Feeling stuck with young kid.

[BeExcellent]

Agree Billy.

The problem is that as parents & people with responsibilities an “Existential Crisis” is a luxury and is frankly often selfish and indulgent. It is a passive means of avoiding the real problems.

I mean hell. When my first husband’s business fell apart I would have loved to indulge in an existential crisis myself. Problem is I was pregnant & about to give birth and faced with a husband who fell flat on his face in the financial responsibility department and I was too concerned with survival literally and financially to be sitting around daydreaming.

I was too busy doing. Too busy solving the real crisis at hand. You don’t see people who struggle to survive day to day for example in developing countries or war torn countries having existential crises either. They are too concerned with actual survival.

This maybe is a millennial thing…but it’s certainly a first world thing.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Advice from the old lady:

I agree strongly with what others have said, particularly @BackInTheGame78 and @ThisIsSparta .

Read the threads around here about flakiness, disloyalty, lack of interest, lack of character, ordinary looks and all the other things men here complain about.

You have a beautiful, loyal, kind woman who is the mother of your son, who your family loves, and who wants to build a life with you.

Newsflash: Having young children is exhausting and is a 24/7/365 responsibility. Your life as a young parent is going to be out of balance for awhile. That’s normal for any couple. You lose spontaneity with little kids. So with the loss of spontaneity and the exhaustion and responsibility you lose the free easy fun part of the relationship unless you make a plan to make the relationship the top priority.

Here’s my advice.

1. Man up and lead. You have a really solid woman here but you want to escape your life, run away and join the circus. That is immature and selfish. Life is now about being a responsible father, but there is no reason you can’t introduce fun into your relationship.

2. Schedule a date night at least weekly and set up childcare or give her money to arrange a sitter so y’all can go do something fun each week.

Know why you are bored? Because YOU are boring. Bored people are typically boring people. The good news is that you can change this. Quit expecting her to entertain you.

3. If you prioritize the relationship and make clear that you expect her to prioritize the relationship (as higher priority than motherhood) then your son grows up to learn what a good relationship looks like. Your job is to lead and set that example. This way your son grows up secure and loved, and will learn self love from that.

Recommit yourself to your family. Married or not you have made a family. It’s tiring & overwhelming at times. But you don’t quit, you figure it out.

You have a negative attitude yourself, you have complained about a loyal woman many other men would greatly appreciate. And if you leave her? You put your son at risk of being abused or hurt by the next man she is with. That to me is irresponsible.

Man up and grow up.

There is a degree of indulgence involved, though imo if the crisis is strong enough it's going to manifest anyway. The phenomenon seems distinctly Northern European. Although the main Existential writers were French, it's the northerners who tend towards the melancholy that serves as an impetus. And I agree it is increasing with every passing year as more people get a sense of profoundly being lied to by general society, imo.

 

[Bible_Belt]

This is the first thread I can remember about a woman in which everyone did not tell the man to dump the woman.

 

[BadBoy89]

- ltr of 9 years is 29, earns like 30k,
- very beautiful face,
- body is ok, shes my first girlfriend since ive been sick
- We have one young son 1 1/2 years old that i love over everything.
- She cleans and cooks and is very good looking.
- She really proven a true loyal friend.
- My girlfriend is very attractive from a beauty standpoint but not that sexy.
- I just feel overall depressed and overwhelmed.

Stick with this girl forever and ever and ever, Do not let her go. She is a keeper. Im mean damn, what more do men want?

She is hot, got pregnant at 27, wants another baby, and treats you great. Every member on Sosuave would trade places with you, except the top 5% Chads. Even then it’s iffy.

Do not dump this woman. She is a keeper.

 

[Rainman4707]

Personally, I would take the risk and be single for a bit. I would never want to regret not seeking opportunities in my prime. It will be hard, but I would rather try and fail than to never know how much better my life could have turned out.

I have went by that philosopy all my life, i'm now 38. I have met a woman this year. She cooks, cleans, great in bed, treats me like a king. she has her issues,,to say the least, but i'm enjoying myself. Enjoying the female company.

 

[Rainman4707]

What stands out for me...is op poster saying body is “ok” typical response to someone who is bored of ham sandwiches every day and wants to try tuna or beef for a change.

 

[Bingo-Player]

I feel the biggest problem is that Marriage and Long term relationships are sold by society as a one size fits all solution to the meaning of life

You know the house , the kid , the 40-60 hour working week and the 40-50 year relationship

It all screams stability and "look at me I'm not weird i've managed to do what everyone else has done"

The problems start when the banality of it all begins to set in ........stability means routine and routine largely means doing the same things at the same times for 48 weeks of the year for 20 years

You become institutionalised by it ,

Problems start when you sprinkle in a few of life's trails and tribulations , a couple of kids , responsibility's and maybe a few personality flaws

It all starts getting a little bit .......dismal

I belive this where OP is at ...... for someone looking inwards it would seem he has exactly what he wants / needs

But OP can't see that because he is looking outward , toward freedom and adventure

I believe it is an inherent human trait to "never be happy with what you have"

 

[FlirtLife]

To explain my above :

.. stability means routine and routine largely means doing the same things at the same times for 48 weeks of the year for 20 years

"... prison life consists of routine, and then more routine ..."

