“You never ask for anything…”

[LTG71]

Pre-pandemic, I loaned a women my roof top cargo box so she could go camping with friends. Trip is done, she returns home and removes the box. She misplaces the key in her house and three years pass by. This weekend I was heading to an event and would be passing by her town. I told her I can stop by to pick up the box on my way. Stopped by, it was in the middle of her garage, locked with a bunch of sh!t piled on it. I picked it up, drove off and all was good.

She texts me last night that she feels bad that I had to make a special trip to pick it up. She then tries to flip her shame on to me by saying that I never ask for anything and that I should have said something If I needed the box. I have a second box so I was not dying to get it back. So now I’m somehow the bad guy because she was too irresponsible and I had to take control of the situation?

Question- Do I have to ask a person to be a responsible adult and return the items they borrowed? I was about to ream her a new one but decided to take the high road and let it go. If she felt bad, she could have tried harder during the entire lockdown to look around her house for the key or figure out a way to bring it back. I‘m often hesitant to borrow things from friends because I don’t want them to get damaged, but when I do, I take extra good care of them and return the item as soon as possible.

This woman and I have this dynamic where she says I never ask for anything. Have you guys had a similar situation? I don’t feel it’s my duty to repeatedly have ask people to have common courtesy and decency. Maybe with my kids yes, but if you are over 25 I expect more from you.

To me, this woman’s parents failed to teach her basic behaviors like having integrity, being responsible, accountable and trustworthy. I had a spare key but I didn’t trust her enough to hand it over. She didn’t even take five minutes to clear off the garage and clean the box before I arrived even though I gave her a few days notice. So yes, I don’t ask for many things, especially basic adult behaviors. As a side note, her beta boyfriend was standing there the entire time and didn’t offer any help, lol.

 

[SW15]

I am amazed that you still had her contact information after 3+ years. This sounds more like a platonic female friend than a plate.

She should have returned that box 3+ years ago.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Just like you can’t negotiate desire in a woman, you can’t negotiate common decency either.

It’s taken me decades to figure out that I must ration my time and my kindness and yes, even my affection. My instinctual reaction is to always help people when asked without an expectation of reciprocation. But you do this enough in life and you start to understand that you’re getting used by people that don’t share your values. Then you have to harden yourself and become less forthcoming.

As the old saying goes, do not cast pearls before swine.

 

[EyeBRollin]

OP, I challenge your assumption that women by default are “responsible” adults. Few are. Majority of them are not.

 

[Robert28]

I saved this text message from a girl I used to be friends with years ago. We were friends for a few years, but she got to where she was asking for too many favors and the last few times we hung out things were just boring. She wasn’t fun anymore. This all started over me asking for my tape measure back and evolved into this text.lol I forgot I had this message saved on my phone until I ran across it the other day. I kept it as a reminder to never be friends with women again.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Just like you can’t negotiate desire in a woman, you can’t negotiate common decency either.

It’s taken me decades to figure out that I must ration my time and my kindness and yes, even my affection. My instinctual reaction is to always help people when asked without an expectation of reciprocation. But you do this enough in life and you start to understand that you’re getting used by people that don’t share your values. Then you have to harden yourself and become less forthcoming.

As the old saying goes, do not cast pearls before swine.

Not just with women, but also Californians.

 

[Robert28]

Just like you can’t negotiate desire in a woman, you can’t negotiate common decency either.

It’s taken me decades to figure out that I must ration my time and my kindness and yes, even my affection. My instinctual reaction is to always help people when asked without an expectation of reciprocation. But you do this enough in life and you start to understand that you’re getting used by people that don’t share your values. Then you have to harden yourself and become less forthcoming.

As the old saying goes, do not cast pearls before swine.

You sound exactly like me.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

I saved this text message from a girl I used to be friends with years ago. We were friends for a few years, but she got to where she was asking for too many favors and the last few times we hung out things were just boring. She wasn’t fun anymore. This all started over me asking for my tape measure back and evolved into this text.lol I forgot I had this message saved on my phone until I ran across it the other day. I kept it as a reminder to never be friends with women again. View attachment 10017

"Just know" seems like a uniquely female cop-out. As in, why the F should I have to bother explaining anything that I wouldn't be able to explain anyway?

 

[Robert28]

"Just know" seems like a uniquely female cop-out. As in, why the F should I have to bother explaining anything that I wouldn't be able to explain anyway?

