Passive aggression in my Family

[Alpheta]

So me and my BIL dont get a long. when he comes to my parents home and Im there we dont talk to each other. Just shake hands. I dont like him and Ive set that precedent with him as he is a very horrid character.

Anyways, whilst im at work he pops around my parents home with my sister (BIL wife) and my wife is there also at times. Anyways, in the past hes made comments and jokes about myself infront of them trying to pass it off as a joke.

Just yesterday, i came to my parents and my wife told me later that he and my sister made sly digs again things like ''Lisa isn't so smart (my wife) because she married Jacob (me)'' and other few things tongue in cheek.

Ive been very annoyed by this as its said infront of my wifewho when i said i will call my sister and confront hr pleads me not to and said it was nothing.

Anyways,I am so close to calling him and confronting him but at the same time Im not sure that 1) my wife is stirring crap 2) it will cause a big rift.

Let me know!

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

I have an entire side of my family like this, from my Grandpa all the way down to my cousin and everyone inbetween, it boils down to outright jealousy in our case, for example that side of my family Grandpa retired before he was 50, worked in the trades, basically made pension and quit, well now his entire side of the family is disenfranchised financially and try to lean on our side of the family for support, which our side willingly provides, in return there are countless passive aggressive digs being made by Grandpa that now the rest of the family have adopted, they either resent us or need help with zero inbetween, it's retarded.

The thing is, when confronted they'll just say it's a joke and that your overreacting, then they'll try to make themselves into victims and complain about being bullied, these are obviously the same people that exist on this vector where your value as a man is determined by how well you can fight, again completely retarded as 30+ year old sheltered men.

You simply disregarding their presence is bothersome for them, more than they will ever let on, you just keep your nose to the grind stone and when family opportunity comes your way you can simply exclude them from it or even better call him and invite him over yourself only to ignore his ass all day, they'll try to get under your skin but in this pursuit will always be willing to make themselves look bad, just make sure there are witnesses to their behaviour and contact the police if it gets hairy.

People on the path of self destruction should be left to self destruct. Often these people will keep fingers pointed at everyone else to avoid fingers pointed their own way, guaranteed there are some skeletons in the closet when you see this behaviour consistently, thing is it's an effective strategy, I know a guy been doing it since kindergarten but you can't keep the stink of your bullcrap hidden forever.

 

[Dr.Suave]

If they do this jokes behind your back, just ignore or make even better jokes about them.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Passive aggression withers from a lack of attention.

 

[ThisIsSparta]

So me and my BIL dont get a long. when he comes to my parents home and Im there we dont talk to each other. Just shake hands. I dont like him and Ive set that precedent with him as he is a very horrid character.

Anyways, whilst im at work he pops around my parents home with my sister (BIL wife) and my wife is there also at times. Anyways, in the past hes made comments and jokes about myself infront of them trying to pass it off as a joke.

Just yesterday, i came to my parents and my wife told me later that he and my sister made sly digs again things like ''Lisa isn't so smart (my wife) because she married Jacob (me)'' and other few things tongue in cheek.

Ive been very annoyed by this as its said infront of my wifewho when i said i will call my sister and confront hr pleads me not to and said it was nothing.

Anyways,I am so close to calling him and confronting him but at the same time Im not sure that 1) my wife is stirring crap 2) it will cause a big rift.

Let me know!

Bullies dont just stop at some point, they never do.

Ignoring them will not help you.

Not only are they disrespecting you, they disrespect your wife and they also make you look weak in front of your wife.

You cant just let that slide or your wife might lose respect for you over time, which opens a whole bag of problems.

Either cut them out of your life or start bullying them in a calm and classy way until they wish they hadnt startet shiat with you.

 

[Alpheta]

Bullies dont just stop at some point, they never do.

Ignoring them will not help you.

Not only are they disrespecting you, they disrespect your wife and they also make you look weak in front of your wife.

You cant just let that slide or your wife might lose respect for you over time, which opens a whole bag of problems.

Either cut them out of your life or start bullying them in a calm and classy way until they wish they hadnt startet shiat with you.

I agree. However, I dont see them often and when I do, im very apparent that i do not like them. I make it awkward and uncomfortable and I know it annoys my BIL.

My only gripe this time is him saying to my wife that she aint smart because she married me. I would ignore it most times as you have to be a coward and insecure to be back-chatting me in your free time. Shows i upset thembut there is a linee.

I called my sister but didnt pick up so messaged her saying she needs to speak to me face to face and if it happens again will make sure she knows about it. I just feel like I need to call my BIL too and put him in his place

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

My only gripe this time is him saying to my wife that she aint smart because she married me. I would ignore it most times as you have to be a coward and insecure to be back-chatting me in your free time. Shows i upset thembut there is a linee.

If you respond in any way, your BIL will know how to hurt you. Don't show him he triggered you.

 

[Alpheta]

If you respond in any way, your BIL will know how to hurt you. Don't show him he triggered you.

tbh he is a coward. He shrivels at confrontation but hes very good at being manipulative, jokingly back chatting and berating and being passive aggressive. Its 101 manipulation and deceptive tactics he uses and i can see right through it.

Its like when a bunch of boys in school throw a paper ball at your head and when you confront them they act likeit wasnt them and then you turn around and they do it again. Making a fool of you.