You become institutionalised by it ,

"These walls are funny. First you hate 'em, then you get used to 'em. Enough time passes, you get so you depend on them. That's institutionalized."

 

[Bokanovsky]

On top of that if i see the wives/girlfriends of my friends i cant help but compare her with them and feel like i could do better. There are 2 wives that make 100k each and one who has a 9/10 body and fake boobs. My girlfriend is very attractive from a beauty standpoint but not that sexy.

How do you stack up to your buddies? In terms of looks, physical fitness, health, income, personality? From what you're describing, you are somewhat out of shape, have serious health issues, and a nerdy job (with an average income). On the plus side, you're tall and above-average looking. I don't know how things are in Germany these days but would someone like you be considered a chick magnet?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I have went by that philosopy all my life, i'm now 38. I have met a woman this year. She cooks, cleans, great in bed, treats me like a king. she has her issues,,to say the least, but i'm enjoying myself. Enjoying the female company.

Has issues is an understatement. More like is the Barnum and Bailey of the Circus world.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I feel the biggest problem is that Marriage and Long term relationships are sold by society as a one size fits all solution to the meaning of life

You know the house , the kid , the 40-60 hour working week and the 40-50 year relationship

It all screams stability and "look at me I'm not weird i've managed to do what everyone else has done"

The problems start when the banality of it all begins to set in ........stability means routine and routine largely means doing the same things at the same times for 48 weeks of the year for 20 years

You become institutionalised by it ,

Problems start when you sprinkle in a few of life's trails and tribulations , a couple of kids , responsibility's and maybe a few personality flaws

It all starts getting a little bit .......dismal

I belive this where OP is at ...... for someone looking inwards it would seem he has exactly what he wants / needs

But OP can't see that because he is looking outward , toward freedom and adventure

I believe it is an inherent human trait to "never be happy with what you have"

Except this isn't true. You don't need to be stuck in a boring routine. You know how you end up there? By getting comfortable and allowing it to happen because you aren't doing anything to prevent it.

 

[Bingo-Player]

Except this isn't true. You don't need to be stuck in a boring routine. You know how you end up there? By getting comfortable and allowing it to happen because you aren't doing anything to prevent it.

It's true for the vast majority that is why divorce rate is so high

 

[BackInTheGame78]

It's true for the vast majority that is why divorce rate is so high

Because they let it happen. Divorce rate is so high due mainly to 3 issues...financial problems, lack of communication and lack of compromise.

 

[Murk]

You make this woman sound like an 8.5/10 - my guess is she's actually closer to a 6/10 or 7/10 plus has some baby weight - that's why you're looking at other women. Be honest, if she was stunning like you say she would be sexy. You're bored and out of shape, I'm not actually sure you come out of this with a better girl.

I've been in a similar position, after a while your GF goes down in attractiveness but I know I can get a 9/10 and my GF was older than yours. Would your GF going to the gym make her more sexy?

 

[EyeBRollin]

Grass ain’t greener, OP. You don’t want to be out there dating. Work things out with your wife.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Grass ain’t greener, OP. You don’t want to be out there dating. Work things out with your wife.

Exactly this. OP simply needs to water his grass a little more, fertilize it every so often and pick the dandelions that are growing.

Just like maintaining a nice lawn takes work, so does maintaining a relationship.

 

[Ricky]

Agree Billy.

The problem is that as parents & people with responsibilities an “Existential Crisis” is a luxury and is frankly often selfish and indulgent. It is a passive means of avoiding the real problems.

I mean hell. When my first husband’s business fell apart I would have loved to indulge in an existential crisis myself. Problem is I was pregnant & about to give birth and faced with a husband who fell flat on his face in the financial responsibility department and I was too concerned with survival literally and financially to be sitting around daydreaming.

I was too busy doing. Too busy solving the real crisis at hand. You don’t see people who struggle to survive day to day for example in developing countries or war torn countries having existential crises either. They are too concerned with actual survival.

This maybe is a millennial thing…but it’s certainly a first world thing.

Love yours posts. You have a great mindset and it’s important for some of the guys here to see there are plenty of women out there with the right mindset and motivations

 

[BackInTheGame78]

As they said in Hamilton when learning about what he did and then his Reynold's Pamphlet publication...

"You ever see somebody ruin their own life? His poor wife..."

OP is about to have front row tickets for his own version of events and...

"I wanna be in the room when it happens ..the room when it happens...the room when it happens..."

 

[BeExcellent]

Love yours posts. You have a great mindset and it’s important for some of the guys here to see there are plenty of women out there with the right mindset and motivations

Thanks for that. Just trying to be sensible. In my advice around here and also in my own life. And no I am not the only sensible woman running around.

 

[BooBoosHelix]

Thank you for your replies.

1. The main reason for this thread is my son. I dont want some nasty guy to touch him when iam not around. If i didnt have a kid id leave.

2. It was said again and again that my financial situation wasnt great. 90k+ puts me in like 5-7% top percent of income earners in germany. I know a guy here making 30k saying his living better than his 100k in CA. That said i have to learn to safe.

3. The main issue with her for me is that i cant connect to her and i feel like i cant "outwork" it by taking her on dates or to get an education etc. because there is a lack of baseline intelligence. Sometimes i meet a female coworker and we talk for an hour (no flirting) and i go home and try to have a similiar conversation and its just not possible.