I would say unless you have some grotesque deformity or you're **** eyed, you'll never be ugly. I think once you start dissolving the idea that you're unattractive, you'll start to develop more of a sense of what else might be holding you back. It usually all boils down to the lack of belief in ones self -- and then there are many smaller reasons and beliefs that people utilize and hold onto to "validate" that belief that they cannot be successful with women. Its a major job to start deprogramming and also working on things that will help you look and feel more attractive and confident. But it all starts with letting go of these beliefs that are engrained within you and start reprogramming new more positive self image based ones.
I would say any advice I have for you lies within your own response.. You've taken rejection and bad experiences with women and allowed it to affect your outlook on yourself and dating life. --and now that you stopped looking , you're noticing the truth is that --women are definitely attracted to you and maybe the experiences you had -had n othing to do with you and all to do with the women. I think you're in the right place in all honesty. Just keep on working on things that bring you more confidence and more experience-- and then just make it a point to be available, not to chase, not to look, but make yourself more available, whether you go out more to enjoy YOURSELF and the company of your friends, or go to music festivals, conventions, concerts, maybe make some profiles online and swipe thru without any real expectations, just focusing on the idea of "hypothetically would i see myself having a good tim ewiht htis woman? if so, swipe right. if not swipe left. -- Regardless though if you're happy, you absolutely shouldnt go out your way to change anything.. Being naturally sociable and sexually available will land you the right person eventually.
I mean there's no way I can convince you that women have alot of struggles and I couldn't possibly imagine being a woman wiht some of the stuff they been thru, including my own mother, close friends, etc. I think when you think of women in general you tend to think of the entitled, spoiled, bratty and superficial women. But overall, I think being insecure and not happy with yourself-- you're going to have a perspective that will always kinda see the negative over any positives -- and thus you will kinda reap bad examples and notice them more easily. Whatever your biggest insecurities are, write them down in a fresh notebook and make a simple plan to start overcoming them. Even if it takes years to overcome them, by actually having somewhat of a plan, your brain will subconciously start to frame its way to workign on them even if you don't actively try. That's why journaling is so powerful and recommended by many successful people.
I feel where you're coming from. You definitely have a really sound and logical mind, and I believe you know that you can get women without too much issue-- but I think your circumstances went from 0 to 100 real quick and it might have really frazzled you without giving you much to take away from and utilize on new experiences. I would say that you're prob more capable than alot of people on here (especially since some who arent insecure and cynical toward women are older men who are past their prime) and that as long as you employ the right activities to keep your confidence high, and keep yourself sexually open and available, keep socializing , etc that you'll be just fine
That's what it's really all about for many -- Sometimes it's even crucial for some people to take a chance with someone who they feel they won't like, because if that person likes you alot, it can still help boost your ego or make you feel wanted and desired or at least add to your sexual experiences.. thus giving you more confidence for when you do go for someone thats more of your type or that you feel is out of your league, you'll be more ready for it.
I can see how that might impact you. Just remember you're never doomed to be your parents. Some people do fall under the same circumstances as their parents-- but that's because they didn't take much of their own road in life and kinda just became caricatures of their parents by just following all the same paths and routes. Sometimes you gotta take the back road, you'll never know what you'll find
Focus on what your strengths are and utilize those strengths to gain more experience in general and think about things you can do to improve your confidence. As far as looks, unless you hae some grotesque deformities, are **** eyed, or have some major skin issues, you're not ugly.. find what haircut works for you-- do simple things, if you got bushy eyebrows, a tweezer costs like 1$ u can pluck some of those hairs.. theres fixes for alot of things in the look department these days
I totally get where you're coming from and really it just seems like you steeped yourself into a real comfort zone -- I think that you know that you are capable of spinning plates or finding women to have sex with, but it's just been a while and the experiences you had were just not captivating enough to hold you over for the years of being forced into introversion due to COVID and just not having too many people around. As long as you do feel happy and are confident in yourself-- the rest is planning or getting back into the fold of socializing and beginning to make yourself available. All it might take is just one good friend to go out with you more often or do cool stuff with to really get the ball rolling.. but then again, you can always hit stuff up yourself like concerts-- so many ppl go to concerts alone.. and often end up meeting someone or just having a great time.
But no matter what you're doing, always have at least 1 or 2 hobbies of a progressive nature, ie: fitness/working on your body and something like learning / becoming better at basketball, or an instrument, or some form of expression or even financial avenue
