Waitress/Bar Work Is It A Red Flag?

[soulforge]

So I got a call from my mate last night who has been in a LTR for around 12 months.

The girl he is seeing has told him, she wants to earn extra cash, therefore she is going to apply for bar work or waitress work.

Apparently she has done this type of work some years ago before they met, and she even told my mate that after closing hours, they the staff used to get together and have parties and get drunk etc.

From what he has told me about her, I let him know he needs to be careful with this chick, as I know she got some issues, depression/anxiety etc, she was on antidepressants, also she don't have a father.

I told him it's entirely upto you how you handle this, personally myself I don't LTR chicks that do bar work.

So he said he is going to think about things.

Do you consider bar work or a waitress work a red flag?

 

[SW15]

I wouldn't consider being a waitress or bartender to be a red flag for an extended relationship.

However, there's one big challenege with dating a waitress/bartender for the typical white collar office worker or blue collar dayshift worker. Female waitresses/bartenders tend to work schedules that don't commonly align with white collar workers/blue collar dayshift workers. That makes it difficult to actually get together regularly.

In many ways, female bartenders/waitresses are more pleasant to spend time with as compared to female middle/upper managers in business roles or female lawyers.

 

[CornbreadFed]

However, there's one big challenege with dating a waitress/bartender for the typical white collar office worker or blue collar dayshift worker. Female waitresses/bartenders tend to work schedules that don't commonly align with white collar workers/blue collar dayshift workers. That makes it difficult to actually get together regularly.

yeah I have never desired a waitress but I would assume this would come in to play and we wouldn’t pair bond at all.

wait I did date one in college and she ended up being a 304.

 

[ThisIsSparta]

Do you consider bar work or a waitress work a red flag?

Clearly depends on the establishment.

Is she going to be a waitress in a restaurant or in a night club?

I have been there in my early twenties. It was the exact same with my GF back then. Some day she told me she wants to earn extra money and would "help out" at a ****tailbar from time to time. I havent been living with her under one roof and the bar was more then an hour from my place so i did not have any info on how and when she got home after work. Needless to say the bar had open late into the night and there was drinking during and after work involved.

It clearly wasnt just about earning a little extra money, this was more an excuse to party for her and looking back i am certain she cheated on me in that time.

I wasnt happy about it back then when i was still a bluepilled boy and today i would tell her to get the fvck out of here if she insisted to do that kind of "work".

 

[SW15]

I have never desired a waitress but I would assume this would come in to play and we wouldn’t pair bond at all.

The best way to pick up any sort of waitress is to do it differently than most men. Most men try to pick up a waitress or bartender at their workplace. That's the wrong way to do it. The best way is to meet them during their leisure time. This isn't easy for most white collar or blue collar dayshift worker men to do.

I started a thread about this a while back.

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I did date one in college and she ended up being a 304.

Not surprised at all.

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Clearly depends on the establishment.

Is she going to be a waitress in a restaurant or in a night club?

Yes, there's a big difference between dating a Hooters/Twin Peaks type waitress and a Denny's/Chili's type waitress.

There's also a lot of variation between bars for dating bartenders.

 

[Mjolnir21]

Hello Mate, I think I can be of great help here.
I'm 21, I have been working at a bar in Malaysia, and I'm also a student. I have also read few of the recommended books.
Im doing well in my dating life, so I do think my words carry weight.(sorry if I sound obnoxious but I am passionate about this topic)

I'm originally from Africa, so the club life I used to lead was insane. I've done and seen a lot. Now the city I stay in is relatively quiet. I work in a upper-class bar. All the female staff are either engaged or in a serious relationship. They all have 2 phones, one for personal and one for clients, except 2, 1 of which is because her boyfriend is a waiter and she isn't as attractive, the other is my friend's girl so she behaves when I'm there.

ALL the other girls not only entertain these guys but welcome them, a few have even come on to me (I'm the only black guy in that bar and probably the only one they know well-ish). They buy expensive perfumes, not to impress the guy but it's like an investment. They also cozy up the customers trying to get tips, which is alright, but I would not want my girl rubbing a guy's arm for a few extra dollars.

At the end of the day, everyone is different, but my advice is a big no. I've seen it first hand.

 

[soulforge]

Clearly depends on the establishment.

Is she going to be a waitress in a restaurant or in a night club?

