normally when women let you suck on their nipples it means they're interested. But this one is Brazilian, so maybe she was just offering her nipples to be polite.

Or to feed the hungry.

 

[Dr.Suave]

Sound like medium interest on both sides. Im with @EyeOnThePrize on this one:

Stop making plans revolving around her, just make plans for yourself and invite her to come along. Invite her to places you had to go anyway.

 

[Bingo-Player]

This is a hell of a lot of nonsense for a girl you barely know

Yea there probably was some attraction at the bar but in 2023 girls aren't shy about getting with random guys in bars and clubs so your not really special

Originally you were probably both in the right place at the right time and it sounds like there was a window of opportunity , for whatever reason you couldn't seal the deal and after that it becomes a mess

Saturday comes around and I text her to confirm, don't hear back for several hours, then mentions she needs to talk to me about our plan that night, then stops responding. Next day she apologizes profusely and says she went out with her friends during the day, felt a bit sick from the alcohol, took a nap, and ended up sleeping through the night. So we reschedule for next week...

It was at this point you should have accepted her interest had significantly decrease and you should have matched her energy by pulling back yourself

Instead you made the classic mistake of trying to instantly re- arrange which signals to this chick your pining for her

Once a woman knows she has you in this spot the compliance always goes down and the contempt goes up

Distance yourself from her see what happens , if this doesn't trigger some sort of action from her then she was never that bothered

 

[Barrister]

OP,

You can approach this in two ways in the "right" direction. One, you can simply go No Contact at this point and completely ignore her, which given your emotional investment is probably the correct option. Second, you could simply invite her out with you for another time when you are actually going to be engaging in meeting other women through cold approach. Let her see you interact with other women. In my experience, this generally immediately raises interest level (but not always) and she will be very interested again.

Clearly, she has some physical attraction to you given her letting you suck on her boobies. But that either dissipated because she sensed some desperation out of you or she has a lot of irons in the fire (neither one good as far as keeping her around). Either option you choose, start seeking other women.

 

[Bokanovsky]

Went to a bar with some friends that I hadn't been to in a while, it's a little further away, and I met this cute Brazilian chick out with her friends. I later find out she's an au pair and lives with one of her friends, working for the host family. The friends like me, the girl likes me, we're making out here and there, and at one point we separate from her friend group to make out and she even pulls up her shirt for me to suck on her nips...so I think this is a done deal.

In situations like this, the only feasible option is to strike the iron while it's hot. A week later, this wh0re isn't even going to remember who you are. She's probably had 15 other guys suck on her nips since you met her. [/QUOTE]

 

[BackInTheGame78]

In situations like this, the only feasible option is to strike the iron while it's hot. A week later, this wh0re isn't even going to remember who you are. She's probably had 15 other guys suck on her nips since you met her.

This is the issue that happens a lot in these situations.

Also, just because a woman is interested in potentially fvcking you THAT NIGHT, does NOT mean she wants to see you again. To guys that makes no sense but that's the truth...maybe she was horny, maybe you weren't her type but were in the right place at the right time, maybe she was mad at her boyfriend and out blowing off steam and would have fvcked you that night, etc...

Whatever the situation the lengthy delay between seeing her again isn't working to your favor either.

IMHO this woman isn't interested. You can try and convince yourself she is interested as much as you want, but the cold hard truth is the only way a woman is actually interested is by her actions SHOWING she is.

Which means the questions "What happens when you try and meet up with her?" And "Does she allow herself to be alone with you in a private place?"
are the key indicators of her interest and then the final indicator is "Does she have sex with you when she is alone with you?".

You fail question 1 at this point...you see Everytime you try and meet up with her something changes or you don't end up seeing her or times change or she falls asleep or she wants you to come out when she is with friends. She is stringing you along by dangling a carrot in front of you and seeing how many times you jump at it. She knows you want to fvck her and that's why she won't go out one on one with you, because she has no interest in that. It's fun for her.

Stop wasting any time with this woman and start focusing on ACTUAL interested women. That don't act like this and that actually want to meet you.