Hey guys, I could use some serious advice here, it’s a long story so I’ll just go straight into it as clearly as I can with the key highlights to give you a good picture.
(For the record I’d like to think I’m becoming pretty red pill aware, I’ve been in several relationships throughout the years, spun a decent number of plates but a while back a friend pointed me in the direction of the red pill and I’ve been making a point of it to learn more and more ever since, but when you read this understand I am completely aware I made a cardinal mistake or two)
I’m 31, active duty army (stationed in North Carolina) and last year I got involved with this girl I’d met through hinge, we’ll just call her Kelly. Kelly and I started seeing each other last march around St. patties day. I’d been enjoying the single life, spinning plates, doing my own thing, you get the idea.
So moving forward, Kelly is a travel nurse(at the time), she’s working at a hospital nearby on a 3 month contract and informed me right away that she’s intending to move back to Oregon once her contract is complete. I’m cool with it, she’s cool with it, we’re just gonna have fun till she goes. WELL about one month into this thing we find out Kelly is pregnant. (yes it’s my kid I verified with a DNA test, and yes there are several other reasons for me wanting the test APART from the fact that this is way way too early into something this new).
Anyway 9 months go by and we have a baby girl now and she is my freaking world, she’s the best thing to ever happen to me, all that stuff about how having a kid changes you, it’s all true! BUT with some reservations.
Those reservations aren’t toward my daughter at all, she’s perfect and I’m sure all you dads reading this are nodding your heads thinking the same thing about your kids. These reservations are towards Kelly.
She’s a BPD monster, I’m not kidding, everything is about her all the time. She can’t have her way? No problem she’ll just sit in the dark and scream and bawl so loud the neighbors can hear it. It’s embarrassing, she behaves worse than a toddler when we argue and she ends up in the wrong. In August I was away for training for two months in Georgia and she flew down to spend a weekend with me (we had weekends off) so I got a dope Airbnb at a lake, rented jet skis and everything. Long story short we end up in a huge argument and she up and walks out in the middle of the night in a lightning storm in the middle of nowhere well out of any Uber drivers vicinity.
Obviously I go out into the monsoon after her and bring her back, she’s 4-5 months pregnant at this point. The next day I’m bringing her back to the airport (way earlier than initially planned), when she finds out we’re headed to the airport she goes ballistic and tries opening the truck door to get out when we’re doing about 70mph down the interstate.
She’s gone through my social media time and again, I’ve had to unfriend lots of women just to appease this brat. All because she’s carrying my child and this is unexplored territory for me so I’m just trying to do what seems like the right thing given the Situation.
She constantly seeks some sort of validation and is deeply insecure. She can talk about past relationships but god forbid that any evidence of me having a life before her should ever come up.
Oh and by the way, she’s been divorced THREE times!!! She withheld this from me and i didn’t find that out until 5 months into the pregnancy.
Now these are just a few of the wild spectacles I’ve experienced in this relationship, but I think that should give you an idea of what I’m working with here. If it wasn’t for the pregnancy I would have been gone a long long time ago. But everyone I tried talking to about any of this stuff at the time gave me the garbage spiel about how “oh it’s normal that’s just from pregnancy hormones” so I stuck it out.
Well, back in October I’m away again for training down in Louisiana, while I’m there we had a lot of downtime before and after the training rotation so out of boredom I downloaded tictok. Apparently to her this is a huge NO-NO. Somehow her eye lash lady found out and told her I was on tictok and she wigged out. She interpreted it as cheating, made it out to be a huge atrocity.
I get back from training and we have it out in the car one weekend and basically come to a decision that we’re not good together and we will remain friends/co-parents. She’ll move back to Oregon where her family is and I’ll take over the lease of the home we’re renting. My daughter wasn’t born yet and I was just so sick of her **** at this point that this agreement sounded like music to my ears. However the immediate plan on top of all that was to continue to live together until the baby was born. We also agreed to not see/sleep with/ or talk to anyone until we had completely parted ways…
Fast forward, our daughter was born late December and I got attached immediately, and yes you guessed it we decided to stay together and work on our relationship and seek counseling. Sounds ok right? WRONG! She had been seeing and sleeping with her ex husband the entire time I was away for training and for some time after we had agreed on going our separate ways. Keep in mind her and I were still sleeping together, coexisting and acting like everything was good under our roof, the only difference was we had an understanding that after our daughter was born we would part ways.