I have been there in my early twenties. It was the exact same with my GF back then. Some day she told me she wants to earn extra money and would "help out" at a ****tailbar from time to time. I havent been living with her under one roof and the bar was more then an hour from my place so i did not have any info on how and when she got home after work. Needless to say the bar had open late into the night and there was drinking during and after work involved.

It clearly wasnt just about earning a little extra money, this was more an excuse to party for her and looking back i am certain she cheated on me in that time.

I wasnt happy about it back then when i was still a bluepilled boy and today i would tell her to get the fvck out of here if she insisted to do that kind of "work".

Well my mate has desires of moving in with this chick, I told you need to be careful as fuk right now. Personally I wouldn't take this kinda risk

 

[soulforge]

Hello Mate, I think I can be of great help here.
I'm 21, I have been working at a bar in Malaysia, and I'm also a student. I have also read few of the recommended books.
Im doing well in my dating life, so I do think my words carry weight.(sorry if I sound obnoxious but I am passionate about this topic)

I'm originally from Africa, so the club life I used to lead was insane. I've done and seen a lot. Now the city I stay in is relatively quiet. I work in a upper-class bar. All the female staff are either engaged or in a serious relationship. They all have 2 phones, one for personal and one for clients, except 2, 1 of which is because her boyfriend is a waiter and she isn't as attractive, the other is my friend's girl so she behaves when I'm there.

ALL the other girls not only entertain these guys but welcome them, a few have even come on to me (I'm the only black guy in that bar and probably the only one they know well-ish). They buy expensive perfumes, not to impress the guy but it's like an investment. They also cozy up the customers trying to get tips, which is alright, but I would not want my girl rubbing a guy's arm for a few extra dollars.

At the end of the day, everyone is different, but my advice is a big no. I've seen it first hand.

This is what I told him... Personally from me it's a big NO... However if she insists and argues with you about it, let her go do whatever she wants and either demote her to FWB or walk.

It's his choice end of day.

 

[soulforge]

Hello Mate, I think I can be of great help here.
I'm 21, I have been working at a bar in Malaysia, and I'm also a student. I have also read few of the recommended books.
Im doing well in my dating life, so I do think my words carry weight.(sorry if I sound obnoxious but I am passionate about this topic)

I'm originally from Africa, so the club life I used to lead was insane. I've done and seen a lot. Now the city I stay in is relatively quiet. I work in a upper-class bar. All the female staff are either engaged or in a serious relationship. They all have 2 phones, one for personal and one for clients, except 2, 1 of which is because her boyfriend is a waiter and she isn't as attractive, the other is my friend's girl so she behaves when I'm there.

ALL the other girls not only entertain these guys but welcome them, a few have even come on to me (I'm the only black guy in that bar and probably the only one they know well-ish). They buy expensive perfumes, not to impress the guy but it's like an investment. They also cozy up the customers trying to get tips, which is alright, but I would not want my girl rubbing a guy's arm for a few extra dollars.

At the end of the day, everyone is different, but my advice is a big no. I've seen it first hand.

Wow that's some deep insight into that world. This is how I look at it.. Restaurants these days are more like Bars... And Bars are often also a restaurant. I don't see the difference.

Both have drunk clients who want to hit on fit girls.

It's crazy she has dropped this on him, one year down the line.

It looks like she put up an argument with him about working in that line of work, however has backed down now.

I think he should worry about her changing her mind again later down the line.

 

[Mjolnir21]

This is what I told him... Personally from me it's a big NO... However if she insists and argues with you about it, let her go do whatever she wants and either demote her to FWB or walk.

It's his choice end of day.

SOLID response from you. And yes, at the EOD we can only do so much

 

[CornbreadFed]

The best way to pick up any sort of waitress is to do it differently than most men. Most men try to pick up a waitress or bartender at their workplace. That's the wrong way to do it. The best way is to meet them during their leisure time. This isn't easy for most white collar or blue collar dayshift worker men to do.

I started a thread about this a while back.

Idk, I just do not find the Fiona Gallagher type woman attractive at all. If she is a waitress temporarily like in school, then I would make an exception.

 

[ThisIsSparta]

Well my mate has desires of moving in with this chick, I told you need to be careful as fuk right now. Personally I wouldn't take this kinda risk

Did she say what she needs that extra money for?

If he is comfortable with her moving in, he should make a comply or bye thing.

I´d tell her if she wants me to take her serious as girlfriend, she is not spending her nights in bars serving other men.
No discussion, not now, not in the future.

