When to escalate verbally

[anour]

Today i approached a girl at the library, we went into an intense conversation about the financial crisis (don’t ask me why). After the interaction we went back inside to the library, closing time was up and we had to leave, we left and she asked me to walk with her. Along the way while we were speaking about sports and she mentioned that she is very flexible, i then said that’s good we can be creative she asked creative how?
To which i replied “you know how”, followed by “you have a dirty mind”
She replied “all girls do”
I replied “i know 80% of girls love 50 shades of grey”
She replied “you can watch it and not like it, be intrigued by it but not really like it”
I replied “liking starts with intrigue”
She replied “yeah i like hitting men” with a sarcastic tone
I said “god damn did someone rough you up when you were young?”
She replied “yeah my dad with his heart or some****”
I replied “damn you have unhealed trauma ****” We entered the supermarket and then she left instantly.

My question is about my response when she said she is flexible, should i have responded in more of a sexual manner like you can do creative positions when you’re flexible or is what i did right? How can i improve?

 

[Stanley]

So you just met a girl.... don't know her well... didn't get her number and then jumped the gun with an extremely crass innuendo in regards to her flexibility and sex positions? Nice

Very Suave

 

[Murk]

When she said creative how, "legs behind the head... maybe fold you into a ball haha".

So you just met a girl.... don't know her well... didn't get her number and then jumped the gun with an extremely crass innuendo in regards to her flexibility and sex positions? Nice

Very Suave

Nah you gotta shoot your shot and be boldly sexual, if it doesn't go down well you can back peddle. Most girls asking you to walk home with them will be receptive she already gave the green light IMO. Him changing subject and bailing was a weak move.

 

[Stuffnu]

She got cold because you didn’t provide the response she was looking for.
“why don’t we meet up for drinks at [time/day] and then you can show me how flexible you are”.
Take phone number….

 

[Murk]

She got cold because you didn’t provide the response she was looking for.
“why don’t we meet up for drinks at [time/day] and then you can show me how flexible you are”.
Take phone number….

Or something like that, could have even said "let's go to XYZ and grab a drink and I'll tell you".

 

[Serenity]

I'm going to assume you didn't talk to her very long and you tried going from completely platonic to very obviously sexual, it was way too sudden of a shift. She definitely got what you meant and was weirded out by this very out of place comment.

Don't randomly throw in sexual comments like any other weirdo, build up the interaction and save these types of comments for when a sexual rapport is established by more gradual means.

 

[Murk]

I'm going to assume you didn't talk to her very long and you tried going from completely platonic to very obviously sexual, it was way too sudden of a shift. She definitely got what you meant and was weirded out by this very out of place comment.

Don't randomly throw in sexual comments like any other weirdo, build up the interaction and save these types of comments for when a sexual rapport is established by more gradual means.

She's just met the dude, asking him to come with her and telling him how flexible she is. Green light.

 

[Stanley]

She's just met the dude, asking him to come with her and telling him how flexible she is. Green light.

Clearly it didn't land since the girl was turned off by it and left instantly as they went into the store.

I see no true green light, it seems like a out of pocket sexual remark that was off base. The girl was probably interested, but making a reference to a chick flick porn movie and flexibility was more than likely off putting for the girl. I'm all for being forward, but nuance is needed. Man went 0-100 real quick

 

[Murk]

Clearly it didn't land since the girl was turned off by it and left instantly as they went into the store.

I see no true green light, it seems like a out of pocket sexual remark that was off base. The girl was probably interested, but making a reference to a chick flick porn movie and flexibility was more than likely off putting for the girl. I'm all for being forward, but nuance is needed. Man went 0-100 real quick

To be fair I skim read and didn't see she left immediately, I think he should have followed through with the flirting and asked her for a drink on the spot, she's either into him or she's not so I still stand by my post. To engage is sexual banter then eject is weird and would put any girl off.

 

[anour]

Clearly it didn't land since the girl was turned off by it and left instantly as they went into the store.

I see no true green light, it seems like a out of pocket sexual remark that was off base. The girl was probably interested, but making a reference to a chick flick porn movie and flexibility was more than likely off putting for the girl. I'm all for being forward, but nuance is needed. Man went 0-100 real quick

No no i haven’t made it clear she said she was very flexible because we talked about sports, and then i said that’s really good we can be creative with it and then she asked me how to which i replied you know how, and then i replied by “you know how”and followed up by “you have a dirty mind” she said all girls do, i was like i know all girls love 50 shades of grey

 

[EyeBRollin]

You can improve by not verbalizing your thirst. Escalation happens physically, after you have set a seductive mood.

 

[Serenity]

She's just met the dude, asking him to come with her and telling him how flexible she is. Green light.

She clearly didn't mention this with sexual undertones or this interaction would have gone differently.

she said she was very flexible because we talked about sports

And there it is, a non-sexual context which got forced into being way too sexual, way too quickly.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

I don't know what led up to the "flexible" statement, but when you are talking about non-sexual socioeconomic stuff and she's later asking you to walk her home for obvious safety reasons, this is not a "green light".

OP should have stuck with a generic "going with the flow" response subject to multiple interpretations.

OP to answer how you can improve, use plausible deniability for times when you are pushing the envelope.

 

[anour]

You can improve by not verbalizing your thirst. Escalation happens physically, after you have set a seductive mood.

How do you set a seductive mood? How to escalate physically sometimes i get very nervous to go in with the kiss

 

[BillyPilgrim]

How do you set a seductive mood? How to escalate physically sometimes i get very nervous to go in with the kiss

Do a forum search for "kino" and google the dicarlo escalation ladder,

 

[anour]

I don't know what led up to the "flexible" statement, but when you are talking about non-sexual socioeconomic stuff and she's later asking you to walk her home for obvious safety reasons, this is not a "green light".

OP should have stuck with a generic "going with the flow" response subject to multiple interpretations.

We were talking about sports and she casually mentioned it

 

[anour]

Do a forum search for "kino" and ggogle the dicarlo escalation ladder,

Thank you man i really appreciate it!

 

[EyeBRollin]

How do you set a seductive mood? How to escalate physically sometimes i get very nervous to go in with the kiss

Get her one on one into a darker place with nice ambiance. Like a lounge or bar. Then you get to touching and kissing. Just go in for a kiss. I advise going for it within the first 30 minutes. She might reject such an early attempt but it immediately puts her on notice that your intent is a physical relationship.

 

[anour]

Get her one on one into a darker place with nice ambiance. Like a lounge or bar. Then you get to touching and kissing. Just go in for a kiss. I advise going for it within the first 30 minutes. She might reject such an early attempt but it immediately puts her on notice that your intent is a physical relationship.

What do you do if she rejects such an attempt?

 

[BillyPilgrim]

What do you do if she rejects such an attempt?

Use the escalation ladder beforehand. If you do this well and she rejects the kiss, then you know she is of low interest.