Tired of wasting time

[Dream2Big]

I think have an inferiority complex, I've read some posts on here with pickup and approach but still having trouble getting the results. I've been experiencing a high amount of social anxiety lately. I've only been with 4 girls and a couple I wasn't very interested in. I see girls smiling and giggling but I miss my opportunity. I don't take the chance thinking I might make a total ass of myself. I'm more of an introverted guy I play games and workout at home but want to get into the bar scene and build my notch count eventually but if I have problems already with approaching women in public places anywhere that I'll most likely flat out humiliate myself, I tried going with friends in the past to bars but many just flake with an excuse and others just don't go out at all. I thought because my friends don't go out I won't go out. Now I want to go out but obviously lost solo gaming. Also forgot to mention I'm 25.

 

[NealIRC]

Don't work on approaching women, work on getting approached by women.

 

[SW15]

You need to do some internal work. You might even have social anxiety disorder, though only a mental health professional can diagnose that.

Here are some basic things that you can do in the short term:

1. Lift weights/exercise. Focus on weight training over cardio. Cardio exercise has value but it is a lower priority
2. Eat healthier ingredients and sleep at least 7 hours a night
3. No porn or masturbation
4. Avoid swipe apps unless you are 6'0"+ with big muscles already. The swipe app environment has a way of being mentally unhealthy for men outside of the Top 10% of men.

Doing these things will put you in a better place to approach strangers and sell yourself as a good penis option.

Approaching is difficult even when doing the things I suggest for optimizing your lifestyle.

 

[Dream2Big]

You need to do some internal work. You might even have social anxiety disorder, though only a mental health professional can diagnose that.

Here are some basic things that you can do in the short term:

1. Lift weights/exercise. Focus on weight training over cardio. Cardio exercise has value but it is a lower priority
2. Eat healthier ingredients and sleep at least 7 hours a night
3. No porn or masturbation
4. Avoid swipe apps unless you are 6'0"+ with big muscles already. The swipe app environment has a way of being mentally unhealthy for men outside of the Top 10% of men.

Doing these things will put you in a better place to approach strangers and sell yourself as a good penis option.

Approaching is difficult even when doing the things I suggest for optimizing your lifestyle.

I think it is social anxiety, I haven't been diagnosed but I committed to changing that, I feel like if I start conversation with all the woman I come across that I'm attracted to that I could break that anxiety, I used to hate rejection when I was younger but now I don't really care about being turned down just the fact I might waste my time with someone not interested after a conversation

 

[Gamisch]

I think it is social anxiety, I haven't been diagnosed but I committed to changing that, I feel like if I start conversation with all the woman I come across that I'm attracted to that I could break that anxiety, I used to hate rejection when I was younger but now I don't really care about being turned down just the fact I might waste my time with someone not interested after a conversation

It shouldn't feel like a waste of time.



For example, you go out. You talk to this woman. She makes it clear that she has a boyfriend. Bf joins the conversation. Seems like you and dude are just vibrating on a dude/bro level.



Is this wasted time? Or did you have a good time including a good conversation? Men are too focused on the destination rather than the actual journey.



I just had a fight about this with a homie. Imo you should go out ten times if you want results. Get a main bar so you can get to know the staff and the regular crowd. You may be lucky after the 4th time. But it is CRUCIAL that you can feel without women. It's the actual atmosphere that attracts women.



So my advice is to stop seeing this as a waste of time, and rather see it as a way to practice social skills, mingle with people, increase your chances of meeting women, and build rapport.

 

[The Duke]

Practice talking to random dudes if it's more comfortable than approaching women.

 

[Dream2Big]

Practice talking to random dudes if it's more comfortable than approaching women.

I talked to a few girls today at the gym, just kept it casual. I didn't really flirt just talk about the new upgrades in my gym, what exercises are you doing? Just small talk, I did call one of her friends cute. I got some smiles but when I should have asked for her number or social. I tensed up said goodbye and went on with my workout then left. Talking to guys is no problem, I have a few close friends so meeting new friends is just optional. I figured with these girls I didn't want to come off desperate or trying to rush seduction in case I embarrass the living hell out of myself I won't have to go to the gym seeing them will feel awkward.

 

[Dream2Big]

It shouldn't feel like a waste of time.



For example, you go out. You talk to this woman. She makes it clear that she has a boyfriend. Bf joins the conversation. Seems like you and dude are just vibrating on a dude/bro level.



Is this wasted time? Or did you have a good time including a good conversation? Men are too focused on the destination rather than the actual journey.



