Help friends, just had really weird date!

[rustyJames]

Hey, I’ve been texting this girls for a week, and the forth day of texting I asked her to meet up and she said yes. This is a girl whom I kissed, and we had something for a week or 2, four years ago, so I texted her now, because I want to have some fun. Remember we haven’t spoken since, so we don’t have much in common.
The texting was not that flirtious, by my part I tried, but she replied lots of hours apart from my messages, that made it difficult to comminucate, but we had the date accorded.
So today, was the date.
I waited 20 minutes outside her home, she didn’t say she was running late or something, and then she went out, we went for some drinks, and I think the conversation went really great.
We talked about lots of things, and she and I we were having some contact. Sometimes when I spoke and I made a joke I touched her legs a llitte bit, and so did her, so we didn’t flirt that much when we spoke, just a little bit, but there was contact.
Then later, we went for a walk by the sea side but nothing really happened, I found the girl a bit reserved. Then I asked her if she wanted to go someplace more quitter ( so we could kiss, obiously I didn’t say that to her, just said if she wanted to go someplace quitter) she said she was really tired and she wanted to go home.
So i dropped her home.
I actually don’t know if this was my fault, or not, because the date did’t go that bad, we didn’t flirt a lot but there was something going on, at least to have a kiss, but no.
Nothing happened…
So now I don’t know how to feel, I don’t know if I should text her to meet again next week, if I should wait, or what should I do.
I don’t know it was really strange, because why would she wanted to go and have some drinks with me, I only know her because we kissed 4 years ago, haven’t had any relation since then, and we never were friends by any instance, so really strange.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Well she's already established in her mind there's a limited upside since nothing happened 4 years ago. Getting along doesn't mean much because, again, it's already been established that you "get along". She probably gave you a high bar to clear on the 2nd chance because nothing much happened the first time.

For your part, when a girl accepts a date but doesn't facilitate any pre-meet build-up, that's a bad sign. You want the girl to be excited about seeing you, not going through the motions like this girl did. The 20 minute wait with no explanation or apology is another big red flag.

But the main takeaway about the OP is the fact you're already "meh" in her mind from the get go. You want girls who are high interest, and was established that she isn't 4 years ago. Sometimes girls come around, but when they do they don't routinely wait 4 hours to text you back.

 

[Ricky]

Its possible if had went for a kiss close he could have made out and escalated or he could have been rejected. Either would have been a better outcome than this limbo he is in

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Reading your response you should’ve closed for the kiss.

Physical escalation is fairly straightforward if your frame is exuberant and excited about life and the world. What has served me well in the past starting with kino all the way to the kiss is being a good story teller. Telling her a story about you that’s cool, and having highs and lows in it. You can grab her hand for the first time and hold it during an exciting portion of the story all the time looking in her eyes directly.

Once you’ve done that for a while you can touch her thigh, squeeze it etc. the back of her arms triceps are good targets for contact kink style. The issue is that you need to be confident and let it flow with this is just tell you are you do this with everybody because you’re so exuberant and effusive! If it’s some point during any escalation, cheap recoil‘s or pulls back you can always joke and say oh sorry I was just so excited about telling you - every time I tell the story takes me back to that moment.

Same with a kiss. Every escalation should be tied to something about you.

My philosophy is escalate hard on the latter 1/4 of the first date, this allows you to separate the wheat from the chaff. If she’s into you, she’ll react favorably.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Its possible if had went for a kiss close he could have made out and escalated or he could have been rejected. Either would have been a better outcome than this limbo he is in

I concur. Sexual men get the women. You have to initiate.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

She wasn't interested the first time and she isn't interested now.

She likely had nothing better to do tonight so she decided to go out with you, knowing she had no interest.

I'm not really sure what there is to be confused about.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

This is why busting a move early and bending rejected is valuable. You can usually tell from the rejection if it’s a hard or soft no, and if you should waste more of your valuable time or not.

 

[GreenlandShark]

This is why busting a move early and bending rejected is valuable. You can usually tell from the rejection if it’s a hard or soft no, and if you should waste more of your valuable time or not.

can you please elaborate more on soft rejections and how can it be converted into yes, if possible and if it is worth?

 

[rustyJames]

Well she's already established in her mind there's a limited upside since nothing happened 4 years ago. Getting along doesn't mean much because, again, it's already been established that you "get along". She probably gave you a high bar to clear on the 2nd chance because nothing much happened the first time.

For your part, when a girl accepts a date but doesn't facilitate any pre-meet build-up, that's a bad sign. You want the girl to be excited about seeing you, not going through the motions like this girl did. The 20 minute wait with no explanation or apology is another big red flag.

But the main takeaway about the OP is the fact you're already "meh" in her mind from the get go. You want girls who are high interest, and was established that she isn't 4 years ago. Sometimes girls come around, but when they do they don't routinely wait 4 hours to text you back.

Okay, but remember I just wanted to have fun not anything else, and if she went on with the date I thought that we were on the same page, why would you go on a date with a guy if you have no intentions jajja.
Should I text her? I should I next her?

 

[rustyJames]

This is why busting a move early and bending rejected is valuable. You can usually tell from the rejection if it’s a hard or soft no, and if you should waste more of your valuable time or not.

Okay, would you then text her back or not?

 

[rustyJames]

She wasn't interested the first time and she isn't interested now.

She likely had nothing better to do tonight so she decided to go out with you, knowing she had no interest.

I'm not really sure what there is to be confused about.

Look, I thought, sometimes girls might not seem that interested when texting but, when at the date we had something going on, as I said there was some kind of contact and we were flirting a bit, but it’s like i didn’t even had the opportunity to kiss her. I asked her after the walk to go some other place, and the I would have kissed her, but she said she was tired, which made no sense to me.
Now I don’t know what to do, because of course that pissed me off, aswell as the cold texting and the “i’m tired”

 

[Bingo-Player]

Okay, would you then text her back or not?

The female should ALWAYS make contact first after the initial date if she doesn't then consider it done

 

[rustyJames]

The female should ALWAYS make contact first after the initial date if she doesn't then consider it done

Yeah, that is probably what i’ll be doing

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Look, I thought, sometimes girls might not seem that interested when texting but, when at the date we had something going on, as I said there was some kind of contact and we were flirting a bit, but it’s like i didn’t even had the opportunity to kiss her. I asked her after the walk to go some other place, and the I would have kissed her, but she said she was tired, which made no sense to me.
Now I don’t know what to do, because of course that pissed me off, aswell as the cold texting and the “i’m tired”

It makes perfect sense. She wasn't interested. Stop making up stuff in your own mind. Her actions are what matter.

 

[bat soup]

You probably should have fingered her. That's where you went wrong.

 

[Dr.Suave]

You didnt try to escalate and maybe she´s low interest

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Okay, would you then text her back or not?

You can try but I assure you she is low interest.

 

[rustyJames]

You didnt try to escalate and maybe she´s low interest

How would you have done it? Maybe more flirtious in texting or in date?
And from knowing this, okay, maybe I should had escalated things, but knowing this would you text her back, or should I wait for a couple of days, remember I just want to have some fun and **** her…

 

[rustyJames]

You can try but I assure you she is low interest.

Don’t know, because I just wanted to **** her you know, like she is not that interesting for me, but, what would you do?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Don’t know, because I just wanted to **** her you know, like she is not that interesting for me, but, what would you do?

Stop wasting time with her and spend your time finding a woman who is interested.