In a predicament

[Jets4129]

Hey whatsup guys, so I’ve been seeing my girlfriend for almost two years and she moved in with me about 2 months ago. So the problem is we both see ourselves in the long term togethor but she doesn’t like my house or the neighborhood I live (nice neighborhood just not her taste). She’s basically stating that she doesn’t know if she can be with me anymore if I plan on staying here long term because she hates living here and that I need to compromise and try and make her happy as well.
My thing is that this house has been in my family for a very long time, I got half off on the entire house, and it’s in a place where I know everyone and I do not want to get rid of it. I told her I’d think about it just to get her off my ass for a little bit, but I have to make a decision soon, either her or the house lol mind you she does care for me a lot but simply states she cannot live there. What do you guys think? Im leaning towards sticking with the house and cutting my ties unfortunately, tough decision but it is what it is.

 

[CornbreadFed]

This is one of those tough scenarios because TBH, I can only go by what you post on the internet. Your house could be a total shvt stain in a bad area for all I know and you just like the economic opportunity. However, you kind of already brought up sticking with the house, so it sounds like your mind is made up. In addition, you are at the 2 year mark, so it is either you want to marry this girl or you are wasting each other's time.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

If she cared for you and not being a spoiled brat about where she’s living rent free with you, this wouldn’t be an issue.

Where she lives free is more important to her than you are.

proceed accordingly

 

[The Duke]

@Jets4129

This is the problem with women. They always want more. They are never satisfied for long. Its all emotional decision making. Most of the time, they don't even know what they want and once they get it....poof....they want something else. But I'll guarantee you she will appreciate what you can do for her with a new place that is to her liking! At least for a while.

The further down the road you go with a woman, the more invested you get, the harder it is to keep the upper hand.

2yrs into a relationship, living in your house for 2 months and look what she is wanting to do.

This chic wants you to provide for her happiness, yet its a moving target based on conditions you must meet. I bet the moving into your house was supposed to make her happy as well.

If the dumb biatch didn't like your house/neighborhood, why the hell did she move in 2 months ago? Did the house just magically change and not meet her standards anymore, lol <---See how stupid this is??? Thats why you don't get rid of your house and go partner on a new one with her.

Never compromise when it comes to big financial things when you stand to lose something and upset your financial life.

If this chic really liked you she wouldn't pressure you like this.

Living with a woman in a house that you owned makes them feel like they don't have control over it. Their behavior is much better to deal with in this living situation. Move a woman into a house you get together and she thinks she is in charge, no matter the financial arrangement.

Just let her go do whatever she wants to do. Tell her to go find herself a house, and you will let her know what you think about it.

 

[Bokanovsky]

Hey whatsup guys, so I’ve been seeing my girlfriend for almost two years and she moved in with me about 2 months ago. So the problem is we both see ourselves in the long term togethor but she doesn’t like my house or the neighborhood I live (nice neighborhood just not her taste). She’s basically stating that she doesn’t know if she can be with me anymore if I plan on staying here long term because she hates living here and that I need to compromise and try and make her happy as well.
My thing is that this house has been in my family for a very long time, I got half off on the entire house, and it’s in a place where I know everyone and I do not want to get rid of it. I told her I’d think about it just to get her off my ass for a little bit, but I have to make a decision soon, either her or the house lol mind you she does care for me a lot but simply states she cannot live there. What do you guys think? Im leaning towards sticking with the house and cutting my ties unfortunately, tough decision but it is what it is.

Tell her that she can buy a house in her choice neighborhood and you will gladly move in with her (while renting out your own house for extra cash).

 

[Agamemnon43]

The Duke explained everything. She is not a great girlfriend and most importantly she is not humble. Tough decision, but you gotta do what you gotta do. It's only gonna get worse if you stay. I did the same with mine 2 year relationship. We didnt move in together but she started heavily criticizing my family and friends (except the parents) and the town where we lived. She was also becoming a feminist. She was dumped via text message very promptly to avoid drama.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

She's a future domestic abuser. First step is to isolate the victim (that would be you) and get them away from their familiar surroundings (your house) and support network (your friends and family) so she can be the center of your world, then she will break down your self-esteem, and then her torture fun starts.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Hey whatsup guys, so I’ve been seeing my girlfriend for almost two years and she moved in with me about 2 months ago. So the problem is we both see ourselves in the long term togethor but she doesn’t like my house or the neighborhood I live (nice neighborhood just not her taste). She’s basically stating that she doesn’t know if she can be with me anymore if I plan on staying here long term because she hates living here and that I need to compromise and try and make her happy as well.
My thing is that this house has been in my family for a very long time, I got half off on the entire house, and it’s in a place where I know everyone and I do not want to get rid of it. I told her I’d think about it just to get her off my ass for a little bit, but I have to make a decision soon, either her or the house lol mind you she does care for me a lot but simply states she cannot live there. What do you guys think? Im leaning towards sticking with the house and cutting my ties unfortunately, tough decision but it is what it is.

This is pretty simple, if she hates living in your house in your hood have her move out. People in LTR's don't always live together. If her living somewhat closeby (say 10-15 minutes away, which is more than reasonable) and you promising to think about selling isn't good enough, then she's pretty much not in love, hate to say it.

You seeing this girl as a long-term option with her behavior as you described suggests you are coming from a lack of abundance.

