Transferring Online Dating Results to Approaching IRL

[Divorced w 3]

People these days cannot understand how you can meet outside of OLD it’s really amazing. I think that OLD doesn’t allow for that spark factor. I echo that you can get an outcome in real life that OLD would have filtered out, which is literally the entire purpose of OLD.

 

[CornbreadFed]

People these days cannot understand how you can meet outside of OLD it’s really amazing. I think that OLD doesn’t allow for that spark factor. I echo that you can get an outcome in real life that OLD would have filtered out, which is literally the entire purpose of OLD.

It is much harder to meet people outside OLD in todays world than ever. I would have never met my current GF outside OLD because she only dated guys within her social arms length(work or social circle) and decided to give the apps a chance after a breakup. Everyone walks around with airpods on today and is less friendly towards a stranger approaching them than before. Even if you can break this barrier, it is another brutal job in its own and is not easy whatsoever. Clubs/Bars are a terrible option unless you live in a city like Miami where you have a constant rotation of tourists that are more open to an one night stand than locals that go to the same venue every weekend.

 

[CheekyMonkey101]

People these days cannot understand how you can meet outside of OLD it’s really amazing. I think that OLD doesn’t allow for that spark factor. I echo that you can get an outcome in real life that OLD would have filtered out, which is literally the entire purpose of OLD.

Part of the issue is that many women from online dating expect that "spark" or "connection" factor (the second is meaningless) straight away rather than realising that it needs more time.

 

[SW15]

This is why you have good pictures and learn the basics of OLD lol. Yes, OLD seems intimidating with all of the women having abundance of options and picky standards, but it is way easier to stand out more than you think.

1). Majority of the profiles on there are trash. Most guys have low effort profiles and send low effort/beta messages to women.

It's very difficult to stand out online. I agree that many men have profiles that are not good. It's actually more difficult than one might think to put up a solid swipe app profile. There are some men who are better off only doing approaches in real life. Approaching strangers, swiping on apps, and sending DMs on social media are all difficult paths to follow. Approaching strangers is probably the least bad one though it doesn't often feel that way.

It is much harder to meet people outside OLD in todays world than ever. .Everyone walks around with airpods on today and is less friendly towards a stranger approaching them than before.

I've experienced this.

Even if you can break this barrier, it is another brutal job in its own and is not easy whatsoever. Clubs/Bars are a terrible option unless you live in a city like Miami where you have a constant rotation of tourists that are more open to an one night stand than locals that go to the same venue every weekend.

Miami is not an easy market either. See thread below for more Miami information....

Observations on Miami's scene.

So at some point during the pandemic, after about four years in NYC and seeing how much the city had gone downhill, I decided to come down to Miami. Like most others who heard of remote work, a lot of my friends moved to Miami and so I decided to pick the city because I had a curiosity for it...

www.sosuave.net

 

[Divorced w 3]

Part of the issue is that many women from online dating expect that "spark" or "connection" factor (the second is meaningless) straight away rather than realising that it needs more time.

The ‘spark’ one gets from OLD is related to a potential lifestyle opportunity and not from a genuine personal connection. It’s impossible to build up a real connection on the apps without the transition to a phone call. 70% of communication’s nonverbal- so it’s impossible to do which means, inherently, that connection on OLD is entirely surface level and superficial.

 

[Murk]

Indirect appoaches. As in, it just seems like you're making conversation with someone and that someone happens to be her.

Learn the acronym A.S.S. : Always Say Something.

It takes a bit of practice but you instead of just walking right up to someone, you have to position yourself as to where you just happen to be in a position to talk to her. Whether it be in line somewhere, or at the park, grocery store, getting gas, walking down the street. Look for an opportune time to say something. Something, anything. You're not necessarily hitting on them, you're just being social. You could be talking to anyone.

This is exactly how I approached IRL. I've got many numbers (I didn't even use OLD before 2017), and I've never gone up to a girl a straight introduced myself to start a convo, or used a one-liner.

It's typically a question, given or received, or an observation that I use to spring board into a convo. Sometimes I'll see a girl I want to talk to and just position myself near her to engage somehow, sometimes bumping into them, saying sorry, asking a question, holding gaze, then just start chatting to her. Works well (for me) and never comes across as forced, slimy or premeditated (I hope). There's no rejection, you can gauge interest and just keep it moving easily if the vibe is off. Maybe it's a bit pvssy and I need to be more direct in my intentions.

 

[CornbreadFed]

This is exactly how I approached IRL. I've got many numbers (I didn't even use OLD before 2017), and I've never gone up to a girl a straight introduced myself to start a convo, or used a one-liner.

