Girl doesn't pass boner test

[FlexpertHamilton]

Seeing a girl who has a lot of qualities that I like. And she's fairly attractive too. But for some reason there is a horrible sexual chemistry. The sex is just not good and I don't get turned on very much and she's just weird all around. This is particularly alarming because the last 5 or so women I've been with has been some of the best sex I've had so I don't think it's on me. I'm seeing another girl who's objectively less attractive but gets me hard as a rock and makes me want to do very dirty things to her.

Do you put any stock into this, especially for LTR potential?

 

[Glassguy]

Seeing a girl who has a lot of qualities that I like. And she's fairly attractive too. But for some reason there is a horrible sexual chemistry. The sex is just not good and I don't get turned on very much and she's just weird all around. This is particularly alarming because the last 5 or so women I've been with has been some of the best sex I've had so I don't think it's on me. I'm seeing another girl who's objectively less attractive but gets me hard as a rock and makes me want to do very dirty things to her.

Do you put any stock into this, especially for LTR potential?

Yes. If the sex is trash, it's a pass. Sex is, or at least should be (has to be for me) a big part of the relationship. If there is no sexual chemistry or passion, it's a next.

Good/great sex is a box that must be checked in order to proceed.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

If a woman doesn't have a libido to match mine she'd be unsuitable for anything long term.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

If a woman doesn't have a libido to match mine she'd be unsuitable for anything long term.

That's not even the issue. My libido is generally low. Her libido is probably still higher than mine. But she just isn't good in bed/isn't sexy and is just weird in general in the bedroom. She's not even good at kissing.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

That's not even the issue. My libido is generally low. Her libido is probably still higher than mine. But she just isn't good in bed/isn't sexy and is just weird in general in the bedroom. She's not even good at kissing.

If she's not teachable, don't consider her for an LTR. With me she wouldn't get beyond the first sex. If the sex doesn't satisfy, I don't see a point in dating her.

 

[Barrister]

To your second question as to whether to put a lot of stock into it for an LTR - absolutely yes. If you are having trouble getting a b0ner with her in early stage dating, this is not the type of thing that improves as she becomes more of sole focus sexually. Generally, attraction lessens over time - so if you are already having trouble this is a (major) red flag against an LTR.

I have had this occur before where sometimes the woman just doesn't "jive" with you from an attraction/sex standpoint. And sometimes objectively less attractive women have also gotten me very hard even if their looks alone aren't anything to write home about - many times because they are so adventurous in bed and want to please me. This counts for a lot.

 

[Plinco]

Seeing a girl who has a lot of qualities that I like. And she's fairly attractive too. But for some reason there is a horrible sexual chemistry. The sex is just not good and I don't get turned on very much and she's just weird all around. This is particularly alarming because the last 5 or so women I've been with has been some of the best sex I've had so I don't think it's on me. I'm seeing another girl who's objectively less attractive but gets me hard as a rock and makes me want to do very dirty things to her.

Do you put any stock into this, especially for LTR potential?

I have first hand experience with a situation like this, and decided to go for the ltr since she had all of the qualities on paper. The relationship turned out to be a disaster. If a girl doesn't pass the boner test, that means there's something about her that you don't like. Other people might like her, but it's important that you look after yourself and respect yourself and pass on this one. Trust your gut instinct.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Even objectively hot ones sometimes don’t pass, at least for me. I’ve had a situation where the woman was hot like hot hot, we get into it and there’s something about her subliminally that throws me for a loop.

it happens

 

[mikedee]

If she is really hot, sex cannot be bad.
Sex is up there in your head, not down there.
If the girl is so so but "amazing" in bed, it's still not satisfying.
I don't date/get laid with girls I don't find attractive, I prefer to jerk off.

 

[SargeMaximus]

Just because a chick is attractive doesn’t mean her bed game is crazy. I’ve seen many chicks who are a 5 max, but their s*x appeal boosts their overall attractiveness.

If this is a make it or break for you then move on. It’s only going to get more frustrating down the road.

Can confirm. I was with a gym nut girl who won medals for her time in university gymnastics and track etc but I couldn’t sustain an erection with her since she didn’t have a sexy vibe

 

[LTG71]

This is a red flag for an LTR. Every time you do the deed you are going to be in your head about it. She sounds inexperienced and/or reserved, which kills the mood. This is a problem with watching porn. The women in porn are usually attractive, always willing and will do anything and everything with a smile on her face. Not all women behave this way. Some might lie there like a corpse and not participate while others have no gag reflex and love to please. If you are not aroused by her, it’s a next.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Some might lie there like a corpse and not participate

I never understood why men just have sex with those lacklustre women. Really, I'd rather masturbate.

 

[LTG71]

I never understood why men just have sex with those lacklustre women. Really, I'd rather masturbate.

Right? Nothing kills a boner faster than the lack of participation

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Right? Nothing kills a boner faster than the lack of participation

I don't know. I never bedded a corpse or unconscious woman.