Why men can't detach themselves from dysfunctional relationships?

[Learning Curve]

Would be great to discuss this topic as this is something that has been on my mind for quite a long time.

I have friends, best friends that actually have relationships. Some of them are 4 years some of them 10 years.

What I see is pure sadness. Arguments all day, no communication, and no sex. Yet they still stay for more.

Are these men dysfunctional? Probably. Are these men insecure and f3ucked up with no choices around them? Probably.

Been there and done that, a 4-year dysfunctional relationship destroyed my mentality, confidence, and my life. Ended it, and moved on. Was it hard? f3uck it was hard. The chick did not want to break up, she was showing up at my house, begging and pleading making things even more dramatic. Once I decided I'm out I was out.

The question here is why all these men don't leave these f3ucked up relationships?

My personal answer is simple.

They can't. They were born and raised in dysfunctional families. They had this pattern growing up and they got used to this environment. This is how I was 7 years ago.

I don't judge them. But I encourage anyone who is in this situation to move on. I did wonders for my energy, confidence, and general quality of life.

 

[CornbreadFed]

Ehhhhh, these jezebels are experienced and most men refuse to apply proper vetting strategies.

 

[Dr.Suave]

They are afraid they wont get another relationship. We need to b1tchslap some sense into them.

 

[Westminster]

I've been in this situation with my former wife, our marriage was deeply dysfunctional and she was truly toxic. Can't describe her otherwise.

Basically, there were three reasons I didn't get out: hope, laziness, and fear.

Hope - I wanted things to improve and sometimes I thought they were getting better. But the overall trajectory was downwards which, hand on heart, I knew. But I guess I was in denial to some degree.

Laziness - I knew ending the marriage would be hard work socially, emotionally, and financially - and believe me it was.

Fear - My ex-wife was, I came to realise, essentially a bad person and frankly I was really worried about the damage she would do if/when we split up. My fears were correct. She basically tried to destroy me and has inflicted lifelong damage of the children.

In hindsight, I should have ended the marriage years before, maybe then it wouldn't have been so bad. But who runs towards fire? The real answer, of course, is that I should never have got involved with her in the first place. But, my vetting was poor, I'll admit that.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing but I'd like to think I wouldn't make the same mistakes again.

 

[ThisIsSparta]

They are afraid they wont get another relationship. We need to b1tchslap some sense into them.

Unfortunately that doesnt work. The teacher will only come when the pupil is ready.
Its like with addicts, you are not going to convince someone that doesnt want to quit and/or is not willing to do what it takes.
Instead they will become aggressive towards you and cut you out of their life.

The question here is why all these men don't leave these f3ucked up relationships?

There are some of reasons.... what comes to mind are :

*You might be raised this way by single moms or families with weak fathers and Hollywood, .... "do the right thing", "man up" (basically whatever your woman wishes), put womens needs first, men are buffoons that cant exist on their own, happy wife/happy life.

*You stay in it out of financial reasons because you might be over-investend and would end up broke or worse.

*You dont want to leave your kids

*You might be mentally conditioned (as a kid) to support an abusive relationship and do everything for the abuser to get love.


The biggest issue is, poeple are lazy sheep. They want to keep things comfy and not rock the boat.

Just imagine telling that AFC to get his dad-bod ripped, pick himself up from a financial disaster, become self sufficiant, learn game...... its hard work. Most people cant be bothered and rather cope/ self medicate.


So.... unless they take the redpill and wish to dig themselves out of the matrix, there is not much you can do about it to help them.

 

[Hal9000]

It's probably a combination of a scarcity mindset coupled with a knowledge that if they did sack up and leave their ex, along with the help of the courts, would take all their stuff, take a big chunk of anything they earned for the next twenty years and their kids would be raised to hate their guts. I can see where just staying put and hoping for a premature death might be preferable.

 

[RickPound]

This applies to me at the moment except it’s just my ego keeping me attached to a dysfunctional woman. 6 months ago I was a different person: trying to get her to change and losing my self. I finally told her I’m done and I’m gonna see other women. I’m doing just that.

It flipped the script and she’s been begging for us to “start over”. I’m checked out but occasionally entertain her on my terms for some s*x and not much else. At this point I can barely stand to be around her long enough for that.

She can’t handle being treated like that (hypocritical yes, and a taste of her own medicine) and she keeps saying she wants to go no contact if this is how it’s gonna be. That really is the best for both of us, but my ego likes her chasing me and likes having her on the hook.

How do you get over your ego and let a chick go?

