Hey guys.
I've been in a 13 year LTR, of which 7 years married, 4yo boy.
It's been a year or so since I started reading RP material. NMMNG, WISNIFG, Sex God method, The Rational Male for the sole reason return to the good old days when my wife initiated sex.
Problem is, after getting sexlife "sorted out" she still name calls me, like she did since we met.
Biggest problem is that the kid learned to name call me and others, just like my wife does (idiot, stupid, retard etc.) whenever he acts bratty or gets into an argument with other children.
I keep explaining to him why it's wrong to talk like that but it all for nothing because the wife keeps talking like this all the time.
I feel like **** when my kid is calling me names in public.
I guess this is just a vent, but I'm curios if any of you went through the same thing and how you dealt with it.
You have not mentioned anything about you assessing your wife’s behavior. Have you ever dealt with this head on with her?
In the first year of our relationship, before marriage, my wife was excessively critical of me. I tolerated it for a short while, but after that, I kept repeating, “It appears we’re not a good fit,” “it appears we’re incompatible,” or, “you’re free to go,” all of which conveyed the notion that if bad treatment continued the relationship would end.
We once got into a serious problem in our marriage, and I kept repeating, "this is headed in a bad direction. We are headed for a serious problem." I also stated, with no yelling, but firmly, what I will not tolerate. Quickly things improved and I consider our marriage a very good one now. We have children, so I was not weighing the matter lightly.
I will not give advice to strangers. However, I will give non-specific input for any man in such a situation. A man needs to firmly state what he will not put up and act accordingly. And from reading NMMNG, a book I read twice, once in the aughts, and anther go this year, you should be familiar with this.
I believe divorce is terrible for children, and for middle-class men it can be very expensive. So someone will wind up poor. I think it should be a last resort for unbearable situations. As I said, I won't give advice but I know what I would do in such a situation. I repeat, this is what I would do; it's not advice and I'm only offering my take on the matter for perspective.
1. State my problem and see if she understands it. And yes, I'd let her know how angry I am. You can simply say what will be the consequences of continued disrespect.
2. If she expressed understanding and respected me, both of us would inform the child that name calling parents is bad and must end, and follow through with disciplinary action if it is done again.
If that did not work, and the problem continued and I kept being emotionally abused, I would move onto other steps.
1. Inform my woman that I will no longer stand for this and because I want to salvage the marriage, I shall remain in the home, but lead a separate life, but with no intention of cheating or seeking other women. Aside form being there for taking care of children (family dinner, education, recreation, helping them with whatever else, showing love), I would come and go as I please. Kids are asleep or with in-laws? OK, see ya.
2. No sex, no affection.
3. Communicate in a respectful manner and keep a peaceful home for the children. When children are not present, communicate on a need-to-know basis.
4. Cease going to all social events as a couple, including those with in-laws.
5. Stop having my checks go to a joint account.
If someone does not shape up after that, then there is a serious, unmanageable problem. I have not done the above, but that would be my way of dealing with an out-of-hand situation.
Of course I would not resort to such measures if a situation was not extreme. And I don't know how bad your situation is. But I believe one should keep upping the ante until a problem is solved, and mean business when dealing with abuse of any sort, emotional or physical.
I even did this with a manager who was mistreating me. I said, "Here's the deal: you fire me or I quit on you, whichever comes first! I am not going to be jammed up in this stupid situation." I never had a problem at that job since staying that.
