WARNING:
Long and emotional post!!!
Yo, my SS Family. Hopefully you won’t flame me too bad for this one lol. I got invited out for some drinks yesterday, and this re-ignited a whole host of issues that I’ve ran into in the past. I’ve discussed some of this with other members before, but I thought I’d make this an open discussion because I need some guidance. I’m going to be completely open and honest with how I feel about this situation, so don’t flame me too bad lol.
So I’ve told this story probably a million times. I used to play in a band, got very close with the female singer. Couldn’t make any romantic moves on her because she was in a multi-year LTR.
At one point, we fell out of touch. (I later learned that this was because of her controlling husband.) She was going through some very tough times, so she reached out to me and I took her under my wing. Eventually, she ended up going through a divorce.
Once some time had passed, I knew that if I didn’t escalate on her, I’d be kicking myself. So I made a move, but I was rejected and placed in the friendzone basically lol. The whole, “It would ruin our friendship” BS rejection. Even so, I still remained in touch with her.
The reason I did this was, it’s very nice to have a friend that I can lean on for emotional support, it really helps me out with how brutal/tough life is these days. It’s nice to be able to talk about deep emotional sh*t without being judged, call when anything good or bad happens, or to hash it out with someone when I’m going insane from the 60-65 hour workweeks lol. So in a strange kind of way, this relationship is filling an emotional void that I feel, I think. And as much as I love my game friends, it can be extremely refreshing to talk to my non-game friends too.
Since that divorce, and around the time I got rejected, she’s been going on an absolute rampage. If I had to estimate, I’d say that she’s been with 10-12 different guys since that divorce?
The main reason I’m making this thread is, my other close male friend invited me out for gin last night(which was exactly what I needed after last week’s crazy ass workweek.) While we were chilling, I found out that he was fvcking on her too. If you all really want to hear some tea, she had a boyfriend very briefly after the divorce, and she cheated on him and dumped him within a few months. I think the reason she gave was, “He was pushing for a relationship too fast.”
It makes me feel kind of off, because if she and my friend are together, then that means that by definition, I am third wheeling. Not good. And although I’m happy for my friend, that makes me feel a little weird about hanging out with both of them anymore. Also, even though I’ve come to terms with being rejected, it really sucks to hang with her at the bar and flirting with, or even wanting to go home with other guys. I feel like I’m putting myself in a very bad position here. It just feels bad after being rejected, to hear about other guys securing the pvssy in like an hour. Idk if this is accurate, but it feels like she’s telling me I’m not enough while other guys are.
This is more nuanced than a one-itis case, I think. Because if you know me, you know that I go out to cold approach women nearly every weekend. I have successes that I can point to in my approach journal. But just because I have those successes to point to doesn’t change the way that I’m feeling about this. Maybe the issue is that I’m missing some kind of deep emotional connection that I’m not getting from my approaches? Idk.
So the main question here is, what actionable steps can I take to resolve this sticky situation that I’ve found myself in? I can see this going one of two ways.
One, just don’t even fvcking worry about it. Just keep that relationship around for emotional support, and continue to go out every weekend, and cold approach/meet women who are interested in me. It is what it is.
Two, back off from her, my other friend, or both, since this is such a sticky situation. I suppose this would stop the emotions I’m feeling, but I think that I would feel bad about this and miss them. I actually tried to go No Contact on her, but I ended up cracking. Why I’m feeling this attachment to a woman I’m not even sexually involved with, I have no clue. It also doesn’t make sense why I felt a void when I tried to go NC, even though I hang out with friends and meet new women every single weekend.
Sorry if this thread is a bit of a re-tread. I’m just not sure what the correct answer is, and I needed to get this off my chest since this came up again yesterday. Wanted to put this on here. Thoughts appreciated.