 

[Ricky]

I am not a fan of her acting this way but i am not surprised and have seen it twice recently with people i know. Interestingly in both cases the moves were made in a costly fashion and isolated both the husband and the kid from their existing friendbase for no apparent benefit

 

[Jets4129]

That’s what I was feeling and that’s what I’m thinking. I wouldn’t sell or move out of this house under any circumstances. Great location, and with house prices now and most likely the foreseeable future. It would be pure insanity to get rid of it

 

[SW15]

Iron Rule of Tomassi #1

Frame is everything. Always be aware of the subconscious balance of who’s frame in which you are operating. Always control the Frame, but resist giving the impression that you are

By Iron Rule of Tomassi #1, you are keeping the house. Do not sell a house to keep a woman.

Do you have kids with her? If you're a 33 year old childless man with a solid house you inherited from a family member, that's a great real estate position. Other women would likely appreciate it. As @CornbreadFed says, it could be a shiit stain house but it doesn't seem that way. If it is a good house in a great location where you want to live going forward, keep the house and dump the woman.

 

[Jets4129]

Yeah that’s what what I’m thinking, and after confiding with friends and family. It looks like it’s gonna go down that way. Probably the best move for both parties involved.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

You are going to have to choose her or the house, no other solution.

For the time being she can easily move somewhere else. Moving in together unless you are married isn't a smart idea to begin with.

Choose wisely.

 

[Glassguy]

@The Duke
Well written post. It covers anything I could add.

if it came down to this making or breaking a 2 yr relationship, you are better off without her.

Turn the tables and think about how she would act if the shoe was on the other foot. She would be beside herself!

 

[Jets4129]

@The Duke
Well written post. It covers anything I could add.

if it came down to this making or breaking a 2 yr relationship, you are better off without her.

Turn the tables and think about how she would act if the shoe was on the other foot. She would be beside herself!

Haha good point, it would be world war 3 if that were the case

 

[member162951]

She’s basically stating that she doesn’t know if she can be with me anymore if I plan on staying here long term because she hates living here and that I need to compromise and try and make her happy as well.

Compromise is good but that was a really crappy way of presenting her unhappiness to you.

She can't be with you anymore because she doesnt like your house? Those are strong words and you should consider if you want to be with her if she can so easily walk away from your 2-year relationship because of a house.

I mean had she said "Jets I love you and want to be with you but I'm not happy living here because of xyz," I'd have more sympathy for her.

That said, if you can look past her sh*tty attitude, why not keep the house as an investment property and find something together that you both like and in a neighborhood you both like? Up to you, if you think she's worth it.

In any event talk to her about her crap attitude, and yeah can you imagine how she would have reacted had YOU said, "I don't know if I can be with you anymore because of xyz"?

That's not how you resolve differences.

 

[soulforge]

@Jets4129

This is the problem with women. They always want more. They are never satisfied for long. Its all emotional decision making. Most of the time, they don't even know what they want and once they get it....poof....they want something else. But I'll guarantee you she will appreciate what you can do for her with a new place that is to her liking! At least for a while.

The further down the road you go with a woman, the more invested you get, the harder it is to keep the upper hand.

2yrs into a relationship, living in your house for 2 months and look what she is wanting to do.

This chic wants you to provide for her happiness, yet its a moving target based on conditions you must meet. I bet the moving into your house was supposed to make her happy as well.

If the dumb biatch didn't like your house/neighborhood, why the hell did she move in 2 months ago? Did the house just magically change and not meet her standards anymore, lol <---See how stupid this is??? Thats why you don't get rid of your house and go partner on a new one with her.

Never compromise when it comes to big financial things when you stand to lose something and upset your financial life.

If this chic really liked you she wouldn't pressure you like this.

Living with a woman in a house that you owned makes them feel like they don't have control over it. Their behavior is much better to deal with in this living situation. Move a woman into a house you get together and she thinks she is in charge, no matter the financial arrangement.

Just let her go do whatever she wants to do. Tell her to go find herself a house, and you will let her know what you think about it.

Manipulation tactic.. She's using the relationship as a bargaining chip, to get op to fold to her frame.

What next.. I don't like the kitchen in this new house we moved into, I don't think I could stick around in this relationship, up until a new kitchen to my liking has been installed.

It's a slippery slope from here on.

However, it has got me thinking about, how much of a chit hole, ops house might actually be lol

 

[Jets4129]

Haha it’s not a **** hole, valued a little under a mill in a safe neighborhood (very hard to get into neighborhood for a buyer). It’s not mainly the house, she doesn’t prefer the location as well (logistical work and family distance mainly) understandable. But still, I don’t mind compromising in a relationship but this is a MAJOR compromise that is ludicrous. I wouldn’t do it even if I was talking crazy pills.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Compromise is good but that was a really crappy way of presenting her unhappiness to you.

She can't be with you anymore because she doesnt like your house? Those are strong words and you should consider if you want to be with her if she can so easily walk away from your 2-year relationship because of a house.

I mean had she said "Jets I love you and want to be with you but I'm not happy living here because of xyz," I'd have more sympathy for her.

That said, if you can look past her sh*tty attitude, why not keep the house as an investment property and find something together that you both like and in a neighborhood you both like? Up to you, if you think she's worth it.

In any event talk to her about her crap attitude, and yeah can you imagine how she would have reacted had YOU said, "I don't know if I can be with you anymore because of xyz"?

That's not how you resolve differences.

Then you get into headaches with having to be a landlord and what to do if someone stops paying rent and/or trashes your house. No thanks.

 

[member162951]

Then you get into headaches with having to be a landlord and what to do if someone stops paying rent and/or trashes your house. No thanks.

Fair point unless you hire a property manager but even then.... yeah I wouldn't want to do it.