I just had a fight about this with a homie. Imo you should go out ten times if you want results. Get a main bar so you can get to know the staff and the regular crowd. You may be lucky after the 4th time. But it is CRUCIAL that you can feel without women. It's the actual atmosphere that attracts women.



So my advice is to stop seeing this as a waste of time, and rather see it as a way to practice social skills, mingle with people, increase your chances of meeting women, and build rapport.

This is great advice, ngl sometimes I feel the bf starts puffing chests because I talk to there girl, I don't know why but it always seems like competition, I just feel the insecurity from the other guys, and usually they just try to shut down the conversation immediately. Worried if someone will steal their girl. I'm not interested in stealing another guys girl either way, I wouldn't want that to happen to me so I wouldn't do it someone else. But this seems to be the case most of the times.

 

[Bokanovsky]

I talked to a few girls today at the gym, just kept it casual. I didn't really flirt just talk about the new upgrades in my gym, what exercises are you doing? Just small talk, I did call one of her friends cute. I got some smiles but when I should have asked for her number or social. I tensed up said goodbye and went on with my workout then left.

You aren't doing too bad. Just stop being so outcome dependent. At the end of the day, getting a number doesn't mean much especially if this is the first time you talked to that girl at the gym. In fact, it doesn't even make sense to ask for a number at that point. Wait until you see her again and develop some report.

 

[RazorRambo24]

Don't work on approaching women, work on getting approached by women.

Couldn't have said it any better.

 

[TheMage]

I think it is social anxiety, I haven't been diagnosed but I committed to changing that, I feel like if I start conversation with all the woman I come across that I'm attracted to that I could break that anxiety, I used to hate rejection when I was younger but now I don't really care about being turned down just the fact I might waste my time with someone not interested after a conversation

I'm not a Psychiatrist but I can make a preliminary diagnosis if you want. But even without the diagnosis, the treatment is generally cognitive behavioral therapy, which you can look up online if you want. But I don't think what you have is social anxiety as it must manifest regardless of the gender of the person you are interacting with. Most likely what you have is approach anxiety that everyone goes through. Even if it is social anxiety, treatment is gradual exposure, the same thing for approach anxiety in which you gradually start interacting with women. I can't comment on whether you should go out and start approaching or build yourself first.

 

[inquisitor]

I think have an inferiority complex, I've read some posts on here with pickup and approach but still having trouble getting the results. I've been experiencing a high amount of social anxiety lately. I've only been with 4 girls and a couple I wasn't very interested in. I see girls smiling and giggling but I miss my opportunity. I don't take the chance thinking I might make a total ass of myself. I'm more of an introverted guy I play games and workout at home but want to get into the bar scene and build my notch count eventually but if I have problems already with approaching women in public places anywhere that I'll most likely flat out humiliate myself, I tried going with friends in the past to bars but many just flake with an excuse and others just don't go out at all. I thought because my friends don't go out I won't go out. Now I want to go out but obviously lost solo gaming. Also forgot to mention I'm 25.

You don't have to worry about missing out. People here would say you're still young. Maybe start with accepting yourself more (reasonably, of course). That way, girls would see that (even if implicitly) and they'd start accepting you more. It also gets better with more approaches - the failures are part of the experience, the goal is to lessen the failures over time.

Moreover, stop worrying so much about what other people think. I am reminded of a quote by Eleanor Roosevelt: You wouldn't worry so much about what other people think of you if you realized how seldom they do.

You aren't doing too bad. Just stop being so outcome dependent.

Bokanovsky's right. Don't stress yourself too much about results. Have equal treatment of causes for success and reasons for failure, but also iterate - every woman is different, so remain open.

 

[Gamisch]

This is great advice, ngl sometimes I feel the bf starts puffing chests because I talk to there girl, I don't know why but it always seems like competition, I just feel the insecurity from the other guys, and usually they just try to shut down the conversation immediately. Worried if someone will steal their girl. I'm not interested in stealing another guys girl either way, I wouldn't want that to happen to me so I wouldn't do it someone else. But this seems to be the case most of the times.

If a guy reacts like that you should chuckle silently about it and just walk off.

If you sincerely try to connect with PEOPLE (not just "hot women") , everyone will pick up on that energy. Some men will feel threatened by that energy, but that more of a them problem than a you problem.

Ofcourse a Don Juan doesn't fight over a woman he doesn't even know because a beta man feels intimidated. Or let me rephrase that as, we try not to hit first...

Let me say it like this:if you are in environments and at parties where boyfriends are insecure bluepilled beta thugs (the most dangerous and unpredictable types of men) you simply should reconsider the kinds of venues you visit. There are more classy and more easy going places and people.