Well obviously I found out about the whole thing and I’ve been trying to figure out the next move ever since. It’s seems obvious, dump her ass and move on but I’m so attached to my daughter now. And apparently she had told the ex that she wanted him to take over the fatherly role, that terrifies me cuz this guy is bad news, and I don’t want him around my kid. She’s made huge claims of him being abusive and manipulative and what not. So I’m terrified that if she gets back with him and there’s any truth to what she’s said, this guy will be around my daughter 24/7. I dunno what to do, I have his info and I’ve communicated with him a few times since he told me all this, but he’s not a trustworthy dude, and clearly she’s even less credible. They both claim they aren’t speaking or have any further involvement with each other and that the only reason she reached out to him was because I wasn’t there for her emotionally (ya ok).
After all this (as if it ever should have gotten to this point to begin with) I’ve completely lost desire for even considering thinking about making it work. I’m basically just acting and playing a game every day pretending I’m trying. She holds zero remorse for her actions and dodges accountability like it’s a disease. If I set a boundary it gets walked over eventually and if I pull away she threatens to up and go back to Oregon. I spoke to an attorney discreetly about all this and the options aren’t really the best if I want to maintain some sort of civility moving forward Co parenting. And trying to prevent her from leaving the state has a low likelihood of success because I plan on moving away from North Carolina when I’m discharged from the military.
My first strategy would be to allow her to leave, me get out of the military. Start my civilian career and put together a much more stable life that’s more appealing and would be favorable for me in a custody/visitation battle. I have almost no desire to move to Oregon and i don’t know how friendly Oregon is to men on this scenario and I’m very concerned that my daughter will hear the false narrative of me that I’m a huge a*****e and she’ll grow up hating me or worse she gets exposed to Kelly and her toxicity or the abusive ex. I don’t want to wait till she’s 18 for the opportunity to try to be involved in her life and try to explain my side of the story. My daughter and I have a way different connection than her and Kelly, she smiles for me all the time and i can get her to coo talk to me way easier. I have an easier time calming her down and I can get her to sleep faster than Kelly.
Whenever she cries out in an abnormal way I get very concerned and rush to see what the problem is, Kelly will get snappy and lash out with a “she’s fine!” Excuse me for trying to look out for my tiny baby daughter who hasn’t learned the ability to speak yet so she can explain what she’s feeling! Kelly even verbalizes that I should love her more than I love our own daughter! Is this not insanity?? It’s constant narcissism, solipsism, insecurity and immaturity. I’ve got loads of other examples of her attitude and behavior but I really hope I got my point across. Any thoughts or suggestions? I’ve given up so much frame and the idea that there’s any true mutual respect is pretty much a fantasy. I’m in a seriously s****y spot right now.
(For the record I’d like to think I’m becoming pretty red pill aware, I’ve been in several relationships throughout the years, spun a decent number of plates but a while back a friend pointed me in the direction of the red pill and I’ve been making a point of it to learn more and more ever since, but when you read this understand I am completely aware I made a cardinal mistake or two)
I’m 31, active duty army (stationed in North Carolina) and last year I got involved with this girl I’d met through hinge, we’ll just call her Kelly. Kelly and I started seeing each other last march around St. patties day. I’d been enjoying the single life, spinning plates, doing my own thing, you get the idea.
So moving forward, Kelly is a travel nurse(at the time), she’s working at a hospital nearby on a 3 month contract and informed me right away that she’s intending to move back to Oregon once her contract is complete. I’m cool with it, she’s cool with it, we’re just gonna have fun till she goes. WELL about one month into this thing we find out Kelly is pregnant. (yes it’s my kid I verified with a DNA test, and yes there are several other reasons for me wanting the test APART from the fact that this is way way too early into something this new).
Anyway 9 months go by and we have a baby girl now and she is my freaking world, she’s the best thing to ever happen to me, all that stuff about how having a kid changes you, it’s all true! BUT with some reservations.
Those reservations aren’t toward my daughter at all, she’s perfect and I’m sure all you dads reading this are nodding your heads thinking the same thing about your kids. These reservations are towards Kelly.
She’s a BPD monster, I’m not kidding, everything is about her all the time. She can’t have her way? No problem she’ll just sit in the dark and scream and bawl so loud the neighbors can hear it. It’s embarrassing, she behaves worse than a toddler when we argue and she ends up in the wrong. In August I was away for training for two months in Georgia and she flew down to spend a weekend with me (we had weekends off) so I got a dope Airbnb at a lake, rented jet skis and everything. Long story short we end up in a huge argument and she up and walks out in the middle of the night in a lightning storm in the middle of nowhere well out of any Uber drivers vicinity.
Obviously I go out into the monsoon after her and bring her back, she’s 4-5 months pregnant at this point. The next day I’m bringing her back to the airport (way earlier than initially planned), when she finds out we’re headed to the airport she goes ballistic and tries opening the truck door to get out when we’re doing about 70mph down the interstate.