It's typically a question, given or received, or an observation that I use to spring board into a convo. Sometimes I'll see a girl I want to talk to and just position myself near her to engage somehow, sometimes bumping into them, saying sorry, asking a question, holding gaze, then just start chatting to her. Works well (for me) and never comes across as forced, slimy or premeditated (I hope). There's no rejection, you can gauge interest and just keep it moving easily if the vibe is off. Maybe it's a bit pvssy and I need to be more direct in my intentions.

I saw a black guy hit on some hot Latina or Arab looking nurse at the store the other day and she straight up told him to Fvck off haha.

 

[Peaks&Valleys]

I saw a black guy hit on some hot Latina or Arab looking nurse at the store the other day and she straight up told him to Fvck off haha.

You saw a guy hit on someone? That was probably a "direct" opener then. Not indirect.

Also, fyi, if you're being told to "fvck off" on a regular basis, for any reason, your calibration has got some screws loose.

This is exactly how I approached IRL. I've got many numbers (I didn't even use OLD before 2017), and I've never gone up to a girl a straight introduced myself to start a convo, or used a one-liner.

It's typically a question, given or received, or an observation that I use to spring board into a convo. Sometimes I'll see a girl I want to talk to and just position myself near her to engage somehow, sometimes bumping into them, saying sorry, asking a question, holding gaze, then just start chatting to her. Works well (for me) and never comes across as forced, slimy or premeditated (I hope). There's no rejection, you can gauge interest and just keep it moving easily if the vibe is off. Maybe it's a bit pvssy and I need to be more direct in my intentions.

This happened to me yesterday without me even trying. I was at the dog park, it was busy. Was in the shade talking to some guys I see there quite a bit. It was starting to get a little bit cold so I looked over to where the sun was and, sure enough, there was a cute girl, who looked like she came straight from the gym, standing in sun soaking it up. So I walked over into the sun about 5 ft away from her.

Me: "You've got the right idea."

Her: "yeah, I'm trying to get the last bit of sun before it goes down! It's been nice lately, dit, dit, dit, ....."

I would have more awkward if I didn't say something. I was just being friendly, literally.

 

[Bingo-Player]

The ‘spark’ one gets from OLD is related to a potential lifestyle opportunity and not from a genuine personal connection. It’s impossible to build up a real connection on the apps without the transition to a phone call. 70% of communication’s nonverbal- so it’s impossible to do which means, inherently, that connection on OLD is entirely surface level and superficial.

I agree even a phonecall doesn't offer much in the way of connection

I refuse to believe that any average guy in 2023 is managing to rotate high quality women through swipe apps

You can get laid on it , you can date down on it , and you can entertain women who get little attention in real life on it

But you cannot get good quality women on it , because good quality women do not have the patience or time for it


Ive done 4 OLD dates in the last 12 months

1 ) had just come out of a 6 year relationship was nowhere near ready to seriously date and didn't have a clue what she wanted ( rebound)

2) 32 year old chick had been single for 10 years......... within about 30 mins I could understand why

3) A secret sugar baby who was admittedly hot and great in bed but a liar and narcissist

4) An in the closet lesbian who( during the date ) told me she was going on lots of dates but nothing was coming of it

( I nearly said because you have the settings wrong you should be looking for women)

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OP you can't convert online into IRL because single women IRL are completely different to single women online

 

[CheekyMonkey101]

I agree even a phonecall doesn't offer much in the way of connection

I refuse to believe that any average guy in 2023 is managing to rotate high quality women through swipe apps

You can get laid on it , you can date down on it , and you can entertain women who get little attention in real life on it

But you cannot get good quality women on it , because good quality women do not have the patience or time for it


Ive done 4 OLD dates in the last 12 months

1 ) had just come out of a 6 year relationship was nowhere near ready to seriously date and didn't have a clue what she wanted ( rebound)

2) 32 year old chick had been single for 10 years......... within about 30 mins I could understand why

3) A secret sugar baby who was admittedly hot and great in bed but a liar and narcissist

4) An in the closet lesbian who( during the date ) told me she was going on lots of dates but nothing was coming of it

( I nearly said because you have the settings wrong you should be looking for women)

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OP you can't convert online into IRL because single women IRL are completely different to single women online

Good points. You certainly do get a lot of jaded women online.

My issue is I've become overly reliant on online. Prior to starting online I did very well irl, but I just stopped trying after that as I didn't have to actually leave my house to get dates or laid.

I'll start approaching irl again. I'm just out of practice. Although there are a lot of "anti harassment" PSAs where I live which can make it more awkward.