What’s funny about that text is she always sent the snippy texts. Maybe I did once or twice but 90% of the time jt was her if you didn’t respond right away. When she talks about me picking and choosing when to respond, I had a lot going on with my dad dying. I never have had someone tell me I was full of drama before her or since her lol

 

[Dr.Suave]

I saved this text message from a girl I used to be friends with years ago. We were friends for a few years, but she got to where she was asking for too many favors and the last few times we hung out things were just boring. She wasn’t fun anymore. This all started over me asking for my tape measure back and evolved into this text.lol I forgot I had this message saved on my phone until I ran across it the other day. I kept it as a reminder to never be friends with women again. View attachment 10017

Interesting. Why were you platonic? You were never attracted to her?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I saved this text message from a girl I used to be friends with years ago. We were friends for a few years, but she got to where she was asking for too many favors and the last few times we hung out things were just boring. She wasn’t fun anymore. This all started over me asking for my tape measure back and evolved into this text.lol I forgot I had this message saved on my phone until I ran across it the other day. I kept it as a reminder to never be friends with women again. View attachment 10017

Maybe she felt the same way? Sounds like you wanted more and she didn't? Why else would you call her out for not responding?

 

[Robert28]

Interesting. Why were you platonic? You were never attracted to her?

We’d initially started kinda dating, we went on a few dates but nothing ever happened past making out. She had just gotten out of a relationship when I met her but then she friendzoned me. I was like cool whatever, but she’d keep coming back texting me and wanting to hangout. I dated other girls during this time and she never liked it, she didn’t say so but you could just tell. 2 weeks before all this went down she texted me “where you been, haven’t heard from you in awhile?” and I said I’d been hanging out with a girl I used to date. Her mood instantly changed, she was like “whatever, it is what it is”. Now keep in mind that when we’d hangout she’s constantly reject me even though I didn’t ask her out, she’d say things like “you know it’s nothing against you, I just would hate if we dated and broke up what would happen to our friendship” and I didn’t even ask! I was just like “ok?” I think she missed that I used to like her but as I got to know her she sensed I wasn’t into her anymore. I really think that’s why she cut me loose in the fashion she did, we weren’t really friends, or at least I wasn’t hers. I just made her feel good about herself that she had someone who liked her and she could keep rejecting.

 

[Robert28]

Maybe she felt the same way? Sounds like you wanted more and she didn't? Why else would you call her out for not responding?

I did want more and she didn’t but not the entire time we were friends. I don’t think she was having fun the last few times we hung out either, I never said I had a horrible time though. I just said “you seem like you didn’t have fun the other day, is something up with you?” And she blamed it on depression or something, I forgot exactly what she said now. I never called her out for not responding, she used to do that to me. I don’t know why she projected that onto me.

 

[Dr.Suave]

We’d initially started kinda dating, we went on a few dates but nothing ever happened past making out. She had just gotten out of a relationship when I met her but then she friendzoned me. I was like cool whatever, but she’d keep coming back texting me and wanting to hangout. I dated other girls during this time and she never liked it, she didn’t say so but you could just tell. 2 weeks before all this went down she texted me “where you been, haven’t heard from you in awhile?” and I said I’d been hanging out with a girl I used to date. Her mood instantly changed, she was like “whatever, it is what it is”. Now keep in mind that when we’d hangout she’s constantly reject me even though I didn’t ask her out, she’d say things like “you know it’s nothing against you, I just would hate if we dated and broke up what would happen to our friendship” and I didn’t even ask! I was just like “ok?” I think she missed that I used to like her but as I got to know her she sensed I wasn’t into her anymore. I really think that’s why she cut me loose in the fashion she did, we weren’t really friends, or at least I wasn’t hers. I just made her feel good about herself that she had someone who liked her and she could keep rejecting.

So she just wanted you for attention/validation. F0ck her. Be glad she ended the "friendship".

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I did want more and she didn’t but not the entire time we were friends. I don’t think she was having fun the last few times we hung out either, I never said I had a horrible time though. I just said “you seem like you didn’t have fun the other day, is something up with you?” And she blamed it on depression or something, I forgot exactly what she said now. I never called her out for not responding, she used to do that to me. I don’t know why she projected that onto me.

Sounds like typical chick stuff where they figure out a way to blame the guy for the way they feel

 

[LTG71]

I am amazed that you still had her contact information after 3+ years. This sounds more like a platonic female friend than a plate.

She should have returned that box 3+ years ago.

We are coworkers

 

[The Duke]

The people in life who need to borrow something are almost always this way. Those who aren't never ask.

Her value system is vastly different than yours. Good thing you never dated.

 

[LTG71]

The people in life who need to borrow something are almost always this way. Those who aren't never ask.

Her value system is vastly different than yours. Good thing you never dated.

This is brilliant observation not to be overlooked. Just because a woman might be attractive, doesn’t mean she has the traits that would make an LTR or marriage successful. In this case, I would consider her out of my league. She doesn’t meet my standards for what I would want in an LTR or wife. She might be fun to look at, but other than that she sucks.

 

[AureliusMaximus]

Just because a woman might be attractive, doesn’t mean she has the traits that would make an LTR or marriage successful. In this case, I would consider her out of my league.

Well...