She’s gone through my social media time and again, I’ve had to unfriend lots of women just to appease this brat. All because she’s carrying my child and this is unexplored territory for me so I’m just trying to do what seems like the right thing given the Situation.
She constantly seeks some sort of validation and is deeply insecure. She can talk about past relationships but god forbid that any evidence of me having a life before her should ever come up.
Oh and by the way, she’s been divorced THREE times!!! She withheld this from me and i didn’t find that out until 5 months into the pregnancy.
Now these are just a few of the wild spectacles I’ve experienced in this relationship, but I think that should give you an idea of what I’m working with here. If it wasn’t for the pregnancy I would have been gone a long long time ago. But everyone I tried talking to about any of this stuff at the time gave me the garbage spiel about how “oh it’s normal that’s just from pregnancy hormones” so I stuck it out.
Well, back in October I’m away again for training down in Louisiana, while I’m there we had a lot of downtime before and after the training rotation so out of boredom I downloaded tictok. Apparently to her this is a huge NO-NO. Somehow her eye lash lady found out and told her I was on tictok and she wigged out. She interpreted it as cheating, made it out to be a huge atrocity.
I get back from training and we have it out in the car one weekend and basically come to a decision that we’re not good together and we will remain friends/co-parents. She’ll move back to Oregon where her family is and I’ll take over the lease of the home we’re renting. My daughter wasn’t born yet and I was just so sick of her **** at this point that this agreement sounded like music to my ears. However the immediate plan on top of all that was to continue to live together until the baby was born. We also agreed to not see/sleep with/ or talk to anyone until we had completely parted ways…
Fast forward, our daughter was born late December and I got attached immediately, and yes you guessed it we decided to stay together and work on our relationship and seek counseling. Sounds ok right? WRONG! She had been seeing and sleeping with her ex husband the entire time I was away for training and for some time after we had agreed on going our separate ways. Keep in mind her and I were still sleeping together, coexisting and acting like everything was good under our roof, the only difference was we had an understanding that after our daughter was born we would part ways.
Well obviously I found out about the whole thing and I’ve been trying to figure out the next move ever since. It’s seems obvious, dump her ass and move on but I’m so attached to my daughter now. And apparently she had told the ex that she wanted him to take over the fatherly role, that terrifies me cuz this guy is bad news, and I don’t want him around my kid. She’s made huge claims of him being abusive and manipulative and what not. So I’m terrified that if she gets back with him and there’s any truth to what she’s said, this guy will be around my daughter 24/7. I dunno what to do, I have his info and I’ve communicated with him a few times since he told me all this, but he’s not a trustworthy dude, and clearly she’s even less credible. They both claim they aren’t speaking or have any further involvement with each other and that the only reason she reached out to him was because I wasn’t there for her emotionally (ya ok).
After all this (as if it ever should have gotten to this point to begin with) I’ve completely lost desire for even considering thinking about making it work. I’m basically just acting and playing a game every day pretending I’m trying. She holds zero remorse for her actions and dodges accountability like it’s a disease. If I set a boundary it gets walked over eventually and if I pull away she threatens to up and go back to Oregon. I spoke to an attorney discreetly about all this and the options aren’t really the best if I want to maintain some sort of civility moving forward Co parenting. And trying to prevent her from leaving the state has a low likelihood of success because I plan on moving away from North Carolina when I’m discharged from the military.
My first strategy would be to allow her to leave, me get out of the military. Start my civilian career and put together a much more stable life that’s more appealing and would be favorable for me in a custody/visitation battle. I have almost no desire to move to Oregon and i don’t know how friendly Oregon is to men on this scenario and I’m very concerned that my daughter will hear the false narrative of me that I’m a huge a*****e and she’ll grow up hating me or worse she gets exposed to Kelly and her toxicity or the abusive ex. I don’t want to wait till she’s 18 for the opportunity to try to be involved in her life and try to explain my side of the story. My daughter and I have a way different connection than her and Kelly, she smiles for me all the time and i can get her to coo talk to me way easier. I have an easier time calming her down and I can get her to sleep faster than Kelly.
Whenever she cries out in an abnormal way I get very concerned and rush to see what the problem is, Kelly will get snappy and lash out with a “she’s fine!” Excuse me for trying to look out for my tiny baby daughter who hasn’t learned the ability to speak yet so she can explain what she’s feeling! Kelly even verbalizes that I should love her more than I love our own daughter! Is this not insanity?? It’s constant narcissism, solipsism, insecurity and immaturity. I’ve got loads of other examples of her attitude and behavior but I really hope I got my point across. Any thoughts or suggestions? I’ve given up so much frame and the idea that there’s any true mutual respect is pretty much a fantasy. I’m in a seriously s****y spot right now.