 

[IKO69]

You attract what you are

Can't make it anymore simple

 

[corrector]

They dont want to be incel. I too am divorced and am in a 9+ year dry spell.

 

[Learning Curve]

This applies to me at the moment except it’s just my ego keeping me attached to a dysfunctional woman. 6 months ago I was a different person: trying to get her to change and losing my self. I finally told her I’m done and I’m gonna see other women. I’m doing just that.

It flipped the script and she’s been begging for us to “start over”. I’m checked out but occasionally entertain her on my terms for some s*x and not much else. At this point I can barely stand to be around her long enough for that.

She can’t handle being treated like that (hypocritical yes, and a taste of her own medicine) and she keeps saying she wants to go no contact if this is how it’s gonna be. That really is the best for both of us, but my ego likes her chasing me and likes having her on the hook.

How do you get over your ego and let a chick go?

Is your ego more important than your mental health?

This is the question you should ask ur self. Remove emotions and add logical questions and everything will answer itself.

 

[RickPound]

Is your ego more important than your mental health?

Absolutely not. She’s the type of girl that will have me replaced in a heartbeat once she decides to. I just need to prepare for the bit of ego bruising when that happens and know it’s for the better.

 

[Gamisch]

These women create a Stockholm like syndrome by mentally and physiologically holding them hostage. They'll tell them they are worthless, with and without words. Withholding sex as prime example. So they'll make them so insecure that after a while your friends really believe they're lucky to be with these wifes. Being friends also doesn't help, because it strengthens the belief that women are "always like that ha-ha".

I don't know if men are that much affected by growing up in a dysfunctional family. It should be a blueprint how things should NOT be. Inspiration to do it better and break the chain of dysfunctionality.

I wonder if you've ever asked them personally?

 

[MatureDJ]

Because as long as he is getting sexed, the relationship is not dysfunctional enough to end it.

 

[corrector]

Because as long as he is getting sexed, the relationship is not dysfunctional enough to end it.

Does that include like once per year and feeling like it's duty-sex?

 

[MatureDJ]

Does that include like once per year and feeling like it's duty-sex?

That would be too infrequent to be considered properly sexed. At least weekly as a bare minimum,

 

[soulforge]

Honestly man the hotter a chick is the harder it is to Walk away from her dysfunctionality.

For most average men, landing and getting into a relationship with a hottie is like winning the fukin lottery. It happens very very rarely.

Once you got that hot chick, your always in a scarcity mindset,. because you know you ain't getting a baddie again for a really long time.

It's mostly down to a lack of options and us men are extremely territorial creatures.

We know for a fact that if we dump this toxic chick, within weeks she will be riding some new dik who is probably the bigger and better deal. And probably fuks her better too.

These thoughts stop us from giving up on a chick. We live in hope that things will somehow get better.

Man I have experienced this quite recently. I'm a 47 year old man, dating a 24 year old hot super slim body Russian chick.

Bro I know I ain't getting that kinda baddie again, especially that kinda age unless I become millionaire. Letting go of chicks like that is damn difficult

 

[corrector]

That would be too infrequent to be considered properly sexed. At least weekly as a bare minimum,

Don't worry, they are not getting "properly" sexed. I was not getting "properly" sexed with my ex-wife either near the month or two before we seperated. My understanding of the beta-male "dead-bedrooms" is this very infrequent and forced sex. I'm sure there are horror stories out there where it's twice a year, or once every other month, etc...... In that case, you are just keeping up your social image by having a wife and the social benefits, plus the territorial idea that if you can't have her, nobody else can so it's better to keep her than dump her.

 

[corrector]

Absolutely not. She’s the type of girl that will have me replaced in a heartbeat once she decides to. I just need to prepare for the bit of ego bruising when that happens and know it’s for the better.

Exactly. Imagine her laughing away together with some new chad-dude while all you are left with are the memories of the nice times you've had together with her. Maybe you'll visit the places you've been together and keep up a fantasy version of the memory with her alive while she's happily moved on with another guy. This is what happened after I broke up with my ex-gf back in 2012. I did meet my ex-wife a couple of years later, so it's not like a 9 year dry-spell after the ex-wife. I guess it's better a 9 year dry-spell with my ex-wife, then an 11 year dry-spell with just her.

There is this movie called Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004). I recommend watching it as it goes through the deconstructive process of letting her go in your mind.

 

[Divorced w 3]

{()}

 

[soulforge]

I'm just glad I am the dumping biches these days and not them dumping me, then going off to ride chad.

When I sense things going sideways, I'm ready to make an exit.