If she is seriously struggeling with money for legit reasons, moving in with him might be a solution he could offer.

If she insists on this just over buying luxury items/vacations, partying or being a hoe, she needs to go.

 

[Dr.Suave]

From what he has told me about her, I let him know he needs to be careful with this chick, as I know she got some issues, depression/anxiety etc, she was on antidepressants, also she don't have a father.

 

[soulforge]

Did she say what she needs that extra money for?

If he is comfortable with her moving in, he should make a comply or bye thing.

I´d tell her if she wants me to take her serious as girlfriend, she is not spending her nights in bars serving other men.
No discussion, not now, not in the future.

If she is seriously struggeling with money for legit reasons, moving in with him might be a solution he could offer.

If she insists on this just over buying luxury items/vacations, partying or being a hoe, she needs to go.

Haha this goes from bad to fukin worse, I just had a text conversation with him, and looks like she argued with him about the waitress work but has backed down, and agreed not to do it.

However has told him, that she is going to apply for a cross country job. WTF

Ok guys so if you don't know what cross country is in the UK. It is basically working on our train system, usually in first class serving food drinks etc to customers.

However this job requires a considerable amount of traveling, weekends away from home, working crazy hours etc.

We all know how we feel about chicks who are traveling away from home, having to spend nights away. SMH

 

[soulforge]

I don't know why, but I am very dubious about chicks who are on antidepressants.

I mean, we live in a time where we have all these modern conveniences, we have plenty of food, none of us in the Western world are going to bed hungry.

The only thing I can think of that would land a girl on Antidepressants is maybe childhood trauma, or potentially a series of bad decisions she has made and gotten involved with some abusive men.

Maybe her upbringing was messed up. Sad as it might be, I generally think it better to dodge these types of woman.

 

[soulforge]

Did she say what she needs that extra money for?

If he is comfortable with her moving in, he should make a comply or bye thing.

I´d tell her if she wants me to take her serious as girlfriend, she is not spending her nights in bars serving other men.
No discussion, not now, not in the future.

If she is seriously struggeling with money for legit reasons, moving in with him might be a solution he could offer.

If she insists on this just over buying luxury items/vacations, partying or being a hoe, she needs to go.

I have no idea why she wanted to do it, apparently she doesn't earn enough to save any money.

There are literally other jobs she could do on the side, other than waitering.

 

[Smok1nAce]

only date girls on your level or a step below you imo if your past your early 20s.

a bar tenders dating pool is other service insdustries or maybe low tier manufacturing jobs.

if you work in a professinal setting and are dating a bartender you gonna get burnt.

 

[RazorRambo24]

Man someone should just take away some of you dudes ability to post threads. Stupid one variable questions like this that discount/neglect all other variables are pathetically stupid.

It's almost as dumb as asking something like "If a girl drinks too much milk is she a hoe?"

I wouldn't consider being a waitress or bartender to be a red flag for an extended relationship.

However, there's one big challenege with dating a waitress/bartender for the typical white collar office worker or blue collar dayshift worker. Female waitresses/bartenders tend to work schedules that don't commonly align with white collar workers/blue collar dayshift workers. That makes it difficult to actually get together regularly.

In many ways, female bartenders/waitresses are more pleasant to spend time with as compared to female middle/upper managers in business roles or female lawyers.

You're a sensible guy. Why respond to posts like this? There will always be stupid posts on SoSuave. theres a boundless amount of them. More will come. I mean do we just respond to them, why not just ignore them and let people realize how dumb of a question it is?

 

[CornbreadFed]

only date girls on your level or a step below you imo if your past your early 20s.

a bar tenders dating pool is other service insdustries or maybe low tier manufacturing jobs.

if you work in a professinal setting and are dating a bartender you gonna get burnt.

This so much. I can’t even relate to a university student anymore. I remember her starting crap at 11pm/midnight while I just wanted to go to sleep.

 

[soulforge]

If your girlfriend or the date you are dating is working in a bar, club or restaurant, you shouldn't be bothered by clients trying to fvck her but be aware of the staff, her men colleagues. I've worked in bar and clubs for many years, most of the time they are pretty toxic environments to work in. Girls that work in bars clubs rest. usually party a lot, do drugs and drink too much.

Yeh I mean even hotels/restaurants that have bars, tend to turn into an excuse to party after hours.