i know im gonna get alot brutal honesty for how crazy my situation is. Im halfway through the rational male and its phenomenal info. im very inexperienced for my age of 32. So i live with this 60 yo woman(kathy) whom i absolutely love unfortunately. i have wanted to **** kathy the second i saw her the first time when i was just 15. She is my best friends mom(i fckn know! not cool). 12 ish years down the road her bf get pinned for 17 years, i needed to move back into town for a better job and my buddy jim/her son suggested i moved in with her because she needed company she could trust and help around the house(hes 3k miles away). kathy is exactly what i want in any woman, she is active, fit, petite,blonde hair blues eyes, submissive and her ass looks better than alot of ladys my age. I HAVE TO **** HER! ill do anything and if im not successful in the next few months im vanishing from her life for the sake of my own mental health. im not trying to marry this old lady but trying to accomplish a goal for self confidence reasons, not to mention the half a decade of fantisies developed from staring at her amazing ass as a teenager. She will occasionally covertly give me signs or demonstrate interest, example: knee's up high/feet on the couch(no feet pointing to me but body facing my direction) and rubing the inside of her thigh slowly while talking to me and smiling, another night i was full of myself/****y making fun of her and making her laugh, then she pulled out the stupidest meme that didnt make sense but it read, 'tonights a great night to do something stooped', at that moment i didnt register that she may have been saving that to show me when she wanted me to move in. The first time i verbally told her that i was attracted to her and i wanted ****, she only said 'Nooo!, im an old lady!', then 'what about jim?, my afc self got flustered too quickly so i left to walk the dogs. i hadn't attempted anything for 2 years after that. Recently she has started talking about her friends son like she was close to him and they been spending time together, she very well could be ****ing this guy thats my age and the thought kills me. But i took this behavior as trying to get me to make a move via competition anxiety, not trying to ease me into the idea shes got a young guy already (a real possibility), so i went for it again...verbally like a btch, this time her response was that she viewed me as a son, that she wasnt attracted to me and she was in a relationship (i assumed she meant her prison daddy and like a plugged afc i did not ask who this guy was). The next mornnig, i said you think i only like you when im drunk huh? she said yes and i replied 'hell no thats not true'. im feeling at a complete loss at this point so i say 'you know where my rooms at all you gotta do is knock for a good time'. She just nodded her head no. theres tons more examples and info but im already writing a novel about it. i almost ****ed her daughter after she kissed me on the 4th of july weekend but shes my age (gross), has 2 kids with her and does some kind of hard drug so i turned her down, the morning after i walked out my room to piss and kathy stared at me harder then evr from the first floor, no idea what that meant but seemed significant. At the moment im pulling back not spending any alone time with here and just focusing on some career improvements and occasionally going out trying to not pick up but just get practice talking to women and men as im pretty introverted and want to change that and meet new people. theres tons more examples and info but im already writing a novel about it. i feel im in too deep emotionally and not unplugged enough. So please ask what you will think lead me to any sort of improvement.
